Aftercare is an incredibly important part of any BDSM scene and everyone requires a slightly different kind of BDSM aftercare and amount of it. But what can you do if your Dominant isn’t able to give you the BDSM aftercare that you need? Victoria Blisse gives her advice.
We all have lives outside of kink, and many of us don’t live with the people we play with. As much as a top will want to make sure their play partner is happy and healthy, they can’t always be there all the time. So what can you do to look after yourself when your partner/s aren’t available?
Take care of the physical
Check your wounds, clean and dress them as needed, although it can be a bit challenging if the impact areas are on the back of your body. If you can’t reach, you will need to wait for someone you trust (your partner, Dom/me or a kink friend) to help you. However, most marks won’t need more than a wash and maybe an application of antiseptic which is something any submissive can do for themselves.
Masochists might enjoy poking and prodding their marks but be sure you don’t do that too much, especially if you bled in your scene and had wounds that could reopen. Be sure not to cause yourself any more injury, be mindful of what hurts and where so you can avoid any knocks or movements that could damage you more. And pain is only fun when it comes with pleasure too!.jpg.660dcae79e14ec47f3430f68ec86fa27.jpg)
Everyone has different BDSM aftercare needs, give yourself what you know you want.
Be gentle with yourself
Even the most ardent masochist can get overwhelmed by the pain of their marks from time to time. To minimise this happening think before your scene about what BDSM aftercare you might need. If you’re going to indulge in heavy impact play, for example, don’t plan to go on a hike the next day. Give your body time to heal as that is essential to your recovery.
You also need to think of your mental needs too. After an intense scene, you may need some extra care to combat or avoid subdrop. Be sure to treat yourself, this might be with good, high protein food that will help you heal or it might be giving yourself time to sit and watch a movie or a few episodes of your favourite show.
Everyone has different needs, but it is vital that you give yourself what you know you want. Some people might need to be surrounded by people. If your partner/s can’t around, it might be that you need to plan to visit family or friends so that you have the support you need. Other subs might want peace, so time at home alone would be better.
Communication is key
A Master/slave dynamic has got to be based on trust and trust is built by communication. So even if your Dom/me can’t physically be with you, it might be good to keep in touch in some other way. That might be through a phone call, an email or a text. This way everyone involved will know how everyone else is feeling so any crisis can be avoided or dealt with quickly. It will put all minds at rest.
A submissive may need to process the emotions from a scene; this also counts as aftercare as it’s a way to keep yourself emotionally happy. You can do this by writing down what happened. It might be a blow-by-blow account or a poem or even just a list - this is your BDSM aftercare so do what you want. Don’t worry about punctuation and grammar; spelling doesn’t matter either. Just getting how you feel down on paper/typed on a screen can make a world of difference.
If you’re not one for writing, take some time to remember what happened. You can assess what you might keep the same in future and what you might want to change. A long bath or shower, a walk or even washing the pots or doing the laundry could give you the time to digest what happened during your scene.
It's easy for a submissive to feel like they need their Dominant to look after them all the time, now you can you use this guide to give yourself independent BDSM aftercare when you need to. Add self-aftercare to your BDSM scene routine, and you’ll find you can enjoy it, knowing that you can combat and relieve the symptoms of subdrop.
Victoria Blisse was an erotic author and sex-positive Reverend. She helped shape fetish.com and FET from the very beginning and we're eternally grateful for her passion and creativity. Sadly, she passed away in January 2024. We hope that whenever her articles are read, she'll be honored.
How do you give yourself BDSM aftercare? Swap tips with other kinksters in the BDSM forum. -min.jpg.8157d0bc304fefafc9618a1ca85f0174.jpg)
All images (unless otherwise stated) via Shutterstock
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