Molly’s BDSM Tips | How Do I Tell My Wife I Have a Crossdressing Kink?

This week, one Fetish.com member asks our BDSM advice columnist Molly, for help on how to approach telling his wife about his crossdressing kink.
  

Dear Molly,
I'm an alpha male, but I have discovered that I feel sexy and submissive wearing nylons and a dress of my wife's that sits just above my bum. I have been complimented on my legs in nylons on Fetish.com, but I still don't have the courage to tell my wife. She knows I'm open-minded, but I think she would be shocked if she knew about any of this. Do you have any ideas of how to broach this subject with her? Nylon Man
Nylon Man
 

Dear Nylon Man,
I'm not exactly sure what you mean when you say 'alpha male' as it's a term that has different meanings to different people. I'm going to assume that you and your wife do not have a particularly kinky or BDSM relationship and that you're using this term as a way of saying you're a cis hetero guy who tends to come across as a 'man's man.'
 

About your crossdressing kink

Cis hetero men who enjoy crossdressing in a variety of women's clothes is a fairly common kink. It doesn't necessarily mean cis hetero men are submissive or what to be submissive when dressed that way. I know a male Dom who crossdresses while dominating his female partner. However, for many cis hetero men it can come hand-in-hand with wanting to be submissive to a partner or explore elements of humiliation and sissification.

One thing that I think you need to do before you start to share with your wife, is consider how crossdressing makes you feel and exactly what kind of role you would like her to play. For example, would you want her to compliment you, or tell you that you're naughty? Would you like to have sex dressed like that? You probably won't know all the answers, but it would be good to have thought about some of these things so that if you get to the stage of really exploring your crossdressing kink with her, you'll be better placed to answer some of her questions.

Remember you're going to need to be the one who takes the lead on this at the beginning and so knowing in your head what you want to try and explore will help you to guide her.
 

Exploring your crossdressing kink

The key to bringing up your crossdressing kink with your wife is to create an environment where conversations about sex and desires feel welcomed and natural. You probably want to start small. Maybe think about sharing some erotic stories with her that turn you on and encourage her to do the same. It's a great way to start a conversation about your sexual desires.

You might want to start with something that you think she might enjoy and won't find particularly threatening to help cultivate a climate where she feels safe and comfortable to share and explore. Encourage her to share her desires with you as well as that mutual exchange is the ideal environment where you can then introduce some of the things you want.

Introducing your crossdressing kink

When it comes to introducing your crossdressing kink, my suggestion would be to share some pictures of men dressed like that and maybe look around and see if you can share some erotic fiction or find a sex blog that talks about cis hetero men and crossdressing. Reading erotic fiction can help someone to understand the sexual element of crossdressing as they can experience it through someone else's story.

Pictures can also help, but I would recommend starting with some stories if you can find them. How your wife reacts to that will help you to determine how you proceed. Clearly, if she is turned on and enthusiastic, then that makes it much easier for you to introduce your thoughts on the matter. If however, she is not then you will need to consider how you feel she might react to your desire to explore your crossdressing kink more.

Hopefully, you will have done a great job of creating a new sexually adventurous communication between you with the previous steps. This will make it much easier for you as you evolve together and find out new things about each other. I can absolutely assure you that your wife has some sexy little desires that she is probably just as unsure about sharing with you. The key is to unlock those things in each other, together.
Good luck!
Mollyx  

Join others into crossdressing in the BDSM forum - it's free to join!  For tips and advice, contact Molly via her Fetish.com profile or visit her thread in the BDSM Forum. 

 
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