The M-Word | Saying 'Master' for the First Time

When a slave or submissive uses the word 'Master' or 'Mistress' for the first time, it can be a formidable step in your D/s dynamic. We asked writer Sienna Saint-Cyr to share her personal experiences of using the infamous M-word for the first time with her Master. Find out how the experience brought her to a new level of freedom.

The first time the word 'Master' slipped from my lips; I came so hard. The honorific flowed naturally, and it took a bit of time for reality to sink in. Not only had I called Sir 'Master', but I'd done it with ease. If felt right and it shocked me. Not just because I'd shouted it out while coming so loudly for him, but also because he'd accepted. He'd called me a good girl, his slave, and then he came himself. It was one of the hottest experiences I've had and gives me chills even now.

Ready to say, Master?

When we'd spoken of things I wasn't comfortable with, Master/slave was one of them. I'd already come out of relationships where I'd felt like an unwilling and non-consensual slave. Additionally, I'd had trauma around feeling owned by abusers. So this held absolutely NO interest for me.

Yet while I was deep in subspace - in that natural and serene state, where judgment and fear no longer hold me hostage - I shouted, "Thank you, Master!" as I came for him. Every time I said it, a rush of orgasm moved through me, and I felt lighter. But immediately after, the panic set in.

Would he require a written contract? Would he begin dictating who I could date, or when I could be intimate with my husband? Thankfully, that was not the kind of Master he was and is. The only things he has ever ordered me to do are the things that make me grow as a person. Or the things I ask him to hold me to. And even when he's ordered me to do something, I can still use safeword if I need to.

Assumptions about the Master/slave relationship

All this made me revisit all those poor assumptions I'd made about being in a Master/slave relationship. People kept warning me, "Don't get into an M/s dynamic! You'll get your money stolen. Lose your husband…" and so on - and this came from people in the kink community as well as outside of it. What I learned is that the honorific slave doesn't mean a lack of control with everything. I didn't have my bank account drained or need to sleep on a dog bed. Not unless I wanted to. Many subs love slumbering away at Master's or Mistress's feet, and dog beds make that more comfortable!

Being owned has made me feel loved, safe, cherished, and accountable. Not all the non-consensual stuff that I'd previously associated with it. Indeed, the more I submitted to him as Master, the freer I felt. A bizarre oxymoron that still makes me laugh.

Consenting to be owned

When I called him Master, I consented to be owned. I asked for it. He accepted by calling me 'slave'. It was a verbal contract (which didn't bother me), and one that was negotiable as far as what that meant to us.

I felt like I had more say than ever because this was something I consciously chose. And because I also decided on a good Master, I knew that if something bothered me, he'd take that into account. He'd either help me with whatever the issue was or respect me if I set a boundary. I feel valued, honoured for my full-time submission, and rewarded for progress.

It's an honour to own someone in this manner, just as it is to be owned. The Master/slave relationship is a powerful dynamic that if done with mutual admiration, opens doors to things that might not feel possible otherwise.

The Master/slave relationship is a powerful dynamic.

A chance for personal growth

A Master/slave relationship offers opportunities for vast amounts of personal growth for both parties. They hold substantial meaning, and so often denote a level of commitment that makes growth a lot less terrifying.

The first time this became clear to me was when I'd wanted to pose as a figure-model. Because of childhood trauma and insecurity, I didn't have the guts to do it without the help of my Master. So I called him, let him know what the situation was, and he said, "You did the right thing. You will do this." Not only did he give me what I needed and asked for, but he was there for me every step of the way. Challenging me where he knew I could handle the push, embracing me, and praising me for my accomplishments.

A new level of freedom

When Master says, "You're free," I know he means free from bullshit lies I suffered when growing up. Free from the propaganda of how life should be, and free from what society says is normal. What he means is that I am free to be who I am - completely. Despite my initial judgments and assumptions about being in a Master/slave relationship, being my Master's slave has been the most liberating experience of my life.

Sienna Saint-Cyr writes erotica and blogs about kink, poly, body image, most things relating.