Believe it or not, there's a simple way to develop control over how and when you orgasm, tremendously boost its power and be a great addition to your BDSM play. In the last of our masturbation month series, we explore edging and orgasm denial in BDSM power exchange dynamics.
Edging - understanding yourself
In practice, orgasm denial (or as it's sometimes referred to, edging) is straightforward. To start, all you need to do is pleasure yourself as you usually do, but as you proceed, focus on how your body is feeling as you approach orgasm.
Then, as you get very close to coming, pull back from your self-stimulus and allow yourself to cool down a bit. Not to worry if you can't, and despite your best efforts, you still orgasm; as with a lot of other sexual techniques, edging takes a bit of time and practice to perfect.
After a while, you'll be able to do this "approach and retreat" from orgasm repeatedly—and be rewarded that when you do finally come, it will be considerably more intense than usual. Think of it like building up sexual pressure within yourself, so when you release it … pop goes your weasel!
Some people have even experienced multiple orgasms after a session of edging, which alone should be a good enough reason why you should at least try your hand at it. But these are only a few benefits to developing this skill. In addition to magnified orgasms, you'll, more importantly, begin to gain more knowledge of how your body feels as you get close to coming.
Then, with this know-how at your disposal, you'll be able to recognize it when playing with other people: making it easier and easier to control when you orgasm. And in the case of those who feel they may come too quickly, this knowledge can also help develop new personal techniques to stretch things out as never before..jpg.4e439ce0a7f8adbec2b58ef51d5b2f1e.jpg)
Getting into orgasm denial fantasy.
BDSM orgasm denial
Edging is quite common among kinksters — and for an excellent and arousing reason: in a power exchange dynamic, it can be a remarkably effective way for a Dominant to have control over their submissives.
Orgasm denial is popular with Dominants for tonnes of delicious reasons. It can take a wide variety of forms and styles, but to give you a tasty example, begin by imagining a Dominant who has consent from their submissive to have total control over their submissive's ability to come. With this in place, the Dominant can then arouse them—with punishment on the line should the submissive orgasm without their permission.
The operative word here is consent. It's also critical that both (or more) parties understand what they're getting into as there's a fair amount of responsibility for another person's mental and physical health. All involved must feel comfortable at all times, and for any reason, to renegotiate the scene or even end it altogether.
For some, the addition of a specially-designed piece of hardware can help, as in chastity devices for penis owners that prevent, or at least discourage, anything from preventing erections to completely blocking access to a person's genitals.
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Another familiar toy that can be excellent for orgasm denial or edging play is the tried and true cock ring. Its gentle constriction of the penis shaft restricts blood flow, making erections last longer while also making it more challenging to come.
While one of the safest forms of sexual activity we can think of, that doesn't mean that orgasm denial is not without a few rare risks—mostly involving devices like chastity rigs and cock rings. While both can be amazing and a great help for all kinds of orgasm denial play, cock rings should never be worn for longer than approximately 20 minutes at a stretch to avoid damaging the penis.
Chastity devices are often designed to be worn for more extended periods. But until the submissive gets used to wearing one, their Dominant should allow them to remove it should they experience pain or discomfort. Therefore, please don't padlock anyone into one of these things and walk off with the key. Until that is, they get used to this kind of restraint.
If you want to go the chastity device route, avoid anything cheaply made, as one thing you don't want is a knock-off item potentially harming someone's genitals.
Having fun by not having fun
Aside from a fantastic tool to develop sexual self-knowledge and magnifying the eventual orgasm after practicing it for as long as you can stand it, edging's place as a cornerstone in the BDSM community shows its real power.
After all, there isn't any better way to concretely demonstrate a Dominant's power than assuming complete control over a submissive's orgasms. Equally as powerful in this is the submissive: in that they are consenting to submit their ability to experience sexual pleasure to someone else.
M. Christian is a respected author and senior columnist for Future Of Sex. In addition to writing, he is a respected sex and BDSM educator, having taught classes on everything from polyamory to tit torture for venues such as the SF Citadel, Good Vibrations, Beat Me In St. Louis and many others.
Discover more about the orgasm denial experiences of other kinksters in the forum - and share yours!
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All images (unless otherwise stated): model released from Shutterstock.com
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