Our Response to Transphobia in the Sex Blogging Community

Trans rights are human rights. It sounds like an obvious thing to say, but unfortunately, there are people out there who don't believe it. Recently, a vast rift tore through the sex blogging community by just this issue. As we are trans-positive (and always will be), Victoria Blisse talks about these events and highlights why it's important to tackle transphobia.

The online sex blogging community is welcoming one. It's sex-positive, POC positive, kink-positive and LGBTQI positive, so when a transphobic article recently came to light from one of the people within this community, (since deleted), it caused huge shockwaves. 

The post mocked the use of preferred pronouns for no reason other than the person didn't want to use them. It was thinly veiled as satire but as the late Great Terry Pratchett said: "Satire is meant to ridicule power. If you are laughing at people who are hurting, it's not satire; it's bullying."

Not only did the post exist, but many people from the sex blogging community commented positively on it. Some, I'm glad to say, stood up against its very existence, but many people defended it.
 

No to transphobia

As the backlash against the article raged on, it became evident that some of the regular and popular writing prompts and projects were transphobic too. An entry to the online sex blogging competition Smut Marathon, was criticized for the use of 'male genitalia' from a female character. These transphobic comments were defended and magnified, and many people have chosen to boycott this and other projects based on their transphobic ties and views. 


LONDON - FEBRUARY 15, 2019: Transgender activists walk the catwalk outside London Fashion Week to protest the lack of transgender inclusivity.

There is never an excuse for hate speech. As a kinky brand, we believe and enforce this within our community. 

While there were positive outcomes from this harrowing attack. It didn't lessen the seriousness of the transphobia involved and doesn't absolve the hurt caused, however many sex bloggers came out in support of transgender people.  

• Many prominent voices in the sex blogging community used their blogs to condemn transphobia and amplify trans voices. 
• There is now a collection of trans inclusive writing prompts, writing resources and bloggers to reach out to. 
• People listened to transgender bloggers, asked questions and discovered ways to support this marginalized and often abused section of society.
   

What can you do to combat transphobia and be trans-positive? 

What does all this have to do with you? You might ask. Well, we are part of the kink and sex-positive community which all sex bloggers are part of, too. Transphobia within our kink-positive safe spaces is not acceptable. Trans rights are human rights, and we want everyone to be free to embrace their sexy, kinky selves.  

How can you help if you're cisgender? (e.g. you identify as the gender you were assigned at birth) 

• Use Pronouns

It's a simple thing that can help people feel at ease. Use the pronoun they prefer. If you're introducing yourself to others, tell them your pronoun too, so they feel more at ease sharing theirs. "Hi, I'm Victoria, and my Pronouns are she/her. What's yours?" Simple, effective and makes a difference. Don't worry if you muck up. As long as you're trying your best and apologize for getting it wrong, it's all good! 

• Ask Questions

This can be as simple as opening up Google and searching for information on the transgender community or asking a trans friend what you can do to help. Ignorance leads to fear, and fear leads to hate, so eliminate ignorance and become an active ally. 


Los Angles, CA / USA - June 14, 2020: Protester holding a Black Trans Lives Matter sign at the All Black Lives Matter march in Hollywood.
 

Stand up against transphobia

Two in five trans people (41 per cent) and three in ten non-binary people (31 per cent) had experienced a hate crime or incident in 2018 according to Stonewall's Trans report. 

Hate speech and crimes have to stop. Do what you can to stand up to transphobia. Where you can, correct people when they use the wrong pronouns or 'deadnaming' (referring to the old name given to a trans person at birth but no longer goes by). 

Sign trans rights petitions, report transphobia on social media, stop following people expressing transphobic views, too. All these are good ways to stand up to transphobia. Confrontation is uncomfortable, change can be hard, but it's necessary. Standing up for trans rights is essential, especially within our kink and sex-positive community. We have to stand together.

Everyone is welcome here in our kinky community and we firmly believe that trans rights are human rights. Meet fellow transgender kinksters, chat about trans rights or trans issues in our forums and express your kinky selves in a trans-positive atmosphere. 

Victoria Blisse was an erotic author and sex-positive Reverend. She helped shape fetish.com and FET from the very beginning and we're eternally grateful for her passion and creativity. Sadly, she passed away in January 2024. We hope that whenever her articles are read, she'll be honored.




We welcome feedback and suggestions to make this community work for you. Get in touch if you have something to say. 

Cover and in-article images: via  Shutterstock