I'll don't know where he lives exactly but I do know it's the same city. I never gave him my last name or phone number. But I'm sure he got my name from Facebook, I don't post any personal information there but you never know what one will find. Speaking with the authorities will be a top priority Read more… for me now, thank you.

Hi everyone, sorry to dig up and start kicking a dead horse but...
The guy I was talking about found me on Facebook. I know it's not a hard thing to do when he has my name and where I work still, shoud I be concerned? He sent me a message request and I subsequently blocked him but I'm worried he Read more… might show up where I work, is that something I should worry about?

I'm in San Diego CA. I've been trying to find some local munches or other casual gatherings but all I'm finding are clubs that require membership and I don't think I'm ready for that yet. I really want to explore this world and this side of me but I'm now terrified of messages out of the blue and Read more… fetlife. I have no idea where to start or what to expect.
Is initial contact with a Dom usually very sexual and a lot of rules? I can't remember exactly how our first few messages went but I do remember it seemed to be almost immediately sexual and he started talking about meeting and future things a lot. However he kept saying how it wouldn'thave been for a while or when we're comfortable meeting in person. I don't know, it's hard to explain how I felt.
On another note I've gotten a bunch of books hopefully they'll help.
-The Loving Dominant
-The New Bottoming Book
-Leading and Supportive Love
-62Q
-Learning the Ropes
-Playing well with Others
-Conqor Me

Okay, after my last message to him he sent me a bunch of messages apologizing and asking what he did wrong. I read his messages, told him goodbye and promptly deleted his contact I formation and blocked him from contacting me. I also deleted my profile on fetlife, there was nothing there anyway. Read more…
Thank you all for giving me the strength to do what was right for me. In the slight chance another newbie is reading this learn from my mistakes.
I am not giving up on finding my perfect Dom but I am definitely more wary of the search. For those of you who care, I don't plan on dropping off this website but I might not be active constantly because there are things I need to think about.

Thank you all for your advice, I'm going to try to respond to it all.
yes it was just online
I started a message to tell him I needed space but the mire I typed the more I felt i just needed to cut it off completely. I feel like I need to know more about BDSM and learn exactly what it is in looking Read more… for in a Dom before I can find one for me.
Unfortunately it hasn't gone well. He's responded badly in my opinion, I'm going to throw in a few quotes. I may be over reacting to some of them but his overall tone is childish and pushing, in my opinion. I keep getting messages that start out innocent enough but turn into a thinly veiled throw at us being together. He says he wants to be friends but keeps talking about 'someday' and trying again, it makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to think about someday with anyone I want to focus on finding me as a sub...if that makes any sense.
He keeps using the pet names he used with me earlier. I was willing to give him a chance at friendship but I can't do it with him acting this way. I've told him to stop contacting me but his possible reactions frighten me a bit, we know where eachother work...
Sample of the conversation: I'm including everything for the sake of transparency.
Him: And were you ashamed because it started in a D/s place or because it started online?(context- I explain in a second but it had to do with my inability to talk to my mom about this, weird as it sounds I tell her everything and she would have no problem with the BDSM just the 'relationship' and how it started/ progresses)
-Just trying to understand in hopes that maybe we can try again
-Some day. I know you're not ready right now
Me: Okay so I'm not replying right away because I'm at the vet, give me a minute.
Him: Okay. Hope everything is okay
Me: It's fine, just getting a prescription.
-More so the online bit but really neither. It went way too far way too soon and I let it happen.
Him: We both did. We can start over if that would make you feel better. I really do care about you (my name)
-Like I said, maybe we can stay friends and chat through email when I'm on deployment and see how things go?
-Maybe we can meet after my deployment and things will be better?
Me: Please stop, you keep saying friends and you keep hinting more.
Him: No, I really want to one day have more, but I am happy with friends for now
Me: I cannot make any promises or guarantees. You're really pushing my limits right now, if I have to I will completely stop all contact.
Him: I'm not asking for promises. Just friends. I just wanted to be open on my hopes. Wasn't trying to push. Like I said, friends is great
Me: We'll see.
From there it was a lot of questions, like he didn't want to stop talking to me. I gave him short answers. I.e. what kind of games do you like? Mostly Indi.
Then a little while ago he sent me an image with the quote "Don't be afraid of being outnumbered. Eagles fly alone. Pigeons flock together." He said he saw it and it reminded him of me, I didn't respond. Finally the last four messages:
Him: Hope you're resting by now hon. Sleep well. I'm sure you're tired
-Are you gonna email me on deployment honey? What's your email so I can send you messages?
Me: You need to stop, I'm seriously done with your thinly veiled hints.
-I've tried explaining myself as best I could but I'm putting my foot down. Please stop contacting me.(there are two giant messages from me to him trying to explain myself, before the above posted conversation. I don't mind posting them but I'm not sure you would want to read them.)
Part of me is afraid he'll find this and it terrifies me...but I need to know what exactly I did wrong so I can avoid it in the future.