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Communicating my needs with my partner
I am 42yo female, married to my 47yo husband, almost 20 years. 4 kids. I’ve been in my sexual prime for about 9 years now. Sex is all I can think about and is all I want to do. These feelings have lead me to explore more of what I may like, which I learned recently is BDSM. So I’m still a newbie Read more…myself in this space.
my struggle is: I have purchased the bed restraints, the flogger, expressed my want to my husband that I want to be the submissive. But our sex just ends up the same things over and over and in the same order. Everytime, and I’ve become bored.
how can I better communicate to him that I really want this? I have been respectful of his boundaries and asked him straight up if he’s at all uncomfortable or what he wants, but I’m met with what feels like him being shy and his walls go up. I’ll ask him what he likes and it’s usually very little conversation or it’s “I don’t know.”
how do I get this man who I love so much to open up to me and understand that I want to be his submissive? I’m ready to take this relationship to the next level of excitement and I really want to do it with him.
my struggle is: I have purchased the bed restraints, the flogger, expressed my want to my husband that I want to be the submissive. But our sex just ends up the same things over and over and in the same order. Everytime, and I’ve become bored.
how can I better communicate to him that I really want this? I have been respectful of his boundaries and asked him straight up if he’s at all uncomfortable or what he wants, but I’m met with what feels like him being shy and his walls go up. I’ll ask him what he likes and it’s usually very little conversation or it’s “I don’t know.”
how do I get this man who I love so much to open up to me and understand that I want to be his submissive? I’m ready to take this relationship to the next level of excitement and I really want to do it with him.
LikeYellowFlannel, JsosFme, Chicken24and 36 more… · 26 Replies
But a question on how the question would be answered if it was a guy who was discovering he was into stuff his partner seemed reluctant to try.
I think there's also been quite a lot of assumptions made about the relationship in the Read more… thread, and some more context would be needed. Like, between them, they have to work and run a household and raise four kids (of ages not revealed) - and unless there is an uneven workload they're *both* going to be tired.
But still.
A sad reality may be that what you want is not what he wants. And, as much as this sucks, he is under no obligation to bend to those whims. What you both do about this is conversations you need to have together. Of course, questions about what turn him on, what he would be interested to try, if he still has a sex drive as high
This is a conversation which could go one of multiple ways and might not get the answers you want and that is something you have to then decide what to do about. But it could be you have a conversation about what each other wants and can find some ground to work with. Or, well, so many other scenarios - some more positive than others.
Equally, "I want to be his sub" what does that even mean? Like, if there's specific things you want to try in bed or in relationship then being more specific can be less daunting.