About me
Interested in:
I’m looking for:
- Friends
- LTR (relationship)
- BDSM Lovers
Description
The traits I look for in a Dominant go against the grain of the role. Just as subs need incredible strength, Dominants need gentleness and humility.
A top accepts control.
A sociopath demands it.
A Dominant though? They earn it.
The only way a Dom will ever earn power over me is by showing me that he would never demand it.
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Dominance is not a label. It’s a verdict. It's something I feel in my bones, in my breath, in the way my body responds. it draws submission out of me. I'll give up my power because I trust a person with my vulnerability. D/s is intensely intimate, and I won't engage with it until I know you'll hold it gently. Safety, it transpires, is one hell of an aphrodisiac.
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I want a vanilla man: someone who dates me before he considers dominating me; who begins with conversations, not floggers; who gets to know me by talking to me, not fucking me. I want someone who knows people matter, that love matters, that I matter. If I wanted to be ordered around in a role-playing arrangement, I would create an OF and gain an income from it. I don't. I want someone to love who loves me; someone who feels like home; someone who is home.
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I want a man who makes mistakes: The type who’s intimately acquainted with his own weaknesses and who doesn’t see admitting fault as a loss. I want a man who walks beside me, not one who positions himself as though we’re at war. Someone who tells the truth, not because he might get caught in a lie, but because honesty matters to him. It matters because he can't respect himself any other way. No person can evolve without the capacity to be honest with themselves, and no relationship can evolve until the hardest truths are known.
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I write and post on the forums. A lot. When I was new I read and read but nothing really spoke to me. It was all very black and white, theoretical and serious. BDSM is serious stuff but it should also be full of fun and light. It's a romance, not a religion. In the beginning, I spoke with people who told me that this was no different to vanilla dating and it is. It's not the same at all. There's an intensity about it. I needed to read about other peoples experiences and how they felt because I feel that I might have been able to relate to it. I needed something tangible. I still do.
So I write the things that I'd have liked to have read from my experience so far in the hope others find it useful but also to get the thoughts out of my head and into some sort of logical form. Some will be reflections on my experiences, some will be questioning, and others will simply be sarcasm.
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if you want to know more about me, maybe have a read.
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Writing on Fet, though, has taught me that everyone reads through their own lens. No matter how hard you polish those glasses, people will apply their own tint to everything they see. Everyone seems to carry their own agenda around with them like a shopping trolley. Then they unpack the contents in everyone else's kitchen because it will be about them no matter what.
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Few people put work into their online reading. They unpack that creaky old trolley with it's wonky wheel before they've even read the first line. I'm certain some of them don't even bother reading the post before disagreeing with it. Quite frankly, I'm quite tired of being manipulated into conversations I never signed up for. I am responsible for what I say, not what you read.
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Please send ice cream
Limits
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Pseudo Dom's
Fuckboi's
People who lack awareness or respect re consent
People who lack respect re boundaries/limits
People who are rigid in their thoughts about D/s
Fetish.com gives you…
Many possibilities! There are plenty of ways to meet new kinksters. Check out our free BDSM dating. Still not convinced to meet in person? Take a look at some kinky discussions taking place, right now...
People aren't "wrong" when they're explaining their own personal experiences
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If you're truly paying attention to the comments and who is in agreement with whom, you'll notice a trend.
Is that an apology?
And yet Fet isn't the authority on what constitutes a kink. Just because it's not allowed here, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Pointing that out, isn't the same as promoting or engaging in it. Comprehension is important.
No one has said that
The people who've said yes are, in the main, men who no doubt have swallowed the red pill.
All the time that has been spent engaging with you on this topic and rather that sit back and take in what's being said, you've chosen to argue it all.
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"Crying about the safety of women" newsflash, gender based *** is being termed an epidemic.
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Your risks are being catfished by someone 150lbs Read more… heavier than they portrayed or loosing funds (two people make a baby, two people are financially responsible for it.
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Yes there are risks to all genders but they are by no means equal.
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Findom is a genuine kink. Just because it's not yours doesn't make it so.
Is it a lack of information sharing or...
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1. A lack of evolution on the part of one gender
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2. The social conditioning that a patriarchal society provides men with a certain viewpoint (which in truth should have been addressed through point 1on the basis that women we also raised in that same Read more… society and we managed to connect the dots)
Or, a different perspective, I'm a 46yr old whose had many dates over the years, and I've not kept count because relationships aren't transactional. Go figure!
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Stop taking the lazy option and finding other people/factors to blame, take responsibility, and accountability for yourself. Like I said Read more… before, I'm not parenting anyone.
His name is @eyemblacksheep
I'm not taking anything as an attack simply because this is a forum topic that has been done to death and the same arguments are put forward by men who believe they're struggling to make connections with the women here and elsewhere but who fail to consider other Read more… people's/genders perspectives. That in itself is telling. It's also because I have no interest in finding a partner for the reasons above and frankly your responses feed into that.
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If you believe that those are the current cultural norms, I'd suggest that you review your thinking. Plenty of advice and information has been given by the women commenting on this post, which could be being used as feedback. I'm guessing most people, however, will continue to believe in the male loneliness epidemic and blame the women for it, though.
Hmm, I'm pretty certain I didn't say any of the things you're suggesting I did.
You know, at a recent family event I was asked why I was single and I blurted out the "I don't want to parent an adult man" and the room fell silent but, the faces on my mum and my aunt were priceless because they knew exactly what I meant. My mother for example wanted to be a nurse, her parents Read more… disallowed any formal further education because that's not what women do.
Even now, our conversations about worldly matters, corporate matters is difficult because she wasn't 'allowed' those experiences. Frankly, she wouldn't survive without my dad she's so reliant on him and it's actually really sad.
I would never intentionally put myself in that position.
Maybe rather than reading minds, we should be reading the written words under this thread.
For the most part, depending on location/culture etc, women across the globe have a great deal more independence than they solid 40/50yrs ago. We have access to education, we have access to well paying Read more… careers, we have access to mortgages. In other words, we can provide for ourselves rather than relying on men to provide for us. We do what we need to do keep ourselves safe, we no longer need men to protect us especially when statistically speaking it's the men in our homes that are the most unsafe.
For myself, and the majority of single women, the reason I'm single and not actively looking for a partner is this,
1. What will a partner provide/bring to my life that I can't provide for myself
And
2. I don't want to parent an adult
I'm not prepared to make life more challenging for the sake of a 2 income household.
Then let me invalidate your thoughts and opinion (not facts). The last date I went on, he paid for the activity. I paid for the two course meal. We then did rounds for the drinks we had.
I also initiate contact with men here but, there has to be one of two things, either a well thought out profile Read more… (it doesn't even need to match mine) or good interaction within the forums.
Your "facts" are outdated. Absolutely in years gone by yes men initiated contact, the arranged the date and paid for it too. You know why? Because women weren't in the work*** or if they were, were in menial, low paid jobs.
Times have changed, women have evolved, men have not.
It's not always the vile or abusive messages. It's also the messages that are simply men chatting away to themselves in my inbox with no reference to me, my profile, and have no questions posed. There's literally nothing to respond to.
The thing is, when we aren't "picky" and have terrible experiences, which we talk about, the personal responsibility trope gets thrown about by...you guessed it!