About me
Interested in:
I’m looking for:
- Friends
- LTR (relationship)
- BDSM Lovers
Description
The traits I look for in a Dominant go against the grain of the role. Just as subs need incredible strength, Dominants need gentleness and humility. A top accepts control. A sociopath demands it. A Dominant though? They earn it. The only way a Dom will ever earn power over me is by showing me that he would never demand it.
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Dominance is not a label. It’s a verdict. It's something I feel in my bones, in my breath, in the way my body responds. It draws submission out of me. It never demands it. I'll give up my power because I trust a person with my vulnerability. D/s is intensely intimate, and I won't engage with it until I know you'll hold it gently. Safety, it transpires, is one hell of an aphrodisiac.
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I want a vanilla man: someone who dates me before he considers dominating me; who begins with conversations, not floggers; who gets to know me by talking to me, not fucking me. I want someone who knows people matter, that love matters, that I matter. If I wanted to be ordered around in a role-playing arrangement, I would create an OF and gain an income from it. I don't. I want someone to love who loves me; someone who feels like home; someone who is home.
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I want a man who makes mistakes: The type who’s intimately acquainted with his own weaknesses and who doesn’t see admitting fault as a loss. I want a man who walks beside me, not one who positions himself as though we’re at war. Someone who tells the truth, not because he might get caught in a lie, but because honesty matters to him. It matters because he can't respect himself any other way. No person can evolve without the capacity to be honest with themselves, and no relationship can evolve until the hardest truths are known.
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I write and post on the forums. A lot. When I was new I read and read but nothing really spoke to me. It was all very black and white, theoretical and serious. BDSM is serious stuff but it should also be full of fun and light. It's a romance, not a religion. In the beginning, I spoke with people who told me that this was no different to vanilla dating and it is. It's not the same at all. I needed to read about other peoples experiences, how they felt because, I feel that I might have been able to relate to it. I needed something tangible. I still do.
So I write the things that I'd have liked to have read from my experience so far in the hope others find it useful but also to get the thoughts out of my head and into some sort of logical form. Some will be reflections on my experiences, some will questioning, others will simply be sarcasm, making light of the "lifestyle"
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if you want to know more about me, maybe have a read.
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Writing on Fet though has taught me that everyone reads through their own lens. No matter how hard you polish those glasses, people will apply their own tint to everything they see. Everyone seems to carry their own agenda around with them like a shopping trolley. Then they unpack the contents in everyone else's kitchen because it will be about them no matter what.
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Few people put work into their online reading. They unpack that creaky old trolley with it's wonky wheel before they've even read the first line. I'm certain some of them don't even bother reading the post before disagreeing with it. Quite frankly, I'm quite tired of being manipulated into conversations I never signed up for. I am responsible for what I say, not what you read.
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Please send icecream
Limits
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Pseudo Dom's
Fuckboi's
People who lack awareness or respect re consent
People who lack respect re boundaries/limits
People who are rigid in their thoughts about D/s
Fetish.com gives you…
Many possibilities! There are plenty of ways to meet new kinksters. Check out our free BDSM dating. Still not convinced to meet in person? Take a look at some kinky discussions taking place, right now...
1. Be authentic
2. Female subs are able to and do make the initial contact.
This is not a numbers game.
It's also not necessarily about the content of the message.
It's definitely not about the volume of messages received.
It's vetting. It's considering compatability. Mutual interests, Read more… chemistry. All the things that anyone looks for in any type of relationship, and yet people make out that this is rocket science.
I think some comments have hit a raw nerve and, simultaneously, the nail on the head given your previous, very recent 'woe is me, i can't find a sub' forum post , but I digress (and that's the beauty of the forums - that everyone has the ability to comment, not just Doms and not just people whose Read more… thoughts align with your own). You're very much welcome to my thoughts and scepticism.
That's not what you said at all. Not everyone in our inbox is a Dom and we can tell. Most of us also know that we aren't looking for a Dom per se, we're looking for a relationship that develops to D/s.
Unless that is, you're approaching those that are new as opposed those that are less naive
Other than the "chick's" chap above, this is the comment that irks me the most in this thread. 'Subs have so much choice they struggle with decision making and can't control themselves'. Give me a break.
That thinking is no more than deflection to the feedback within the comment you responded to Read more… and honestly if you have such little respect for those identifying as subs well maybe...
Once again, this wasn't a D/s issue, it's a generic relationship issue.
Nope, I'm far too competitive with a stubborn streak. Imagine two people with those qualities in a relationship 🤣
To add, whilst I'd agree re self-improvement throughout the lifespan, I do not necessarily agree that if the answer is no, you wouldn't date yourself, that there is work to be done. Read more… Often, it's good enough to have an awareness of any character traits and to acknowledge any impact they may have in relationships intimate or otherwise.
Eg, I won't qualify for prestigious sporting events if I'm not competitive. Being so means that I'm critical of where we are as a team and can focus on training specific areas to achieve certain goals. That's important to me/a big part of who I am. I don't necessarily view it as a negative, but I wouldn't necessarily look for it as a quality in a partner.
Is it really a D/s or "rules" issue, though, or more about expectations/agreement within any monogamous relationship.
Whilst im not condoning anyones actions from the account given, which is just part of the story, I struggle with the idea that a "rule" is issued by a D such as this. It shouldn't Read more… be a "rule." In my mind it's a basic part of a monogamous relationship, surely.
All limits, including those relating to orgasm denial, should be discussed within D/s negotiations.
Your first paragraph contradicts your second. I believe you meant that there's no physical effect upon *female* submissives, and that's simply untrue.
Even if it were true, we don't leave various Read more… kinks out of negotiation simply because the outcome isn't physical.
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OP, how long is a bit of string? The only expectation you should have is to have open discussion with whomever you need to have that discussion with.
It's odd to me that some commentators are equating submission with caring and kindness and dominance with knowing what they want. That, my guys, is more about societal norms /culture. FYI, D's can be and are kind and caring, s's can and do know, as well as ask for and get, what they want. Read more… Submission isn't a selfless act.
There are two questions in the OP
1. Does D/s relate to personality?
2. Are some people bedroom only?
My own answer is that it's very person specific and relates more to individual relationships. I'm not submissive 24/7 simply because it takes a particular type of individual to bring that side out of me
Yep, you and I both!
Exactly. I quoted this profiles earlier comments where they'd referred to ***** questioning whether they were doxxing the OP. That and the previous were deleted, so I'm guessing they were and didn't learn their lesson.
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I'm also guessing it's why the other dude is attempting to apologise to me Read more… because Mods stepped in.
The TOU's continue to state, "images that show people other than the profile owner(s)" as not being acceptable.
And yet reported photo's remain with no apparent consequence.
You don't. You look for a partner with whom you can share all parts of you and then focus on the type of relationship. Unless what you mean is a Top?
It feels like many of these comments are rather gunho and have no thoughts for safety.
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Tip 1: Don't make contact with anyone offering their "assistance" in this comment section, particularly if they state "no limits." They'll have no regard for your own, and you'll be at risk.
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Tip 2: If you're Read more… new, go to a munch and start with no more than conversation, make friends with other like-minded people. Those people will likely also be attending other events where you can test different fetishes out, generally in a safe/fun/relaxed environment.
This is the most valuable advice in the comments, approach anyone and everyone as an interesting person first and a potential partner last. It's so easy to spot when people are only looking for 'matches' not least because the message typically ends with "message me back and we'll see where things Read more… go."
Worse case scenario, you've made a new friend put of your efforts
"All men want respect"
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Cool, but you realise that it's a two way thing. You have to respect women too? None of your rambling comments suggest that you do.
It is still the case that photos generally may only show the profile owner(s).
But for some time now there is one exception:You are allowed to upload photos of yourself that also show other people, but only if the photo is very clearly SFW (Safe for work). Any Read more… photos that don't fall in this category and that show anyone other than the profile owner(s) will be deleted.
(Details can be found in this FAQ article)
Therefore, photos of naked women are not permitted in men's profiles, because such photos are not SFW but ASFW or even NSFW.
So they should be removed if you report them.
If you have reported such photos and received the information that your report has been edited, but the photo is still there, please report it again. It can always happen that something goes wrong during editing or someone makes a mistake.
best regards
Carmen, Community Team