About me
Interested in:
I’m looking for:
- Friends
- LTR (relationship)
- BDSM Lovers
Description
The traits I look for in a Dominant go against the grain of the role. Just as subs need incredible strength, Dominants need gentleness and humility.
A top accepts control.
A sociopath demands it.
A Dominant though? They earn it.
The only way a Dom will ever earn power over me is by showing me that he would never demand it.
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Dominance is not a label. It’s a verdict. It's something I feel in my bones, in my breath, in the way my body responds. it draws submission out of me. I'll give up my power because I trust a person with my vulnerability. D/s is intensely intimate, and I won't engage with it until I know you'll hold it gently. Safety, it transpires, is one hell of an aphrodisiac.
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I want a vanilla man: someone who dates me before he considers dominating me; who begins with conversations, not floggers; who gets to know me by talking to me, not fucking me. I want someone who knows people matter, that love matters, that I matter. If I wanted to be ordered around in a role-playing arrangement, I would create an OF and gain an income from it. I don't. I want someone to love who loves me; someone who feels like home; someone who is home.
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I want a man who makes mistakes: The type who’s intimately acquainted with his own weaknesses and who doesn’t see admitting fault as a loss. I want a man who walks beside me, not one who positions himself as though we’re at war. Someone who tells the truth, not because he might get caught in a lie, but because honesty matters to him. It matters because he can't respect himself any other way. No person can evolve without the capacity to be honest with themselves, and no relationship can evolve until the hardest truths are known.
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I write and post on the forums. A lot. When I was new I read and read but nothing really spoke to me. It was all very black and white, theoretical and serious. BDSM is serious stuff but it should also be full of fun and light. It's a romance, not a religion. In the beginning, I spoke with people who told me that this was no different to vanilla dating and it is. It's not the same at all. There's an intensity about it. I needed to read about other peoples experiences and how they felt because I feel that I might have been able to relate to it. I needed something tangible. I still do.
So I write the things that I'd have liked to have read from my experience so far in the hope others find it useful but also to get the thoughts out of my head and into some sort of logical form. Some will be reflections on my experiences, some will be questioning, and others will simply be sarcasm.
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if you want to know more about me, maybe have a read.
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Writing on Fet, though, has taught me that everyone reads through their own lens. No matter how hard you polish those glasses, people will apply their own tint to everything they see. Everyone seems to carry their own agenda around with them like a shopping trolley. Then they unpack the contents in everyone else's kitchen because it will be about them no matter what.
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Few people put work into their online reading. They unpack that creaky old trolley with it's wonky wheel before they've even read the first line. I'm certain some of them don't even bother reading the post before disagreeing with it. Quite frankly, I'm quite tired of being manipulated into conversations I never signed up for. I am responsible for what I say, not what you read.
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Please send ice cream
Limits
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Pseudo Dom's
Fuckboi's
People who lack awareness or respect re consent
People who lack respect re boundaries/limits
People who are rigid in their thoughts about D/s
Fetish.com gives you…
Many possibilities! There are plenty of ways to meet new kinksters. Check out our free BDSM dating. Still not convinced to meet in person? Take a look at some kinky discussions taking place, right now...
Gender is not a matter of biology. It's a social construct.
I hope you're having fun with it, and it just proves my point really, it's all about the chemistry between people that brings out different responses
Eh hmmm, I think I said this a loooong time ago and you pooh pooh it 🤣
I think, and to build on Eyem's comment re differences, if a man posts about something awful happening, they don't experience women commenting that it didn't happen, they aren't challenged about their vetting process or lack of.
They aren't asked why they were drinking or asked what they were Read more… wearing etc etc. No one here has negated anyone else's experiences. No one here has victim blamed, which is what happens consistently and persistently with female subs.
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And to move on to your other comment, women aren't saying men's issues/rights are less than women's. What they're saying is, this is our experience, this has been happening for centuries, we (and other minority genders) want and deserve equity in all area's of life. It's not a 'trend' is something that's been championed for decades.
Men wouldn't feel so threatened by feminism if there manhood was rooted in something other than oppressing women.
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The other point I'll make is this because it's always the same gripe, in relation to there being so few Dommes, what do you think happens in society to women that stand up for themselves? We're seeing how that plays out in both England and Ireland right now.
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Lastly, shall we look up the stats re *** being perpetrated by gender? Because whilst I agree with you that male subs can experience harm, it's very few and far between. We could also look up which gender is more likely to be the source of risk to males generally is if you'd like?
Am I susceptible to online scams? Of course, but no more than anyone else.
In the world of D/s or Fet, have I received messages asking for banking details with regards to sugar daddies? Of course, many times.
Have I fallen for m0ney based scams? Fortunately not. Likely, due to sensibility and a Read more… lack of desperation.
If this is something that is a 'constant', I would suggest that the issue lies with the individual who keeps coming face to face with the issue.
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The point is that men are worrying about a loss of funds that are replaceable either through the Bank if you report or through future earnings. Women, on the other hand, are worried about physical or emotional h@rm. The two are not equitable.
But also, there's a real conflict at play. With a subset of men still wanting SAHM's creating some kind of narrative whereby they're acting as the 'provider' but, only financially.
And yet, ask a man to pay for attention, intimacy, or sex (essentially what a SAHM is expected to provide plus) and Read more… my God, all of a sudden they're being exploited. They can not see the irony.
The male subs thinking that losing some m0ney (through online interactions and is replaceable) is the worst thing that can happen.
Whilst a useful overview, maybe, it's also important to remember that
a) Labels are unimportant
b) Each relationship may well incorporate a variety of aspects of different features of BDSM.
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Many will have lived vanilla life's before finding their own kinks/the world of fet. Don't restrict them Read more… further by putting people into boxes.
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Pseudo Dom's
Fuckboi's
People who lack awareness or respect re consent
People who lack respect re boundaries/limits
People who are rigid in their thoughts about D/s
"In every category, men are treated differently"
By the same token, women are treated differently to men? But yep, let's not exploit the men, hey 🤣
I wonder which, of all the genders, across all the centuries, have had the most power over others.
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But also, let's not kink shame, Findom is a kink Read more… for some.
And if it's not a kink, if men are silly enough to part with their cash, so be it. I just wonder what they were wearing or what they'd had to drink at the time...🤷♀️
I wonder what that stems from if we look at the bigger picture...🤔
Is it, though? Or is it more a matter of some male subs taking an approach that brings them to the attention of either scammers or Findoms?