About me
Interested in:
I’m looking for:
- Friends
- LTR (relationship)
- BDSM Lovers
Description
The traits I look for in a Dominant go against the grain of the role. Just as subs need incredible strength, Dominants need gentleness and humility.
A top accepts control.
A sociopath demands it.
A Dominant though? They earn it.
The only way a Dom will ever earn power over me is by showing me that he would never demand it.
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Dominance is not a label. It’s a verdict. It's something I feel in my bones, in my breath, in the way my body responds. it draws submission out of me. I'll give up my power because I trust a person with my vulnerability. D/s is intensely intimate, and I won't engage with it until I know you'll hold it gently. Safety, it transpires, is one hell of an aphrodisiac.
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I want a vanilla man: someone who dates me before he considers dominating me; who begins with conversations, not floggers; who gets to know me by talking to me, not fucking me. I want someone who knows people matter, that love matters, that I matter. If I wanted to be ordered around in a role-playing arrangement, I would create an OF and gain an income from it. I don't. I want someone to love who loves me; someone who feels like home; someone who is home.
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I want a man who makes mistakes: The type who’s intimately acquainted with his own weaknesses and who doesn’t see admitting fault as a loss. I want a man who walks beside me, not one who positions himself as though we’re at war. Someone who tells the truth, not because he might get caught in a lie, but because honesty matters to him. It matters because he can't respect himself any other way. No person can evolve without the capacity to be honest with themselves, and no relationship can evolve until the hardest truths are known.
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I write and post on the forums. A lot. When I was new I read and read but nothing really spoke to me. It was all very black and white, theoretical and serious. BDSM is serious stuff but it should also be full of fun and light. It's a romance, not a religion. In the beginning, I spoke with people who told me that this was no different to vanilla dating and it is. It's not the same at all. There's an intensity about it. I needed to read about other peoples experiences and how they felt because I feel that I might have been able to relate to it. I needed something tangible. I still do.
So I write the things that I'd have liked to have read from my experience so far in the hope others find it useful but also to get the thoughts out of my head and into some sort of logical form. Some will be reflections on my experiences, some will be questioning, and others will simply be sarcasm.
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if you want to know more about me, maybe have a read.
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Writing on Fet, though, has taught me that everyone reads through their own lens. No matter how hard you polish those glasses, people will apply their own tint to everything they see. Everyone seems to carry their own agenda around with them like a shopping trolley. Then they unpack the contents in everyone else's kitchen because it will be about them no matter what.
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Few people put work into their online reading. They unpack that creaky old trolley with it's wonky wheel before they've even read the first line. I'm certain some of them don't even bother reading the post before disagreeing with it. Quite frankly, I'm quite tired of being manipulated into conversations I never signed up for. I am responsible for what I say, not what you read.
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Please send ice cream
Limits
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Pseudo Dom's
Fuckboi's
People who lack awareness or respect re consent
People who lack respect re boundaries/limits
People who are rigid in their thoughts about D/s
Fetish.com gives you…
Many possibilities! There are plenty of ways to meet new kinksters. Check out our free BDSM dating. Still not convinced to meet in person? Take a look at some kinky discussions taking place, right now...
Someone doesn't need to die for something to be dangerous. I'm also not commenting on MMA, because they aren't the same. But, as someone who is trained in martial arts, absolutely, there are plenty of *** holds that *could limit air supply. The difference being, most of those in sports aren't *** Read more… as they might be when engaging in kink (which in itself is an issue). If person 1 taps out, person 2 acts accordingly. there are 'rules' to follow, a referee, an audience, and most engage in sports(wo)manship behaviours.
The latter also has the potential to remove concentration/caution
The Institute for Addressing Strangulation hold webinars/provides information for certain professions from which the above was sourced.
Agreed, deepthroating is a form of breath play and that those using *** have other motivation. I'll add to include those that aren't knowledgeable and act in a couldn't care less way.
These aren't my numbers but if you think that they're 'wrong' please let the Institute for Addressing Strangulati0n know.
Some are more stubborn than donkeys 🤦♀️
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Whether you practice RACK, PRICK, SSC, or even if BOC have delivered you a lorry load of O2 cylinders, it's dangerous. Here's the timeline of consequences for a typical person with no Read more…long-term health conditions...
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• 6.8 seconds - Loss of consciousness
• 14 seconds - Anoxic Seizure
• 15 Seconds - Bladder Incontinence
• 30 Seconds - Bowel Incontinence
• 62 Seconds - Stop breathing
• Death between 62 -152 seconds.
• Memory loss in all cases when loss of consciousness. No oxygen = no memory.
• Non-Fatal Strangulation is the second biggest cause of strokes in women under 40. Strokes can occur 2 weeks to 12 months after strangulation.
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How much pressure needs to be exerted to result in an ***? PSI is the measure of pressure per square inch behind an action.
• Damage to the jugular Vein requires - 4 psi
• Damage to the carotid Artery requires - 11 psi
• Damage to the trachea requires - 34 psi
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For most of us, shaking someone's hand uses a PSI of 80- 100. Shocked? I was.
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Breath play can go from fun to catastrophic in less than 15 seconds.
There is no safe way to engage in breath play even if you're RACK, SSC, or PRICK. Even if it's consensual.
The standalone charge since June 2022 carries an up to 5 year custodial sentence
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So yeah, maybe it's cool, but just how much probably doesn't outweigh the consequences.
Yeah, all the time
Because it's all about *** ? What about the shared responsibility of raising a child? What about STI's
SK gave people the benefit of the doubt, suggesting that this wasn't about male privilege/entitlement but here you are...
Then perhaps, for clarity and context for the sake of those reading the forums, the "punishment" was perhaps for how they presented the info/behaved after the fact as opposed to being "right" about something or being able to "punish" them at your will.
Initial thoughts.
No one is a brat 100% of the time. It would be exhausting. I'd also perceive it as belittling to always be in the "wrong," a lack of respect for my personhood.
From a non brat
Also, thank you (!) for a sensible OP
Before we all get carried away thinking that we can navigate our relations through nothing more than non-verbal communication. Deciphering what facial experiences/gestures/body language means is wholly dependent upon an individuals knowledge of a person and even then is no more than an opinion. Read more…
Averted eyes may mean deference. It may also mean discomfort/awkwardness/an untruth as an example.
Whilst non-verbal communication is important, you can not rely on it as a sole form of communication and absolutely not with someone you are not familiar with.
People all communicate differently for a number of reasons due to culture, due to ND and so the list goes on.
To rely on NV comms in a D/s relationship (particularly when many here mean T/b rather than D/s) is dangerous and will surely amount to CV's.
Why are you determining whether an evening has been successful or not simply on whether you've played with someone/no more than one person?
It's as simple as this, grab a drink, notice a huddle of people, and ask if you can join them. Joing in their conversation, make conversation. Things happen Read more… organically. It's really not rocket science. It's no different to a non kink night out. People aren't likely to play with and outright stranger, how do they know your skillset/that you're safe/that they're safe? Build friendships first.
Yes, it's dangerous, but so is bondage. Nerve Damage can occur in just a few Read more… seconds! I read a LOT more *** reports from rope bottoms, but can't say I've seen a lot of reports from breath play ppl.
I don't think it's significantly more risky than most other forms of BDSM play. ❞
Someone doesn't need to die for something to be dangerous. I'm also not commenting on MMA, because they aren't the same. But, as someone who is trained in martial arts, absolutely, there are plenty of *** holds that *could limit air supply. The difference being, most of those in sports aren't *** as they might be when engaging in kink (which in itself is an issue). If person 1 taps out, person 2 acts accordingly. there are 'rules' to follow, a referee, an audience, and most engage in sports(wo)manship behaviours.