Thank you. I think it works on many levels especially due to how a hydrogen bond is the strongest intermolecular ***, strongest *** to keep molecules in bondage if you will.
Also I'm a fan of word play and I love chemistry.

She's never mentioned taking her own life. It's just everything she's said, her manurisms, how she can be silent, her body language all points to a high probability she may take her own life. I also am aware that the computer that's doing the analysis (my mind) is also screwed up so the concluded Read more… data can be suspect. But also its a powerful computer (my mind) yet that power could cause the issues to be greater. But those issues might not be effecting my observations. Or I just think my observations aren't being effected.
That's what goes through my mind. My mind is always analyzing things. I find concepts like quantum physics and higher dimensional abstract algebra to be easy to digest but socal interactions take a huge strain on me because there are just far too many variables and unknowns and it's hard for me to break it all down to their fundamentals in order to create a mental algorithm so I can better predict and easily move through social interactions. If you've ever seen A Beautiful Mind, I'm very much like John Forbs Nash. I may even have schizophrenia or something similar. Sometimes I wake up and run into the bathroom and hold the door shut because I think something I cant see but can is trying to kill me. I've gotten better now that I tell that thing to get out where it's weaker than me. Tiredness and exhaustion trigger it. I used to run out of the house but that was well over a decade and a half ago.
My biggest problem though is I thrive in stress and discomfort. I'm addicted to it. It energizes me. I need that internal struggle. If I'm relaxed and easy I can't function. But this is also self destructive. I seek to burn myself out in order to destroy myself.
Maybe I should just end things with her, relationship wise. Just be friends but take time away from speaking to her for a while. Or perhaps even block her out indefinitely. That one I don't like but its one of the options my mind is giving. But I'm thinking it may be for the best. She may take her life, she might not. I don't know but I can't worry about that. Abd if she does I have to know it's not my fault and be at peace with it. Or in my case deny my feelings for her and my memories of her until I forget she ever existed until I'm ready to deal with it.
I'm someone that finds a conclusion then works backwards to figure out how to get there.
One reason, but not the only reason, that made me to decide to be a dom with her is that I felt like this experience might be useful to have in case I ever come across a future issue of any subject that requires me to know what it's like to be a dom. I don't expect everyone to understand this way of thinking. It's not normal thinking but I'm not normal. But remember, I said it's one of the reasons, not the only. And also factor in my odd way of thinking. Sorry, I often have to overexplain my thinking because people too often misinterpreted me. I find myself like John Forbs Nash from A Beautiful Mind (minus the severity of his illness). Some like to say Sheldon from Big Bang Theory or Abed from Community but those are fictional and John Nash is, or was till his passing, a real person that altered governing dynamics in the world and won several Nobel prizes.

Thank you for your advice but I don't think I can use that. This seems more like what you would say if she was of a relatively sound mind and mood. Like if the situation was green or greenish yellow. The situation is yellow or yellowish red.
Also our relationship is long distance and she doesn't Read more… drink. How our relationship works I please ask you to not ask unless it's relevant to knowing how to help me in this situation right now and I don't believe it holds any relevance what so ever therfore it stays a mystery. I just can't take the time and energy to think of anything else right now other than solving this issue.
I'm sorry for my erratic comments, I too am not in sound mind and mood. I had a panic attack not too long ago. I really hope you and anyone else understands how this is not a nominal situation. I feel like I'm trying to diffuse a bomb.

Communicating with other people takes a lot of effort on my part on a good day. I don't know how to let her know that the issues im having are not her fault, but she always thinks she's a bad person and the reason people in her life have issues is because of her. So I'm in like freeze mode of fight Read more… or flight or freeze right now. It's like trying to cut the right wires of a bomb to me because I feel like if I say the right thing she will take it wrong, think she's the problem, then take her own life. I don't know if she will or if I'm projecting but I'm too afraid to ask or do anything.

Is that not a normal trait?

"trust that she'll use a safeword if she isnt enjoying it"
There has been things she said and how horrible her life has been and only has me that I'm under the impression that this isn't simply a kink, I think this is self destructive. She puts herself down all the time she shows signs of severe Read more… depression. I'm afraid if I do things wrong she'll take her own life. But I don't know if that's what I see or because I'm projecting past issues onto her from already having gone through losing someone to *** as well as my own struggle with my suicidal issues. What I do know is this is becoming detrimental to me in a short time. But I can't look out for my own issues if it means there's a chance it will cause her to take her own life. I've already lost everyone. I can't lose more people I love to death. I can't. I just fucking can't
I'm scared, and not in a good way.