Well you were right it is loosely exhibitionism, but if you just like the idea of people watching you engage in a sexual activity, but otherwise you are not looking to draw attention to yourself, you have no desire to "flash"or cause shock factor... then I believe it comes more correctly under the Read more… term Martymachlia .
Martymachlia is paraphila specific to sexual activity that is witnessed by others. But still comes under the term exhibitionism, it is like a sub division.

He is actually pretty crap afterwards... I mean if I lead he will talk, but he struggles with it.
This has actually pulled me up short a bit and given me something to really think about. Thank you x

Thank you for your response, it is definitely of some help.
We met through mutual friends and got a spark, A couple of weeks into seeing each other he mentioned that he likes to be in control of things, I let him expand a bit and he talked about being a bit kinky in the Bedroom. I took that Read more… opportunity to talk about being a Sub and that although currently without a Dom it's an important dynamic to me and I may have another one at some point. He knew I was married and open to seeing other people as well and so he is he, so jealousy could be a driving *** but hopefully not. He was then very much He would love to be a Dom, would like to take that role etc. So the past few months have been me trying to guide him towards good resources and explain how it is soooo much more than sex. It has not been an easy road so far and little bumps like this get in the way.
I like an occasional scripted scene but this is more just about saying ok today we are going to play with rope, I want you dressed or undressed or whatever are there any positions you can't do... today I want you to provide oral is that ok ( depending on headspace that can be a trigger for me). Rather than saying I'm going to do a spanking session. With no further detail and 5 minutes in it turns to *** and then he wants me to give head so he can cum on me. Or being able to talk about what we both want from it, like He might have it in his head to do a punishment scenario when I am craving a soft connection. I feel like that stuff needs talking about beforehand?

Thankyou for replying, hubby and I did try many moons ago but it isn't conducive to a healthy relationship for us unfortunately. We find our runs much smoother with us both on an equal footing x

Thank you for you replied x
Kira, you could be right, he may not be Dom material. I really want to give him a shot because he is super keen and I hope I can let him see how it really is, crank his ego down a notch and I think he has potential. The trouble is that crap like 50 shades (or most porn) Read more… never addresses the smoke and mirrors and magic of it at all. Or how to deal with someone tied to a beam who is freaking out!
Black sheep- that's really reassuring thank you x
Kinkysir, that's really helpful. He isn't on here and to be honest I'm not ready to lose my safe space to talk to ask questions like this yet. But he is on fetlife so I will encourage him to talk to others. I have a few of those books, but he is dyslexic and finds reading really hard (which does make this all far more difficult as I have a tendency to write essays instead of texts 😆).
I will definitely look up the videos to pass on though as he will likely respond better to that . And if have to watch some porn in the name of research.. well I suppose one might tolerate that too ;)

I think all feeling people whether Dom or sub find it hard to end a relationship and take time to recover . I think anyone who doesn't find it hard is either in a very very bad relationship or probably shouldn't be in a relationship at all. Whether Dom or sub or switch or Top or whatever labels we Read more… want to give ourselves we are basically just humans in love with other humans (hopefully) .. the labels are just ... additional needs I guess.

Thank you x I needed to hear this x

I hope it does. We are subs... worth our weight in gold these are relationships like any other. I think we go deeper into possibly unhealthy dependency on our Doms than we would in another relationship but ultimately we deserve more not less in exchange for that. If he isn't treating you like Read more… the gift you are then you have to put a stop to that. Two way street I think. I will give everything I have but I expect it to be handled with utmost care and respect xx

Thank you x it is so nice to have a supportive community to turn to. I've never really gone through a proper grown up breakup. Been through plenty of tough times but always made I through. ( long term married, Dom was an additional partner fully supported by hubby) I don't want to show my husband Read more… how upset i am because i feel like that would not be fair.
It's very hard to let go of something that always had potential and not have any answers as to why someone did not value what you had to offer?
I mean he could have had almost anything he wanted, but chose to focus on breaking hard limits, setting tasks he cared nothing about and just being a miserable sod who thought he could drop me anytime he felt like it.
I just don't understand.