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Treatment of subs, when they’re on their periods
Say your sub is female and has a period, & it can hurt and they can be moody, even aggressive. What do you two do during that time of the month? Do you leave them alone? Do you comfort them? What tasks, if any, do you still expect them to do?
LikeYourthrone-6486and 1 more… · 16 Replies
Mary_Banastre I do the things they want to do. If they don't fancy something because they're on their period, we probably won't do it. That seems like being an arse for the sake of it otherwise.
I tend to avoid oral when she's on her period. I'm not so into that. I do the things they want to do. If they don't fancy something because they're on their period, we probably won't do it. That seems like being an arse for the sake of it otherwise.
I tend to avoid oral when she's on her period. I'm not so into that.
I tend to avoid oral when she's on her period. I'm not so into that. I do the things they want to do. If they don't fancy something because they're on their period, we probably won't do it. That seems like being an arse for the sake of it otherwise.
I tend to avoid oral when she's on her period. I'm not so into that.
LikeTeeJay_98, LeParrain, Thebian
· 11.08.2020 17:46:40
Secretbee My ‘problems’ are before the bleed, after that it’s ‘game on’, yes sir, please sir and thank you very much sir all the way. I think people engaged in D S relationships know each other way more than yer average Claire n Dave do My ‘problems’ are before the bleed, after that it’s ‘game on’, yes sir, please sir and thank you very much sir all the way. I think people engaged in D S relationships know each other way more than yer average Claire n Dave do
LikeThebian
· 08.08.2020 1:53:10
Deleted profile It all depends on the D/s relationship. Communication is the key. She has to set her limits. Not all periods are the same. The bottom line is an open line of communication. It all depends on the D/s relationship. Communication is the key. She has to set her limits. Not all periods are the same. The bottom line is an open line of communication.
LikeSammyB
06.08.2020 22:05:00
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3 of 16
Orgasm Denial
My dom and boyfriend is driving me crazy. We signed a new contract on July 10 for three months and monthly check-in debriefs. We’ve already had sex like 4 or 5 times since then, but he’s denying me orgasms. He might have started intentionally, saying he wants me to “focus on him and his pleasure,” Read more…but maybe he just can’t get me to orgasm now or he just doesn’t care, and incidentally I haven’t had a decent orgasm since July 5, so that’s making it all worse.
He said this morning that he was not punishing me at all, although literally last night, he said yeah, maybe subconsciously he was punishing me for screwups I did over the weekend. (he screwed up too!)
This morning, when I brought up my moody irritation problem with him, he pretty much promised he will take care of me next time.
I don’t even want him to touch me any more, because it just feels like *** and both emotional and physical blue balls. I have an aversion to him touching me sexually. (I’ve told him this too)
On Friday, to commemorate our second contract, he hit me pretty good (I’m a masochist, he’s a sadist), I had ugly pink red bruising on my chest; but it feels like his strikes are just getting harder. I’m not sure I like that.
It just feels like he is being irresponsible and taking advantage of me and just uses me for sex and massages now, and I’m tired of it.
idk, I also feel that I’m thinking somewhat irrationally at the moment, hence the rant here.
I don’t think a simple orgasm is going to fix this.
I might just accept that I can’t be a 24/7 sub. I feel like I’m sacrificing so much more than he is giving me back, and I don’t think our boyfriend-girlfriend relationship can take that long term.
I love pleasing him, but I want to be pleased back!
What, I guess that makes me not a proper submissive?
How often do you Dominants employ orgasm denial? Is it a punishment? Or just something you use for you own enjoyment?
He said this morning that he was not punishing me at all, although literally last night, he said yeah, maybe subconsciously he was punishing me for screwups I did over the weekend. (he screwed up too!)
This morning, when I brought up my moody irritation problem with him, he pretty much promised he will take care of me next time.
I don’t even want him to touch me any more, because it just feels like *** and both emotional and physical blue balls. I have an aversion to him touching me sexually. (I’ve told him this too)
On Friday, to commemorate our second contract, he hit me pretty good (I’m a masochist, he’s a sadist), I had ugly pink red bruising on my chest; but it feels like his strikes are just getting harder. I’m not sure I like that.
It just feels like he is being irresponsible and taking advantage of me and just uses me for sex and massages now, and I’m tired of it.
idk, I also feel that I’m thinking somewhat irrationally at the moment, hence the rant here.
I don’t think a simple orgasm is going to fix this.
I might just accept that I can’t be a 24/7 sub. I feel like I’m sacrificing so much more than he is giving me back, and I don’t think our boyfriend-girlfriend relationship can take that long term.
I love pleasing him, but I want to be pleased back!
What, I guess that makes me not a proper submissive?
How often do you Dominants employ orgasm denial? Is it a punishment? Or just something you use for you own enjoyment?
LikeKayak-6086 · 14 Replies
Koby Orgasm Denial is a kink, not a punishment or part and parcel of a relationship.
You need to voice your concerns about play in an agreeable fashion, including tempering your frustrations.
Consent for me is not a blanket, written in *** for forever and a day, you can always renegotiate your consent and your interests. Orgasm Denial is a kink, not a punishment or part and parcel of a relationship.
You need to voice your concerns about play in an agreeable fashion, including tempering your frustrations.
Consent for me is not a blanket, written in *** for forever and a day, you can always renegotiate your consent and your interests.
You need to voice your concerns about play in an agreeable fashion, including tempering your frustrations.
Consent for me is not a blanket, written in *** for forever and a day, you can always renegotiate your consent and your interests. Orgasm Denial is a kink, not a punishment or part and parcel of a relationship.
You need to voice your concerns about play in an agreeable fashion, including tempering your frustrations.
Consent for me is not a blanket, written in *** for forever and a day, you can always renegotiate your consent and your interests.
Like
· 02.08.2020 22:11:12
SirPhileasFlogg ALL of what you've mentioned can be enjoyed safely in the right dynamic but it is quite clear here that these things seem to be seriously bothering you.
Just because you've only recently signed a new contract, it doesnt mean you cannot revisit it and amend as you both agree.
As everyone else has suggested, have that serious chat and re-write that contact ALL of what you've mentioned can be enjoyed safely in the right dynamic but it is quite clear here that these things seem to be seriously bothering you.
Just because you've only recently signed a new contract, it doesnt mean you cannot revisit it and amend as you both agree.
As everyone else has suggested, have that serious chat and re-write that contact
Just because you've only recently signed a new contract, it doesnt mean you cannot revisit it and amend as you both agree.
As everyone else has suggested, have that serious chat and re-write that contact ALL of what you've mentioned can be enjoyed safely in the right dynamic but it is quite clear here that these things seem to be seriously bothering you.
Just because you've only recently signed a new contract, it doesnt mean you cannot revisit it and amend as you both agree.
As everyone else has suggested, have that serious chat and re-write that contact
Like
· 01.08.2020 10:31:32
oldfellow Can only echo what others have said. It's time to have a serious talk together.
It's clearly not working for you right now.. Can only echo what others have said. It's time to have a serious talk together.
It's clearly not working for you right now..
It's clearly not working for you right now.. Can only echo what others have said. It's time to have a serious talk together.
It's clearly not working for you right now..
LikeVandalslut
· 20.07.2020 15:30:30
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3 of 14
Bouncing back
Breakup music or pump up music helps me. “Gives you Hell” for example by All American Rejects, “Fuck You” by Ceelo Green. Etc
Going for a drive or a run, & pumping the jams helps me center myself.
Anything that clears your head & gets the endorphins going, go do it.
LikeKittyKuffs, XXxDxXx ·
Jump to discussion
A healthy Dom/Sub Relationship
No, but I’m certainly thinking about it now. For our first time doing the scenario, we agreed that it would be more playful, rather than serious. He’s also given me the green light recently to pop up at his place.
Either way, I’m putting it on pause.
UPDATE: he texted me today to set up a meet to Read more… clear the air. So, we’ll discuss boundaries etc.
A question that I want to ask him and myself is, are we bf&gf first or d/s? That kind of thing.
LikeWolfeWitche, Vandalslut, XXxDxXxand 1 more… ·
Jump to discussion
A healthy Dom/Sub Relationship
I stopped “sharing location.”All of this shows on our chat history, on my end, anyway. Our next face-to-face date night is Friday. I don’t want to talk about it until it’s in person. It’s a sensitive issue & body language is key.
To answer a few questions. We’ve been dating about a month and Read more… change before we even had sex, of any kind. We had known each other and been friends for a couple months before we started dating. He’s younger than me by 3 years, & I THINK even newer to the idea of BDSM than I had been. (Im 24F, he’s 21M)
I honestly think this was a case of overeager-ness and lack of thinking. He’s not an intentionally malicious person. Just sometimes dense/oblivious.
BUT I think some of you are quite right. He should have asked me. I should also make him understand the sheer amount of trust that I am putting into him, when I let him know my phone passcode or when we do a scene. He should respect that amount of trust. I’m currently debating on changing my passcode, too, like MsWhiteRose said.
Atm, I call it a case of inexperienced dom/sub. I need to go for a run, while I still process everything, this only happened about 8 hours ago.
Thank you for your responses!! Keep ‘em coming, for anything that you think I should know, or any new d/s.
LikeVandalslut ·
Jump to discussion
A healthy Dom/Sub Relationship
So, my dom is my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for about 3 months, it’s going great. We’re also bdsm-beginners. Always been interested, but first time we’ve had someone willing to try. We just kinda found each other by accident, had no idea that the other was ALSO into BDSM.
Here’s my question: Read more…what’s a healthy dom/sub relationship look like? Especially one where they are romantically involved and there are strong feelings?
We are planning/working up to this home intruder scenario, & he has a key to my place. But, when he left from date night tonight, I noticed he had turned location-sharing services on my iPhone, without asking me. He did it for the purposes of the scenario so he’ll know when I’m home. It’s logical. But still, it KINDA bothers me? Is this a red flag? I already texted him about it within the hour, he apologized, admitted he should have asked first, yadda yadda yadda. I said I would leave the setting on while I decided.
Was this a red flag?? The logical half of me says that it feels unequal, and either we should both have these location-share settings on or neither of us. This behavior is not conducive to a healthy long-term relationship.
The submissive part of me is excited/gratified that he’s gotten this controlling about it & that I have his attention to this degree; the submissive part of me whispers that he is behaving as a proper dom might.
Like I said, we’re a young couple, we are both relatively new initiates to the BDSM community.
Any advice?
Here’s my question: Read more…what’s a healthy dom/sub relationship look like? Especially one where they are romantically involved and there are strong feelings?
We are planning/working up to this home intruder scenario, & he has a key to my place. But, when he left from date night tonight, I noticed he had turned location-sharing services on my iPhone, without asking me. He did it for the purposes of the scenario so he’ll know when I’m home. It’s logical. But still, it KINDA bothers me? Is this a red flag? I already texted him about it within the hour, he apologized, admitted he should have asked first, yadda yadda yadda. I said I would leave the setting on while I decided.
Was this a red flag?? The logical half of me says that it feels unequal, and either we should both have these location-share settings on or neither of us. This behavior is not conducive to a healthy long-term relationship.
The submissive part of me is excited/gratified that he’s gotten this controlling about it & that I have his attention to this degree; the submissive part of me whispers that he is behaving as a proper dom might.
Like I said, we’re a young couple, we are both relatively new initiates to the BDSM community.
Any advice?
LikeMargaret2020, Driver0143and 1 more… · 20 Replies
Thebian @Katenka I will try to give as full an answer as possible to this, in my humble opinion anyway.
➦Thebian quote Katenka:❝So, my dom is my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for about 3 months, it’s going great. We’re also bdsm-beginners. Always been interested, but first time we’ve had someone willing to Read more… try. We just kinda found each other by accident, had no idea that the other was ALSO into BDSM.
Here’s my question: what’s a healthy dom/sub relationship look like? Especially one where they are romantically involved and there are strong feelings?❞
To me this indicates that the two of you were first boyfriend and girlfriend and moved on to a new BDSM relationship.
When you are romantically involved with another person a BDSM relationship is actually not that different fundamentally. Our community likes to think we are special, don't we all. Really we are two people who love each other who are trying to find different ways to safely give one another more pleasure and satisfaction where we can.
The fundamentals of this are through open communication, (it sounds like you have that), love (in your situation), Humility (from both parties, to communicate successfully ego will be an obstacle), Authenticity, ( be yourself), and Trust.
➦Thebian quote Katenka:❝But, when he left from date night tonight, I noticed he had turned location-sharing services on my iPhone, without asking me. He did it for the purposes of the scenario so he’ll know when I’m home. It’s logical. But still, it KINDA bothers me? Is this a red flag? I already texted him about it within the hour, he apologized, admitted he should have asked first, yadda yadda yadda.❞
Despite your later excuses you do know in your heart that in some way this was a breach of Trust. If your partner was going to activate location sharing he should have had your CONSENT.
Now you are both new and us Dominants make mistakes as well, we are human after all. It may have been so he knew you were home, it may have been so he knew where you were all of the time, or he may not have even considered it something that needed your consent. Only the first option is not a red flag I am afraid that the others are. So just keep it in mind.
➦Thebian quote Katenka:❝I honestly think this was a case of overeager-ness and lack of thinking. He’s not an intentionally malicious person. Just sometimes dense/oblivious.
BUT I think some of you are quite right. He should have asked me. I should also make him understand the sheer amount of trust that I am putting into him, when I let him know my phone passcode or when we do a scene. He should respect that amount of trust. I’m currently debating on changing my passcode, too, like MsWhiteRose said. ❞
I think that is a sensible call at present, though as an old cynic I would say definitely change that pass code and check your phone for any unidentifiable apps just in case. Tracking apps are easy to install.
Then you need to have that conversation about limits and Trust and the importance of trusting both of these.
Most of all make sure you are safe it is your number 1 priority to ensure that.
It takes a while to all run like clockwork
Thebian
➦Thebian quote Katenka:❝So, my dom is my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for about 3 months, it’s going great. We’re also bdsm-beginners. Always been interested, but first time we’ve had someone willing to Read more… try. We just kinda found each other by accident, had no idea that the other was ALSO into BDSM.
Here’s my question: what’s a healthy dom/sub relationship look like? Especially one where they are romantically involved and there are strong feelings?❞
To me this indicates that the two of you were first boyfriend and girlfriend and moved on to a new BDSM relationship.
When you are romantically involved with another person a BDSM relationship is actually not that different fundamentally. Our community likes to think we are special, don't we all. Really we are two people who love each other who are trying to find different ways to safely give one another more pleasure and satisfaction where we can.
The fundamentals of this are through open communication, (it sounds like you have that), love (in your situation), Humility (from both parties, to communicate successfully ego will be an obstacle), Authenticity, ( be yourself), and Trust.
➦Thebian quote Katenka:❝But, when he left from date night tonight, I noticed he had turned location-sharing services on my iPhone, without asking me. He did it for the purposes of the scenario so he’ll know when I’m home. It’s logical. But still, it KINDA bothers me? Is this a red flag? I already texted him about it within the hour, he apologized, admitted he should have asked first, yadda yadda yadda.❞
Despite your later excuses you do know in your heart that in some way this was a breach of Trust. If your partner was going to activate location sharing he should have had your CONSENT.
Now you are both new and us Dominants make mistakes as well, we are human after all. It may have been so he knew you were home, it may have been so he knew where you were all of the time, or he may not have even considered it something that needed your consent. Only the first option is not a red flag I am afraid that the others are. So just keep it in mind.
➦Thebian quote Katenka:❝I honestly think this was a case of overeager-ness and lack of thinking. He’s not an intentionally malicious person. Just sometimes dense/oblivious.
BUT I think some of you are quite right. He should have asked me. I should also make him understand the sheer amount of trust that I am putting into him, when I let him know my phone passcode or when we do a scene. He should respect that amount of trust. I’m currently debating on changing my passcode, too, like MsWhiteRose said. ❞
I think that is a sensible call at present, though as an old cynic I would say definitely change that pass code and check your phone for any unidentifiable apps just in case. Tracking apps are easy to install.
Then you need to have that conversation about limits and Trust and the importance of trusting both of these.
Most of all make sure you are safe it is your number 1 priority to ensure that.
It takes a while to all run like clockwork
Thebian
LikeKatenka
· 01.05.2020 4:04:37
cautiousswitch Question from the technologically challenged - Does he need a password to activate location sharing or just access to the phone?
If you had trusted him enough to let him know your password then it is reasonable to believe there was some innocence in his activating it. If he waited until he could Read more… get your phone separated from you to activate it then it looks a lot more sketchy.
Only dating for three months and your collective BDSM experience is mutual interest. You should probably plan out your first time better. It sounds as if he was planning on initiating the scenario at a time when you weren't expecting it; something like that should wait until you two know each other better and have had more experience.
As for your question on what a D/s relationship is like, there is no "typical" D/s relationship. Some people are mostly vanilla with one or two kink sessions a week. Some people are mostly vanilla with subtle undertones of D/s (one of them makes most of the plans and decisions) that only people who know them well might notice. Some people are a little less subtle (one person gives orders to the other in public) such that people may suspect there's something going on in the relationship.
If you had trusted him enough to let him know your password then it is reasonable to believe there was some innocence in his activating it. If he waited until he could Read more… get your phone separated from you to activate it then it looks a lot more sketchy.
Only dating for three months and your collective BDSM experience is mutual interest. You should probably plan out your first time better. It sounds as if he was planning on initiating the scenario at a time when you weren't expecting it; something like that should wait until you two know each other better and have had more experience.
As for your question on what a D/s relationship is like, there is no "typical" D/s relationship. Some people are mostly vanilla with one or two kink sessions a week. Some people are mostly vanilla with subtle undertones of D/s (one of them makes most of the plans and decisions) that only people who know them well might notice. Some people are a little less subtle (one person gives orders to the other in public) such that people may suspect there's something going on in the relationship.
Like
· 01.05.2020 1:17:59
Deleted profile He’s an asshole! Where does the next level of control go with him without Your consent? You can be a sub but the most important part of that is trust! I would not trust this guy as far as I can throw him. BTW they always say sorry, you forgive, the repeat the behavior and you forgive them again. Do you see the pattern? You go from sub to doormat to psychological or physical ***. Send him packing! Today! Do not second guess it! You are worth so much more than that! He’s an asshole! Where does the next level of control go with him without Your consent? You can be a sub but the most important part of that is trust! I would not trust this guy as far as I can throw him. BTW they always say sorry, you forgive, the repeat the behavior and you forgive them again. Do you see the pattern? You go from sub to doormat to psychological or physical ***. Send him packing! Today! Do not second guess it! You are worth so much more than that!
LikeMossyBoy
30.04.2020 19:28:00
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