About me
Interested in:
I’m looking for:
- Friends
- Events & Places
- Networking
- BDSM Lovers
Description
Hey everyone, i have been pursuing BDSM for about 5 years now.
i am submissive/bottom. i am not a Dominant or a switch.
i love to engage in negotiated BDSM play scenes at some of the Dungeons & Play Parties in the Los Angeles area. If you see me at a BDSM event please introduce yourself!
Not interested in private play, sexual chat, pic exchange, kik, whatsapp, cyber, roleplay or sugar daddy.
i do not pursue long distance/online/relocation.
my main interest in being on this site is the chat rooms and forum/blogs. and if i happen to meet some cool Dominants or Tops that live near Los Angeles and are open to play at some of the dungeons that's cool too!
i have more photos, information and blogs posted on fetlife under the same username, pomonagirl.
Desires and Fantasies
since so many of you ask, my main kinks are:
floggers
spanking
canes
crops
bondage
sensory deprivation
sensation play
power exchange
service
My roles & archetype
My places
Threshold LA was established in 1982 as an organisation helping pansexual people explore BDSM in a safe and consensual way.
Since then, it's be...
North Hollywood -
California - USA
The Stockroom LA promises to fulfill all of your BDSM needs - whatever your persuasion and however extreme your requirements.
This long-running ...
Los Angeles -
California - USA
Fetish.com gives you…
Many possibilities! There are plenty of ways to meet new kinksters. Check out our free BDSM dating. Still not convinced to meet in person? Take a look at some kinky discussions taking place, right now...
difference between a compliment and a pet name
"Why do so many women get offended if I call them "beautiful", "sexy", "honey", "sweetheart"? Isn't giving a woman a compliment a good thing?"
Since you asked....
....there is a difference between a compliment---a stand alone statement---and using a "pet name".
___________________________________
i Read more…looked up the word "compliment" and it is defined as, "a polite expression of praise or admiration."
i would add to this definition that part of being "a polite expression" is using tact and only giving such praise or admiration in an appropriate manner. Sadly, some people do not seem to understand what is appropriate to say to a woman, but that is another topic.
For me, as a woman, an appropriate compliment from a stranger is nice. If a stranger told me, "You have beautiful hair", or "I love your style", or even in the right circumstance, "I love your vibe and would like to chat with you a bit if you'd like", that's nice to hear. This goes for online or in person.
Now if a stranger were to just come up to me and tell me, "You're sexy", "You're beautiful", etc. is a bit more awkward. It's more forward and not as appropriate--besides, i already know that is true so no need to tell me (honestly though!).
________________________________________
Now, calling someone by a "pet name" is completely different than paying a compliment.
i decided to look up the definition of the term pet name and it is defined as, "a name that is used instead of someone's usual first name to express fondness or familiarity."
A pet name implies that there is a relationship, bond, or form of intimacy between the two people.
If a stranger messages me (or talks to me in person) using a "pet name" i might let it slide once, but if they keep at it, will quickly and politely let them know what is ok to address me as.
If that person is ignoring me and keeps calling me the pet name, that is overstepping my boundaries and is not cool at all.
Although it can be nice to know that a person thinks of me fondly, i do not want anything to infer a type of "familiarity" (relationship) that is not there.
__________________________________
In my opinion, when messaging someone you don't know, it is always most appropriate to address them as their screen name unless/until they have given you another name to call them.
It is also completely fine to ask a person what they would like to be called, if they have not told you and you have some confusion about it. But if a person does not give you their real name, it's not appropriate to ask again or press the issue. They will let you know that information when they wish.
_____________________________________
So yeah. It is ok to give a woman an appropriate, polite compliment. But don't confuse a complimentary statement with the habitual or repeated use of a pet name.
Now you can clearly see the difference and hopefully have some clarity on why you may receive some pushback on using pet names when you message (or approach) women.
Since you asked....
....there is a difference between a compliment---a stand alone statement---and using a "pet name".
___________________________________
i Read more…looked up the word "compliment" and it is defined as, "a polite expression of praise or admiration."
i would add to this definition that part of being "a polite expression" is using tact and only giving such praise or admiration in an appropriate manner. Sadly, some people do not seem to understand what is appropriate to say to a woman, but that is another topic.
For me, as a woman, an appropriate compliment from a stranger is nice. If a stranger told me, "You have beautiful hair", or "I love your style", or even in the right circumstance, "I love your vibe and would like to chat with you a bit if you'd like", that's nice to hear. This goes for online or in person.
Now if a stranger were to just come up to me and tell me, "You're sexy", "You're beautiful", etc. is a bit more awkward. It's more forward and not as appropriate--besides, i already know that is true so no need to tell me (honestly though!).
________________________________________
Now, calling someone by a "pet name" is completely different than paying a compliment.
i decided to look up the definition of the term pet name and it is defined as, "a name that is used instead of someone's usual first name to express fondness or familiarity."
A pet name implies that there is a relationship, bond, or form of intimacy between the two people.
If a stranger messages me (or talks to me in person) using a "pet name" i might let it slide once, but if they keep at it, will quickly and politely let them know what is ok to address me as.
If that person is ignoring me and keeps calling me the pet name, that is overstepping my boundaries and is not cool at all.
Although it can be nice to know that a person thinks of me fondly, i do not want anything to infer a type of "familiarity" (relationship) that is not there.
__________________________________
In my opinion, when messaging someone you don't know, it is always most appropriate to address them as their screen name unless/until they have given you another name to call them.
It is also completely fine to ask a person what they would like to be called, if they have not told you and you have some confusion about it. But if a person does not give you their real name, it's not appropriate to ask again or press the issue. They will let you know that information when they wish.
_____________________________________
So yeah. It is ok to give a woman an appropriate, polite compliment. But don't confuse a complimentary statement with the habitual or repeated use of a pet name.
Now you can clearly see the difference and hopefully have some clarity on why you may receive some pushback on using pet names when you message (or approach) women.
Likemoondaz, brooksville729, hemightyand 67 more… · 26 Replies
Deleted profile Thanks for this. Lots to think about. Thanks for this. Lots to think about.
Like
18.03.2022 9:47:23
cautiousswitch I know guys who have there standby "Hey gorgeous" type introduction. Usually, they're trying to start flirting but hiding behind the I-call-everyone-that excuse if it doesn't work. I know guys who have there standby "Hey gorgeous" type introduction. Usually, they're trying to start flirting but hiding behind the I-call-everyone-that excuse if it doesn't work.
Like
· 17.03.2022 16:29:56
Deleted profile No doubt No doubt
Like
17.03.2022 5:45:19
Show more
3 of 26
of all the BDSM/Kink sites i am on, this one is inundated with the most financial scammers!! be careful out there ladies. if it seems to good to be true, IT IS. and if you really want to seek out a legit SD, turn to a legit SD website.
the first munch i ever went to
Thank you everyone for reading, and for leaving your comments!! i'm glad that the blog resonates with some of you & maybe gives some people some resolve to pursue Kink and BDSM in ways that make sense for them.
MaskedDom is right----if you do attend one munch group and don't find it welcoming, Read more… fun, or your style....don't give up on them! Each munch group will be very different.
the first munch i ever went to
It was summer of 2018 or 2019. i'd been to a few other types of BDSM/Kink events but had been dragging my feet on attending a munch. i know it's a little silly but the idea of a munch intimidated me the most---at most other kinds of events i felt like i could sit near the back/be a wallflower if i Read more…wanted to. But a munch? i kinda felt like i'd be walking in to a dinner party where everyone else knew each other and i was the only stranger (how awkward would THAT be?).
Intimidating? Yes! But enough people had encouraged me to go so i figured it was an important step in my BDSM journey.
i'd been looking at the event listings here on fet for a while so planned on attending a local munch group that had seemed to be around for a while. The munch was during dinner hour, at a busy chain restaurant a few cities over. Since it was summer time, with long days and warm weather, the listing said to find them in the back patio of the establishment.
__________________________________
The day of the munch, as the hours ticked by i grew more and more nervous. But still i managed to get dressed & ready. my mind and emotions were on "high" as i drove across town to the restaurant. It was located in an outlying strip mall/entertainment complex of a large shopping mall so finding parking took a little while.
Once i parked, i was feeling so surreal. i got out of my car and took a few minutes to collect myself. Started the long walk towards the restaurant.
It's hard to describe how i felt. Surreal, like in a dream, yet hyper-aware. By this point i'd talked myself out of going like, a million times. Yet here i was, moving forward.
Somehow i got through the parking lot and was approaching the restaurant from the back. i passed through a concrete walkway to get to the front door, and in doing so, passed by the open back patio.
i looked over and saw THEM----the munch group. i KNEW it had to be them. There was a group of maybe around ten people informally gathered in couples and small groups sitting around the picnic style tables. There was one or two young women with brightly colored hair, obviously the hostesses, hurrying around, setting up what looked like one of those Bingo number pickers on a table with some balloons and gift bags.
my legs kept moving forward, but internally i froze.
i got the rest of the way down the walkway, turned, and there it was: the front doors. A simple, innocuous set of large glass automatic doors, led up to by an equally simple & innocuous large black mat.
Only about 15 feet till i'd be at the doors. But as soon as i was faced with those doors & long black mat, all the will power i'd mustered just evaporated.
i turned around, found an alternate concrete walkway leading to the parking lot, walked back to my car, and left.
____________________________________________
i didn't leave right away though---i took a few minutes, leaning against my car, letting my thoughts slow down, thinking about my next step. After all, i was dressed up, out of the house, and it was dinner hour.
What i DIDN'T do was beat myself up about not walking in. The way i looked at it, the night was a success.
Sure, maybe i did not "ATTEND" the munch, but i "WENT TO" the munch!!! And since i had been so scared to go, i figured this was a great success.
_______________________________________________
i ended up taking myself out to dinner somewhere else and had a great evening.
Pursuing Kink & BDSM takes a lot of courage and getting out of our comfort zone. But also, we have to honor ourselves and the limits of that courage!!
It wasn't long after this experience that i did "ATTEND" my first munch, and after that, a few other groups, too. One of which became my "home munch".
i look back on this experience and it's easy to laugh it off. How scared i was when i saw the munch group on that back patio! i wonder, if i had found the entrance via another route and not seen them, would i have had the courage to walk in to the restaurant?
And of course, i know now how mellow munches are (at least the one's i've attended). How normal people act, and how welcoming they are to newbies.
__________________________________________________
If you've been thinking about attending events---do it!!! But know that it is ok to go at your own pace.
Research events as much as you can....get word of mouth recommendation if you can. Message the host or organizer beforehand (if they are a good host they will be happy to answer any questions you might have, and go out of their way to help make you feel comfortable).
And if you do all your research, get dressed & ready, drive to the event....and leave. Don't beat yourself up.
Sometimes just going...just getting ready....just doing the research and asking questions...is a success!
Intimidating? Yes! But enough people had encouraged me to go so i figured it was an important step in my BDSM journey.
i'd been looking at the event listings here on fet for a while so planned on attending a local munch group that had seemed to be around for a while. The munch was during dinner hour, at a busy chain restaurant a few cities over. Since it was summer time, with long days and warm weather, the listing said to find them in the back patio of the establishment.
__________________________________
The day of the munch, as the hours ticked by i grew more and more nervous. But still i managed to get dressed & ready. my mind and emotions were on "high" as i drove across town to the restaurant. It was located in an outlying strip mall/entertainment complex of a large shopping mall so finding parking took a little while.
Once i parked, i was feeling so surreal. i got out of my car and took a few minutes to collect myself. Started the long walk towards the restaurant.
It's hard to describe how i felt. Surreal, like in a dream, yet hyper-aware. By this point i'd talked myself out of going like, a million times. Yet here i was, moving forward.
Somehow i got through the parking lot and was approaching the restaurant from the back. i passed through a concrete walkway to get to the front door, and in doing so, passed by the open back patio.
i looked over and saw THEM----the munch group. i KNEW it had to be them. There was a group of maybe around ten people informally gathered in couples and small groups sitting around the picnic style tables. There was one or two young women with brightly colored hair, obviously the hostesses, hurrying around, setting up what looked like one of those Bingo number pickers on a table with some balloons and gift bags.
my legs kept moving forward, but internally i froze.
i got the rest of the way down the walkway, turned, and there it was: the front doors. A simple, innocuous set of large glass automatic doors, led up to by an equally simple & innocuous large black mat.
Only about 15 feet till i'd be at the doors. But as soon as i was faced with those doors & long black mat, all the will power i'd mustered just evaporated.
i turned around, found an alternate concrete walkway leading to the parking lot, walked back to my car, and left.
____________________________________________
i didn't leave right away though---i took a few minutes, leaning against my car, letting my thoughts slow down, thinking about my next step. After all, i was dressed up, out of the house, and it was dinner hour.
What i DIDN'T do was beat myself up about not walking in. The way i looked at it, the night was a success.
Sure, maybe i did not "ATTEND" the munch, but i "WENT TO" the munch!!! And since i had been so scared to go, i figured this was a great success.
_______________________________________________
i ended up taking myself out to dinner somewhere else and had a great evening.
Pursuing Kink & BDSM takes a lot of courage and getting out of our comfort zone. But also, we have to honor ourselves and the limits of that courage!!
It wasn't long after this experience that i did "ATTEND" my first munch, and after that, a few other groups, too. One of which became my "home munch".
i look back on this experience and it's easy to laugh it off. How scared i was when i saw the munch group on that back patio! i wonder, if i had found the entrance via another route and not seen them, would i have had the courage to walk in to the restaurant?
And of course, i know now how mellow munches are (at least the one's i've attended). How normal people act, and how welcoming they are to newbies.
__________________________________________________
If you've been thinking about attending events---do it!!! But know that it is ok to go at your own pace.
Research events as much as you can....get word of mouth recommendation if you can. Message the host or organizer beforehand (if they are a good host they will be happy to answer any questions you might have, and go out of their way to help make you feel comfortable).
And if you do all your research, get dressed & ready, drive to the event....and leave. Don't beat yourself up.
Sometimes just going...just getting ready....just doing the research and asking questions...is a success!
pomonagirl Thank you everyone for reading, and for leaving your comments!! i'm glad that the blog resonates with some of you & maybe gives some people some resolve to pursue Kink and BDSM in ways that make sense for them.
MaskedDom is right----if you do attend one munch group and don't find it welcoming, fun, or your style....don't give up on them! Each munch group will be very different. Thank you everyone for reading, and for leaving your comments!! i'm glad that the blog resonates with some of you & maybe gives some people some resolve to pursue Kink and BDSM in ways that make sense for them.
MaskedDom is right----if you do attend one munch group and don't find it welcoming, fun, or your style....don't give up on them! Each munch group will be very different.
MaskedDom is right----if you do attend one munch group and don't find it welcoming, fun, or your style....don't give up on them! Each munch group will be very different. Thank you everyone for reading, and for leaving your comments!! i'm glad that the blog resonates with some of you & maybe gives some people some resolve to pursue Kink and BDSM in ways that make sense for them.
MaskedDom is right----if you do attend one munch group and don't find it welcoming, fun, or your style....don't give up on them! Each munch group will be very different.
Like
· 07.03.2022 5:36:24
Deleted profile First of all well done for getting that far and for being able to recognise this as a victory. Being able to see the steps we take and acknowledge their importance rather than just the goal is a very import thing that I still struggle with at times.
As someone who went to a few munch like events Read more… before I can say yes they can be seriously intimidating.
My first one was a nightmare and not only due to the place it was held being tiny but the people were far from welcoming. I went with a kink friend I knew at the time and we were both nervous on the edge of the room.
She was approached by these two ladies who were warm and welcoming with her but as soon as they spoke to me.......well the kindness stopped.
Long story short it ended with of them telling me she was going to do certain things to me and I'd learn to like it. If I didn't she didn't care.
I politely declined but she continued being very rude to me and insisting that because I'm a man I have to obey her. I excused myself and then tried to mingle and speak with others but no one was interested at all and I just got dirty looks.
I left whilst my friend at the time stayed.
Then by some chance I tried again with one further away and somehow had the courage to go alone.
I was a nervous wreck on the way there and had I not been on a train I would have turned back.
But I'm happy to say it was a completely different situation. The people there were so lovely and welcoming. I even went back for more events there.
The point I wanted to make is even if you manage and don't have a good time maybe try another munch. Hopefully you won't have my initial experience but even if you do look around and you're sure to eventually find some lovely kinky people to chat with.
As someone who went to a few munch like events Read more… before I can say yes they can be seriously intimidating.
My first one was a nightmare and not only due to the place it was held being tiny but the people were far from welcoming. I went with a kink friend I knew at the time and we were both nervous on the edge of the room.
She was approached by these two ladies who were warm and welcoming with her but as soon as they spoke to me.......well the kindness stopped.
Long story short it ended with of them telling me she was going to do certain things to me and I'd learn to like it. If I didn't she didn't care.
I politely declined but she continued being very rude to me and insisting that because I'm a man I have to obey her. I excused myself and then tried to mingle and speak with others but no one was interested at all and I just got dirty looks.
I left whilst my friend at the time stayed.
Then by some chance I tried again with one further away and somehow had the courage to go alone.
I was a nervous wreck on the way there and had I not been on a train I would have turned back.
But I'm happy to say it was a completely different situation. The people there were so lovely and welcoming. I even went back for more events there.
The point I wanted to make is even if you manage and don't have a good time maybe try another munch. Hopefully you won't have my initial experience but even if you do look around and you're sure to eventually find some lovely kinky people to chat with.
Likepomonagirl
07.03.2022 1:15:21
Stringlady13 Thank you! I had a similar experience last month at our local fetish night. My friend that was going to go with me canceled at the last minute. I almost didn’t go but ended up braving the event alone. I had one of the best times I have ever had. I would not have beat myself up for not going but I am glad I did. Thank you! I had a similar experience last month at our local fetish night. My friend that was going to go with me canceled at the last minute. I almost didn’t go but ended up braving the event alone. I had one of the best times I have ever had. I would not have beat myself up for not going but I am glad I did.
Likepomonagirl
· 06.03.2022 17:04:06
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3 of 5
February 2022: A Promise To Myself, Back To Life & Back To Kink!!
Earlier this year i made a decision to start getting back in to "life" again. Although i'm still dragging my feet in some aspects, i did make some strides in others!
i'd LIKE to think that all the COVID stuff will continue to become more manageable but wow. All these waves after waves of variants Read more…has really taught me that i need to seize those moments between variants/spikes in cases. i used to take it for granted, that the "Kink Scene" would always be there when i was ready. But now i better realize that nothing should be taken for granted and things can change in an instant---sometimes quite drastically.
So it was with this in mind that i found myself checking out the upcoming event listings online. And i couldn't believe my luck when i found a rather innocuous looking listing for 'BDSM Play Party'...in the neighboring city of Ontario, of all places! And, the venue was listed as "Lugosi's Lounge"---how can anything named after Bela Lugosi be bad...!!!
It was a private house party---a new experience for me. i was a little nervous but after chatting with the hostess a bit via email i felt very confident about attending. And besides, with it being so close to my house, and with the focus on BDSM (as opposed to a "Swing & Kink" party), i figured, what's the worst that could happen. If i walk in and it is just completely not my style, i could always leave without the feeling of having invested a lot with traveling, ticket price, etc.
Even though it was a small group (attendance was capped around 20 people), and most of the people already knew each other...i felt very welcomed and was able to talk with most of the people there. The hostesses were super awesome and everyone i got a chance to chat with was really polite, friendly and forthcoming.
But once things got started, i quickly remembered all the good---and bad---things about attending play parties: doing "show and tells" with toy bags (super cool to see what people bring and getting some clues of what they are into/their aesthetic)... newbie or not-so-newbie men that kind of "attach" themselves to me (a polite conversation does not mean i want you lurking over my shoulder all night)... people socializing in the play spaces (honestly, hard not to do when it's a small space)... seeing all kinds of different play scenes (some of which i like, some of which isn't my style)... meeting lots of new people and sometimes running in to familiar faces (usually one hundred per cent totally awesome)... being around all kinds of different people expressing their Kinky Selves without *** of "scaring the vanillas" (also totally awesome).
Throw in the drama of "the one that got away" (we were so close to getting to "negotiation" til a newbie came over and asked him right out of the blue for a full on rope lesson) and the "tension" i feel when i leave a party without getting to play...it was quite a night!
Other than dealing with feeling all tense for a few days afterwards it was a wonderful re-introduction to attending play parties. And i knew that not playing that night was just part of "paying my dues"---admittedly i'm not the most bold when it comes to directly asking a Dom or Top about playing...and i do know that just being consistent, attending several parties and munches...showing my face and taking a bit of time to get to know people will serve me well in the future, anyway.
______________________________________________________________
The overall sucess of the House Party lead me to again comb through the online event listings. i found a few interesting looking parties for the following weekend and settled on another one i hadn't been to before---SAKE's Lunar New Year Party. i'd heard overall positive things about their parties and was excited to finally attend one and explore a different Dungeon space.
"Paying my dues" is all well and good but i did know that i might burst if i went to this party without getting to play (a girl can stand only so much "tension" after all). So i put on my "big girl pants" and decided to be proactive. i messaged the Dom (nickname "SA") i'd met at the house party (the "one that got away") and was so pleased to find out that yes, he would be in attendance, and yes, he was enthusiastic to negotiate a scene with me!!
Even though i usually project a lot of confidence, asking for play, negotiating scenes...it's still really hard for me. i know in some aspects, "girls have it easy(er)"...but rejection or the possibility of rejection is hard for everyone. Even in this lifestyle (or, especially in this lifestyle...), it's hard to be ***!!
SA told me he'd be there early so i planned to arrive not to long after him. It was so nice to walk in to the mostly-empty space (a few other early-birds hanging around and chatting, some looking around nervously) and see him sitting close to the entrance waiting for me. After a warm greeting he gave me a tour---which was very short! i had been told that the space was kind of small, but i'd never been to a Dungeon which only had one play room. But what it lacked in space it made up for in eccentricity (i won't give away all the details for those who haven't attended yet) and a welcoming vibe.
After the brief tour and a visit to the ladies' room i told SA i was ready to go!! But he was waiting for the music to change...somehow, light disco/house made him think more of going roller skating, than flogging (go figure!). But as more people began trickling in, we settled on a play station and i put my claim on it (sat on it!!) while he laid out all his implements.
The scene was great---i did struggle a bit with my position (i was on all fours on a padded leather medical exam table---am more used to being able to really lean into a stable spanking bench, table or cross) and dang, was it ever cold in the semi-open warehouse space. But at least my bottom quickly warmed up due to the spanks, strikes and caresses from SA.
He used a wide variety of instruments while checking in on me every so often. i think his "medium" is my "ouch that really hurts", but i know there are a lot of factors involved. Just the fact that it was my first intense/long scene in almost two years is a lot to process!!! Then add in the fact it was our first scene together, in a new space (for me), and the less-than-perfect furniture and cold temperature putting a little added stress on my mind and body.
But overall i greatly enjoyed the scene and am so very grateful to SA for negotiating with me, working with me, showing a lot of care, communication and deference to both my limits and my desires. It was really special and all worked out like it was supposed to.
Funny how when we try to do things in "a right way", with integrity and treating people as people, that usually happens.
___________________________________________________________________
After the scene i emerged from my little "cocoon" to a play party getting in to full swing. The place was now very full with several people playing and lots more socializing. SA was cleaning his toys and i gotta admit, one of my favorite parts of the whole scene was when he put his arms around me and helped me down off the high table. After a few hugs and finishing up cleaning the station, we parted ways, both glowing (at least i was, and not just my rear end!).
i've never done two scenes in one night and didn't want to push myself, so was very content to relax, socialize and observe the rest of the night. i gotta admit, it really made me happy to see SA doing his thing and playing with others. It's rare that i get to see the look on a partner's face as he is practicing his craft. So i just loved seeing his big smile as he flogged and whacked another willing victim, co-topping and giving some advice/tutorials to a newbie.
At some point i ran into a friend from my local munch group, and got to meet a few of her friends. i also got to talk with some interesting characters. Even though we are all in the same space, due to our common bond over BDSM and Kink, we all come with our own histories, in different parts of our journeys, and with different interests, play styles, and goals.
i did see the downsides to the space which some people had mentioned to me.
Since there wasn't really a designated, separated social area, the play room was super crowded and very loud with people talking (there was also a live DJ and sound system). Although there was an outside patio, it was super cold!! So i can't really fault people for staying indoors. i wonder if in the summer months people use the outdoor patio for social area---this would definitely help give the play space more, well, space, and a bit quieter/intimate atmosphere for those in mid-scene (or even those that wish to quietly observe).
i'm definitely more used to Dungeons with a more "traditional" layout of multiple play rooms and designated social areas, and more strict guidelines about no loud talking/socializing in the play spaces. But in the spirit of supporting our local Dungeons, exploring new groups and spaces, and generally "getting back into life", i am super glad that i went to both parties and would definitely support and attend both groups in the future.
______________________________________________________________________________
Thank you to all the cool-ass Kinksters, Hosts & Hostesses, staff & volunteers, old and new friends for being so warm and inviting. i didn't feel a need to mention anyone by name but if you're reading this, you know who you are. And truly, i do hope to see you all again sooner than later.
And a very special thank you to SA for being such a good and thoughtful player in this lifestyle. i really respect your skill and commitment to your craft. It shows through in a myriad of ways. Thank you so much for working with me and breaking me in to playing after such a long COVID induced hiatus.
i'd LIKE to think that all the COVID stuff will continue to become more manageable but wow. All these waves after waves of variants Read more…has really taught me that i need to seize those moments between variants/spikes in cases. i used to take it for granted, that the "Kink Scene" would always be there when i was ready. But now i better realize that nothing should be taken for granted and things can change in an instant---sometimes quite drastically.
So it was with this in mind that i found myself checking out the upcoming event listings online. And i couldn't believe my luck when i found a rather innocuous looking listing for 'BDSM Play Party'...in the neighboring city of Ontario, of all places! And, the venue was listed as "Lugosi's Lounge"---how can anything named after Bela Lugosi be bad...!!!
It was a private house party---a new experience for me. i was a little nervous but after chatting with the hostess a bit via email i felt very confident about attending. And besides, with it being so close to my house, and with the focus on BDSM (as opposed to a "Swing & Kink" party), i figured, what's the worst that could happen. If i walk in and it is just completely not my style, i could always leave without the feeling of having invested a lot with traveling, ticket price, etc.
Even though it was a small group (attendance was capped around 20 people), and most of the people already knew each other...i felt very welcomed and was able to talk with most of the people there. The hostesses were super awesome and everyone i got a chance to chat with was really polite, friendly and forthcoming.
But once things got started, i quickly remembered all the good---and bad---things about attending play parties: doing "show and tells" with toy bags (super cool to see what people bring and getting some clues of what they are into/their aesthetic)... newbie or not-so-newbie men that kind of "attach" themselves to me (a polite conversation does not mean i want you lurking over my shoulder all night)... people socializing in the play spaces (honestly, hard not to do when it's a small space)... seeing all kinds of different play scenes (some of which i like, some of which isn't my style)... meeting lots of new people and sometimes running in to familiar faces (usually one hundred per cent totally awesome)... being around all kinds of different people expressing their Kinky Selves without *** of "scaring the vanillas" (also totally awesome).
Throw in the drama of "the one that got away" (we were so close to getting to "negotiation" til a newbie came over and asked him right out of the blue for a full on rope lesson) and the "tension" i feel when i leave a party without getting to play...it was quite a night!
Other than dealing with feeling all tense for a few days afterwards it was a wonderful re-introduction to attending play parties. And i knew that not playing that night was just part of "paying my dues"---admittedly i'm not the most bold when it comes to directly asking a Dom or Top about playing...and i do know that just being consistent, attending several parties and munches...showing my face and taking a bit of time to get to know people will serve me well in the future, anyway.
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The overall sucess of the House Party lead me to again comb through the online event listings. i found a few interesting looking parties for the following weekend and settled on another one i hadn't been to before---SAKE's Lunar New Year Party. i'd heard overall positive things about their parties and was excited to finally attend one and explore a different Dungeon space.
"Paying my dues" is all well and good but i did know that i might burst if i went to this party without getting to play (a girl can stand only so much "tension" after all). So i put on my "big girl pants" and decided to be proactive. i messaged the Dom (nickname "SA") i'd met at the house party (the "one that got away") and was so pleased to find out that yes, he would be in attendance, and yes, he was enthusiastic to negotiate a scene with me!!
Even though i usually project a lot of confidence, asking for play, negotiating scenes...it's still really hard for me. i know in some aspects, "girls have it easy(er)"...but rejection or the possibility of rejection is hard for everyone. Even in this lifestyle (or, especially in this lifestyle...), it's hard to be ***!!
SA told me he'd be there early so i planned to arrive not to long after him. It was so nice to walk in to the mostly-empty space (a few other early-birds hanging around and chatting, some looking around nervously) and see him sitting close to the entrance waiting for me. After a warm greeting he gave me a tour---which was very short! i had been told that the space was kind of small, but i'd never been to a Dungeon which only had one play room. But what it lacked in space it made up for in eccentricity (i won't give away all the details for those who haven't attended yet) and a welcoming vibe.
After the brief tour and a visit to the ladies' room i told SA i was ready to go!! But he was waiting for the music to change...somehow, light disco/house made him think more of going roller skating, than flogging (go figure!). But as more people began trickling in, we settled on a play station and i put my claim on it (sat on it!!) while he laid out all his implements.
The scene was great---i did struggle a bit with my position (i was on all fours on a padded leather medical exam table---am more used to being able to really lean into a stable spanking bench, table or cross) and dang, was it ever cold in the semi-open warehouse space. But at least my bottom quickly warmed up due to the spanks, strikes and caresses from SA.
He used a wide variety of instruments while checking in on me every so often. i think his "medium" is my "ouch that really hurts", but i know there are a lot of factors involved. Just the fact that it was my first intense/long scene in almost two years is a lot to process!!! Then add in the fact it was our first scene together, in a new space (for me), and the less-than-perfect furniture and cold temperature putting a little added stress on my mind and body.
But overall i greatly enjoyed the scene and am so very grateful to SA for negotiating with me, working with me, showing a lot of care, communication and deference to both my limits and my desires. It was really special and all worked out like it was supposed to.
Funny how when we try to do things in "a right way", with integrity and treating people as people, that usually happens.
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After the scene i emerged from my little "cocoon" to a play party getting in to full swing. The place was now very full with several people playing and lots more socializing. SA was cleaning his toys and i gotta admit, one of my favorite parts of the whole scene was when he put his arms around me and helped me down off the high table. After a few hugs and finishing up cleaning the station, we parted ways, both glowing (at least i was, and not just my rear end!).
i've never done two scenes in one night and didn't want to push myself, so was very content to relax, socialize and observe the rest of the night. i gotta admit, it really made me happy to see SA doing his thing and playing with others. It's rare that i get to see the look on a partner's face as he is practicing his craft. So i just loved seeing his big smile as he flogged and whacked another willing victim, co-topping and giving some advice/tutorials to a newbie.
At some point i ran into a friend from my local munch group, and got to meet a few of her friends. i also got to talk with some interesting characters. Even though we are all in the same space, due to our common bond over BDSM and Kink, we all come with our own histories, in different parts of our journeys, and with different interests, play styles, and goals.
i did see the downsides to the space which some people had mentioned to me.
Since there wasn't really a designated, separated social area, the play room was super crowded and very loud with people talking (there was also a live DJ and sound system). Although there was an outside patio, it was super cold!! So i can't really fault people for staying indoors. i wonder if in the summer months people use the outdoor patio for social area---this would definitely help give the play space more, well, space, and a bit quieter/intimate atmosphere for those in mid-scene (or even those that wish to quietly observe).
i'm definitely more used to Dungeons with a more "traditional" layout of multiple play rooms and designated social areas, and more strict guidelines about no loud talking/socializing in the play spaces. But in the spirit of supporting our local Dungeons, exploring new groups and spaces, and generally "getting back into life", i am super glad that i went to both parties and would definitely support and attend both groups in the future.
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Thank you to all the cool-ass Kinksters, Hosts & Hostesses, staff & volunteers, old and new friends for being so warm and inviting. i didn't feel a need to mention anyone by name but if you're reading this, you know who you are. And truly, i do hope to see you all again sooner than later.
And a very special thank you to SA for being such a good and thoughtful player in this lifestyle. i really respect your skill and commitment to your craft. It shows through in a myriad of ways. Thank you so much for working with me and breaking me in to playing after such a long COVID induced hiatus.
Likemansfield807, DizzyCoco, FFG088and 10 more…
Looking forward to going to Threshold LA sometime in March. It's been WAY too long!!
Going to a play party this weekend------wayyyyyy overdue!!!!!
Likedommm4sub, stroker123and 1 more…
Hey everyone, i have been pursuing BDSM for about 5 years now.
i am submissive/bottom. i am not a Dominant or a switch.
i love to engage in negotiated BDSM play scenes at some of the Dungeons & Play Parties in the Los Angeles area. If you see me at a BDSM event please introduce yourself!
Not Read more… interested in private play, sexual chat, pic exchange, kik, whatsapp, cyber, roleplay or sugar daddy.
i do not pursue long distance/online/relocation.
my main interest in being on this site is the chat rooms and forum/blogs. and if i happen to meet some cool Dominants or Tops that live near Los Angeles and are open to play at some of the dungeons that's cool too!
i have more photos, information and blogs posted on fetlife under the same username, pomonagirl.
i am submissive/bottom. i am not a Dominant or a switch.
i love to engage in negotiated BDSM play scenes at some of the Dungeons & Play Parties in the Los Angeles area. If you see me at a BDSM event please introduce yourself!
Not Read more… interested in private play, sexual chat, pic exchange, kik, whatsapp, cyber, roleplay or sugar daddy.
i do not pursue long distance/online/relocation.
my main interest in being on this site is the chat rooms and forum/blogs. and if i happen to meet some cool Dominants or Tops that live near Los Angeles and are open to play at some of the dungeons that's cool too!
i have more photos, information and blogs posted on fetlife under the same username, pomonagirl.
innie or outie?
When dating in the vanilla world, when do you typically bring up Kinks or Fetishes?
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Quite a few years ago, when i was still in the vanilla world, i was working at a "big Read more…box" store that had lots of employees. It was really my first time ever being offered or accepting dates from male co-workers (none of which i should have accepted but, you live, you learn).
One guy, i enjoyed working with him (we worked in different, but overlapping departments). He was very knowledgeable about the job, professional and friendly, charming in a bit of an eccentric way. He was good looking too. i didn't really have any major sexual attraction towards him, but had enough of a friendly/light crush and curiosity about him that when he eventually asked me out for drinks, i accepted.
We met at a local watering hole that i knew well and was comfortable in. The place is small and gets quite crowded/loud on weekends, but on weekdays it's very quiet, perfect for a "get to know you" date and chit chat. When i was out in the dating world i would use it often on weekdays for this purpose.
Over a couple drinks we talked (well, mainly he talked about himself, which was fine with me), but there was absolutely no flirting, touching, sexual banter, body language, etc. Nothing that made it seem or feel like a romantic "date" to me. Which was ok---i mean, not all first dates result in attraction or fireworks.
It was this total lack of any "date-like" behavior from him that really threw me off when we went outside to leave.
He walked me the short distance to my car and, maybe we hugged, i really don't remember. There certainly wasn't any sparks, tension, or a try for a kiss.
But what i do remember clearly, is that there in on the near-empty street, he confesses to me his secret belly button fetish!!!
A million things ran through my mind. i was still very much in vanilla-world (even though i knew at this point that my sexuality was "different") and had never heard of such a thing.
But mostly, it just seemed so weird that after such a platonic (and honestly, boring) "date" he would confess such a thing, and ask me if i was into it.
i REALLY did try to keep a straight face and not be disrespectful (after all, i'd have to see him at work all the time). But i just couldn't keep a poker face and, giggling, i made a crack about "innie or outie?"
As i drove home i laughed it off, but honestly the huge disconnect between the tone of the "date" (extremely platonic and as normal and plain as two work friends having an after work drink) and the sudden confession of his sexual fetish was the biggest turn off and disappointment of the whole experience.
Of course i kept his secret and remained on friendly terms with him at work. But wow, what a bizarre experience that was!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quite a few years ago, when i was still in the vanilla world, i was working at a "big Read more…box" store that had lots of employees. It was really my first time ever being offered or accepting dates from male co-workers (none of which i should have accepted but, you live, you learn).
One guy, i enjoyed working with him (we worked in different, but overlapping departments). He was very knowledgeable about the job, professional and friendly, charming in a bit of an eccentric way. He was good looking too. i didn't really have any major sexual attraction towards him, but had enough of a friendly/light crush and curiosity about him that when he eventually asked me out for drinks, i accepted.
We met at a local watering hole that i knew well and was comfortable in. The place is small and gets quite crowded/loud on weekends, but on weekdays it's very quiet, perfect for a "get to know you" date and chit chat. When i was out in the dating world i would use it often on weekdays for this purpose.
Over a couple drinks we talked (well, mainly he talked about himself, which was fine with me), but there was absolutely no flirting, touching, sexual banter, body language, etc. Nothing that made it seem or feel like a romantic "date" to me. Which was ok---i mean, not all first dates result in attraction or fireworks.
It was this total lack of any "date-like" behavior from him that really threw me off when we went outside to leave.
He walked me the short distance to my car and, maybe we hugged, i really don't remember. There certainly wasn't any sparks, tension, or a try for a kiss.
But what i do remember clearly, is that there in on the near-empty street, he confesses to me his secret belly button fetish!!!
A million things ran through my mind. i was still very much in vanilla-world (even though i knew at this point that my sexuality was "different") and had never heard of such a thing.
But mostly, it just seemed so weird that after such a platonic (and honestly, boring) "date" he would confess such a thing, and ask me if i was into it.
i REALLY did try to keep a straight face and not be disrespectful (after all, i'd have to see him at work all the time). But i just couldn't keep a poker face and, giggling, i made a crack about "innie or outie?"
As i drove home i laughed it off, but honestly the huge disconnect between the tone of the "date" (extremely platonic and as normal and plain as two work friends having an after work drink) and the sudden confession of his sexual fetish was the biggest turn off and disappointment of the whole experience.
Of course i kept his secret and remained on friendly terms with him at work. But wow, what a bizarre experience that was!
LikeLeisa, MrRope, Buckarooand 6 more…
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