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In the mood
My girlfriend’s kink comes in waves but I think she just expressed interest again. Any thoughts on text or words to put her in the mood?
Leisa Communication. After a particular scenario that you noticed worked, ask her what made it exciting for her and build on it. This woman is about communication. Words matter. Communication. After a particular scenario that you noticed worked, ask her what made it exciting for her and build on it. This woman is about communication. Words matter.
LikeThenonbinarykitten, DarkArts1066
· 17.10.2021 18:16:02
DarkArts1066 Firstly, make sure you never pressurise her in any way.
Secondly, pay close attention to words and phrases that you use when you play, that excite her in the moment.
Men tend to be more visual as a rule… if a woman reminds you of - or suggests a repeat of a scenario which you as a male have Read more… enjoyed … boom.
‘Pavlovs Dog’ usually does the rest!
However women as a general rule seem to be wired differently. Set the scene, tell a story.
There are three or four scenarios which usually hit the spot for my sub without fail. I know her. What excites her.
Sometimes I send a text which just starts “remember when….”
And then I remind her of something we have done - or she has experienced…..you will soon know if you approach is the right one. If not, consider changing tack.
And if that fails …. She simply isn’t in the mood right now.
Good luck.
Secondly, pay close attention to words and phrases that you use when you play, that excite her in the moment.
Men tend to be more visual as a rule… if a woman reminds you of - or suggests a repeat of a scenario which you as a male have Read more… enjoyed … boom.
‘Pavlovs Dog’ usually does the rest!
However women as a general rule seem to be wired differently. Set the scene, tell a story.
There are three or four scenarios which usually hit the spot for my sub without fail. I know her. What excites her.
Sometimes I send a text which just starts “remember when….”
And then I remind her of something we have done - or she has experienced…..you will soon know if you approach is the right one. If not, consider changing tack.
And if that fails …. She simply isn’t in the mood right now.
Good luck.
LikeThenonbinarykitten
· 17.10.2021 16:31:50
Kink withdrawals
I am finding reading erotic literature not a helpful distraction lol
Kink withdrawals
Anyone up to share feelings or experiences with kink withdrawals. What you do? The last time for me was a break up. Still seeing that person but I can deeply feel that something is missing
Leisa Maybe try something you’ve always wanted to try but have not. Self care during that time is the most important part. Maybe try something you’ve always wanted to try but have not. Self care during that time is the most important part.
LikeMaster50
· 05.09.2021 17:16:03
Curvygirl1 Hard at the moment because we are in lockdown and cant see each other so we are shopping sites for suggested items, and planning places to go and things to see.
Hard at the moment because we are in lockdown and cant see each other so we are shopping sites for suggested items, and planning places to go and things to see.
Hard at the moment because we are in lockdown and cant see each other so we are shopping sites for suggested items, and planning places to go and things to see.
LikeLeisa
· 05.09.2021 14:03:08
CopperKnob ➦CopperKnob quote Quil:❝I am finding reading erotic literature not a helpful distraction lol❞
Probably not 😁 ➦CopperKnob quote Quil:❝I am finding reading erotic literature not a helpful distraction lol❞
Probably not 😁
Probably not 😁 ➦CopperKnob quote Quil:❝I am finding reading erotic literature not a helpful distraction lol❞
Probably not 😁
Like
· 02.09.2021 9:22:13
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3 of 5
Advice on boundaries
Set up. Mid scene would be hella awkward lol
She has a very stressful job. She plays games on her phone and replies to text to connect and decompress. I get that. When I have brought up the consistency of it before she got defensive. I support her needs but a few hours before a scene or bed I want Read more… that focus
LikeCharms ·
Jump to discussion
Advice on boundaries
Is it appropriate to set boundaries with my submissive on either when they should stop texting their friends or when they should stop talking about their sexual past?
Sometimes when I am creating a scene they will continually text a friend back for hours or occasionally bring up past sexual history they have already told me.
Asking from a subs perspective.
It bothers me but should I just let it go?
Sometimes when I am creating a scene they will continually text a friend back for hours or occasionally bring up past sexual history they have already told me.
Asking from a subs perspective.
It bothers me but should I just let it go?
LikeChristian-2070, Sweetbae-1647, vancouver727 · 11 Replies
ukmarky All depends on your dynamic. If someone did that to me it I would tell them to get stuffed but that doesn’t mean it won’t work for you. Only way to find out is discuss it and if you agree give it a go. All depends on your dynamic. If someone did that to me it I would tell them to get stuffed but that doesn’t mean it won’t work for you. Only way to find out is discuss it and if you agree give it a go.
Like
· 03.06.2021 20:03:45
Miss_Sarina I have no patience for brats, and if your relationship has that dynamic, then I can't help, because brats just makes my teeth grind. Assuming she is not a brat, then I would expect her undivided attention when I am talking with her. For me the D/s power dynamics is no an equal one, and as a s-type Read more… there are certain things I expect, just like as a D-type there are certain responsibilities I have. If I were you I would check if she is not trying to top from the bottom. Or just using you when it is convenient to her.
Nothing that an honest talk can not solve, and if it quacks like a duck... I always assume it is a duck :).
Nothing that an honest talk can not solve, and if it quacks like a duck... I always assume it is a duck :).
LikeDreamaway
· 01.06.2021 18:05:37
Charms I'm a switch but when iv been sub I don't have my phone near my hands.
I have set ringtone for important people ie my mom and drs so I know I need to answer them.
So unless they call I don't answer when I'm in a scene neither does the person I'm playing with.
Its just bad etiquite I'm a switch but when iv been sub I don't have my phone near my hands.
I have set ringtone for important people ie my mom and drs so I know I need to answer them.
So unless they call I don't answer when I'm in a scene neither does the person I'm playing with.
Its just bad etiquite
I have set ringtone for important people ie my mom and drs so I know I need to answer them.
So unless they call I don't answer when I'm in a scene neither does the person I'm playing with.
Its just bad etiquite I'm a switch but when iv been sub I don't have my phone near my hands.
I have set ringtone for important people ie my mom and drs so I know I need to answer them.
So unless they call I don't answer when I'm in a scene neither does the person I'm playing with.
Its just bad etiquite
LikeThebian, Nylon-Nellie
· 01.06.2021 3:55:04
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3 of 11
Too stressed for kink?
I am relatively new to being a dominant. I have been in a bedroom only exclusive relationship with an experienced submissive for over a year now. From the very beginning we discussed the BDSM activity check list. Recently we have been having less kink. She told me it comes in waves for her and once Read more…when she was single, she did not participate in anything kinky for 3 years.
Her work and insomnia have been the reasons she is too stressed for kink.
We don’t live together. We see each other four times out of the week.
It’s been hard for me in a dominant role to know how to approach this. Everything I have read points to BDSM as a stress reliever. I have told her I will keep pushing her but still be patient. I focus on the relationship. I do what I can to help her around her apartment, bring her foods and take her out and be as supportive as a boyfriend should. I do have a protocol of a ten rules I have established for our dynamic. Some have worked out. Some have not. She has told me it’s not up to me but her, but I am a bit of a perfectionist. I don’t want to approach her as trying to fix anything but still I’m driven to lead. Is there any advice on helping someone you are in a relationship with get back into kink?
Her work and insomnia have been the reasons she is too stressed for kink.
We don’t live together. We see each other four times out of the week.
It’s been hard for me in a dominant role to know how to approach this. Everything I have read points to BDSM as a stress reliever. I have told her I will keep pushing her but still be patient. I focus on the relationship. I do what I can to help her around her apartment, bring her foods and take her out and be as supportive as a boyfriend should. I do have a protocol of a ten rules I have established for our dynamic. Some have worked out. Some have not. She has told me it’s not up to me but her, but I am a bit of a perfectionist. I don’t want to approach her as trying to fix anything but still I’m driven to lead. Is there any advice on helping someone you are in a relationship with get back into kink?
quietlysure Does the relationship work in a "normal" sense, away from kink? Does the relationship work in a "normal" sense, away from kink?
LikeMaster50
· 18.05.2021 14:46:50
Metalsinbox As a Dominant I find having no rules at all works best.
Rules just become barriers to your sexual creativity. As a Dominant I find having no rules at all works best.
Rules just become barriers to your sexual creativity.
Rules just become barriers to your sexual creativity. As a Dominant I find having no rules at all works best.
Rules just become barriers to your sexual creativity.
Likecallipygian, Master50, Littlesparklemuffin
· 18.05.2021 14:13:19
Deleted profile This is very difficult @Quil. When someone’s mental health is concerned, the dynamic becomes secondary. Your needs become secondary. She is stressed and has clearly told you that it’s not up to you, but her. And she is right. What is up to you, is to decide how much she means to you and how strong Read more… your feelings are, and based on that, stay or leave the relationship. Pressuring her, or organising things for her, or even helping her would not make her stress less. I understand completely how you feel because I’ve been there. And like you, I thought that if I am helpful, and supportive, and do everything I can to make his life better, that he would find his kink faster. But it doesn’t work like that. There is plenty of research on the subject that when people get stressed, they automatically start prioritising, simplifying and ignoring things that don’t seem vital. The brain prioritises based on survival needs. Stress is about survival and sex not only isn’t about survival , but stress blocks sexual pleasure. So by you pushing ( even in a gentle way), you are stressing her even more.
LikeMaster50, XD_Amber_Crossand 1 more…
18.05.2021 13:22:27
Show more
3 of 5
Sex Drive
I am relatively new to accepting a dominant role and have been in an exclusive relationship with an experienced submissive for over a year. I am in my 40s and she is in her 30s. My sex drive right now is much higher than hers. Work, stress, COVID, moods, and insomnia play a big role in this. In the Read more…beginning of our relationship it didn’t seem to be an issue but as lately it has been hard. I know my responsibility for her is the most important. I want to be patient and understanding while committing to both our needs. Have any of you in the community experienced this in a relationship? If so, any advice would be welcome.
Deleted profile Please please please go read a book call Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. (Audio book is an easy listen) In it she explains how sex drives are a myth. She explains (quite scientifically) that it's all about context and what you can do to Turn off the 'off's and turn on the 'on's
Check out her TedTalks and YouTube content. Think she even has a podcast but she's a great writer, sex therapist/educator.🙏👍 Please please please go read a book call Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. (Audio book is an easy listen) In it she explains how sex drives are a myth. She explains (quite scientifically) that it's all about context and what you can do to Turn off the 'off's and turn on the 'on's
Check out her TedTalks and YouTube content. Think she even has a podcast but she's a great writer, sex therapist/educator.🙏👍
Check out her TedTalks and YouTube content. Think she even has a podcast but she's a great writer, sex therapist/educator.🙏👍 Please please please go read a book call Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. (Audio book is an easy listen) In it she explains how sex drives are a myth. She explains (quite scientifically) that it's all about context and what you can do to Turn off the 'off's and turn on the 'on's
Check out her TedTalks and YouTube content. Think she even has a podcast but she's a great writer, sex therapist/educator.🙏👍
LikeThebian
10.04.2021 23:16:57
Deleted profile Nobody said he should *** to do anything. Their Ds relationship has been establish so consent has been agreed.
if sub started to change their mind at every wind turning what’s the point getting into a relationship, but that’s another question that we should not get into here.
For the op, basing a Read more… Ds relationship on sex only, will eventually crash like this. Bdsm is not and shouldn’t be focus on sex. It’s always good to practice one session sexless to evaluate skills and attitude for both side.
if sub started to change their mind at every wind turning what’s the point getting into a relationship, but that’s another question that we should not get into here.
For the op, basing a Read more… Ds relationship on sex only, will eventually crash like this. Bdsm is not and shouldn’t be focus on sex. It’s always good to practice one session sexless to evaluate skills and attitude for both side.
Likex-BlueDiamond-x
09.04.2021 22:34:12
Deleted profile ➦Deleted profile quote CherryP:❝I disagree with some of this. Submissives have the right to change their minds. D/s relationship is a consensual relationship and if one isn’t in the right frame of mind then it should not be ***d. The relationship needs to be enjoyed by both sides and not just Read more… one. Both parties needs need to met. Consensual/Sane/Safe.
Communication is the key. Have a frank open discussion on how you both feel and talk about what you can both do to help the situation.
i find exercise helps with sex drive, mood, stress, insomnia and a variety of other mental and general health. ❞
Dear CherryP,
As I said in my original answer, I don't know what kind of dynamics the OP is, so I obviously can't be specific.
As for your disagreement, that is perfectly fine, we all are entitled to our own opinions, views and ways of conducting our life.
On this note, IF we are talking about LS - not just kinky interests that usually is way more relaxed and is used within more limited areas of life - then for me a sub has no right to change their mind, unless it is first discussed between the D and the s and once it gets agreed on, changes can take place. So there is no ground to any of them to "complain" afterwards.
Obviously within a scene there is the "safe word" so if s happens to have a change of mind, can use it and of course everything stops immediately. Although, I believe a discussion must follow in such a case too.
Also, IF we are talking about LS, then although all must be consensual, D's pleasure, comfort, needs are to come first. A sub's enjoyment comes from fulfilling those for D.
Again, each to their own!
And I see no problem with that.
Also, I don't think I implied anything that goes against safe/sane/consensual.
Above is my 2 cent.
:)
Communication is the key. Have a frank open discussion on how you both feel and talk about what you can both do to help the situation.
i find exercise helps with sex drive, mood, stress, insomnia and a variety of other mental and general health. ❞
Dear CherryP,
As I said in my original answer, I don't know what kind of dynamics the OP is, so I obviously can't be specific.
As for your disagreement, that is perfectly fine, we all are entitled to our own opinions, views and ways of conducting our life.
On this note, IF we are talking about LS - not just kinky interests that usually is way more relaxed and is used within more limited areas of life - then for me a sub has no right to change their mind, unless it is first discussed between the D and the s and once it gets agreed on, changes can take place. So there is no ground to any of them to "complain" afterwards.
Obviously within a scene there is the "safe word" so if s happens to have a change of mind, can use it and of course everything stops immediately. Although, I believe a discussion must follow in such a case too.
Also, IF we are talking about LS, then although all must be consensual, D's pleasure, comfort, needs are to come first. A sub's enjoyment comes from fulfilling those for D.
Again, each to their own!
And I see no problem with that.
Also, I don't think I implied anything that goes against safe/sane/consensual.
Above is my 2 cent.
:)
Likeallshookup
09.04.2021 15:59:35
Show more
3 of 7
Question - What have you learned?
Great question. My identity has evolved a lot in my life. I explored a switch role a long time ago. After I got divorced just under 2 years ago I made a conscious decision to open myself up to new relationships. One thing that opened up for me personally was kink and my dominant role which I never Read more… fully explored. Since exploring this my communication and self awareness has grown significantly. My girlfriend and I have been in an exclusive relationship for over a year. The relationship dynamic is balanced. She is a submissive bedroom only. While I am older than my girlfriend and have had more long term relationships, the FOMO/jealousy is based on her having more kink experience. So as something positive has come into my life I have also been given the opportunity to address negative issues with my identity.
There are times in the past with my girlfriend when kink or my dominance was discussed but we hit a road block. I am sure part of me felt it was due to my lack of experience compared to my girlfriend’s, but taking to my girlfriend I have learned how she has her own struggles letting go due to work stress, *** management, insomnia, dealing with past traumas and current COVID craziness
So I continue to be patient with myself and learn how to adapt to my emotions and hers.
Question - What have you learned?
My question is for either a submissive or a dominant
What have you learned from your self and or your partner?
I am a new dominant and have been in an exclusive relationship with an experienced submissive for over a year. I have personally dealt with a lack of impatience with my self, self doubt, Read more…FOMO and jealousy. That being said I acknowledge I have grown in my communication, confidence and empathy. I have learned a lot from my girlfriend. She is very honest and open about her past experiences. She has experienced most of her fantasies, which is alluring and daunting. She has opened up about her past struggles and traumas too. While I strive to make improvements on myself, my responsibility for her is paramount. Adaptation of my emotions and hers has been the biggest lesson of my journey.
What have you learned from your self and or your partner?
I am a new dominant and have been in an exclusive relationship with an experienced submissive for over a year. I have personally dealt with a lack of impatience with my self, self doubt, Read more…FOMO and jealousy. That being said I acknowledge I have grown in my communication, confidence and empathy. I have learned a lot from my girlfriend. She is very honest and open about her past experiences. She has experienced most of her fantasies, which is alluring and daunting. She has opened up about her past struggles and traumas too. While I strive to make improvements on myself, my responsibility for her is paramount. Adaptation of my emotions and hers has been the biggest lesson of my journey.
Quil Great question. My identity has evolved a lot in my life. I explored a switch role a long time ago. After I got divorced just under 2 years ago I made a conscious decision to open myself up to new relationships. One thing that opened up for me personally was kink and my dominant role which I never Read more… fully explored. Since exploring this my communication and self awareness has grown significantly. My girlfriend and I have been in an exclusive relationship for over a year. The relationship dynamic is balanced. She is a submissive bedroom only. While I am older than my girlfriend and have had more long term relationships, the FOMO/jealousy is based on her having more kink experience. So as something positive has come into my life I have also been given the opportunity to address negative issues with my identity.
There are times in the past with my girlfriend when kink or my dominance was discussed but we hit a road block. I am sure part of me felt it was due to my lack of experience compared to my girlfriend’s, but taking to my girlfriend I have learned how she has her own struggles letting go due to work stress, *** management, insomnia, dealing with past traumas and current COVID craziness
So I continue to be patient with myself and learn how to adapt to my emotions and hers.
There are times in the past with my girlfriend when kink or my dominance was discussed but we hit a road block. I am sure part of me felt it was due to my lack of experience compared to my girlfriend’s, but taking to my girlfriend I have learned how she has her own struggles letting go due to work stress, *** management, insomnia, dealing with past traumas and current COVID craziness
So I continue to be patient with myself and learn how to adapt to my emotions and hers.
Like
· 12.03.2021 20:06:21
Quil ➦Quil quote Leisa:❝Sounds like you may be having an identity issue of sorts. Are you comfortable in the dominant role or is your FOMO coming from wanting to explore a more submissive role on occasion? Two switches can be very happy together if she’s willing to give that a go on occasion. Remember Read more… D/s is much more then just play. It’s constantly evolving and growing. If you’re having these feelings communicate them to her. As an experienced sub she will understand and you can grow your role together. Communication is one of the most important things in this lifestyle. If you’re not 100% committed to your role and still have doubts then a conversation is needed. Best. Of luck.❞
Like
· 12.03.2021 20:04:18
Leisa Sounds like you may be having an identity issue of sorts. Are you comfortable in the dominant role or is your FOMO coming from wanting to explore a more submissive role on occasion? Two switches can be very happy together if she’s willing to give that a go on occasion. Remember D/s is much more Read more… then just play. It’s constantly evolving and growing. If you’re having these feelings communicate them to her. As an experienced sub she will understand and you can grow your role together. Communication is one of the most important things in this lifestyle. If you’re not 100% committed to your role and still have doubts then a conversation is needed. Best. Of luck.
Like
· 12.03.2021 14:06:12
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3 of 4
How would you feel?
My question is about etiquette.
I am a new dominant and have been an exclusive relationship with an experienced submissive for a year. A past play partner and a good friend of hers, texted my girlfriend saying he had some frustration he had to work it out and she should sub for him. She said no. He knows she is in an exclusive relationship.
Is it appropriate for him to ask this?
I feel disrespected by him
Should I feel flattered?
I am a new dominant and have been an exclusive relationship with an experienced submissive for a year. A past play partner and a good friend of hers, texted my girlfriend saying he had some frustration he had to work it out and she should sub for him. She said no. He knows she is in an exclusive relationship.
Is it appropriate for him to ask this?
I feel disrespected by him
Should I feel flattered?
LikeSir-Taz, Pinkishand 3 more… · 20 Replies
HellDweller i see what your saying..
personally i found complex the idea that respect per se is unidimensional.
lets say i know you. and we are friends. surely i would not go for your sub even if i liked her. that is respect towards you and our friendship.
Equally if im on the street and i see a collared girl Read more… and i really like her, surely i would test her loyalty.
Ultimately its always the sub that makes the choice.
Lets say im an a..hole and i go for your sub and she chooses me...well you have your answer.
Also as a dom, i have no insecurities whatsoever because if my sub is hit on by people and stays...i know. if she leaves i also know. so its a win win in my opinion
its nice discussing opinions :)
personally i found complex the idea that respect per se is unidimensional.
lets say i know you. and we are friends. surely i would not go for your sub even if i liked her. that is respect towards you and our friendship.
Equally if im on the street and i see a collared girl Read more… and i really like her, surely i would test her loyalty.
Ultimately its always the sub that makes the choice.
Lets say im an a..hole and i go for your sub and she chooses me...well you have your answer.
Also as a dom, i have no insecurities whatsoever because if my sub is hit on by people and stays...i know. if she leaves i also know. so its a win win in my opinion
its nice discussing opinions :)
Like
· 11.02.2021 12:07:14
callipygian ➦callipygian quote HellDweller:❝here is how i see it...A true Dominant is Dominant in all aspects of his life.
Personally, i will always go for what i want. If a sub has a dom, its entirely up to her to choose.
But That will not stop me for trying.
In the past, when i met other dominants, i Read more… dominated them too in conversations for example, and they admitted saying that a dom is a dom until he finds a more dominant. At that point they know their places.
I think that you should feel flattered and proud that she stayed with you ❞
Does this mean (in your opinion) (these are all opinions ***ps!!) that a 'true dominant' (as you say) - is therefore a disrespectful person? And perhaps just cannot control that aspect of their personality?
Personally, i will always go for what i want. If a sub has a dom, its entirely up to her to choose.
But That will not stop me for trying.
In the past, when i met other dominants, i Read more… dominated them too in conversations for example, and they admitted saying that a dom is a dom until he finds a more dominant. At that point they know their places.
I think that you should feel flattered and proud that she stayed with you ❞
Does this mean (in your opinion) (these are all opinions ***ps!!) that a 'true dominant' (as you say) - is therefore a disrespectful person? And perhaps just cannot control that aspect of their personality?
Like
· 11.02.2021 10:10:55
HellDweller here is how i see it...A true Dominant is Dominant in all aspects of his life.
Personally, i will always go for what i want. If a sub has a dom, its entirely up to her to choose.
But That will not stop me for trying.
In the past, when i met other dominants, i dominated them too in conversations for Read more… example, and they admitted saying that a dom is a dom until he finds a more dominant. At that point they know their places.
I think that you should feel flattered and proud that she stayed with you ;)
Personally, i will always go for what i want. If a sub has a dom, its entirely up to her to choose.
But That will not stop me for trying.
In the past, when i met other dominants, i dominated them too in conversations for Read more… example, and they admitted saying that a dom is a dom until he finds a more dominant. At that point they know their places.
I think that you should feel flattered and proud that she stayed with you ;)
Like
· 11.02.2021 9:22:21
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3 of 20
Advice
I am a new dominant in an exclusive relationship with an experienced submissive tor over a year.
she has recently asked for more *** in foreplay. The submissive is bedroom only. She has expressed issues with submission in the past. Generally only submissive while ***. She is highly intelligent and Read more…a bit of a boss brat. Part of the challenge turns me on but it’s hard for her to let go.I know all her limits. I developed a protocol to determine her head space. I ask her if she wishes to to please Sir? If she responds “yes Sir” I know she just wants attention. When she responds “I dunno” it means she wants play time.
Recently I asked her this she responded “I dunno”
then later she asked if I really wanted to do things. I asked again if she wanted to please Sir and she said yes. The next day I asked her if she really changed her mind (which is perfectly fine) or if she was just challenging me. She said she didn’t know.
My advice is how to proceed?
she has recently asked for more *** in foreplay. The submissive is bedroom only. She has expressed issues with submission in the past. Generally only submissive while ***. She is highly intelligent and Read more…a bit of a boss brat. Part of the challenge turns me on but it’s hard for her to let go.I know all her limits. I developed a protocol to determine her head space. I ask her if she wishes to to please Sir? If she responds “yes Sir” I know she just wants attention. When she responds “I dunno” it means she wants play time.
Recently I asked her this she responded “I dunno”
then later she asked if I really wanted to do things. I asked again if she wanted to please Sir and she said yes. The next day I asked her if she really changed her mind (which is perfectly fine) or if she was just challenging me. She said she didn’t know.
My advice is how to proceed?
TeeJay_98 Her only wanting things when *** is a red flag 🚩
My advice would be stop now, before either of you get hurt.
Have a conversation with her... If you are honestly both interested in this lifestyle you need a joint agreement on how things will work, perhaps starting with - no play whilst ***.
From Read more… there you may find that she doesn't want this lifestyle or you might find she becomes better at cooperating what she wants.
Communication is key - and remember an *** person won't be communicating effectively.
Talk to her. For your sake and hers
My advice would be stop now, before either of you get hurt.
Have a conversation with her... If you are honestly both interested in this lifestyle you need a joint agreement on how things will work, perhaps starting with - no play whilst ***.
From Read more… there you may find that she doesn't want this lifestyle or you might find she becomes better at cooperating what she wants.
Communication is key - and remember an *** person won't be communicating effectively.
Talk to her. For your sake and hers
LikeWolfeWitche, allshookup
· 23.01.2021 0:45:15
Deleted profile She's asked for more *** in foreplay then asked if you "really want to do things", it's a bit unclear whether both your hearts are really in this or if your both waiting for a sign from the other. Sit down and have the discussion and prepared to act on her answer, whatever it is. She's asked for more *** in foreplay then asked if you "really want to do things", it's a bit unclear whether both your hearts are really in this or if your both waiting for a sign from the other. Sit down and have the discussion and prepared to act on her answer, whatever it is.
Like
22.01.2021 19:01:45
Koby I was so confused ....too many mixed signals. I would not be able to tell if I was coming or going.
Personally, I would only explore a BDSM relationship with someone if they are in the right mindset overall not just for play.
For so many reasons, play under the influence of Alcohol is a no go.
What is she truly seeking, submission by ***?
Whether it's a fully fledged relationship or play partners, individuals need to express their needs and desires both for play and a relationship. I was so confused ....too many mixed signals. I would not be able to tell if I was coming or going.
Personally, I would only explore a BDSM relationship with someone if they are in the right mindset overall not just for play.
For so many reasons, play under the influence of Alcohol is a no go.
What is she truly seeking, submission by ***?
Whether it's a fully fledged relationship or play partners, individuals need to express their needs and desires both for play and a relationship.
Personally, I would only explore a BDSM relationship with someone if they are in the right mindset overall not just for play.
For so many reasons, play under the influence of Alcohol is a no go.
What is she truly seeking, submission by ***?
Whether it's a fully fledged relationship or play partners, individuals need to express their needs and desires both for play and a relationship. I was so confused ....too many mixed signals. I would not be able to tell if I was coming or going.
Personally, I would only explore a BDSM relationship with someone if they are in the right mindset overall not just for play.
For so many reasons, play under the influence of Alcohol is a no go.
What is she truly seeking, submission by ***?
Whether it's a fully fledged relationship or play partners, individuals need to express their needs and desires both for play and a relationship.
LikeWolfeWitche
· 22.01.2021 18:20:13
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Advice
I have been new to the dominant role for over a year. I have been in an exclusive relationship with an experienced submissive. Recently she asked me to be rougher with her. I have done impact with her. I am still learning. I generally write scenes but asked her to give me a small scene with this in Read more…mind. She was stressed that it would be like homework and what she likes about being submissive is not having to think about it. I explained it was not intended to cause stress and a few simple sentences would be fine to use as inspiration. I told her I don’t want her to give me the blueprints for her submission, that is for me to develop. I really like her but I need to find a way to communicate with her more effectively
LikeKileeg · 10 Replies
SirGreen Don’t get too dishearten this can happen, that’s why I think it’s important that Dom’s talk to each other. I’ve been in the lifestyle for a long time but I’m still discovering new things. Take the time to connect with other Dom’s. When able, go to events and see how others like to play. The only limits to new things lay in your mind only. Don’t get too dishearten this can happen, that’s why I think it’s important that Dom’s talk to each other. I’ve been in the lifestyle for a long time but I’m still discovering new things. Take the time to connect with other Dom’s. When able, go to events and see how others like to play. The only limits to new things lay in your mind only.
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· 09.01.2021 12:18:54
SirGreen Over a year and you still don’t know what makes her go ooow. If she isn’t being open with you what she likes and wants, then take some control and introduce her to things you’ve not yet done with her. Tell her what you have in mind so she can agree or disagree to. Perhaps you could show her the way by telling her the things you might like to do with her and see how she reacts. The aim is to get a conversation going and let her feel safe in talking about things she might not have considered. Over a year and you still don’t know what makes her go ooow. If she isn’t being open with you what she likes and wants, then take some control and introduce her to things you’ve not yet done with her. Tell her what you have in mind so she can agree or disagree to. Perhaps you could show her the way by telling her the things you might like to do with her and see how she reacts. The aim is to get a conversation going and let her feel safe in talking about things she might not have considered.
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· 08.01.2021 21:01:24
Phoenyx I think I see what is happening here. You have been together a year, and your play may have started to feel "routine". She is looking for that next, new "high". And, I suspect that you are, as well. You mentioned that she was "an experienced submissive". So, she should realize, that it is the Read more… sub who ultimately chooses the fantasies, and the Dom merely makes them happen. It is possible that her previous relationships were abusive, and she was never given her rightful say. The "stress" may be from *** of giving the "wrong" answer.
Or, it could simply be the case, that you have exhausted all of the forms of play that she knows. She may have only a vague feeling of what she wants. Often, the secret desires of subs are buried so deeply, that even they are not aware of what they are. She may have mental blocks, that keep her from baring those darkest parts of her soul---a kind of self-brainwashing. It is your task, as a Dom, to help her grab ahold of those deep inner feelings, and bring them to the surface. You must metaphorically hold her hand and guide her, as she explores those dark, inner caverns. This is how you attain true worship and devotion from your sub.
This is why I suggested sitting together, and viewing images of fetish art. Such drawings and ***tings portray a wide variety of different scenarios---impact play, bondage, fetish clothing, etc... Watch her closely, and see which images catch her eye. You might even discuss some of her favorites. But, do not "grill" her! This will only raise her defenses, and cause the secret desires to become buried even deeper. Really, this should be a fun and relaxing experience for both of you. I have a rhetorical question---food for thought: How are you at selecting birthday or Christmas gifts for your partner? Have you ever selected something that seemed almost inconsequential, yet elicited the response, "How did you know?!" The principle is much the same.
Or, it could simply be the case, that you have exhausted all of the forms of play that she knows. She may have only a vague feeling of what she wants. Often, the secret desires of subs are buried so deeply, that even they are not aware of what they are. She may have mental blocks, that keep her from baring those darkest parts of her soul---a kind of self-brainwashing. It is your task, as a Dom, to help her grab ahold of those deep inner feelings, and bring them to the surface. You must metaphorically hold her hand and guide her, as she explores those dark, inner caverns. This is how you attain true worship and devotion from your sub.
This is why I suggested sitting together, and viewing images of fetish art. Such drawings and ***tings portray a wide variety of different scenarios---impact play, bondage, fetish clothing, etc... Watch her closely, and see which images catch her eye. You might even discuss some of her favorites. But, do not "grill" her! This will only raise her defenses, and cause the secret desires to become buried even deeper. Really, this should be a fun and relaxing experience for both of you. I have a rhetorical question---food for thought: How are you at selecting birthday or Christmas gifts for your partner? Have you ever selected something that seemed almost inconsequential, yet elicited the response, "How did you know?!" The principle is much the same.
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· 08.01.2021 18:17:36
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