A question for switches

[Widowkj]

I'm a switch. I like to Dom or direct to start and have the male overpower me or Top. I need it to complete. I don't need to wrestling, but I need him to control the situation he needs to make it obvious. Hold my wrist, not let me do what I want. Have me submit to him. It throws a switch in my brain.

[ey****]

There was something I was reading this morning which led to a chain of thoughts relevant to this thread and ties in a lot with ThaliaV's comments on power exchange.

So I am using men as an example here, particularly male - ahem - subs, but not wanting to be mean as such about them/us.   An often problem with some male subs, is that they are not really all that submissive - they just like the ideas of some kink activities.  And, honestly, that is fine so long as their attitude is right - so any form of power exchange they are in is usually only ever short term.   For the duration of playtime, perhaps.  Or if it is a Femdom event or weekend.  There is a lot of control they don't ever relinquish during this.

So a male who is typically Dominant who has deemed submissive desires/fantasies/etc can act on these without it compromising power.

I guess equally a male submissive who perhaps is submissive might themselves also have fantasies/desires about Dominating, Topping, etc with someone. And so this again, any form of power they get in that scenario is shortlived to the duration of playtime, event, etc.

And I'm picking on guys here, but really it's not that different for anyone else who switches.  

I guess a very shorter version of this is... 

Even in power dynamics, any power given up or gained during play is shortlived and doesn't distract from the power dynamics. 

[Pe****]

10 hours ago, CosmicAngel said:

No I'm not wanting to switch.
I'm still exploring things, and definitely Sub.
I m interested in the change in mindset.
I ve not been able to quite understand how a Genuine Dom can also be a Sub.

Preferences and Shades of Grey I think.
( no reference to the film)

It's interesting.

Though I m not drawn to a Dom who switches. The mental imagery of 'my' future Dom being Sub doesn't sit right in my head.

That isn't meant to be disrespectful to anyone btw

I totally understand this. This is why I’m not interested in switches. I like my sub to be totally sub. The thought that they will always have a desire in the back of their mind to dominate someone else, because it wouldn’t be me, just doesn’t sit well with me. I like to be the only partner/owner of my subs.

[The_Rev_]

I am predominantly Dom and enjoy being responsible and in control. I enjoy being flexible and creative. I enjoy monitoring my sub and noting their reactions and changing play accordingly. I enjoy caring for my sub, enduring they're satisfied and much more.

But all of this is demanding and tiring. So sometimes when I've been domming for a while, I like someone to take responsibility etc and allow me to simply receive and enjoy sensations, my mind free.

What I can't accept is abusive language - I'm not a slut or whore or plaything etc and if you try to humiliate me, I leave.

I did play a scene with a bratty sub whom I knew well and, by previous agreement, we swapped roles part way through ie we both switched. It was wonderful. But when I dom I'm the Dom when I Bottom I am nobody's sub, bunny, etc

[Co****]

14 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

Being a submissive and bottom are not the same thing and interchangeable. Submitting is giving up power and control and bottoming is simply being the person having something done to them by someone else.

A person can be either a Dom or sub and *both* a top or bottom depending on the moment or activities. For example a versatile Dominant but bottom leaning, meaning more often than not I prefer to recieve but I'm the one with the power and control. 

Thankyou........both your recent posts help clarify things to me.
Maybe Labels don't matter.......but in this case it's helped me understand the mindsets.
Thankyou, it's interesting.

[Co****]

7 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

There was something I was reading this morning which led to a chain of thoughts relevant to this thread and ties in a lot with ThaliaV's comments on power exchange.

So I am using men as an example here, particularly male - ahem - subs, but not wanting to be mean as such about them/us.   An often problem with some male subs, is that they are not really all that submissive - they just like the ideas of some kink activities.  And, honestly, that is fine so long as their attitude is right - so any form of power exchange they are in is usually only ever short term.   For the duration of playtime, perhaps.  Or if it is a Femdom event or weekend.  There is a lot of control they don't ever relinquish during this.

So a male who is typically Dominant who has deemed submissive desires/fantasies/etc can act on these without it compromising power.

I guess equally a male submissive who perhaps is submissive might themselves also have fantasies/desires about Dominating, Topping, etc with someone. And so this again, any form of power they get in that scenario is shortlived to the duration of playtime, event, etc.

And I'm picking on guys here, but really it's not that different for anyone else who switches.  

I guess a very shorter version of this is... 

Even in power dynamics, any power given up or gained during play is shortlived and doesn't distract from the power dynamics. 

This too regarding the Power dynamic........like with Thalias post.
Very helpful and interesting.
Thankyou for posting.

[Co****]

7 hours ago, PervyPenelope said:

I totally understand this. This is why I’m not interested in switches. I like my sub to be totally sub. The thought that they will always have a desire in the back of their mind to dominate someone else, because it wouldn’t be me, just doesn’t sit well with me. I like to be the only partner/owner of my subs.

Thankyou

[Co****]

6 hours ago, The_Rev_ said:

I am predominantly Dom and enjoy being responsible and in control. I enjoy being flexible and creative. I enjoy monitoring my sub and noting their reactions and changing play accordingly. I enjoy caring for my sub, enduring they're satisfied and much more.

But all of this is demanding and tiring. So sometimes when I've been domming for a while, I like someone to take responsibility etc and allow me to simply receive and enjoy sensations, my mind free.

What I can't accept is abusive language - I'm not a slut or whore or plaything etc and if you try to humiliate me, I leave.

I did play a scene with a bratty sub whom I knew well and, by previous agreement, we swapped roles part way through ie we both switched. It was wonderful. But when I dom I'm the Dom when I Bottom I am nobody's sub, bunny, etc

Thankyou for your post, adding an example, and filling out the picture re Subbing and Bottoming

[jw****]

its not really a conscious change of mindset, it depends what mood im in and what turns me on in the moment

[FLUX_UNLIKELY]

I'm a switch, pretty right down the center, love being on either side equally... *in general* I've tended to be dominant with other women and nonbinary people and submissive with masc leaning folk and most often I stick mostly which ever side of the spectrum I end up on with a specific person.

I HAVE been lucky enough to have several partners over the years with whom I COULD switch to various degrees, it can be a challenge to figure out how things will work in balance, EVERY dynamic is different and MY ability to switch may not be there with someone even if THEY could... until recently every partner I've been able to comfortably switch with the dynamic ended up being such that we took turns but when one of us was in TOP MODE the other would be firmly in sub mode for the duration, whether it be for the day, a few days, when i was SUPER compatible with them maybe just an hour and then something would happen to take our minds off it and after we might reverse roles.

My most recent partner is... lol he is SO NEW for me! Our dynamic is, in a TON of ways, not like any ive ever had (or realized i wanted even!) before I met him. But from the start, the thing that drew me to him HARD was that we have my "holy grail" of switch dynamics, the kind i sort of always dreamed about but knew was probably not an actual possibility... we switch completely fluidly.

If the mood strikes one of us our roles can completely reverse IN MID SENTENCE, and we work so well together that if one has that urge to change the game the other just catches that desire like it's contagious and automatically responds in kind!

It almost SHOULDN'T work, it feels a bit like telepathy or precognution at times and I've honestly hard a really difficult time BELIEVING neither of us are delusional or manipulating the situation... but at this point its undeniably real and I RECOGNIZED it between us long before I managed to KISS the boy🤣

[Deleted Member]

This is an interesting post....i believe some of us find pleasure in being a chameleon. Therefore its the act of fitting into whatever role is appropriate at the moment. Im not really a Dom or sub...but rather a sexual chameleon.