Conflicts between Parenting and BDSM

[Kr****]

Good morning. I am a single mom. My oldest is 27 and on her own, but my youngest is almost 16. She is very active in extra-curriculars and always on the move. Her dad lives in another state, so isn't my assistance outside of financial. I do not bring men around my child.

I am finding it difficult to find time to dedicate to my wants/needs. After being in a very vanilla marriage, I refuse to settle. At this point, it seems as if I will just have to wait until she leaves for college.

Does anyone in a similar situation find this difficult? I'd love to hear thoughts, opinions, and ideas.

[Od****]

Yes, I co-parent. Work through the week, have my kid on a weekend. Besides not wanting them meeting someone that was a play partner I wouldn’t what my kid hearing anything at night BDSM is noisy 🥴😆

[Ba****]

I’m over in the uk, so there’s a chance we do things differently but I have been there and I sympathise completely. It’s so hard, but I promise it’s doable.

I suppose it depends on your availability while your youngest is out of the house if you want to play at home or if you’re comfortable leaving her home alone for an evening so you can visit a club (assuming you have one local enough).

Some other options, are your kids close? Could they spend the occasional weekend together? Does their dad ever have them? Is there a reason you never have men around? I’m wondering if dating and ultimately a relationship with a man who matches your needs could be an option?

I’m sorry none of these are quick and easy fixes. But you aren’t alone

[my****]

I have the opposite problem. I’m child free, and at my age most have children and they aren’t always out of the house.

It’s not easy to find someone with the kink side plus child free, it’s like finding a unicorn.

[La****]

Hi, I was in a similar situation years ago, and although I had family around working till 2 or 3 am in the morning did not help with providing the security I needed for my girls who was 12 and 16 at the time, I end up quitting my job an ended up working part time to protect and care for my girls, the most you can do right now is talk, and even though it may seems like they are not listening, you would be surprised to see how they evolved in the face of adversities. Just be open and honest. Have the conversation. Most kids just want to see their parents happy, and of course, someone to occupy your time so that you won't direct all your attention on them lol.

[de****]

This has been very helpful. For reasons I won’t divulge, I find myself entering into the lifestyle without my wife’s knowledge. We’re mostly nesting partners, she knows I see other ppl but doesn’t know I’m into bdsm. So id say ladyshaz is in the *** lol

[de****]

***right

[do****]

Hello kindred spirit. You are not alone in my MJ voice. Full time dad to a 10 year old daughter, mother irrelevant and non-existent. It's hard. Being a primal Dominant I had to discipline myself and work around her schedule to complete my work, personal and professional. Sacrifice sleep because I can only play when she sleeps. Build a support system of one or two people you can trust to cover while you do your adulting. Use vacation and sick days to play while she's in school. It's no fixed remedy. You got to find a way to maneuver with the tools you have. I brought one of my submissives around her and it didn't work out.

[do****]

2 hours ago, Odie said:

Yes, I co-parent. Work through the week, have my kid on a weekend. Besides not wanting them meeting someone that was a play partner I wouldn’t what my kid hearing anything at night BDSM is noisy 🥴😆

That's what's gags are for 🤷🏿‍♂️ just saying

[Ne****]

41 minutes ago, doubletrouble129 said:

That's what's gags are for 🤷🏿‍♂️ just saying

Come on now, ☺️, it’s not just voices that can be heard… 👋🏽🏏🍯🏊🏼‍♂️🫨🎈…… 😉😉😉

[wa****]

Put an ad up saying u cannot host, find time for ur social life cause ur kids are old enough to manage themselves

[Ba****]

11 minutes ago, warrenj said:

Put an ad up saying u cannot host, find time for ur social life cause ur kids are old enough to manage themselves

Have you factored in all factors with that sweeping statement? The area and how safe it is? Additional needs of the child (not everyone is born neurotypical and able bodied)? The op has posted for ideas and comradery, not judgement

[do****]

55 minutes ago, NexumSange said:

Come on now, ☺️, it’s not just voices that can be heard… 👋🏽🏏🍯🏊🏼‍♂️🫨🎈…… 😉😉😉

🤣😂🤣. Facts. I will keep the focus on I then because she's a hard sleeper, a living room separates our rooms, and I leave the TV on in the living room and play music in the bedroom.

[Th****]

Are the kid's close? Could they spend time together? Either at your eldest's place or ahe could come stay at yours while you go out. At 16 does she have best friends who's parents/guardians you trust where she could stay with them on occasion? I know when I was that age I stayed over at friend's houses quite often, though for very different reasons. In addition to just wanting to be with friends I avoided being home as much as possible. 

I have a single mom friend who's best friend serves as a non relative auntie who cares for her child often. It's totally valid if you don't want to host and bring people to your home. 

 

Edited September 10 by ThaliaV

[Ne****]

1 hour ago, doubletrouble129 said:

🤣😂🤣. Facts. I will keep the focus on I then because she's a hard sleeper, a living room separates our rooms, and I leave the TV on in the living room and play music in the bedroom.

😇 question though: what if Your Child wakes or shows up at your door or such? Have you experienced this? How might you handle things in general?

[do****]

8 hours ago, NexumSange said:

😇 question though: what if Your Child wakes or shows up at your door or such? Have you experienced this? How might you handle things in general?

Honestly, never experienced this but I'm also rarely playing while she is home. In the event she does wake up, she knows to knock on my door first and to just stand there and listen. Also as a precaution I set up my bootleg nanny cam. I have two phones so I call one on video and set it up in the kitchen with the camera facing her door and have the other phone in my room so I can watch. Sometimes with children you have to think outside the box to work around accidentally exposing them to something they shouldn't be exposed to at an early age. If I go out at night, it's after she's sleep, I set up my nanny phone cams again, and I have someone listening out for her with my phone number in the event of an emergency. And I never travel more than 30 mins from home if she's home

[do****]

Just now, doubletrouble129 said:

Honestly, never experienced this but I'm also rarely playing while she is home. In the event she does wake up, she knows to knock on my door first and to just stand there and listen. Also as a precaution I set up my bootleg nanny cam. I have two phones so I call one on video and set it up in the kitchen with the camera facing her door and have the other phone in my room so I can watch. Sometimes with children you have to think outside the box to work around accidentally exposing them to something they shouldn't be exposed to at an early age. If I go out at night, it's after she's sleep, I set up my nanny phone cams again, and I have someone listening out for her with my phone number in the event of an emergency. And I never travel more than 30 mins from home if she's home

*and not to stand there and listen

[La****]

I don't know what I read, but my comments before did not relate to your question.
I think it depends on what you are after. Are you after a bdsm relationship or what?
First and foremost, I would not bring the BDSM lifestyle around my daughter. Reason there are many nerves out there who had eyes for little girls.
So I would say vet the person very well get to know him.
Don't take anyone home.
Hotels
Bdsm hubs such as play rooms are excellent choices that provide all that you need for the experience and provide the discretion you may be looking for.
Just always keep in mind that your safety is always first.

[La****]

Pervert

[La****]

11 hours ago, LadyShaz said:

Hi, I was in a similar situation years ago, and although I had family around working till 2 or 3 am in the morning did not help with providing the security I needed for my girls who was 12 and 16 at the time, I end up quitting my job an ended up working part time to protect and care for my girls, the most you can do right now is talk, and even though it may seems like they are not listening, you would be surprised to see how they evolved in the face of adversities. Just be open and honest. Have the conversation. Most kids just want to see their parents happy, and of course, someone to occupy your time so that you won't direct all your attention on them lol.

Can this be deleted

[Th****]

10 hours ago, LadyShaz said:

Can this be deleted

I dint think it needs to be, it's still relevant. It just depends on if OP wants a full on relationship plus kink or *only* a bdsm/kink relationship. If I'm going to be in a relationship with someone they won't be kept away from other people I my life inefinitely. However if it's just a play partner, there would be the possibility they'd never meet my family but I'd still vet them as if they might eventually, if that makes sense 

[Ya****]

I havent been in this situation, but I emphatize with It. I dont think it's fair you should Just wait. Maybe finding what you NEED through apps is a solution, like FET or simply Tinder. Just write on your profile your preferences. If you are worried about your privacy, dont use a picture of you, and makes It clear that after a good chat you'll be able to show yourself. I suggest Telegram for this. I really Hope you find what you need. You are absolutely not in the wrong place, you know. Not many people understand us, i know. We're taken as perverts, but fuck that. We're people that know exactly what we like, and that scares people, specially If a woman IS positioning herseld! That's awefull.