Explain CNC to me

[DrMacEoin]

The concept is a mystery.
In my book, ALL kinky play is CNC by definition!

Well maybe vanilla sex with light erotic spanking is not…
…but actually, 100% vanilla is CNC when it goes into rough/passionate.

 

Edited September 15 by CaraVirt
sarcastic text parts removed, as inappropriate

[Ch****]

No, it means concent non concent. It is concenting to play with things like a ***ing scenario s and things like that where all control has been handed over on a conceptual basis of the duration of play. Hope that makes sense

[Ch****]

Concenting not conceptual

[Sw****]

Consensual non consent.

[sardonicus87]

No, absolutely not. Consent is required for everything in BDSM... it's like a central tenet preached from the mountain tops. You negotiate beforehand, and ONLY do what was explicitly agreed on. You must be brand new to BDSM if you've not heard this at least 10 billion times by now
.
CNC is consensual non-consent... and it's a tricky term because it has one of two meanings. First, which is what it originally meant and what I think it should mean, is you're giving consent to someone that they can do whatever they want to you without having to ask your permission. That could include even r*pe play, but it doesn't HAVE to include that.
.
Over time, that aspect of it plus the fact that people don't like that R word and want to euphemise it, then CNC became associated with or defined as r*pe play... as if changing the name of what you're talking about makes it any different or hides what you're talking about.
.
CNC should only happen between two people that really trust one another. Beyond that, nothing in BDSM is CNC, not even remotely close to it.

[sardonicus87]

"Your book, is 100% wrong. While there's no right ways or ideas, there are wrong ones, and that's a VERY wrong one.

[DrMacEoin]

8 hours ago, sardonicus87 said:

No, absolutely not. Consent is required for everything in BDSM... it's like a central tenet preached from the mountain tops. You negotiate beforehand, and ONLY do what was explicitly agreed on. You must be brand new to BDSM if you've not heard this at least 10 billion times by now
.
CNC is consensual non-consent... and it's a tricky term because it has one of two meanings. First, which is what it originally meant and what I think it should mean, is you're giving consent to someone that they can do whatever they want to you without having to ask your permission. That could include even r*pe play, but it doesn't HAVE to include that.
.
Over time, that aspect of it plus the fact that people don't like that R word and want to euphemise it, then CNC became associated with or defined as r*pe play... as if changing the name of what you're talking about makes it any different or hides what you're talking about.
.
CNC should only happen between two people that really trust one another. Beyond that, nothing in BDSM is CNC, not even remotely close to it.

Och, I've been into the scene since… the year 2000?.. or so  But yes, the last ten years I've been mostly vanilla.

My first reaction to your post was "You must have misunderstood my question"… but then I scrolled up and saw that 70% of it was butchered by a moderator  Here's the fuller version:

 

…but actually, 100% vanilla is CNC when it goes into rough/passionate.

A horny wet lass is on her fours
I’m bollocks-deep in her
She had one orgasm already
But I want her to have more
She’s moaning
I pull out
Want to turn her around and put it in her mouth

AM I SUPPOSED TO FILE AN OFFICIAL REQUEST FOR THAT?!

“Dear Sir/Madam, would you be so kind as to approve my requisition to put my cock in your mouth?”

“K k Sir, it’s in my queue now, gimme a few minutes.
Is it Business Critical?”

“YES, it is!”
“K, but I don’t see an approval from your Business Unit Director. Unless you procure it ASAPLY, your request will be processed as BAU, three business days turnaround, K?”

[DrMacEoin]

8 hours ago, sardonicus87 said:

Over time, that aspect of it plus the fact that people don't like that R word and want to euphemise it, then CNC became associated with or defined as r*pe play... as if changing the name of what you're talking about makes it any different or hides what you're talking about.

Achhhh… blimey… daft old me… NOW I understand what it's ***y about! The r@pe play and similar… right! Not really my cup of tea, but that actually explains a lot, thank you!

Completely retarded though, the euphemism. Agree with you. IRL of course I don't want to have anything with r@pe, either as a victim or a perpetrator, but in my private bedroom, with a consenting partner?! WTF!

[a few years ago my then girlfriend was almost r@ped… with ME present. And ten blokes around me. We escaped thanks to my cunning and silver tongue… but I was mentally punching myself in the face for NOT having some kind of a lethal we@pon on me. Was sorry that I'm not living in Texas]

 

Och and I never said that anything should be without a consent; what I meant in my question is that there's a general consent on things and levels and then everything else is CNC, meaning that your sub screams "NO!" but it's not a safeword so you continue doing whatever you were doing!

[ey****]

I think the main issue is that some folk muddle CNC and r**e play - to the extent there was someone who was listed as being into CNC but said she would not tolerate a Dominant pulling her hair - well, which is it?

And it turns out that, well, actually she was into r**e play.

For me in general outside of this.  Yesterday I was playing and one of the ladies in particular I know very well as we've played on and off for over 5 years - she doesn't have to ask most questions because she knows I will flag up if anything is  a problem, she knows what I'm into, what I'm not into, what I'm good at and what I'm less good at.

I wouldn't describe what we do as CNC because while she doesn't ask before she does certain things, she knows I'm happy with it and knows I will raise it if I'm not.

If, however, we were doing CNC - then - her asking or may saying no is moot.  If she wanted to whip me and I said "I'm not in the mood" and she said "well I am" then under CNC she could just whip me.  But, it would be consensual because ultimately for whatever period of time I've agreed to waive consent and she can do anything.  

[Ry****]

My favorite form of cnc is sleep play. Imagine your partner n you have an agreement authorizing the other to have free access to each other's bodies. I looooooove waking up to my partner touching me or inside me. I also love petting my partner until they start to stir, shifting their hips into me or wandering hands, pulling me closer.

[DrMacEoin]

On 9/16/2024 at 12:23 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

I think the main issue is that some folk muddle CNC and r**e play - to the extent there was someone who was listed as being into CNC but said she would not tolerate a Dominant pulling her hair - well, which is it?

And it turns out that, well, actually she was into r**e play.

For me in general outside of this.  Yesterday I was playing and one of the ladies in particular I know very well as we've played on and off for over 5 years - she doesn't have to ask most questions because she knows I will flag up if anything is  a problem, she knows what I'm into, what I'm not into, what I'm good at and what I'm less good at.

I wouldn't describe what we do as CNC because while she doesn't ask before she does certain things, she knows I'm happy with it and knows I will raise it if I'm not.

If, however, we were doing CNC - then - her asking or may saying no is moot.  If she wanted to whip me and I said "I'm not in the mood" and she said "well I am" then under CNC she could just whip me.  But, it would be consensual because ultimately for whatever period of time I've agreed to waive consent and she can do anything.  

Thank you! Your explanations helped to lift the fog of confusion from my befuddled mind (too much whisky and Irn-Bru)

[DrMacEoin]

17 hours ago, RynRaven said:

My favorite form of cnc is sleep play. Imagine your partner n you have an agreement authorizing the other to have free access to each other's bodies. I looooooove waking up to my partner touching me or inside me. I also love petting my partner until they start to stir, shifting their hips into me or wandering hands, pulling me closer.

Mmmmmm that's sexy! I did some of this as well… but not enough was done on ME, wouldn't mind some CNC sleep play, wouldn't mind it all