La**** Posted September 16 Posted September 16 Tell her you are disappointed from the lack of support and communication and for that you’ll be focusing on yourself for a day, and then ignore her for the day.. it really allows her time to think about everything.
TheBookCollector Posted September 16 Posted September 16 1 minute ago, Lavenderlover said: Tell her you are disappointed from the lack of support and communication and for that you’ll be focusing on yourself for a day, and then ignore her for the day.. it really allows her time to think about everything. Understand that it is not her fault, as it was not communicated that she should check in with him, so explain why she should be disciplined for something that was not her error.
Th**** Posted September 16 Posted September 16 *You* are the one who's made the mistakes here and any failure is yours to own. Reacting in anger is a very unhealthy way to process and express your valid feelings of disappointment. If you did not clearly express your expectations regarding your wants and needs in advance then she's done nothing wrong and it's even more wrong of you to have given any sort of "punishment" for not being a mind reader.
Th**** Posted September 16 Posted September 16 On 9/15/2024 at 12:32 PM, dominantwedgiedaddy said: Just simply tell her,”this is for serious inquiries ONLY! Don’t waste my time!”something like that,or be nicer and be like, “so do you still want to do this?are you ready to be a sub?” On 9/15/2024 at 12:39 PM, bittenkiss said: don't text or call her. Ha! see how she likes it. 13 hours ago, Lavenderlover said: Tell her you are disappointed from the lack of support and communication and for that you’ll be focusing on yourself for a day, and then ignore her for the day.. it really allows her time to think about everything. All of these suggestions are manipulative and at the least unhealthy and moving into the direction of mistreatment, since I'm sure the bots will censor "***" 🙄 In other words, all bad advice.
ey**** Posted September 16 Posted September 16 slight further thought the thing with any form of punishment is you cannot take it back. it's something which should always be trodden carefully on if you are ever unsure one kinda important thing is that most courts reject the "BDSM defence" - so if she says you struck her, and you say "it was a BDSM punishment" you better have heavy receipts this was consensual because they won't buy it. And they can and will prosecute you.
Th**** Posted September 16 Posted September 16 13 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: slight further thought the thing with any form of punishment is you cannot take it back. it's something which should always be trodden carefully on if you are ever unsure one kinda important thing is that most courts reject the "BDSM defence" - so if she says you struck her, and you say "it was a BDSM punishment" you better have heavy receipts this was consensual because they won't buy it. And they can and will prosecute you. Also... depending on the specific laws where you live whether or not there's consent is irrelevant. In the US in particular there are areas where, legally speaking, consent can not be given for a lot of what happens within BDSM & kink and much of it is actually illegal.
GreyHog Posted September 25 Posted September 25 Please don't tell people that you are a "dom" and please, please don't continue to train until you learn. Begin by assuming you know nothing, then you can absorb the importance of clear expectations (by both of you) of what your dynamic will be. Good luck and feel free to reach out for real basic advice for beginners.
La**** Posted September 25 Posted September 25 OP never once said he had lack in communication, in fact, he said that his sub knew that his week was stressful. So for the people going off on this person, for lack of communication.. You are all hypocrites because you’re making assumptions without communicating lol, you have all read one paragraph and fill as if you understand their entire relationship. OP simply asked for a fitting punishment, not for yall to over, analyze his relationship based off of a paragraph. And why yes it is important to have some set rules, this is a relationship and not a contract. It is each other’s job to learn and better understand their partner.
Ba**** Posted September 25 Posted September 25 September 15, BackRubsNBruises said: Did you clearly articulate this was expected? If I knew my Dominant had a busy and important day, I’d probably check in first thing (assuming our wake up times were similar) and then leave him to it. If you haven’t articulated it, you have no right to punish your sub. Especially if they’re new and learning. @lavenderlover, I actually did check and have quoted my original comment (which was posted 10 days or so ago). Op had not communicated it was needed. Did say lots of other concerning things though. Which someone who had read the comments would be aware of. I am a huge advocate for kindness and helping because you don’t know what you don’t know and we were all less informed once. But it wasn’t even just one post. It was a post and comments and statuses calling their still new to the scene submissive some really horrid things.
La**** Posted September 25 Posted September 25 BackRubsNBruises I read your comment on assuming that there was lack of communication, but nothing from OP in this thread, the indicates that there was. That being said no I did not look at OP profile.. so that’s probably why a lot of you are coming off Harsh. As myself did not look into OP past posts. So you are probably right in saying I am missing information.
Ba**** Posted September 25 Posted September 25 10 minutes ago, Lavenderlover said: BackRubsNBruises I read your comment on assuming that there was lack of communication, but nothing from OP in this thread, the indicates that there was. That being said no I did not look at OP profile.. so that’s probably why a lot of you are coming off Harsh. As myself did not look into OP past posts. So you are probably right in saying I am missing information. I’m slow to anger and I was absolutely horrified. If someone had called you useless, a cunt etc etc online without first discussing it with you (and not in a consented *** way, but behind your back) how would you feel as a new submissive? Op did later admit they were also new and most people eased off at that point. But the early replies met them with the energy OP had in the question and their attitude generally. Disrespect earns a person disrespect. This person would hugely benefit from a post on here about books to read to be a better dominant. Their initial reaction was to come online and ask for punishment ideas whilst they were still angry. This is very disjointed, so I apologise for that, but I hope you now understand where the comments came from and why there was such animosity directed towards OP. They were wrong in a way that could very easily harm someone else and sometimes not sugar coating things is kinder because it makes them see their errors quicker.
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