What are your non-negotiables for a dynamic?

[Ba****]

Im just being nosey, but I’ll start.

My Dominant must be:
Consistent
Honest
Trustworthy
A good communicator
Committed to our relationship
Take ownership of their actions
Respectful
Encourage me
Ground me
Be willing to treat me as an equal if needed
Never harm me beyond what has been consented
Listen to my concerns


There are probably others. But what do you need? This is open to all sides of the slash. Dominants, submissives and switches.

[Deleted Member]

My sub must be hard working (not lazy) and communicative - connection and effort are everything.

[Ta****]

Mine is consistency

[Sw****]

Good communication is a must, being open about limits, feelings and making sure to discuss before and debrief afterwards is so important.

I know it's not everyone but you'd like to think people don't want to genuinely hurt others, and knowing someone felt uncomfortable after a situation or carried on through something is the worst feeling.

Every relationship be it Dom, sub or switch is going to be unique and so you have to approach it with no pre conceptions and build up the understanding. Even on a ONS.

[Deleted Member]

Emotional maturity
Active listening qhen emotions are elevated
Care for me and the dynamic

[ka****]

You kinda hit the nail on the head there… biggest being open communication, respecting boundaries, trusting my sub… I’ve had it where I’m told something is okay, but I’m not sure they’re 100% so have to be hesitant otherwise I feel they’ll consent to something they’re not actually okay with… mental health in check is a must

[mi****]

Honesty, communication, loyalty, respect and all in all just being open and encouraging of each other making sure we're always still comfortable and always making sure we're both good mentally and stable and making sure there's constant check in during play and after. Aftercare is definitely important I want to make sure my partner is good and feeling safe

[De****]

First and foremost the basics: consent, communication, honesty, respect. No relationship and certainly no dynamic works without those things. As far as more specifics, I need a 24/7 TPE DD/lg. A Dominant needs to want those things. They need to want to help me be the best version of myself, willing to discipline me, have a vanilla connection with me. As a person I like intelligent, successful (to some extent), funny, attentive. To name a few.

[Mr****]

These just sound like the ground rules for any inter-personal relationship, whether romantic or platonic

[to****]

I require honesty and respect

[da****]

No matter what role they have me play, they must respect me as well as my boundaries. If they can't listen when I tell them to do/not do something, then I'll know they're just in it for themselves at that point. If my well-being is not a priority to them, that's an issue. I am very much a human being. I would like to be cared for how I would care for you. Makes me feel like I'm appreciated for more than just my talents.

[Sy****]

Agreed

[Shilo66]

For me, it's the following:

1 - Lack of real-world common sense.

2 - Lack of honesty.

3 - Poor communication.

4 - Failure to listen properly... they only hear what they want to hear, that sort of thing.

5 - Lack accountability for decisions, actions and choices they've made. 

6 - Having unrealistic expectations of others whilst not holding themselves to the same standards.

7 -  Emotional immaturity.

8 - Emotionally damaged or emotionally turmoiled, and it's obvious that they haven't tried, or are unwilling to heal themselves, or to seek/get help.

9 - Lack of emotional intelligence.

10 - When they're in the generally relevant age range - Denial / refusal to acknowledge when they're in perimenopause.

11 - Drug taking. In my experience, most people who state that they're "420 friendly," turn out to be at the very least mildly addicted.  

12 - Alcohol addiction - drinking too much of it in one go / sitting, or too frequently. NO!

13 - Heavy smokers, NO!

Edited September 15 by Shilo66

[ne****]

Definitely communication. Don’t lie to me about your experience level or your kinks

[Ce****]

Bad teeth. And when I say bad, I don't mean just a bit crooked and/or stained, I mean BAD. Like Meth'd Up, 2 rows of mossy desicrated tombstones lining your jaw level Bad. I always jokingly say that if eyes are the window to the soul, then teeth are the window to the crotch. There's a distinct correlation between the hygiene of the two. Remember the Golden Rule, the care that's put between One pair of Lips is Directly reflected beyween the Other pair of Lips. If a person has Horrendous teeth, then chances are they have a messed up situation down below as well. 😅

[in****]

Getting to know your dynamic

[Wh****]

Must have snacks

[3X****]

Those things you've mentioned I find to be what any person would want out of any kind of relationship, kink or not. I still can't find the guy who can work with me because communication seems to be a fleeting thing these days. I have a demanding career. I'm not going to stop my work day to entertain your cheerleader fantasy. Especially when I'm not into role playing that way. Don't expect me to take pics of me fingering myself when I'm working. I don't have time for that. That stuff is meant for when I have free time. My one Dom annoyed the hell out of me because of stuff like that. The other one thought he was a Dom...sucked in bed and in any play situations we tried. No care for me or my wants/needs whatsoever. I'm so done.

[Ev****]

Communication. Another big flag for me would be communication. And ... If I could find a partner who would COMMUNICATE with me, I think it would be beneficial for both of us. I like it when girls communicate, and especially communication with me? That's key. Basically I'm saying you B****es don't say much! 🤣🤣🤣 You spend all day shopping online but a "hey." Once or twice a day? "ThAt's BeiNg tOo ConTrOLlInG." "You NEed To REspEcT mY PriVaCY..." Uh huh... Ok brat ...

[Se****]

Open, HONEST communication is a must. This is critical when considering consent and a healthy trust dynamic between partners. Accountability and empathy when considering your partner's needs.

[Nc****]

Educated on bdsm
Kind
Respectful
Values consent
Understands boundaries
Doesn't see me as a kink dispenser
Wants the vanilla bits, too
Makes me feel safe
I respect them as a person

[La****]

My sub gotta be:
Overall kind person
Sweet and cute
Needy and clingy
Have their own sense of identity; personality, mindset, thoughts, dreams and passions
Respect boundaries
Knows how to communicate
Know how take care of themselves

[Je****]

-Respecting time. If we have 3 hours to just enjoy together and you aren't Present (not even enjoying the presence) by being glued to your phone or something.. no. Or if we have to go and nothing is ready on your end.. no.
-Decision mode. If you can't brain, give potato face and make stim noise. That let's me know You're fried, and I am captain for small and big things until you recharge 🥰. That one is hard for people, but when expressed that way, almost everyone gets it.
-Sleep. It's the closest thing I have to forgetting about my adult life, please don't ruin my sleep, I hate impeding on anyone's sleep, even if they want me there.
-Adult discussion and Problems, Don't wait until it's 3am, and we are both day shift to start the conversation or argument. I understand it takes time to process emotions and situations, but please don't wait.
-Sit down or Stop time. We need it, we are still living creatures.
-Have fun. If we can't have fun, and laugh, or bust out laughing mid way through a steamy love moment, I don't want it. Life isn't that serious.

[Ba****]

6 hours ago, WhiskeyAssassin said:

Must have snacks

Omg! Stealing this!

[DarkArts1066]

Honesty.
Everything starts from there.

I follow SSC, RACK and PRICK guidelines, so Honesty is followed by good two way communication.
Everything else is a process of discussion and negotiation.