Deleted Member Posted January 17, 2020 Posted January 17, 2020 If you haven't already, read my previous post: Caregiver/little bond. Done? Ok. A little update. I found out my play partner is in an open relationship, with her boyfriend being ok with her online affair with me. Which impresses me. Who would let their girl chat to a weird internet creep? That removes my worries about her developing deep feelings towards me, as she loves her boyfriend. But I still have a feeling that she likes our plays a bit too much. We play almost every day. What does her boy do all the time? I hope she won't develop an addiction to escaping reality, which I so well provide to her.
ey**** Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 sooo... I hope this perspective helps. I am married and love my wife very much. We do have somewhat of an open relationship. My wife, for example, currently also has a girlfriend - and for a little while I had a Mistress. Generally I play loose/NSA with others but there's prospective for new relationships to form in the future. When I was with my Mistress, there was such an amazing chemistry and energy. It was different. I didn't in anyway stop loving my wife - but I also subsequently had feelings for my Mistress. When things ended with my Mistress - it was a headfuck. Even though I was with my wife every day who I loved deeply, it still emotionally felt like a break up. It was very complex. Sooooo... don't worry about what your partner does with her boy. It might well be that there's aspects of what she wants he can't give - but plenty he does. Within forms of poly and non-mono there's an easy phrase of "instead of being everything to someone... you can be something to them"
Deleted Member Posted January 18, 2020 Author Posted January 18, 2020 2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: It might well be that there's aspects of what she wants he can't give - but plenty he does. Within forms of poly and non-mono there's an easy phrase of "instead of being everything to someone... you can be something to them" Well, she told me that her boyfriend doesn't really enjoy roleplays and texting. Which she loves.
Wo**** Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: "instead of being everything to someone... you can be something to them" I absolutely love this!
ey**** Posted January 19, 2020 Posted January 19, 2020 10 hours ago, SidoraxVonCreep said: Well, she told me that her boyfriend doesn't really enjoy roleplays and texting. Which she loves. yep - so, for example he has two choices. He can do this. He doesn't enjoy this and can't give his best. Or. He can permit her to do this with others, providing boundaries are defined and everyone is happy with the situation.
ey**** Posted January 19, 2020 Posted January 19, 2020 9 hours ago, LazyPiratesBounty said: I absolutely love this! ironically, the person I first saw say this is now in a mono relationship - but was adapting to being in a poly relationship when he first said it and it reasoned with me. A lot of people worry about being "everything" their partner needs, or worrying about having to compromise - imagine if you didn't. A lot in me and what I look for is changeable - there's core things I want to head back to. So, for example my wife is disinterested in both watersports and splosh on either side of the slash so a partner into both or either would be more appealing to me - but by the same token - my wife IS into foot worship... but, like, there's a whole world of wonderful feet I find attractive I'd love in my mouth. But, I'd still go back to her.
Wo**** Posted January 19, 2020 Posted January 19, 2020 That response has helped me more than you know. On more than one level x
ey**** Posted January 19, 2020 Posted January 19, 2020 I've got potential to take this off-topic, but I think it's core. Everything we've been taught our entire lives about relationships. I won't say "is wrong" - moreso... lacks context and is based on ideology
Deleted Member Posted January 19, 2020 Author Posted January 19, 2020 I stick with my last comment, it is still a big mistake, due to your personal issues..
Deleted Member Posted January 19, 2020 Author Posted January 19, 2020 1 hour ago, TeeJay_Pup said: I stick with my last comment, it is still a big mistake, due to your personal issues.. I agree. But at least, I don't have to worry about her falling for me. But that still doesn't remove the strange attachment she has towards me. It's not any D/s bond though. It's more that she likes the way I let her escape reality, and become whatever she wants in my imaginary world.
Deleted Member Posted January 19, 2020 Author Posted January 19, 2020 45 minutes ago, SidoraxVonCreep said: I agree. But at least, I don't have to worry about her falling for me. But that still doesn't remove the strange attachment she has towards me. It's not any D/s bond though. It's more that she likes the way I let her escape reality, and become whatever she wants in my imaginary world. Yep, maybe so but she relies on you, you have a responsibility, no matter how big or small that is. You have pursued something with her, yes it's online, yes she has a rl partner, but... You have pursued something with her, when you aren't in a good place to do so.. Hense my last comments... That is all I will say as I feel we've gone of subject from what you first asked. Take care.
Deleted Member Posted January 19, 2020 Author Posted January 19, 2020 I am not sure what it is but I read few of your post and it feels like its a game for you, you use who ever respond and don't really care about the consequences? I am not judging you but it feel kind of strange
Deleted Member Posted January 19, 2020 Author Posted January 19, 2020 10 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: I am not sure what it is but I read few of your post and it feels like its a game for you, you use who ever respond and don't really care about the consequences? I am not judging you but it feel kind of strange To be honest, yes. Sexual stuff is just a form of entertainment for me, it's completely separated from deeper emotional connections in my mind. But I do care about my partners. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be here asking questions about it. I don't try to create feelings in them, I always try to keep it as a mere fun time for us both. I'm really careful about it, but sometimes, they start to feel something deeper despite my efforts. I don't know what it is, I'm not that attractive to infatuate them. Maybe my roleplaying influence is so strong that they start to believe it as if it was real?
Deleted Member Posted January 19, 2020 Author Posted January 19, 2020 you basically confess what I was worried about. for you its just a game, entertainment and self gratification. because you play online no emotion is developed on your side but its different from the receiving end.
Wo**** Posted January 19, 2020 Posted January 19, 2020 8 minutes ago, SidoraxVonCreep said: To be honest, yes. Sexual stuff is just a form of entertainment for me, it's completely separated from deeper emotional connections in my mind. But I do care about my partners. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be here asking questions about it. I don't try to create feelings in them, I always try to keep it as a mere fun time for us both. I'm really careful about it, but sometimes, they start to feel something deeper despite my efforts. I don't know what it is, I'm not that attractive to infatuate them. Maybe my roleplaying influence is so strong that they start to believe it as if it was real? For some people, like me, words are extremely powerful... It's all and well and good to say "i always try to keep it mere fun for us both" "They start to feel something deeper despite my efforts" People feel....
ey**** Posted January 19, 2020 Posted January 19, 2020 you can't control someone else's feelings. You can influence them by what you say, what you do, so on - but you can't control them. You can try to mitigate things by making sure it's clear what you can or can't offer. But, even then...... when you talk about attractiveness. Every human on the planet is attractive. Granted, some might have "conventional beauty" or be really good at grooming - but - everyone is someone's 'type' when it comes to looks and most people aren't really as shallow as it seems. I found that people can be more (or less) attractive to me based on, well, their words and actions. Someone I see as kind, helpful, happy to be with me I find more attractive.
Deleted Member Posted January 19, 2020 Author Posted January 19, 2020 1 hour ago, FabSeverus said: you basically confess what I was worried about. for you its just a game, entertainment and self gratification. because you play online no emotion is developed on your side but its different from the receiving end. True. I might just make few corrections. It's not really for self gratification. I mainly aim to please my partners. Their satisfaction is what I take as a personal reward.
Deleted Member Posted January 20, 2020 Author Posted January 20, 2020 @FabSeverus @LazyPiratesBounty @eyemblacksheep I admit. The fault is on my side. I'm used to predicting people's behavior with logical calculations. I know. Feelings are usually beyond logic. I almost always forget that. I also forget that not everyone's perception of sexuality and attachment is separated like in my case. I'm unable to develop feelings for someone through sexual activity, since for me, it's the same as e.g. playing a video game. Just fun, no big deal. But yeah, others aren't like me. I'm aware of that, but I so often overlook that.
ey**** Posted January 20, 2020 Posted January 20, 2020 I think sometimes the best you can do is be honest. Tell them what you like. What you can offer. But also what you can't. In some cases you being clear you won't develop feelings might put some at ease, or cushion the expectations. When I've been hurt in the past it's often because people have, to a degree, mislead or not been clear on what they could reasonably offer.
Deleted Member Posted January 20, 2020 Author Posted January 20, 2020 1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said: I think sometimes the best you can do is be honest. Tell them what you like. What you can offer. But also what you can't. In some cases you being clear you won't develop feelings might put some at ease, or cushion the expectations. When I've been hurt in the past it's often because people have, to a degree, mislead or not been clear on what they could reasonably offer. You're right. I should be more specific about my needs. I always make it clear that it's just for entertainment, but I've almost never mentioned my lack of emotion. And well, some people might believe that NSA affairs can develop into something deeper.
ey**** Posted January 20, 2020 Posted January 20, 2020 or not just what they believe - but that they could also go in expecting just take-it-or-leave-it fun and develop some form of feelings.
Deleted Member Posted January 20, 2020 Author Posted January 20, 2020 24 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: or not just what they believe - but that they could also go in expecting just take-it-or-leave-it fun and develop some form of feelings. Yeah, that's always a risk. I actually have nothing against deeper emotions, it's beautiful when someone likes me. The problem is, it might get so strong that they would want to meet me in real life. And well, there's nothing beyond my virtual world.
ey**** Posted January 20, 2020 Posted January 20, 2020 yep; it's why it's important to communicate your own boundaries. And some people might like the idea of a fantasy stranger online they'll never meet; others won't.
Ski-9298 Posted January 21, 2020 Posted January 21, 2020 Intensity increases excitement and l aim to excite
Deleted Member Posted January 21, 2020 Author Posted January 21, 2020 16 minutes ago, Ski-9298 said: Intensity increases excitement and l aim to excite Not sure about what you mean.
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