How to dom?

[za****]

I'm definitely not a sub but I don't know how to dom properly. I always focus too much on making sure what they want to do and they are having fun. I've been told that's kinda the job of the dom but I've also been told I take it too much into caring. It's just confusing

[Lo****]

first you need to figure out your way of dom. Second a dom is to lead. when you figure that out your golden

[ga****]

Its normal to make sure if the other people is enjoying, normal conversation, dont care about other ppl say

[Tr****]

Sp the biggest thing to understand is YOU. What you're describing sounds to me like a soft caretaker dom.

Keep in mind there there is NO standard for a "proper dom", cause everyone is different.

The people you've been with tend to either be brattier or seem to want a more "firm" dominant.

I've always been the kind of person that if I have permission once, unless that permission is revoked, then I always have permission.

Having a lot down and discussing with your sub(s) OFTEN is a great way to help you understand YOU and your way of being a dom better.

[Tr****]

A sit down* not a lot down lol

[Ze****]

Really depends on the type you want to be, what scratches your itch. Example I’m a pleasure sadist, sadist, and daddy dom they are all different depending upon how the sub is feeling and responds

[jo****]

Sounds like you're more inclined to be a service top than a Dom, and there's really nothing wrong with that. You just have to figure out a way to make it part of the game.

[Sc****]

Fake it till ya make it man 😉

[Mo****]

Nothing wrong with being caring, you could be a softer dom

[Mo****]

Some people just like harder ones, so that's probably why you were told you were too caring, but some people prefer you to be

[Ra****]

Think about I this way at a very basic level: between a dom and a sub there is an element of consentual control being surrendered. The sub becomes "subordinate" and part of their kink involves you taking control and taking what you want or "dominating" in the bedroom. Now obviously there is nuance, context, and boundaries in any individual relationship, but generally a sub wants to relinquish control and allow the dom to use them for pleasure. By acting as the dom, and taking control, you ARE caring for them, meeting their needs etc. Give yourself permission to be "selfish" within the consensual agreements of your relationship and you will worry less about what they need, focus more on what you need, and thus be fulfilling a subs desires.

[Lo****]

You are a pleasure Dom. Subs will take your lead. Have an honest detailed conversation with a perspective sub on what limits they have, and what they like, ***, denial, etc. then figure out what you like. Your task is to lead the way.

[Th****]

Soft doms are a thing too and pleasure does but thing us, to learn if thier using you for it or enjoying you because of it

[an****]

Learn your subs body and their wants and needs first then the rest comes naturally

[Deleted Member]

The discussion about what the sub and the Dom want and the limits and all should happen outside of the "session". Once it's start, the Dom is leading the way. Subs should have safe words to express limits and all and Doms need to read the subs cause in very intense moment they might not even think about safe words. Considering what you said the chances of you going too far seems unlikely. If it does not feel natural, maybe the style you're going for is not right for you, or maybe the bdsm thing is more the idea of you partner and you're not fully onboard. It's hard to say.

[La****]

Being caring is necessary. But ‘Dom’ stands for dominant—so you’re going to be one who dominate the situation. Having control and lead. You decide and choose things first; then adjust that with what your subs would like and comfortable with. If they’re matches, continue. The situation run based on YOUR overall plan. Your plan first, adjustment here and there later. And mostly when youre a dom, you would love for your needs to be met first, and have subs following that according to what they like and tolerate. And mostly, subs just like to follow and have fulfillment doing what you like bcs well, theyre submissive and love to follow orders.

[Ph****]

Doming is different from sub to sub. Depends on your style and what your okay and not okay with. I'm a pleasure Dom. Some enjoy that control, others just giving small check ins. It's all different. Find your style and I'm sure there plenty of people that vine with it

[Ka****]

Being dom is not a specific thing…some are sadistic, some firm or rigid…but there are soft doms and pleasure doms as well. And for every style of dom there is a sub to match…if you are a pleasure dom trying to dom a masochist sub that doesn’t feel dominated if she doesn’t have fresh bruises when it’s over then you won’t do very well…but there ARE subs out there that want to be blindfolded and restrained and made to cum 30 or 40 times in a play session. Figure out your style of dominance then find a sub that wants dominated in that way.

[jo****]

Stop.... Understand this..... Dom is not what you are... Dom is a title that is EARNED when you have a submissive and they trust you, respect you, are loyal to you, and honor you by making sure the world knows they gave you that title... Dom is not a way of life... it is a M.A.N. (Meets All Needs). You have met their needs Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually, Physically, and Monetarily to the best of your gawd damn ability. If you work off the 1% rule, try to be 1% better tomorrow than you are today, and 1% better the next day ect. You will be 90% better man in 90 days. You will have a submissive find you. And yes worrying about them is absolutely part of your job as a M.A.N. Now for the B.O.Y.s who tell you that they are a Dom and have no submissive, or that you need to figure out what type of Dom you are... these are red flag city for people who have no clue of what the hell they are speaking of and that's 90%+ of the people on the site. A B.O.Y. is a (Burden On You) they will leave you feeling drained Emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, they will drain your bank account, and they will beat you for their pleasure not worrying about how they hurt the submissive, and will f**k the sub for their own pleasure leaving the submissive wanting. Please learn the difference and take what 90% of these individuals are saying with a grain of salt.

[JP****]

I say ur the perfect Dom for the right girl. Depends on call as a cpl

[Si****]

It’s a mixture. You have to be aware of their needs but your job is to provide a path. Finish with care.

[Vi****]

Maybe you lean more towards a sensual dom. If your sub is used to a more kinky dom or a master, the sensual dom experience will be totally different. Communicate what you're both wanting and feeling and what you expect vs what's actually happening. It could just be that you want different things from the dynamic which gives them the impression you go to far into this or that.

[Do****]

There's as many different ways to be dominant as there are people. There's really no "right" or "wrong" way to do it. If you and a sub mesh in a dynamic? That's really all that takes.

[Tr****]

15 minutes ago, johnholmes2001 said:

Stop.... Understand this..... Dom is not what you are... Dom is a title that is EARNED when you have a submissive and they trust you, respect you, are loyal to you, and honor you by making sure the world knows they gave you that title... Dom is not a way of life... it is a M.A.N. (Meets All Needs). You have met their needs Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually, Physically, and Monetarily to the best of your gawd damn ability. If you work off the 1% rule, try to be 1% better tomorrow than you are today, and 1% better the next day ect. You will be 90% better man in 90 days. You will have a submissive find you. And yes worrying about them is absolutely part of your job as a M.A.N. Now for the B.O.Y.s who tell you that they are a Dom and have no submissive, or that you need to figure out what type of Dom you are... these are red flag city for people who have no clue of what the hell they are speaking of and that's 90%+ of the people on the site. A B.O.Y. is a (Burden On You) they will leave you feeling drained Emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, they will drain your bank account, and they will beat you for their pleasure not worrying about how they hurt the submissive, and will f**k the sub for their own pleasure leaving the submissive wanting. Please learn the difference and take what 90% of these individuals are saying with a grain of salt.

That's a very limited minority of Doms. Youre giving very limited information bri. Just cause that's how YOU see it and live it, doesn't make it true for EVERY dom.

[my****]

There’s no right way. There’s your way and your partner. I suggest taking their limits, and their interests and creating a boundary in your mind. Now once you have those two bounds, you overlay your interests and do them. When you get comfortable you’ll weave up to limits, and then pull in their pleasure and everything they derive from the scene will be for your enjoyment. I also have a check in the following day. After the after care, after they’ve had time to process, the two of you discuss feelings, and the scene from the day before. The sub should feel free to be completely open. You then take this feedback and incorporate it into your next scene, or deny them completely. It’s a dance. There will be a dozen comments or more here and each will be different. You will need to find your own style, and if you do it long enough you will.