Deleted Member Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 I’ve seen a lot of topics on here addressing bdsm play, hard & soft limits, etc but I would like to find out , if anyone is happy to share, how do you ensure safe play in terms of protecting from STD’s. If you meet a potential play partner, how do you know they are clean and it’s safe to play? They might be polygamous and even if you trust them how do you know the other people they play with are clean? They may bring toys with them, the same thing - how do you relax and know it’s safe? I apologise if this is a boring subject but I am thinking that my mind would not shut down and relax and enjoy because it will be worrying about ‘boring ‘ stuff like that.
ey**** Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 ok - how to know if someone is clean - you don't. Unless they get tested regularly which too many people do not. Ditto with toys. So, I think if in doubt when it comes to toys - rub with an antiseptic wipe before play - and if it's something like an insertable it should be steralised between uses especially if used on different people : if you can't be confident with the person or premises hygiene practices then don't do that activity with them I massively encourage anyone who plays regularly, even if you're not having penetrative sex, to get tested regularly; you can catch STI's from insertables - and if you're in somewhere like a dungeon or using toys - then this is an environment where things like ***, cum, ***, etc. may have been around. While the risk is low, there's still a risk. I get regularly tested included with certificates (so I can produce info like my last test date, what I was tested for, etc.) but this is generally excessive - I do this partially because I also work in the adult film industry.
Ar**** Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 Not a boring subject at all! Unfortunately I think there will always be a portion of the community who get an added thrill from the danger of not acting responsibly and daring to risk. This in itself is not reprehensible, so long as all parties concerned are aware and able to make the personal and educated decision to put themselves at risk - when people are misled or outright lied to, then it becomes a bigger issue. Ultimately the best way to be safe is to assume a partner has something and take all the steps you would to prevent infection. Use a barrier etc., appropriately clean any toys a partner brings along yourself before play, and so on. In parts of some cultures it is standard practice to show a new partner your *** test results before engaging in intimacy; if you don't mind waiting you could suggest you and a new partner go and take them. I don't think that is unreasonable, and any playmate who is worth giving your time to will unlikely have an issue with waiting a short while. I would hope that in most instances if a new play partner were poly they let you know beforehand. That is something you ought to know, that they should be upfront about. If it has not been mentioned before play, why not? To stay safe in this way you need to be secure in your knowledge about a partner's relationship status. You have to follow your instincts. Ask if your new partner's playtime with anyone else is safe, you have that right. Then, can you trust their belief/word that their other partners are clean? Do you get any vibe that they may be the kind of person who will just sleep with anybody, or lie about cleanliness to get you into bed? Did they mention safe sex to you? If they did not then that should be an alarm bell and red flag in itself as they do not know whether you yourself or clean and would be putting both themselves and any other partners they don't practice safe sex with at risk if they were intimate with you - that should be something they care about. You won't ever know for sure. You can bring your own toys, you have the right to say no to their toys, you can shop for toys together (that is always quite nice). But the question you ask, it doesn't just apply to our community, it applies to all relationships the world over. If you want to be safe you either need to step up and be firm about what you expect from a new partner, or you have to only share yourself with people you trust completely not to consciously endanger you.
Wo**** Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 Any toys that aren't my own are cleaned properly, sterilized and used with a condom. Any partners, other than my LDR and Pirate, use condoms and regular check ups.
LazyPirate Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 I get myself checked up once a month minimal and ensure I use condoms with partners (apart from Bounty as I know she uses them with others). But I also make sure any toys I use are cleaned thoroughly with antibac stuff and potentially a condom used with them for extra care.
Deleted Member Posted January 23, 2020 Author Posted January 23, 2020 13 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: I get regularly tested included with certificates (so I can produce info like my last test date, what I was tested for, etc.) but this is generally excessive - I do this partially because I also work in the adult film industry. Thanks for your very informative reply @eyemblacksheep . I wish more people tested themselves in the manner that you do. Personally, I would probably find playing more fun if I could take the guessing if my partner is clean out of the game.
Deleted Member Posted January 23, 2020 Author Posted January 23, 2020 13 hours ago, Aranhis said: Ultimately the best way to be safe is to assume a partner has something and take all the steps you would to prevent infection. Thank you for your practical suggestions @Aranhis and for saying that the subject isn’t boring. After reading quite a bit outside and reading your replies on here, what you wrote about assuming that my potential partner has something and work back from there is the safest thing for me. Having said that, even if one is careful with toys etc, there are certain things condoms don’t protect against . The American Sexual Health Association states that about 1 in 8 people aged 14-49 in the U.S. have genital herpes. And this is a country where it’s quite common in relationships not to proceed to have sex without a condom until both parties exchange a certificate of clean bill of health. In the UK I find the attitude slightly more relaxed and therefore that 1 in 8 number might be even higher . It’s a real worry, I must admit. Thank you again for your reply - it was really helpful!
Ar**** Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 2 minutes ago, GrayCoyote said: Thank you again for your reply - it was really helpful! You're welcome @GrayCoyote - amongst other things it's exactly what the forums are here for. I think you now have a plan which is right for you; best wishes and good luck with it.
Deleted Member Posted January 23, 2020 Author Posted January 23, 2020 13 hours ago, LazyPiratesBounty said: Any toys that aren't my own are cleaned properly, sterilized and used with a condom.Any partners, other than my LDR and Pirate, use condoms and regular check ups. That’s really good @LazyPiratesBounty ! Do you find that all the prep work, cleaning, sterilising, condom on toys etc, takes a little bit the fun out of the play? I keep thinking that if one is trying to be in the moment, that it would slightly put a damper on things . But I suppose it’s a necessity. It’s basically balancing fun and safety x
Deleted Member Posted January 23, 2020 Author Posted January 23, 2020 1 minute ago, Aranhis said: I think you now have a plan which is right for you; best wishes and good luck with it. Yes I do @Aranhis - never have sex again! 😂
Wo**** Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 1 hour ago, GrayCoyote said: That’s really good @LazyPiratesBounty ! Do you find that all the prep work, cleaning, sterilising, condom on toys etc, takes a little bit the fun out of the play? I keep thinking that if one is trying to be in the moment, that it would slightly put a damper on things . But I suppose it’s a necessity. It’s basically balancing fun and safety x It just becomes part of the routine and safety is rule number 1.
ey**** Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 10 hours ago, GrayCoyote said: Thanks for your very informative reply @eyemblacksheep . I wish more people tested themselves in the manner that you do. Personally, I would probably find playing more fun if I could take the guessing if my partner is clean out of the game. by admission - I potentially should have started earlier than I did. But, a lot coincided with me launching my own store and that I've been attending more adult/performer events - buuuut - I think I kinda hate being the person late to the idea that then tells everybody else to : it's so easy and it's such good practice - most places have clinics at all different times (I go on an evening after my day job) and there's no charge if you just want SMS results.
Deleted Member Posted January 24, 2020 Author Posted January 24, 2020 Always ask for proof your partner is sti free. before I start a new D/s and have sexual play with my subs I get checked and show her my result . And she should do the same if she had sex with others before me. It’s kind of respectful and show some basic care. as for toys, same as mentioned above, wash them, sterilise with boiling water above 90d and use some antibacterial gel. Never mind if it’s kind of off putting before a play or not but safety and health is a big part of bdsm.
Wo**** Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 1 hour ago, FabSeverus said: Never mind if it’s kind of off putting before a play or not Not as off putting as an STI. I suffer from the ocassional cold sore so precautions are paramount in my mind. Like Mr Severus says, it can be off putting. I don't think many people actually like condoms and it can be uncomfortable "in the moment" but I think condoms and/or regular tests are a necessity.
Deleted Member Posted January 24, 2020 Author Posted January 24, 2020 59 minutes ago, LazyPiratesBounty said: Not as off putting as an STI. I suffer from the ocassional cold sore so precautions are paramount in my mind. Like Mr Severus says, it can be off putting. I don't think many people actually like condoms and it can be uncomfortable "in the moment" but I think condoms and/or regular tests are a necessity. Never had any so won’t know 😂! but yes better to be safe than being sore down there. In our scene of course the condoms are a bit of a killjoy as most subs like the cum effect, I won’t go into details but it’s part of the play. So get check regularly if you play poly and enjoy the free willy 😜😈
Deleted Member Posted January 24, 2020 Author Posted January 24, 2020 8 hours ago, FabSeverus said: Never had any so won’t know 😂! but yes better to be safe than being sore down there. In our scene of course the condoms are a bit of a killjoy as most subs like the cum effect, I won’t go into details but it’s part of the play. So get check regularly if you play poly and enjoy the free willy 😜😈 Love this! It's ok to be concerned and to request proper precautions. A healthy conversation should precede play, whatever your preference is for cum and free willy action. Sadly, in my experience, this too often falls to the woman to initiate. Certainly with older play partners, that has been true. The ONLY play partner I've had who was diligent and respectful about using precautions and getting regularly tested was a youngster. I hope that means that things are changing. I get tested monthly and I'm open about how I play. There's still a risk. I'm accepting of that. It doesn't mean you should be.
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