Why did I let this happen to me!!!!

[li****]

6 hours ago, PixieDust said:

I thank you for trusting me, I don't take that lightly and feel honoured by your very kind words.  I am glad I could help in some small way,  but my friend you have courage in spades, more than anyone I know, please always remember how wonderful and courageous you truly are.   I also have to say I couldn't agree more with @LazyPiratesBounty your post needs to be pinned !!! 💖💖💖

Aw I feel honoured that you share your words with me first also 😘 thank you hun 💜

[Ms****]

Lil-m huge big hugs.  So very well written.  Such a great warning for people to be aware of.  So very sad that it happened to you but as you know so very happy that you have Liam to help you though.  You are a wonderful woman and have grown through the bad experiences you have had xx

[li****]

55 minutes ago, MsGail_n_subbie said:

Lil-m huge big hugs.  So very well written.  Such a great warning for people to be aware of.  So very sad that it happened to you but as you know so very happy that you have Liam to help you though.  You are a wonderful woman and have grown through the bad experiences you have had xx

Thank you Gail 💜 and yes it's what I wanted to do to get my experience out there for new subs to see the warning signs. 

[Jch2019]

This is a real eye-opener & should be read by all, regardless of their experience in the BDSM scene specifically or in life generally. 

 

Having the courage to write this is one thing, but to share it is incredible. 

 

James 

[li****]

28 minutes ago, Jch2019 said:

This is a real eye-opener & should be read by all, regardless of their experience in the BDSM scene specifically or in life generally. 

 

Having the courage to write this is one thing, but to share it is incredible. 

 

James 

Thank you

[Deleted Member]

You've been so brave to write this and share it, Lilmonster. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Sounds like a barking asshole fake. If people would admit they are new, instead of trying to act like they know what they're doing, this stuff might not happen. 

[li****]

14 minutes ago, white_rose said:

You've been so brave to write this and share it, Lilmonster. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Sounds like a barking asshole fake. If people would admit they are new, instead of trying to act like they know what they're doing, this stuff might not happen. 

Thank you. Yes I was new too and naive but I was honest with him from the start, unfortunately he was a very good fake and I believed everything he told me was true. But looking back now I can see all the red flags ect just then I didn't know at all so hence why I wanted to get this out so new subs can know about red flags and warning signs.

Edited January 25, 2020 by lil-monster

[VoyagerX]

On 1/23/2020 at 1:29 AM, lil-monster said:

Taking a sip from the glass of wine in my hand, I hear the bing from my phone I walk to it and as i pick it up I see the txt message saying he's 10 mins away, I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach not knowing if it's ***, nervousness or excitement!! Then as I breathe in and out slowly to get rid of this feeling before he turns up the buzzer goes scaring me, making me jump. I lift up the phone and say hello he's says I'm here let me in, I buzz him in still with this feeling of the unknown. I find my keys and unlock the door he walks in all assure of himself not even waiting for me to invite him in. He puts his bag down on the floor of my bedroom and "strip" he says. I look  at him knowing my cheeks feel like they are on fire. "Did you want a drink"? I ask him. He moves forward getting closer to me I back up he reaches out to me and grabs my arm hard, I flitch as he pulls me to him. "If I wanted a drink I would have said, but what did I tell you to do slut"???? I freeze not knowing what to say to him. He looks at me with a look that scares me he then leans forward so we are eye to eye, "answer me slut"??? I'm still rooted to the floor I then feel the slap across my cheek "ANSWER ME SLUT"!!!!!! He shouts in my face! I feel the sting from his hand which shocks me I then feel the tears start to well in my eyes. "You told me to strip" I say with a whimper! "Excuse me??? Say that again properly slut", again I feel another crack from his hand on my cheek. I feel the tears now running down my face, "you.. you... told me to strip Sir" I say with *** in my voice afraid of what he'll do next. He backs away slightly with a sly smile on his face. "Do as you're told then slut" I start striping off my clothes one by one not going too fast or too slow just in case I get another smack round the face. I can still feel the tears rolling down my cheeks that salty taste as I look up to him naked , "did I tell you, you could look at me slut"?? He says I bow my head "no Sir" I say!! "Get on the bed now"!!! He tells me, so I walk over to the bed, "get on your hands and knees slut" I flitch everytime he calls me slut. I do as he says not knowing what's gonna happen, that pregnant pause of silence in the air not sure of how long went by, then I could hear him walking about in the background and the noise of rustling then silence again, only then I heard the noise before the *** hit me, he hit me twice more. I cried out as he hit me again not knowing what he was using I turned my head to see the paddle in his hand, I see it go over his head and come down again so hard over and over till the *** is unbearable, I cry, scream, shout anything to get him to stop, only then I realize to shout out my safe word "red!!! red!!! RED"!!!!!!!!! he still doesn't stop, as the tears carry on and the *** just won't stop, I know he isn't gonna stop at all. Only then I know I have to get out of this situation myself I kick out and luckily I hit him not sure of where and at this present moment I don't care at least he's stopped hitting me!! I scramble off the bed in *** my ass feels like it's on fire I know I'll have a bruise there for weeks!! "GET THE FUCK OUT"!!!! I scream at him he looks up at me clutching his stomach, "I'm so sorry" he says to me. "I don't want your sorry just get the fuck out of my house before I call the police". He scrambles for his bag he runs out the front door. I reach for my dressing gown only then when I bend over I feel the *** on my backside. I walk gingerly to the mirror knowing it's gonna be horrific but I need to see , so I turn around and only then do I see the extent of what he's done. I break down again looking at the red and purple marks already showing on the surface of my skin the *** brought to the surface. I walk back in to the bedroom and see the paddle on the floor I pick it up carefully and then realize he used my own paddle to beat my ass with!!!!! It's only now as I stand in my bedroom that I thought I knew this guy, we'd been chatting for a while from the site we met on he seemed a nice guy what didn't I see????? As I lie crying on the bed I take a few pics of my already bruised ass just in case he decides to pester me I keep the pictures, knowing I won't be able to sit for a good few days all I can think is what did I do wrong???? Why did I let this idiot into my home??? All these questions going round my head, but for now all I wanna do is sleep, I wrap myself up in my duvet and cry my eyes up as I drift off to sleep!! 

Jesus Christ! That guy was a moron!

I'm a newbie....a blow in...but I think there's a lot of confusion about what makes a Master.... especially amongst 'men'.

If you don't have respect and consideration and empathy for other people..... then that just makes you a complete arsehole, a bully and a fucking idiot.

I'm so glad you kicked him and were able to fuck him off. 

It's got to be so difficult for girls and subs especially.

I've heard so many stories like this.

Wannabe Dom's with absolutely no clue.

The good thing is that you've moved  beyond it.

You know exactly what it isn't. And survived it.

And you now know now how special it can be ...and is.

I have a tremendous amount of respect for you and you're such a lovely person too.

And you will be pleased to know..I thought your true story was so eloquently written.... and so realistically  portrayed.... that I felt I was there myself. 

I wish!!!

Dangerous dangerous territory here.....but I would have broken his fucking neck.....and things might have have turned out a little bit differently 🤣

I hope you accept that in the generous spirit in which it was meant!

I I think you're a star lilm.

 

 

[li****]

23 hours ago, VoyagerX said:

Jesus Christ! That guy was a moron!

I'm a newbie....a blow in...but I think there's a lot of confusion about what makes a Master.... especially amongst 'men'.

If you don't have respect and consideration and empathy for other people..... then that just makes you a complete arsehole, a bully and a fucking idiot.

I'm so glad you kicked him and were able to fuck him off. 

It's got to be so difficult for girls and subs especially.

I've heard so many stories like this.

Wannabe Dom's with absolutely no clue.

The good thing is that you've moved  beyond it.

You know exactly what it isn't. And survived it.

And you now know now how special it can be ...and is.

I have a tremendous amount of respect for you and you're such a lovely person too.

And you will be pleased to know..I thought your true story was so eloquently written.... and so realistically  portrayed.... that I felt I was there myself. 

I wish!!!

Dangerous dangerous territory here.....but I would have broken his fucking neck.....and things might have have turned out a little bit differently 🤣

I hope you accept that in the generous spirit in which it was meant!

I I think you're a star lilm.

 

Aw thank you! Yeah so many wannabes and  dangerous Dom's around and I wrote this to get my experience out there and tell my story, to help new subs who have no clue about red flags and such. It took a lot to write it all down and believe me I cried and sobbed my heart out it was like I was reliving it but my gosh after I finished it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders!!! I'd been holding on to it for so long and only telling a few close people what has fully happened and then my Sir told me you need to get it out there. 

[Deleted Member]

Wow thank you for this Lil M as a newbie it gave me a better understanding of what to look out for. You're truly a lovely person and didn't deserve this. X

[li****]

2 minutes ago, LionessV84 said:

Wow thank you for this Lil M as a newbie it gave me a better understanding of what to look out for. You're truly a lovely person and didn't deserve this. X

Aw thank you!!! I'm glad it has helped you, and to see signs and red flags to look out for cause hand on my heart I don't want any other sub going through what I went through! Thank you for your kind words 😊 x

[Deleted Member]

On 1/22/2020 at 2:59 PM, lil-monster said:

Taking a sip from the glass of wine in my hand, I hear the bing from my phone I walk to it and as i pick it up I see the txt message saying he's 10 mins away, I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach not knowing if it's ***, nervousness or excitement!! Then as I breathe in and out slowly to get rid of this feeling before he turns up the buzzer goes scaring me, making me jump. I lift up the phone and say hello he's says I'm here let me in, I buzz him in still with this feeling of the unknown. I find my keys and unlock the door he walks in all assure of himself not even waiting for me to invite him in. He puts his bag down on the floor of my bedroom and "strip" he says. I look  at him knowing my cheeks feel like they are on fire. "Did you want a drink"? I ask him. He moves forward getting closer to me I back up he reaches out to me and grabs my arm hard, I flitch as he pulls me to him. "If I wanted a drink I would have said, but what did I tell you to do slut"???? I freeze not knowing what to say to him. He looks at me with a look that scares me he then leans forward so we are eye to eye, "answer me slut"??? I'm still rooted to the floor I then feel the slap across my cheek "ANSWER ME SLUT"!!!!!! He shouts in my face! I feel the sting from his hand which shocks me I then feel the tears start to well in my eyes. "You told me to strip" I say with a whimper! "Excuse me??? Say that again properly slut", again I feel another crack from his hand on my cheek. I feel the tears now running down my face, "you.. you... told me to strip Sir" I say with *** in my voice afraid of what he'll do next. He backs away slightly with a sly smile on his face. "Do as you're told then slut" I start striping off my clothes one by one not going too fast or too slow just in case I get another smack round the face. I can still feel the tears rolling down my cheeks that salty taste as I look up to him naked , "did I tell you, you could look at me slut"?? He says I bow my head "no Sir" I say!! "Get on the bed now"!!! He tells me, so I walk over to the bed, "get on your hands and knees slut" I flitch everytime he calls me slut. I do as he says not knowing what's gonna happen, that pregnant pause of silence in the air not sure of how long went by, then I could hear him walking about in the background and the noise of rustling then silence again, only then I heard the noise before the *** hit me, he hit me twice more. I cried out as he hit me again not knowing what he was using I turned my head to see the paddle in his hand, I see it go over his head and come down again so hard over and over till the *** is unbearable, I cry, scream, shout anything to get him to stop, only then I realize to shout out my safe word "red!!! red!!! RED"!!!!!!!!! he still doesn't stop, as the tears carry on and the *** just won't stop, I know he isn't gonna stop at all. Only then I know I have to get out of this situation myself I kick out and luckily I hit him not sure of where and at this present moment I don't care at least he's stopped hitting me!! I scramble off the bed in *** my ass feels like it's on fire I know I'll have a bruise there for weeks!! "GET THE FUCK OUT"!!!! I scream at him he looks up at me clutching his stomach, "I'm so sorry" he says to me. "I don't want your sorry just get the fuck out of my house before I call the police". He scrambles for his bag he runs out the front door. I reach for my dressing gown only then when I bend over I feel the *** on my backside. I walk gingerly to the mirror knowing it's gonna be horrific but I need to see , so I turn around and only then do I see the extent of what he's done. I break down again looking at the red and purple marks already showing on the surface of my skin the *** brought to the surface. I walk back in to the bedroom and see the paddle on the floor I pick it up carefully and then realize he used my own paddle to beat my ass with!!!!! It's only now as I stand in my bedroom that I thought I knew this guy, we'd been chatting for a while from the site we met on he seemed a nice guy what didn't I see????? As I lie crying on the bed I take a few pics of my already bruised ass just in case he decides to pester me I keep the pictures, knowing I won't be able to sit for a good few days all I can think is what did I do wrong???? Why did I let this idiot into my home??? All these questions going round my head, but for now all I wanna do is sleep, I wrap myself up in my duvet and cry my eyes up as I drift off to sleep!! 

Thank you for sharing your story, I cannot begin to tell you...that I admire you so much. I think hearing from people who have experienced harm and *** is so powerful...thank you. The 'victim' is not to blame in any way shape or form...i know you know this of course. But I also know and can understand from experience that it doesn't feel that way at time or at various points for a long long time after!

This person had utterly violated the trust shared.

Perpetrators of harm and *** are often expert at disguising their true colours! They are keen manipulators! 

I personally cringe at my own use of the word 'victim' which is ridiculous I know. What i know is we are survivors...those who overcome horrible even horrific acts and move forward with out lives. That's brave, that's courageous.

Big love to you my king *** ❤️

 

[Deleted Member]

OMG ! My heart is booming in my chest. I thought it was an erotic fiction post, but as I read it and felt the very real ***. I just thought I am not cut out for this lifestyle if this is what people want, I don't want to scare or hurt anyone. I do not like this.

After I read it I had mixed feelings; utter relief that is NOT what is expected, but then a tremendous sadness that your attack was real and that many other people are hurt by the very people they had trusted. So sorry Lil M.

I did have an advert up in BDSM dating but have now taken it down, on reflection I don't think I am ready for this yet.

All I can say is thank you Lil M for sharing a very ***ful experience and I can only imagine the *** you had recalling it to put into words for us. I do hope it has a healing effect for you. x

Edited October 31, 2020 by Deleted Member

[VoyagerX]

4 hours ago, Leeds80 said:

OMG ! My heart is booming in my chest. I thought it was an erotic fiction post, but as I read it and felt the very real ***. I just thought I am not cut out for this lifestyle if this is what people want, I don't want to scare or hurt anyone. I do not like this.

After I read it I had mixed feelings; utter relief that is NOT what is expected, but then a tremendous sadness that your attack was real and that many other people are hurt by the very people they had trusted. So sorry Lil M.

I did have an advert up in BDSM dating but have now taken it down, on reflection I don't think I am ready for this yet.

All I can say is thank you Lil M for sharing a very ***ful experience and I can only imagine the *** you had recalling it to put into words for us. I do hope it has a healing effect for you. x

Well the very fact that you understand should give you confidence.

No one knows all the answers. 

And if they say they do then they are a liar. Or a prick.

No one gets it right all the time. And no one gets it completely right first time out especially. That is what relationships are  all about. Is about learning and understanding, giving and sharing.

That's the thing that gives you longevity and depth in your relationships.

It's about learning about each other... honestly and openly.

If I was you I wouldn't back off!

You seem like a decent chap.... with a working moral compass... so don't be put off....would be my advice.

Make friends...talk to people... and you never know!... the girl of your dreams may just pop into your life!

I hope so anyway.

 

[li****]

12 hours ago, Freyja_ said:

Thank you for sharing your story, I cannot begin to tell you...that I admire you so much. I think hearing from people who have experienced harm and *** is so powerful...thank you. The 'victim' is not to blame in any way shape or form...i know you know this of course. But I also know and can understand from experience that it doesn't feel that way at time or at various points for a long long time after!

This person had utterly violated the trust shared.

Perpetrators of harm and *** are often expert at disguising their true colours! They are keen manipulators! 

I personally cringe at my own use of the word 'victim' which is ridiculous I know. What i know is we are survivors...those who overcome horrible even horrific acts and move forward with out lives. That's brave, that's courageous.

Big love to you my king *** ❤️

 

Thank you for your kind words my beautiful *** 💜 yep I agree with you I hate the world victim too. We ARE survivors of *** we have come through the other end and are stronger!!!!!! 

[li****]

12 hours ago, Leeds80 said:

OMG ! My heart is booming in my chest. I thought it was an erotic fiction post, but as I read it and felt the very real ***. I just thought I am not cut out for this lifestyle if this is what people want, I don't want to scare or hurt anyone. I do not like this.

After I read it I had mixed feelings; utter relief that is NOT what is expected, but then a tremendous sadness that your attack was real and that many other people are hurt by the very people they had trusted. So sorry Lil M.

I did have an advert up in BDSM dating but have now taken it down, on reflection I don't think I am ready for this yet.

All I can say is thank you Lil M for sharing a very ***ful experience and I can only imagine the *** you had recalling it to put into words for us. I do hope it has a healing effect for you. x

Please don't feel that you're not cut out for this lifestyle after reading my experience. It's different for everyone, our journeys are all different we go on different paths and yes the road will be bumpy, we may not like some parts of the journey but it's still what makes us, us!!! 

 

I will be honest I did take a 6 months break after this happened but I did it cause I needed to get my head straight, but I never ever stopped growing in that time away I was still on my journey, it was just a pit stop so to speak. So please don't feel like this happens all the time in BDSM, most people in this lifestyle are genuine, as long as you know the red flags to look out for then like @VoyagerX says the right girl will come along. 

Edited November 1, 2020 by lil-monster

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, lil-monster said:

Thank you for your kind words my beautiful *** 💜 yep I agree with you I hate the world victim too. We ARE survivors of *** we have come through the other end and are stronger!!!!!! 

💯💯💯♥️♥️♥️

[Deleted Member]

Thankyou,  I won't be going away.

Feel like I have hijacked a very important sticky thread. Sorry

Personally just not experienced in this lifestyle. But 17+ years in relationships and I never hurt anyone so not worried about that aspect. Just that those relationships were built on lots of interactions in daily life, thousands of texts and calls,nights out, nights in, holidays etc etc

When you are meeting someone on a forum we only see the persona they want to portray. Easy to tell lies, easy to pretend to be something we are not. That is what is making me take more care. Obviously this happens in real life too, just more visual indicators to read.

My advert basically said I was a inexperienced but wanted someone to learn with, there may be awkward moments as we progress but as long as we could work together to build a trust for enjoyable ltr..Just didn't want someone to think I was some ready made bdsm master ! I tend to undersell myself rather than BS.

Time to take stock, learn and build on. Rushing in is no good for anyone.

Meet someone, build a connection, take time, proceed when you are both ready and on the same page.

And as we have read, even then some people are not as they seemed.

Thanks again to you all. And thanks again Lil M

 

 

[Ba****]

Left me a bit s***chless this Lil, its a hard thing to read. I've heard all the advice of be carefull etc but this really puts into perspective the dangers, and it could have been worse although already really bad . I'm sorry you had this happen to you, makes me angry that people do that, to ignore the safeword though though that's just the ultimate betrayal. I'm glad you have Liam now and your happy

[li****]

3 hours ago, BadTaste_Ted said:

Left me a bit s***chless this Lil, its a hard thing to read. I've heard all the advice of be carefull etc but this really puts into perspective the dangers, and it could have been worse although already really bad . I'm sorry you had this happen to you, makes me angry that people do that, to ignore the safeword though though that's just the ultimate betrayal. I'm glad you have Liam now and your happy

Aw thank you Ted 💕 yeah it was tough rewriting it down but knew I had to do it to move on fully. Sir is the one who pushed me to do it so I'll forever be thankful to him and he's the best Dom/Man I can ever ask for. 

[ExpatBrit]

You poor babe. My lady who spanks me when she can, and is sexy fierce, but is not always available heard that I was thinking of submitting to someone else. She begged me not to for my own safety, she said tere are too many dominants who do not know the difference between sever consensual spanking and ***.

[Erotes-72]

Tears rolling down my face as I read this honey. Such strength and resilience to share let alone to endure. You are indeed a beam of light that guides. 

Read these reply’s, know that your loved and know your in all our hearts. Kink is one of life’s virtues, *** and *** one that disgusts my every breath.

Just in case it has ever crossed your mind hun, apologies if it hasn’t, it’s not your wrong honey, he is the bastard, the ***r, the criminal. Your just a beautiful and wonderful person who fills our hearts with joy xx.

Thank you @Liam52 for restoring light to this wonderful ladies life x
 

 

[li****]

1 hour ago, Steve78 said:

Tears rolling down my face as I read this honey. Such strength and resilience to share let alone to endure. You are indeed a beam of light that guides. 

Read these reply’s, know that your loved and know your in all our hearts. Kink is one of life’s virtues, *** and *** one that disgusts my every breath.

Just in case it has ever crossed your mind hun, apologies if it hasn’t, it’s not your wrong honey, he is the bastard, the ***r, the criminal. Your just a beautiful and wonderful person who fills our hearts with joy xx.

Thank you @Liam52 for restoring light to this wonderful ladies life x
 

 

Oh wow!!!! @Steve78 I honestly don't know what to say, but thank you, you have left me s***chless!!!!! 

[Erotes-72]

9 minutes ago, lil-monster said:

Oh wow!!!! @Steve78 I honestly don't know what to say, but thank you, you have left me s***chless!!!!! 

It is I that is s***chless my sweet. You don’t have to say anything just feel the warmth of friendship and love. 

[li****]

5 minutes ago, Steve78 said:

It is I that is s***chless my sweet. You don’t have to say anything just feel the warmth of friendship and love. 

❤️💙😘