Health conditions and kink

[Deleted Member]

I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease about 6 months ago and it affects me in many ways. It affects my joints, areas that produce moisture (mouth, eyes etc), gives me symptoms of an infection and I get brain fog and chronic fatigue. This all affects my mental health too, I’m still struggling with managing the condition and accepting I have it.  My mood drops and I can be a royal *** in the arse, I become a brat and become insular.

 

I think you can probably tell this can be limiting when it comes to kink sometimes. I can’t be in certain positions for long periods of time, need to drink lots of water (a dry mouth and throat is no fun if you get my drift!) and I get tired easily and quickly which during play could be a real buzz kill.

 

I am blessed that I have a Dom who understands all of this, who is supportive and caring. He checks on me continuously, makes sure I am comfortable and takes care of me when I’m not. The last time he was here I got sent to bed early and not because he wanted his wicked way with me! He travels for 2 hours to come and see me not knowing how I will be feeling when he gets here or what the limitations might be. He understands that when I have a bad day I stop communicating (I do tell him I am switching off for a while) and has put a bed time in place to try to make sure I am getting enough rest. I’ve found a good’un!! In fact I have found a fantastic One!

 

I always worry he has a lot to contend with a lot, but he reassures me it is not an issue and any issue I have can be worked around. He understands that it is not safe for me to travel to him at the moment due to the fatigue, brain fog and ***, but I feel guilty that he has to travel to me each time. This also means we can’t spend as much time together as we would like.

 

I just wondered if anyone else has the same or similar issues, and if you do, do you have any tips you can share with me to make things easier? I just want to make life easier for him, to take some pressure off him and to make sure our time together is the best it can be.

[Deleted Member]

I understand you. I myself have physical problems.

However, much worse than you. My body is incapable of any sexual activity. I have weak genetics, and it affects my body structure. I'm very skinny and weak due to digestion and weight gaining problems. My teeth decay and crack easily. And, my penis is completely useless.

I've adapted my mind to gain satisfaction from imagining things and watching others feel pleasure. I do sex chats and virtual roleplays, since your mind is the only thing you need there, without being concerned about your physical body.

[Do****]

He sounds a fabulous guy. I think you are being so hard on yourself as well by saying he has a lot to contend with, he obviously see’s and experiences lots of positives with you too. When we care deeply about people we take on the whole package. 

 

I have epilepsy and bipolar 1 disorder, these both do impact significantly at times in various ways for me and others.
 

Id be interested to see how others respond to your post and what works for them as it will be useful for me too as I’ve not quite learnt how to make things easier yet in terms of relationships and am very much struggling with that side.

Edited January 25, 2020 by Doll242

[Phoenyx]

Right now, I am in a similar situation.  I am fighting the effects of chemotherapy.  Back in May, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Colorectal Cancer.  Radiation and light chemo reduced the tumor to the size of a jelly bean.  Surgery removed it completely.  Luckily, the pathology report from the surgery, showed all of the lymph nodes to be clear.  The cancer had not had a chance to spread.  Still, I have to go through this last round of heavy chemo, "just in case".

So, I never know if it is going to be a good day, or a bad day.  I might run out of energy, and be ready for bed, by 2:00 in the afternoon.  Other days are a complete write-off.  It often takes me all day, just to complete a one or two hour task.  I even spent the past week in the hospital, due to adverse side-effects.  That is why my comments and replies on this site have been so sporadic.  I have to wait for moments when I feel enough dominant energy.  Wish I could offer more.

[Vandalslut]

Re the dry mouth and throat problem - I had the some thing when I went through chemo.  I found low-sugar chewing gum helped enormously.  Goods for you for carrying on and seeking solutions!  Your Dom is a prize bloke.  And true what Phoenyx says - on chemo, you never do know what the day will be and that's mind, body and spirit.  You have a lot to deal with and you're doing it with courage. Blessings and best to you.

[LazyPirate]

When I started seeing Bounty I had to work around a recently broken leg in two places, which limited some of the things she could do (didn’t make things impossible, just meant had to plan things so I didn’t further injure it) and I travel around 1 and a half hours to see her. Most important thing from my perspective with anything is honesty from her and until last club visit I’ve made sure that she has a crutch with her when she’s travelling to me (however now I know she’s walked distances without it I’m not as concerned)

[Deleted Member]

11 hours ago, SidoraxVonCreep said:

I understand you. I myself have physical problems.

However, much worse than you. My body is incapable of any sexual activity. I have weak genetics, and it affects my body structure. I'm very skinny and weak due to digestion and weight gaining problems. My teeth decay and crack easily. And, my penis is completely useless.

I've adapted my mind to gain satisfaction from imagining things and watching others feel pleasure. I do sex chats and virtual roleplays, since your mind is the only thing you need there, without being concerned about your physical body.

Thank you so much for sharing how your health affects you and how you have adapted your life to enable you to give and get pleasure from others. You’ve inspired me to use my mind and imagination on my bad days to give pleasure so thank you 😊

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, Doll242 said:

He sounds a fabulous guy. I think you are being so hard on yourself as well by saying he has a lot to contend with, he obviously see’s and experiences lots of positives with you too. When we care deeply about people we take on the whole package. 

 

I have epilepsy and bipolar 1 disorder, these both do impact significantly at times in various ways for me and others.
 

Id be interested to see how others respond to your post and what works for them as it will be useful for me too as I’ve not quite learnt how to make things easier yet in terms of relationships and am very much struggling with that side.

Thank you for your response and for sharing how your health issues impact you. I really hope you get some useful advice from this post too and things get a bit easier for you 😊

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, phoenyx said:

Right now, I am in a similar situation.  I am fighting the effects of chemotherapy.  Back in May, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Colorectal Cancer.  Radiation and light chemo reduced the tumor to the size of a jelly bean.  Surgery removed it completely.  Luckily, the pathology report from the surgery, showed all of the lymph nodes to be clear.  The cancer had not had a chance to spread.  Still, I have to go through this last round of heavy chemo, "just in case".

So, I never know if it is going to be a good day, or a bad day.  I might run out of energy, and be ready for bed, by 2:00 in the afternoon.  Other days are a complete write-off.  It often takes me all day, just to complete a one or two hour task.  I even spent the past week in the hospital, due to adverse side-effects.  That is why my comments and replies on this site have been so sporadic.  I have to wait for moments when I feel enough dominant energy.  Wish I could offer more.

Thank you so much for sharing your health issues with me, I am pleased the treatment has worked. How long will the heavy chemo take? I can’t imagine how you feel but I hope it doesn’t take too much of a toll on you.  you’ve made me realise that although my condition impacts on by life I can manage and I will have better periods so you’ve put it into perspective for me, thank you 😊

Like you I have to take my time when doing things, I can’t blitz my flat like I used to, have to break things down and make sure I stop if I need to. It’s frustrating though isn’t it? My head thinks I’m Wonder Woman but my body disagrees lol 

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, Vandalslut said:

Re the dry mouth and throat problem - I had the some thing when I went through chemo.  I found low-sugar chewing gum helped enormously.  Goods for you for carrying on and seeking solutions!  Your Dom is a prize bloke.  And true what Phoenyx says - on chemo, you never do know what the day will be and that's mind, body and spirit.  You have a lot to deal with and you're doing it with courage. Blessings and best to you.

Thank you so much for the advice 😊 I have added sugar free gum to my shopping list. 
Thank you also for your kind words, for sharing and I will pass your comments on to my Dom. Blessings and best to you too x

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, LazyPirate said:

When I started seeing Bounty I had to work around a recently broken leg in two places, which limited some of the things she could do (didn’t make things impossible, just meant had to plan things so I didn’t further injure it) and I travel around 1 and a half hours to see her. Most important thing from my perspective with anything is honesty from her and until last club visit I’ve made sure that she has a crutch with her when she’s travelling to me (however now I know she’s walked distances without it I’m not as concerned)

I learnt a lesson the last time my Dom was here and I started to crash, I didn’t say anything to him and when he asked if I was ok I kept saying yes until it became very obvious I wasn’t. At that point he sent me to bed (I felt like a naughty child lol). I should have told him as soon as I realised what was happening instead of trying to fight it because I wanted to spend time with him. Lesson learnt - be honest at all times no matter what. 

Thank you for sharing and for the advice 😊

[Primal_Bunny]

I have a chronic illness that affects my joints, causes fatigue and brain fog. I didn't when I entered this lifestyle years ago so it's been difficult learning to adjust, my mind still wants to do all the things my body can't! 

You've had some fantastic advice already but just thought I'd share what I've learned over the past few years. 

My play partner uses the traffic light system with me when we play, checking in often asking for the colour because he knows I'll try to push things too far but I'm always honest, as soon as it feels like my joints are causing *** I tell him and we change things. 

It's a balancing act of figuring out what works and what doesn't, I need *** in a scene but can't handle impact play anymore as my muscles are too strained from the joint issues, so we've moved on to things like needle play (never ever though I'd be doing that at one point!) where I can just lie back and "relax", e-stim is fun - you can literally be hooked up and have him press the button once in a while to catch you out while you're cuddle up watching Netflix (I need to buy one soon), nipple play/***, etc.

Also found that rather than stressful positions sensory deprivation with a hood (even a pillow thrown over my face) helps with getting into the mindset. 

I know a lot of people in the scene with chronic health issues, you're not alone. I think with honest communication, talking over how scenes went and the parts you had difficulties with and thinking of creative ways to play with your Dom, you absolutely can have fantastic times together despite your health's fluctuations (mine fluctuates literally from hour to hour so I totally get how frustrating it can be!)

Good luck!



[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Primal_Bunny said:

I have a chronic illness that affects my joints, causes fatigue and brain fog. I didn't when I entered this lifestyle years ago so it's been difficult learning to adjust, my mind still wants to do all the things my body can't! 

You've had some fantastic advice already but just thought I'd share what I've learned over the past few years. 

My play partner uses the traffic light system with me when we play, checking in often asking for the colour because he knows I'll try to push things too far but I'm always honest, as soon as it feels like my joints are causing *** I tell him and we change things. 

It's a balancing act of figuring out what works and what doesn't, I need *** in a scene but can't handle impact play anymore as my muscles are too strained from the joint issues, so we've moved on to things like needle play (never ever though I'd be doing that at one point!) where I can just lie back and "relax", e-stim is fun - you can literally be hooked up and have him press the button once in a while to catch you out while you're cuddle up watching Netflix (I need to buy one soon), nipple play/***, etc.

Also found that rather than stressful positions sensory deprivation with a hood (even a pillow thrown over my face) helps with getting into the mindset. 

I know a lot of people in the scene with chronic health issues, you're not alone. I think with honest communication, talking over how scenes went and the parts you had difficulties with and thinking of creative ways to play with your Dom, you absolutely can have fantastic times together despite your health's fluctuations (mine fluctuates literally from hour to hour so I totally get how frustrating it can be!)

Good luck!



Thank you very much for your response and for sharing some alternative ways of playing. We have spoken about e-stim because like you I need *** so maybe in the future this can be something we invest in. I am not sure about needle play, the thought of it makes my toes curl but I will research it more for the future. 
 

We use the traffic light system too, but not to gauge how I’m feeling so I will suggest this to my Dom as I think it will work for us too. 
 

We do plan the scene but maybe need to talk about how it went more and I need to be more communicative about how I’m feeling and what’s affected on the day. Like you I push too hard sometimes, thinking I’ll power through it or at least hoping I can and that doesn’t apply to just play. I struggle with it sometimes, try to battle against it, try to prove a point and usually end up paying the price for it so I cut my nose off my face. I am learning my health limits but I’m a stubborn mare sometimes lol

Thank you again for sharing, I definitely do not feel alone after all of the great advice I’ve been given. I’m going to take it all on board and try to stop being so stubborn 😊