Ms**** Posted October 5 Posted October 5 I never start a relationship with my sub in ANY sexual capacity. We are human beings!! Even if we don’t always like being treated as such😂
Th**** Posted October 5 Posted October 5 This is the reason why the saying "they are single for a reason" is so true. This holds true for both sides of the slash. Many conflate a Top with a Dom. They are not the same. Not even a little bit. A Dom can be a Top, but a Top can never be a Dom. My advice for subs who choose not to be Poly is to ask for references durring the vetting process. If their ex can't say anything good about them, maybe their isn't. 🤷♂️
my**** Posted October 6 Posted October 6 Yes you must treat them as a person the act of submission is a gift and technically the dom is there for the sub not the other way around if anyone says differently then you should question their motives
sw**** Posted October 6 Posted October 6 The biggest misconception about dominant submissive dynamics is the illusion that the dominant is in fact in more control in submissive. The submissive is an absolute control of the dynamic, their submission is the ultimate gift It is something they cannot be taken is something that cannot be received any other way than it it is freely given. If the submissive does not like the talk or treatment they revoke that gift because the trust has been broken, the Dom should know the sub on such an intimate level that they know what kind of limits to push. Personally myself I do not ever push limits on respect, I can throat f**k my wife until her mascara is running down and she's gagging and I mean is a complete total mess but when that is portrayed as good girl and positively rein***d with now that's what a perfect f**k doll looks like well then you've changed the perception in the delivery of the limit the lesson whatever you're working on. This dynamic is not an act it's not a game and it's not for everybody even if it's for you it might not be for you in the person that you're trying to live it with. If an action makes you unhappy, if it does not bring pleasure or sometimes paying depending on your flavor if it does not fulfill a need fulfill a warrant or f**king enhance your life feelings etc then it's wrong for you, everybody's different, some people find the sting of a whip to be their favorite sensation, I personally don't so I cannot judge or assume their perception. The dynamic has become more confused as it's more publicized and people talk about it to other people more, doesn't matter what you think about the dynamic because that belongs to those two sometimes and actually quite common in a lot of fetishes they're letting you see it because their exhibitionists and they are sharing their pleasure and pride in their actions. I don't even bother to edit clips where I wasn't focused or "present" as a exhibitionist im wanting you to enjoy the show, if the dynamic was off, the show would end or you would be invited to the next one that really reflected what I'm wanting to share. We see Dom/sub dynamics more, but if your seeing it then chances are it's the part that is for you to appreciate, not judge
Se**** Posted October 7 Posted October 7 I don't take anything for granted. What's given is sacred and you don't take more than you're given. In my opinion, there should be a high level of respect involved in any interaction.
Co**** Posted October 7 Posted October 7 Friday at 01:30 PM, HoneyBee88 said: I've just had a bad experience as a new sub with a dom. I can see now, 2 weeks later, how he manipulated our initial conversations to make it seem like he was available and prepared for a long term relationship/dynamic. Said all the right things and made me feel all the right ways, only to now be inconsistent and find time and distance problematic all of a sudden. I didn't feel physically unsafe at all during the time I spent with him. I felt very nurtured and respected. It's one thing to respect, care for and protect in the physical sense. But you have to do the same with a subs emotions. I feel I have been emotionally violated and hurt and now I'm left to deal with it while he moves on feeling better about himself telling himself he didn't *** me to do anything, yet he ***ted a perfect picture and spun the best web of yarns that I would come and do willingly. The emotional impact is more ***ful than the physical. This is such an important part that maybe overlooked. .....People's feelings...... I too am sorry this has happened to you Honeybee88. Lots of Self Care needed and hugs to you. It happens in Vanilla too. I was manipulated early on too, by someone still on this site. To meet.......and then physically hurt. Not emotionally in the same way as you though it affected me. It helped to talk to some good people on here. Mainly Doms tbh. Other Subs didn't seem to want to chat. Though, how do Subs approach other Subs as strangers......when they re here looking for Doms as we are? We are so *** when we first enter this bdsm world. It's really good to read the comments from Doms on here........but I think the ones who need to hear about treating a Potential Sub as a person....with respect...care....get to know them etc......... Aren't the ones reading this.
No**** Posted October 8 Posted October 8 I 💯 agree. Being a Dom is also protecting a nuturing and a caring role. Our subs put their trust in us by submitting. A trust is earned and once lost is gone for good. So you have to trust also trust your sub protect and care for them
Si**** Posted October 8 Posted October 8 The moment that power is exchanged it's 100% on the Dom to deliver a great experience for both. You have to be fully aware of the limits and boundaries set and not break them. Then you have to be attentive and nurturing in aftercare to listen and learn. If you're not doing those basic things, your failing your sub.
Deleted Member Posted October 9 Posted October 9 A Dom's entire job is to create the illusion of what it is the sub is needing in a very safe manner!! There ALWAYS is a discussion before ANYTHING happens about boundaries, expectations, experience, and about what the sub is wanting out of the experience. Making it clear to the sub they have all the power in the encounter and how they can exercise that power to safely and non-judgmental, and immediately shut things down for any reason!! Like I said above, a Dom should listen to what the sub wants,and depending on several factors, an experienced Dom will then give them what they need. (Those two things are often not the same) AND finally in the end,makes sure that the Sub is physically, and emotionally had a chance to "come down" from the encounter and everything is ok..
Mo**** Posted October 9 Posted October 9 I completely agree 💯 percent. But I also think that there's an obligation for the sub to also emotionally look after the Dom. It's a beauty and the beast relationship, and the beast often needs nurturing, too.
Do**** Posted October 11 Posted October 11 I’ll say this. No subs are the same first off. Second a Dom does not choose a sub a sub chooses a Dom. A true Dom will find your desires and fantasies through communication and a real Dom will tell you before you ever play if he can or can not be what you need. I’ve been a Dom for 23 years had subs for over 5 years and multiple at one time. A real Dom provides a service to his sub and his reward is her/his surrender to him
lo**** Posted October 12 Posted October 12 Yes it is a doms job to protect and care for there subs. That's why a safe word is extremely important and . @DomMB54 i don't think you could have put that any better. 💯 agree
Deleted Member Posted October 12 Posted October 12 The scary thing is, when an inexperienced sub falls in with an inexperienced and untrained Dom,it's downright DANGEROUS!! And potentially damaging and scaring for the Sub on sooooo many levels.. I get so worried any time I hear a baby sub say they are looking for a daddy,or Dom, or whatever.. because I know that they don't know enough to ask the right questions, or to see the red flags as they start going up!! It's my first instinct to wanna take them up under me, but unfortunately that's not the way it works...
Wy**** Posted October 16 Posted October 16 Hmmm....not my place to direct the lives of those not beneath me....I mind mine my way...my magnificent little is with me because we belong to each other.....I dominate the sexual aspect of our relationship while she dominates the every mothaf****ng else...lol...in my own way I worship her with constant attention,care and thought...every move I make, including the most ***ful and frightening are driven by an insatiable desire to unleash her inner passions and expose her most tender and beautiful secret motivations....we communicate perpetually because that's how sh*t works.....but this is our dynamic....and she submits to my will as long as she feels my underlying care and concern and unabridged love....true, my closeness to her and our level of intimacy impedes some of the more brutal options a available, and she does require a bit more heightened *** then I want my love to endure.....but it is a constant ebb and flow between her needs, opportunities for growth and my ability to interpret her desires.... My wonderfully twisted little was once a full fledged Mennonite...complete with ankle skirts and bonnet thingy.....now she has discovered a latent bisexuality and an intense connection with ***, pressure, *** and orgasms...she is eager, loving and intelligent....and absolutely pliable in my hands...it is tempting to be d her to what I want her to be....but I much rather enjoy watching her grow along the lines her soul wants to develop into....I merely pay attention and provide background, props, storyline and an unshakable trust to provide her a safe place to explore and be explored....some days we lie together and make love in the soft rays of morning light, gently guiding each other into the day with measured caresses and slow embraces....other times I lash her to the rack, and push her limits to breathlessness....we explore, we discuss and we trust.....most importantly, we love each other and we fit into each other exactly the ways no one else could.....I imagine most doms cannot claim such privilege.....arrogance is not confidence, brutality is not disciple and a d**k is not a Dom....but everyone has the opportunity to do whatever in the f**k they want... sometimes it's tragic and sad ....but ultimately NOT MY BUSINESS...I tend my affairs and those of my little....she has become an entity of her absolute own because of the catalyst of my respect and influence....but she has made me a man with reason and true, deep seated desire.... Together we are much greater than the sum of our individual parts.... alone, we were incomplete and shallow.....not everyone finds such in life.....but when you do, you GODDAM well better fight to protect it,..... because busybody sobs are in line around the block to throw shade on you and spread their misery....
Sl**** Posted October 19 Posted October 19 If the Dom cares about their sub in the slightest, respect(out of scene and even when playing like you don't during a scene) and protection(whether that be from outside sources, yourself or even themselves.) Both things should be paramount. That being said, when first meeting a potential sub, they're still a person. Until a dynamic and agreement is made, no amount of control should be assumed. Even then, safe words should be taken seriously unless otherwise stated.
Frankink Posted October 20 Posted October 20 Anyone who has been in this world long enough and has even the slightest bit of common sense knows that the fundamental principles of BDSM are respect and consent. Furthermore, the duty of a Dominant should be to protect and care for the integrity of any submissive person, both physically and mentally, if they are not able to do so, they do not have self-control and someone like that does not deserve that title. BDSM is continually misinterpreted by those who do not know or do not want to see, there are no personnel inferior or superior to others for having one role or another, what truly exists are dynamics of power exchange to a lesser or greater degree. That a person enjoys giving up control and being humiliated or spanked is fine, but it does not mean that anyone can do it in any way. The vast majority that may be there disrespecting and ordering thinking that by giving yourself a nickname that reflects that you are dominant gives you the right to that, you have no idea what this is really about and it looks as ridiculous as sending someone to the doorknob. to open up to the cry of: "open up, little bitch." A true Dominant understands well the submissive person who gives up control to him, his domination makes the submissive want to surrender fully because he knows that he will guide him, marking a path that he wants to explore and follow.
Je**** Posted October 23 Posted October 23 To be a Dom is a great responsibility. You have to absolutely see that the subs needs are met, that they have a wonderful experience, and their safety is paramount. This all has to be failsafe. It takes heart, smarts, and guts to do it. Just the amount of study, prep, and practice is a job. I have heard some terrible stories of things that have happened with amateurs that are sad and tragic. There is a lot of , "50 Shades of Stupid" out there.
Zo**** Posted November 2 Posted November 2 If someone submits to me of their own free will, then that gift of power automatically is balanced with responsibility for that sub. This is no light undertaking for it encapsulates all aspects of their being: their physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, philosophical health included. This can only be done with empathy and respect for the sub. Discipline isn't always about *** and punishment, it also includes consistency. To me it seems antithetical to demean or degrade your sub for submitting to you. Would you treat your child this way? Would you treat your lover this way? I hope not. I see the relationship to be a teacher/student, mentor/disciple type relationship. Of course, such relationships require disciplin, but to what degree is acceptable is up to the parties involved and to each their own.
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