New sub looking for advice

[Dzydove]

Hi. I am very new to this world. I've talked to a few guys, and even met a couple, but I just don't know what to do. I'm submissive by nature and I am glad I finally decided to explore this side of me, but should a Dom insist on testing or even ignoring limits? Granted, I'm unsure of mine, but I just don't know the rules and feel like my ignorance of this lifestyle will end up with me being taken advantage of. Advice? Rules I should know? 

[ey****]

6 hours ago, Dzydove said:

should a Dom insist on testing or even ignoring limits?

In short. No.

There are Dominants that see limits not as restrictions but as a challenge - and those who would blindly ignore under a "I'm the Dom" umbrella - these are people/attitudes to avoid.

But I guess this also comes down to what you are after.  

So. If you're unsure of your own limits - start safe.  What are you interested in? Work from a whitelist with prospective partners rather than a limits list (i.e. "these are the things we can do during play" rather than try to work out what you can't) 

As you get a little bit more confident you'll come across ideas which are definitely off-limit which can be for any reason whatsoever.  You don't have to "at least try" you don't have to "do it for your Dom" they're your limits.

- it might be that you do wish to see how far you can something, or it might be that you do wish to try something off-limit, and that's entirely down to you; but this is far better done with someone you already have trust with - who you know will stop or never repeat it again 

[Deleted Member]

I have a creed I stick too if you want to see it?

[qu****]

Start with hard limits, those things you know you wouldn't like, then soft limits, things you think you'd like to try, but only in a limited way to start, even these don't be afraid to say on trying that you don't actually like it, any Dom worth his salt will accept this and be respectful, and work with you with your desires

[Wo****]

If a Dom ignores your limits he's not a Dom, he's a bully. Limits can be explored and tested but should never be ignored.

Doms have limits too, Pirate and I have discussed doing something that for reasons we've discussed he wouldn't feel comfortable doing. It's a limit. 

 

Read the forums, talk to people, look into kinks, think about what you like and want. Casual? Sex? Friends? Relationship? 

Ask questions...

[Tig82]

Exactly what LazyPiratesBounty said, a real dom won't rush you either. In the chat rooms there's always some good folk to give advise. Take your time and find out what you like and don't. Good things on average don't happen over night

[Dzydove]

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate your advice. Certainly puts things into perspective. 

[Sammy24]

I am a Dom, you must only find a Dom who will find your limits with you. Never ignore them! Also a great Sub is always honest before with the Dom. Don't hide feelings cause when a Dom starts he/she can't try and feel for your emotions and stuff. They need to know it before so they understand their limits and their way to work with you.

[Vandalslut]

11 hours ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

Read the forums, talk to people, look into kinks, think about what you like and want. Casual? Sex? Friends? Relationship? 

11 hours ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

If a Dom ignores your limits he's not a Dom, he's a bully. Limits can be explored and tested but should never be ignored.

For definite. "I'm a Dom" does NOT mean "Now I've got you restrained I'm going to do just what I want whether you like it or not." That IS  a bully, Bounty's well on the mark there.  If you look under 'Community' in here,  you'll find the magazine with plenty of worthwhile articles,  a list of Kinks and Fetishes, and a list of BDSM Roles and Archetypes with a short paragraph summing up the kink, fetish or archetype. Great place to start, see what interests you/does it for you.  When you see something you like, you can enter it in the 'search' in here or browse about in cyberspace.  (There's a surprising amount of info in wikipedia!)  You can make three lists: Green (yes, please) Amber (might try under the right circumstances with the right Dom) and Red (NO!) and put each kink under the appropriate heading.  Have a browse about, there's several free BDSM porn short-film sites, generally contributed to by members, so some of the films are a bit amateurish, some are just unintentionally hilarious with bad acting and others are quite well-done.  There's also a few that are certainly  NOT for everyone. PM us if you think we can help.  Good luck!

[SpiritDraggon]

Create a yes..no...maybe list

[jostarwars]

Would really love to share the rules also with you dzydove

[cautiousswitch]

A sub sets their own limits of what they would not want done to them.  A dom/me sets their own limits of what they do not want to do to someone else.  Both respect the other's limits.

I would suggest that someone new set their limits more restrictive and choose to test or explore resetting them as they get more experience and more comfortable.

I would also suggest resetting limits to slightly more restrictive when dealing with a new partner until the two know each other better.

The decision to start testing or exploring new limits should be discussed by everyone involved before hand.

[PhantomFlogger]

I always say a Dom is your Hair Dresser and you are the customer.

You say what you want, you ask what they think, you tell them what you dont want, and if you still feel confident then you allow them to cut youre hair.

Picture that *** you have when you see a new hair dresser for the first time, if they sat you down and told you what they want to do to you, or worse just start cutting your hair you would not be okay with that right?

 

But maybe if your friend told you they are good, or you have seen their work and you know you are in good hands you can agree that there is only one rule, "stop when i say"

If you say an inch off the length and they pull out the clippers then they are dangerous.

Equally if they say they can use clippers but cant find the on switch they are dangerous liers.

VET YOUR HAIR DRESSERS 😅

Equally if you say you want to shave your hair and eyebrows off, your hair dresser may not want that on their portfolio, they may not be comfortable with it and tell you where you can get that done, 

Edited August 1, 2020 by PhantomFlogger
I like analogies

[Deleted Member]

I am new to BDSM and exploring my sub side (think I’m a switch/princess and def have brat tendencies). Recently I met a self professed D, we started having some very initial conversations  while getting to know each other... I’d like to continue the conversation and I’m now being ignored. Is this typical behavior? It doesn’t seem to represent a good start to a Ds relationship . At the very least, if there’s no interest in the part of the D, why not provide closure rather than leaving me in limbo?I have so many questions and now I feel like I have no one to talk to about this side that’s been awakened in me, and that I’ll never find the D I need! Seeking out a relationship is hard enough, but now adding in the Ds component - even more complicated. What to do? How can I find my tribe?

[Deleted Member]

I am new to BDSM and exploring my sub side (think I’m a switch/princess and def have brat tendencies). Recently I met a self professed D, we started having some very initial conversations  while getting to know each other... I’d like to continue the conversation and I’m now being ignored. Is this typical behavior? It doesn’t seem to represent a good start to a Ds relationship . At the very least, if there’s no interest in the part of the D, why not provide closure rather than leaving me in limbo?I have so many questions and now I feel like I have no one to talk to about this side that’s been awakened in me, and that I’ll never find the D I need! Seeking out a relationship is hard enough, but now adding in the Ds component - even more complicated. What to do? How can I find my tribe?