Submissives

[GoddessBell-1687]

I’m sorry if this topic isn’t fun or exciting.

Submissives and mental health. I’ve read a bit about it because it’s something going on in my situation and I’m curious if anyone has experience with it or can speak personally about it.
I know mental health affects every one no matter what lifestyle they live.
If it offends anyone that I’m bringing this subject up, I’m sorry.

[Deleted Member]

Yes, I have. What's concerning you? Let's chat.

[Deleted Member]

Firstly you have nothing to apologise for,if more were willing to discuss openly and honestly subjects like this then there would be a better understanding of the issues a lot face and with that less negative judgement.Your last line says it all really,you felt the need to apologise for something because of the way mental health is viewed.I believe most of us carry issues in our own way and "blowing off steam"is a great way to help combat the negative aspects.Life has a habit of inflicting wounds and some leave deep scars that never completely go away,it's the support of out friends,family and ***rs that can truly make a difference.Those who can say they have never "Struggled"at one point or another throughout their lives I believe are quite rare.To not be judged,to be able to talk openly is so so important.If you are feeling down,if you are feeling sad then never forget you are not alone.The sad thing is many will hide that sadness until it destroys them for *** of the stigma attached.Its good to talk and thank you for your post.

[GoddessBell-1687]

You’re right I shouldn’t have to apologize for posting about this subject. I should have stated that i wasn’t referring to myself, but my sub/BF. He’s not a communicator when he gets into his slumps and dark places. I would say men tend to keep things to them selves rather then talk. It worries me and I worry about him but at the same time I understand not wanting to talk because I have had my moments in the past but I’m typically a communicator. Back to when I said I know mental health affects everyone no matter the life style but I am wondering if it’s more common for submissives/slave lifestyle. Not sure if that is a fair question to have or not? I guess I don’t know if I should just let him be and he’ll come around or continue to let him know I’m here and care etc even though I just get the cold shoulder silence.

[Deleted Member]

The problem is as men we are supposed to "man up"when we are feeling down,we are not supposed to "feel"when in fact we actually do.As society places those restrictions upon us we bottle it deep inside and over time it eats away at us.Why do you think the *** rate is so high with men under the age of 40??It's because that poison we dare not share for *** of ridicule from our ***rs does indeed infect us.The advantage I have now is age and a good set of "real"friends who were there for me when really needed them.The stigma attached to.mental health is the problem especially for blokes hence why I'm being so open about my own struggles.If one fella reads this and it helps him move away from the edge if the abyss then I'm a happy man.So directly to anyone reading this I say talk,release the pressure building inside,if your "friends"do not support,maybe shun you then are they even friends in the first place?I think not.Better out than in fellas,you are far from alone.

[Deleted Member]

Continue to support him,let him.k ow you feel it's ok to feel blue and you think no less of him for it.As far as this community and depression I couldn't comment as my issues were years ago before I even stepped I to this world.Truth be told I now think some if it was caused by the confusion and isolation I felt living the lie that I was,since I worked out what I truly was and the way forward I've never been happier.

[GoddessBell-1687]

Thank you for your kind words and advice. 😊

[ey****]

So. I'm someone who has had struggles in the past and there's things that are important for both him and also for you.

1) Understand the sort of things you could do that could make him feel worse.  This is not to say tread-on-eggshells but if you're going to do something that might make him feel let down to understand this and communicate with him.

2) Reassure him

3) Encourage him to seek professional help/support also.  Whether this is a medical professional or even assorted self help books and blogs.

4) Accept you alone cannot help him

5) Helping someone with MH issues can be extremely draining and tiring on you.   There's resources exist for help and advice for (effectively) carers - but make sure you have your own self-care.  If you can help have a form of support network this eases the strain on yourself.

[Deleted Member]

I know both submissive and dominant men who struggle with Mental health issues, but I think Donnykinkster has hit on a very valid point in that a lot of mental health issues stem from the struggle to recognise and accept our true nature. Considering societal views of the dominant male Vs the submissive male, I have found in some of my submissive guy friend that they really struggle with accepting their true nature. The truth is the Sub holds the power, regardless of whether that sub is male or female. Also, speaking as a sub who is very inexperienced, I feel very *** at the thought of being that empowered. So gentle reassurance is always a good place to start.

[Wo****]

I have suffered from mental health issues with depression, anxiety, confidence issues and alcohol addiction. 

I spoke to people about it, got medical help which included cognitive behaviour therapy and counselling along with treatment for my alcohol issues.

I am submissive, bdsm has helped me discover who i am and the friends i've made through the community really do help.

 

Blacksheep makes really, really good points...

 

I came from a long term abusive relationship. I'd had a lot of things happen at once and left my ex. I was in a really bad place. That was 2.5 years ago. I was depressed (to the point where if i actually managed to get out of bed and shower the day was a success) and it took a lot of encouragement from a few close friends to help me through it all.

Encourage your partner to talk to someone, maybe see if he can write how he feels down? Endlessly reassure him. 

 

Helping someone through depression, or confidence issues, esteem, whatever, it's not easy but the pay off is huge.

 

One question... does your partner want to change?

 

Sorry, i'm rambling..

A lot of submissives have experience of emotional and/or physical ***. It can often be a way to have control over something. It was/is for me. I was ***d as a ***, was in an abusive relationship for 25 years and i'm a submissive. It gives me the contol i never had before. I choose to submit. It's liberating.

 

@GoddessBell Feel free to message if you ever just wanna vent. There will be times but, from someone who has come out the other side (ok... ok... coming out), thank you. For sharing this, too many people shy away from talking about this kind of thing.