Thoughts on Submission

[qwertytothemax]

I didn't know where to put this, so I just chose the B.D.S.M Forum. Anyways, I saw a lot of activity on another post about the definition of BDSM and it got me thinking about submission and what this word truly means. I am writing this post just as a collection of my thoughts, feel free to add or critique. But as a new submissive, I'll try to put to words what my thoughts are on my role and how it affects not only me, but those around me. 

 

Let's start out by getting some dictionary definitions on here.

Submission - the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior *** or to the will or authority of another person.

B.D.S.M - Bondage / Discipline or Dominance / Submission or Sadism / Masochism

 

***What is submission?***

To be upfront, it's a gift. It's a gift of a person't trust to a Dominate. The submissive is trusting the Dominate to not *** their power. The submissive is trusting the Dominate to not overstep boundaries while still pushing the submissive into the unknown. The submissive is trusting the Dominate to care for their well-being and to not toss them out like trash once they get what they want.

Here is a scenario - The other weekend, I had two lovely Dommes (I'll call them Domme A and Domme B because I don't want to reveal their names) approach me. They both wanted to be my Domme for the weekend. Which did I submit to for the weekend? Domme A. This is because Domme A was a long-time friend that I've had years to build trust with. She knew me inside out. She knew exactly what I liked, what I hated, what made me sad, what made me angry, etc. As a submissive, I knew I could trust her to not misuse her power over me that weekend. I knew that I wouldn't be mentally or physically scarred from that weekend. On the other hand, Domme B I had only met once. She didn't know me and I didn't know her. There was no trust between us, so I didn't want to give her my submission because I couldn't tell if I would be safe or not.

 

On a side note, because I have had a lot of questions about why I wear a hood in my picture, here is the reason - To stop people from messaging me without reading my profile. I was getting a lot of messages from people that would only look at my pictures and see if I was attractive or not. I now hide my face from everyone and the only thing people have to base their judgement of me on is what is written in my profile, meaning they have to read it and get to know me. Should they message me and earn my trust, only then do I remove the hood and show them what I look like. But as I have been saying, trust is the key here. Without trust, relationships will crumble.

 

Pertaining to the sexual part of B.D.S.M, I don't think a submissive should expect anything sexual to occur. Referring to the definition of "submission", a submissive is yielding to the will/authority of their Dominate. To me, this includes any sexual desires you might have. When you submit to a Dominate, you are doing it because you care for that person and respect them enough to want to work for their well-being. When you submit, you are saying that you want to put the needs of the Dominate before your own, even if it means the Dominate doesn't want to use the submissive sexually.

 

To quote a video game, "We work in the dark, to serve the light". A little backstory on the quote. It is from Assassin's Creed. The game is about a group of assassins that work in the shadows to keep civilization safe from powerful and dangerous people. These assassins are literally saving the world with little to no recognition. No history books would record their deeds, no songs would be written about their actions. They do what needs to be done because they care for people, not because they want fame or glory. And that's how I see submission in B.D.S.M relationships. The submissive works in the dark to ensure the comfort of their Dominate, casting aside any personal ambitions.

 

And honestly, I don't see submission as only a B.D.S.M thing. I believe that submission is a lifestyle, not a choice. We submissives live to serve. Personally, I think this is why I loved working customer service in fast food. I loved being able to help people get their orders. I loved being able to cook up an entire meal for a family as they sat there enjoying their Sunday afternoon. I loved giving a coffee to the older gentleman that had no one else to talk to that day. While a submissive might not submit to everyone, I think it is still a goal of a submissive to try and comfort those around them, not just their Dominate.

 

***What does a submissive want?***

To be clear, I don't think a submissive should WANT anything, which I explained above, but I do think that a submissive should be allowed to have certain aspects of normality in a relationship. The top aspects in a relationship I look for are trust between me and the Dominate, care for any wounds (Both mental and physical) I might receive from sessions, understanding that we are both humans and that mistakes will be made (And of course they should offer ways to not make the mistake again), and safety. 

 

***What can a submissive do to prepare themselves for a Dominate?***

If you find the right Dominate, you shouldn't have to change yourself at all. But, from what I have seen, Dominates want a submissive that is in a good mental state, so submissives should start thinking better of themselves. We are strong, so remind yourself of this every morning. Give yourself a compliment before you start the day. Find something about yourself that is attractive and tell yourself about it. Another thing I have started doing is working out. It helps me keep a positive image of myself, leading to me being happier about my self-image.  

 

Thanks for reading my little rant, feel free to add or critique below.

 

"Be kind to yourself, because the world might do all it can to knock you down. Be kind to the people you love, because it's unfortunately true that we hurt the ones we love the most. Be kind to strangers, because they might not have the strength to be kind to themselves."