Pronouns...should they matter?

[Ne****]

Thank You for sharing your perspective.
For Me, the difference in caring and worrying and such over pronouns is directly linked to those who insist I must be a certain one and deal in absolutes (“extremes” as OP stated.)
As an example, To insist that a Woman is a liar and must be a man simply because they are more hairy than what certain sections of society would have us all believing is an absolute line, IS WRONG as well as incorrect.

I don’t mind being called ‘Sir’ by non-hostile entities either in earnest or as a lark. When I’m certain no disrespect and harm is intended and the user is simply playing with language / societal norms what have you, it’s isn’t received as the former. This has gotten me people masquerading as benign when they definitely had fixed, errant ideas and pretended to be benevolent when they definitely were not…
Not fitting a social mould has left Me not desiring too be insistent with pronouns for myself, though I recognise their import as well as respect whatever anyone else wishes to apply to themselves - and I think *that* is the more important factor here: respect. Respect in the presence of not knowing, lack of understanding, and or disagreement…

[JW****]

Yea they matter lol wth

[ma****]

Or simply refer to them by name and then it's a non point

[wa****]

They matter to whom ever is identifying that way. So I would address them as such. But doesn’t matter to me

[pa****]

I feel like this is a very interesting perspective. It is quite contradicting to vouch for respecting others who are most likely intentionally disrespecting your identity. I don’t think it’s completely about external validation but more about being able to exist without it being a debate. Most ppl are okay with who they are, it’s the experience of walking outside and being shunned that’s disappointing. What use is self-confidence if you’re being ***d into conformity?

[Deleted Member]

So, basically, accept everyone because we're all a cocktail of hormones and metaphysical mysteries? Got it.

[ey****]

start calling a cis man as "she", "her", "Mrs" etc and suddenly they matter. 

[Ba****]

Genuinely didn’t read all of this. To me it’s straightforward. If pronouns matter to the human concerned, then use the pronouns they prefer. Everyone deserves to identify as they choose! What fcking harm is it doing?!
The only people who have a problem with pronouns seem to me to be the ones with vast insecurities. That would be a ‘them’ problem.
My only issue, is that sometimes I get pronouns wrong, but literally everyone I’ve dealt with in that position appreciates it’s a genuine mistake in my part based on education, age, etc. and I correct and apologise when necessary.
The sooner the ‘one track, died in the wool’ people get their heads around it and stop making it a ‘thing’ ,the better.

[au****]

Honestly, if you're non-binary, you either need therapy or you're just very confused because of comorbid issues. If your identity is solely based on or around your pronouns... which are technically arbitrary... then you have internal issues, and you need to figure yourself out a bit more. There's nothing wrong with self-expression, but when you feel the need to give yourself more and more boxes, you're honestly just losing yourself more and more which is also causing an endless cycle of being "fluid" but never knowing who you truly are... which inherently is pretty sad to see nowadays. :/

[Deleted Member]

I think sites need to add a new gender so others know. I'm not into Trans but I have came across some good ones and sucks that convo went good tell I find out later

[Deleted Member]

First and foremost! Very well written!
As an almost 52 year old, I am always so confused and uncertain how to address people in the last 10 years or so. Growing up and most of my adult life people where Sir or Ma'am, Mr. Or Ms/Mrs. Now I am so confused that I am also uncomfortable with people in general. I never want to offer insults unknowingly. What is the new acceptable standard when dealing with someone you don't know? "Excuse me, I am unable to determine your desired pronouns?" Or should I do what makes me comfortable and to hello with pronouns and treat people with respect and call the but what they look to be?

[sh****]

As a trans masc person I enjoy the sentiment and congratulations on becoming comfortable in your identity but this is definitely not an appropriate place for this conversation. I know a few people who will take this and think calling a trans person by pronouns they don’t align with is fine because they should just be happier with their identity which is something people have a hard time with. I am at a place in my life where I can usually brush off being called the wrong pronouns but at the same time I clearly remember being in a spot where I did not take it well and I still have a hard time taking accidents in stride during sexting or kink oriented conversations.

[Fa****]

I think they don't really matter and I agree with ur perspective on the situation but its startin to get uncomfortable because me personally I had a lot of ppl *** it on me and I respected their wishes but now everything they do revolved around their sexually and I dont know what to do ab it

[Deleted Member]

11 hours ago, DenverKitten said:

If someone asks you to use a certain pronoun for them, yes it matters. Simple. Respect others wishes, especially when those wishes in no way harm or hurt you.
.
To ask if something “should” matter is a bit ridiculous. You can’t ever tell people what they should feel nor invalidate the feelings of others. If they care about something, they do.

Isn't respect a two way street though? What if the other person's wishes are to not do it? What is the determining factor in deciding between "you have adjust yourself to what I want" and "I don't have to adjust myself to what you want"?

[jo****]

Pronouns are for people who can't accept reality of having a name.

[De****]

3 minutes ago, Spartan1776 said:

Isn't respect a two way street though? What if the other person's wishes are to not do it? What is the determining factor in deciding between "you have adjust yourself to what I want" and "I don't have to adjust myself to what you want"?

So if a person asks you to use a pronoun “it is against your wishes?” Wow. If a person named Elizabeth asks you to call them Liz, you should. I guess if that too difficult to “adjust yourself” to their wishes that’s on you.

[sh****]

10 minutes ago, johnstown411338 said:

Pronouns are for people who can't accept reality of having a name.

Now this is an interesting as hell perspective and I’m begging you to elaborate

[Un****]

11 minutes ago, Spartan1776 said:

Isn't respect a two way street though? What if the other person's wishes are to not do it? What is the determining factor in deciding between "you have adjust yourself to what I want" and "I don't have to adjust myself to what you want"?

whats your name?
ok instead i dont like using your name im gonna call you ted. respond to ted for me, i also choose to call you ma’m ill need you to respond and be fine with it.

and thats the way that makes it not a two way street. respect is easy

[jo****]

4 minutes ago, shark_boy said:

Now this is an interesting as hell perspective and I’m begging you to elaborate

People should go by goverment name. The goverment does.

[Deleted Member]

10 minutes ago, DenverKitten said:

So if a person asks you to use a pronoun “it is against your wishes?” Wow. If a person named Elizabeth asks you to call them Liz, you should. I guess if that too difficult to “adjust yourself” to their wishes that’s on you.

So you've demonstrated that you do not believe respect is a two way street. You get to unilaterally decide that your wishes should determine what other people do, but their wishes on what they themselves do are irrelevant. Got it.

[sh****]

3 hours ago, SirSteve said:

First and foremost! Very well written!
As an almost 52 year old, I am always so confused and uncertain how to address people in the last 10 years or so. Growing up and most of my adult life people where Sir or Ma'am, Mr. Or Ms/Mrs. Now I am so confused that I am also uncomfortable with people in general. I never want to offer insults unknowingly. What is the new acceptable standard when dealing with someone you don't know? "Excuse me, I am unable to determine your desired pronouns?" Or should I do what makes me comfortable and to hello with pronouns and treat people with respect and call the but what they look to be?

I say if you see an indicator (pronoun pin for example) follow that and if not just don’t say anything gendered. If you have to ask that works too. “Hi sorry to bother you but what are your pronouns?” “Hi I’m blank my pronouns are blank and you are?” I never get offended if they ask politely.

[Un****]

30 minutes ago, Spartan1776 said:

So you've demonstrated that you do not believe respect is a two way street. You get to unilaterally decide that your wishes should determine what other people do, but their wishes on what they themselves do are irrelevant. Got it.

lol.
wow.
thats allot to unload….
its a social construct, and has social repercussions. you arent making any friends like that 😂

[sh****]

35 minutes ago, johnstown411338 said:

People should go by goverment name. The goverment does.

So should the government be mandating what the names are too? Or should our parents just be the final say for that? What about in the case of if you don’t know someone’s name? Or what if they have a really long name and you don’t want to say it every time? Oh and is short versions of names in this category too? Like Matt instead of Matthew? If I sound sarcastic I promise I’m being 100 percent genuine I’m so interested in the way you view things if you want to dm me I’d love to pick your brain for a bit.

[To****]

Personally, I’m not changing my ways, the way I talk, the way I perceive, and the way I view an individual simply bc of someone else’s insecurities of how they are born. If you look like a dude guess what, sir? This whole new era thing has gotten out of line and so overboard, do we really want to talk about discomfort?

[li****]

Yes, they do. It's basic respect. Simple as that.