Deleted Member Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 This is only a preliminary post, as I intend to turn my thoughts below into a clear and concise definition; which I will then post separately. What you are about to read is an accumulation of rambling thoughts, and I would be grateful if anyone would comment any additional points that they think are relevant. My aim is to eventually post a much more precise definition of the word shallow, so that hopefully others might think before accusing someone (like myself) of being so. I have spent approximately two years, infrequently yet properly contemplating this misused word, trying to figure out the best possible way in which to word what I have to say. All I ask is that everyone who reads this, does so with an open mind. I could very well be wrong, since this is my attempt to form an opinion based on what I know. I resent people for calling me shallow, regardless of whether I eventually conclude that I am or not, and I think I have the right to defend my opinion. Especially since my thoughts have not come from the surface. Maybe that is part of it? That being shallow is a semi-literal phrase for someone whose opinion is based on thoughts that have no depth. In which case, how can you know that someone has in fact not thought before saying their comment? Would calling someone shallow therefore be shallow in itself? If you tell someone they are not attractive, you get called shallow for judging them by their appearance. If you tell someone they ARE attractive, you get called shallow for judging them by their appearance. My first thought would be to think that this cancels both out, as a lose:lose situation. This is not about first thoughts, second thoughts, or even third, fourth or fifth. Maybe it is to do with stating it matter-of-factly rather than expressing personal opinion? Maybe it is to do with commenting on something that someone has no control over, like beauty; as someone recently pointed out to me. (Black sheep) Sometimes all a woman wants… all anyone wants; is to be told that they are attractive. Other times people are confident in their bodies or simply do not care about physical attraction. Everyone has a type, and everyone has an idea in their mind of what they do not find attractive. Nobody is going to be attractive in the eyes of everyone, yet I think that is part of the misconception. Am I shallow? I do consider the possibility that, to an extent, I might indeed be shallow. Mildy, perhaps. There are women who’s entire faces are permanently scarred, and their husbands say that they married them for their personality. Either this is a lie, or maybe I am shallow? Or maybe they can only say it because their perception was changed over time? Being shallow means to base a thought or opinion on something with little to no consideration beforehand. Can that, then, extend beyond the physical appearance of a person? I will remain within that context, but I would think then, that shallowness is not just about physical appearance of a person. Upon googling the definition of the word shallow, I discovered that there is no definitive description of the word within the context of this post; merely mentioning short bodies of water and other various *physical* shapes. It is also worth noting that for myself specifically, physical attraction is only half of it, but it is still something that I desire. Without physical attraction there can be no physical relationship. Would it suffice to say, then, that I am called shallow based on my singular comment, in that singular moment, rather than judging me on a complete conversational? concise definition; which I will then post separately. What you are about to read is an accumulation of rambling thoughts, and I would be grateful if anyone would comment any additional points that they think are relevant. My aim is to eventually post a much more precise definition of the word shallow, so that hopefully others might think before accusing someone (like myself) of being so.
Dreamaway Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 Such deep contemplation of just the word/concept of shallow must mean it has affected you deeply, as in the opposite of shsllow. This doesnt however mean or show that you are not shallow, merely that you must enjoy conjectural thought exercises with yourself in a bid to convince yourself that you are in fact deep. Good luck, but ultimately it is other's opinion of yourself that will prove to be important in this case, regardless of how you see yourself. Frankly, my apologies but I just couldn't be bothered to read much beyond the first few lines. Hope you find your answer.
Deleted Member Posted February 13, 2020 Author Posted February 13, 2020 5 hours ago, Dreamaway said: beyond the first few lines You have made some good points, though your comment seems a bit back-handed. However you have admitted to not reading my whole post. You know nothing of this post (having not read it), so your comment is redundant. 6 hours ago, Dreamaway said: I just couldn't be bothered I essentially said this myself once in the past, though more politely, and was rightfully called out in it. I learned from my mistake, that if you have not read up on a context, there is no point contributing.
ey**** Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 I feel. Ultimately whatever you say or do people will have an opinion of you and that might not be an opinion you feel is fair. There's a saying about how nobody *really* knows you because they only see one side of you. So for example, on this forum the side people see of me is usually one where I've had time to think out composed responses behind my computer - and some people will like this and some people will not. All I can do; and all you should do - is to continue to do what I think is best. What I want to be careful of - is I don't want this to turn into a bunch of guys talking about what women like. Some of my experiences suggest that people either know that people find them attractive or don't believe it - so saying "you're pretty" either makes them go "urgh" or not believe it. I think ultimately what people want isn't to be told they're attractive but to feel it. To feel valued. To feel like you're interested not just because they're attractive.
Dreamaway Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 On 2/13/2020 at 9:43 AM, DanteReign said: You have made some good points, though your comment seems a bit back-handed. However you have admitted to not reading my whole post. You know nothing of this post (having not read it), so your comment is redundant. I essentially said this myself once in the past, though more politely, and was rightfully called out in it. I learned from my mistake, that if you have not read up on a context, there is no point contributing. If you said it yourself why didn't you stop yourself there?
Dreamaway Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 Worse...a preliminary post...thanks for the warning, I'll just ignore the whole thing next time.
Deleted Member Posted February 14, 2020 Author Posted February 14, 2020 28 minutes ago, Dreamaway said: If you said it yourself why didn't you stop yourself there? The nature of hindsight is that one does not realise the mistake until it is pointed out to them. I was politely told that my actions in the past were unnecessary, and I moved on having learned my lesson, after accepting my wrong-doing.
Wo**** Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 20 minutes ago, Dreamaway said: Worse...a preliminary post...thanks for the warning, I'll just ignore the whole thing next time. What is the point of this post? To make the point you'll ignore the whole thing "next time" comes across as pretty rude in my opinion. Why announce that you're going to ignore a post rather than just ignoring it?
Vandalslut Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 (edited) On 2/13/2020 at 1:03 AM, DanteReign said: Being shallow means to base a thought or opinion on something with little to no consideration beforehand. First up, DanteReign, I like reading your posts and responses. I always find them interesting, I have found you honest and on several occasions you've been willing to apologise if you have misinterpreted or unintentionally upset any members here. As for the post itself, it's about defining shallowness not about future promises to ignore posts. Still, those remarks give us a great definition of shallowness: the basing of an opinion on something or someone with minimal information. coupled with unwillingness to obtain more information. Anyone who called him/herself a reader would not judge a book by its cover. A book may have a very pretty cover and be as boring as batshit and badly written. It hasn't lived up to the expectations generated by its lovely cover. But at least one knows the book is as interesting as watching ***t dry because one has made a sincere effort to read it. A book may have a very plain binding, and be the best read you ever had. But books are not people, or vice versa. A book won't mind if you pass it by or give it a brief glance then put it down and move to the next shelf. I was told for many years I was not physically 'attractive' - as per the 'standards' of the time. I was passed by - so I became well-read, informed and I gained a reputation for brilliant wit. The ideas of physical attractiveness change - whether with maturity or by the latest whim of fashion - and then came the day when I found myself in the unique position of being attractive for wit, knowledge, liveliness, being interested in all manner of things and not only that, I was suddenly deemed attractive enough to pursue! (Quite a few merry and absurd little adventures there...) I also learnt that many men prefer to avoid women that are deemed 'beautiful' on the grounds they were too much 'work' - men often found these beautiful women were either too demanding, too full of self or not very clever; and many men felt they had to be constantly on the alert for other men trying to 'steal' their girl. But many 'pretty' girls sat at home on Saturday night - dateless because they were sick of being valued only as trophies with no minds, goals or ambitions. This question is as old as time itself and we still can't seem to get it right. Not everyone will be beautiful or handsome, but nearly all of us can be attractive; one person's eye for beauty is another person's eye-sore. It's very hard to be told one is unattractive, or at least deemed so. It's very, very hard. But the shallow men who didn't look beyond my 'cover' and who didn't bother to obtain more information about me led me to my Vandal, who said, "I find you beautiful" - which is saying a LOT more than, "You're beautiful" - which I wouldn't have believed for a nano-second. So, guys and girls, kinksters and vanillas the world over, think on this: 'I find you attractive' has a deeper, more personal meaning to 'you're attractive' - and the opposite of 'shallow' is deep; so look deeper! Edited February 15, 2020 by Vandalslut
Deleted Member Posted February 15, 2020 Author Posted February 15, 2020 4 hours ago, Vandalslut said: look deeper Thank you, Vandalslut, for that amazing response. I think you covered a lot of good points and certainly helped me further understand my own thoughts. I believe I have realised a clearer and more concise definition of shallow, but I suppose I will have to see if others agree with my upcoming post. Thank you, again.
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