Wife suggested I visit Dominatrix

[Subsub33]

For as long as I can remember I’ve had fetish for pvc Bdsm and domination.  I would love to have my wife as dominatrix, she used to reluctantly indulge desires but since having a child 7 years ago she hasn’t wanted to be  wife dominatrix, so I’ve had to play by myself Sometimes with her knowledge.  I’d be up stairs in my gear while she watches telly down stairs, an ok compromise but never the same as giving over control to a dominant women. 
Just before Christmas she suggest “Why don’t you visit and dominatrix? Since you can't have your wife as dominatrix?'' 

“Wow!“

Was my response.

After further conversation she is definitely happy for me to head out and fulfil my fantasies, since my wife as dominatrix just isn't going to happen. I’m currently building up to visit first fetish event. 
 

Any advice or thoughts welcome. 
SS33 

[ey****]

That's brilliant news.

It's good you've been able to have the conversation and good she's open to it as you can't have your wife as dominatrix.

My suggestion.  Particularly if you're otherwise in a monogamous relationship is to research, online, someone who works professionally rather than going to events.

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That's not to say *don't* go to events.  It depends wholly on what you want.  But if you want play or specific fantasies then finding someone at a club who is ultimately willing to do these is limiting - and also still potentially expensive : whilst I tend not to count the pennies (not that I have any) I remember totting up that a club I went to last year ended up costing over £300 (trains were £80, accomodation was £70+, two tickets came to £30, drinks at the club, food, etc.) and, umm... my experience was, well, I enjoyed it but if you gave me the choice between going to the club or having two hours with a professional - I'd have chosen the latter.

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So, anyway.  Researching a Pro is fairly easy.  You can go to google and probably find some near you - there are a few Mistress Directory sites but a lot of these are a bit 'old hat' - whilst fakes and scammers exist most aren't sophisticated enough to pull together a well designed website - and you can probably also find out more about the person via other media they're on (i.e. twitter) or if they make/sell clips.

Mostly, for the research is do you feel warm or excited when reading their site and do they offer the types of activities you have fantasised about?

From there - drop them a line; explain your situation and the fantasies you would like to go through and if there are ideas of dates then raise them also.  There's a saying regarding "make it brief but make it count" and under 250 words is a good target.  If that's not enough you might be able to explain the outline of your fantasy and talk through it in more detail in further messages.

If she is interested in doing this with you, you will be usually asked to pay a deposit to confirm your booking and this is generally non-refundable.  So, it's good to triple check you're happy with things.

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Why a Pro and not someone from the community?

In a way I wouldn't rule that out but if you go to munches, events, network, meet people it still can be difficult to get someone who is like "yeah, I'll go through your fantasy with you" and building this up is more of a commitment.  

And, if you're otherwise mono this potentially means you'll be going out once or twice per month and be a while before you're closer to actually get what you want.

Not that I'd disuade people from joining the community; it can open many doors.  But some benefits can take a long time to blossom. 

[Subsub33]

Thank you for the response this is the first time I’ve ever talked about this with anyone but my wife dominatrix talk isn't somethin I get often. 
I think I will try both avenues. 
Here’s to exciting times. 
 

thanks again. 

[ey****]

perfect

it's certainly good to get involved - and - actually; if you do go to a munch or some such then almost treat it (a bit like this forum) as a space you can openly talk - and - that in itself can be good. 

[Deleted Member]

No judgement, but that's kinda sad that your wife doesn't want to share that with you if she use to be open to wife dominatrix. I suppose it's down to you how you feel about going to a dominatrix because it would be exciting but I'd imagine it could get expensive and it depends how you feel about paid domination if you have never done it before. Wife as dominatrix is ideal, right?

[ey****]

I feel the key words are "reluctantly" and I think a question is would you prefer to have a partner who does your kinks with you but doesn't enjoy it - or - someone who does genuinely enjoy it, but requires payment (that, if nothing else - dungeons cost *** to hire and fantasy costs *** to create)  Sometimes  wife dominatrix isn't a combo you can get. As much as you'd like a wife as dominatrix it can't always be. 

[Siebell]

I live in a precarious situation my wife does not participate as much as I would love my wife as dominatrix it can't happen.

[Sa****]

Personally I would go down the Pro route and indeed have done . I think you can build a good relationship with a Pro after a few visits you just have to do your research and find the right one for you. Took me about 6 months now I’m a very happy sub . No need for a wife dominatrix.

[RosesHaveThorns75]

What about privacy issues?!? Does payment provide a "right to privacy" about your said chosen activitys?!? I should imagine if you chose munches/clubs everybody will get to know about your tastes and about your wife dominatrix no more. so if your kinda shy or private or trying new stuff you might not be sure you'd want to repeat/make regular then Dommes can keep discretion(s) ?!? As I'd imagine some could lose clients if they don't due to varying reasons.....🤔 Some ***ps find secrets/privacy sexy and eXposure yucky/turn off 😬 just saying

[ey****]

I think most people have a level of discretion.

If you're at a munch or event then everyone else in attendance tends to be there for similar reasons.  Though. Bumping into someone you know from other friend circles can sometimes be, at least momentarily, awkward.

Pros *tend* to be discrete also.  The spaces they use for sessions etc. have to be relatively... anyone walking past shouldn't know it's a dungeon or a space used for any form of sex work because that can lead to targeted attacks.  So this is also for THEIR privacy and safety.

Also anyone turning up to a hotel or you home or wherever if they agree to outcalls is, again, going to arrive with a view to not draw attention.   I had this conversation yesterday that hotels know and are aware of escorts or pro-dommes etc turning up - and largely don't care - but if it is blatant then they can get in trouble if they're accused of allowing soliciting.   Remember it is perfectly legal for you to book someone and them come to your hotel room, but if they happen to go down to the bar and someone else enquires about availability then soliciting is a criminal offence.

Of course, it'd be dishonest for me to say everyone is a bastion of perfect example - which is why it is a little bit important to do a little research sometimes.

But if you can't have a wife as dominatrix you have to research the best option.