Sub Drops

[GoddessBell-1687]

I am sure there have been a lot of threads about sub drop, so sorry if this is the hundredth one.

As a someone newer to this lifestyle, and still learning as I go.   I have posted before about mental health with subs.  My sub/slave/BF who I am learning from for the most part, and also my own researching and reading has never mentioned to me about sub drop.  I am certain this is what happens to him, along with just life stresses etc.  I have spoke to him in the past about how shutting me out, not talking to me, disregarding me makes me feel, he apologized and we moved on.  Our sessions are never overly intense....as I am still new at this so not sure what would be considered "intense" but I know for him he goes into his subspace, we do aftercare all the time.  

So I am wondering for those who experiencing sub drop or know a lot about it, how do you deal with it, how do you treat your dom etc while you are having the sub drop effects?  And also for those who are doms etc, how do you react to it, what do you do for your sub?  I know everyone is different with their experiences.   I am not sure of the proper way to handle it, or what to do. 

[Deleted Member]

When I drop, it is normally a few days after intense play and sods law, my Daddy is not with me.
I tend to feel a bit down and depressed, lethargic and just wanting to mope around and not really talk to anyone.
I do speak to my Daddy though, he is the one person who can make me feel better.
But, your sub may just need his own space, it's a weird feeling and so difficult to describe.
Like you gave said, each person is different as well.....hope this helps a little!

[Deleted Member]

As Myrtz said. I don’t drop immediately usually a few hours later but immediate after care defo softens the blow for me and then he continues to cal and direct self care and talk me through. Can’t say I’ve ever dropped in the way you describe, shutting the Dom out etc if anything I’m a bit more on the needy side?
As with any D/s relationship everything hinges on open transparent communication so I think maybe conversations around that would be a start and a bit more work around how can I best support you

[GoddessBell-1687]

Thank you ladies.  

This is why I am a bit confused, and why i asked for others experiences.  We will always talk the next day and in general we are always open and communicate with each other, and especially since I am newer to this lifestyle I do ask a lot of questions when I am curious and he is open and honest, but then he goes silent.  I can text him nice caring notes, ask how he is doing everything and I get no response or answer, this usually lasts a week or so.  I want to ask him about this now, but he will not talk to me.   Last time this happened, I made sure to send him the caring messages, then I would not give him any attention for a day or two, then check in again which he then usually comes around.

It makes it frustrating for me because even though we are dom/sub and he is my slave as well (working up to that lifestyle as we do not live together yet) I don't know if it is correct to separate the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and the dom/sub relationship from each other because in my mind they are kinda different things.  I suppose that is something else we will have to discuss further.  

I am not sure if I am the only one who feels this way but I find it overwhelming trying to work this lifestyle into my life.

[Vandalslut]

Not quite  the 100th, but it was asked just recently, this was my answer in that thread - hope it helps.

Sub-drop can be suffering major withdrawal from the Big Four: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins.  Hope the following helps...

Dopamine motivates us to take action toward goals, desires, and needs, and gives a surge of reinforcing pleasure when achieving them. Procrastination, self-doubt, and lack of enthusiasm are linked with low levels of dopamine. So set a small goal - maybe go for a walk and go further than you usually walk; shop at a new store; tackle your 'stuff to do' pile..pick a goal and achieve it.

Serotonin flows when you feel significant or important. Loneliness and depression appears when serotonin is absent. If you need a serotonin boost, take a few moments to reflect on past achievements and victories. Have lunch or coffee outside and expose yourself to the sun for 20 minutes; our skin absorbs UV rays, which promotes vitamin D and serotonin production.

Oxytocin creates intimacy, trust, and builds healthy relationships. It's released by men and women during orgasm. Often referred to as the cuddle hormone, a simple way to keep oxytocin flowing is to give someone a hug. When someone receives a gift, their oxytocin levels can rise. Give yourself a gift of time, a restaurant dinner, buy a bunch of flowers for your home...

Endorphins are released in response to *** and stress and help to alleviate anxiety and depression. Along with regular exercise, laughter is one of the easiest ways to induce endorphin release. The smell of vanilla and lavender has been linked with the production of endorphins. Studies have shown that dark chocolate and spicy foods can lead the brain to release endorphins.  Put on a funny DVD and have a wadge of dark chocolate, or burn lavender or vanilla incense.

Good luck.

[GoddessBell-1687]

16 hours ago, Vandalslut said:

Not quite  the 100th, but it was asked just recently, this was my answer in that thread - hope it helps.

Sub-drop can be suffering major withdrawal from the Big Four: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins.  Hope the following helps...

Dopamine motivates us to take action toward goals, desires, and needs, and gives a surge of reinforcing pleasure when achieving them. Procrastination, self-doubt, and lack of enthusiasm are linked with low levels of dopamine. So set a small goal - maybe go for a walk and go further than you usually walk; shop at a new store; tackle your 'stuff to do' pile..pick a goal and achieve it.

Serotonin flows when you feel significant or important. Loneliness and depression appears when serotonin is absent. If you need a serotonin boost, take a few moments to reflect on past achievements and victories. Have lunch or coffee outside and expose yourself to the sun for 20 minutes; our skin absorbs UV rays, which promotes vitamin D and serotonin production.

Oxytocin creates intimacy, trust, and builds healthy relationships. It's released by men and women during orgasm. Often referred to as the cuddle hormone, a simple way to keep oxytocin flowing is to give someone a hug. When someone receives a gift, their oxytocin levels can rise. Give yourself a gift of time, a restaurant dinner, buy a bunch of flowers for your home...

Endorphins are released in response to *** and stress and help to alleviate anxiety and depression. Along with regular exercise, laughter is one of the easiest ways to induce endorphin release. The smell of vanilla and lavender has been linked with the production of endorphins. Studies have shown that dark chocolate and spicy foods can lead the brain to release endorphins.  Put on a funny DVD and have a wadge of dark chocolate, or burn lavender or vanilla incense.

Good luck.

Thank you for your reply.   So is there at any point I should be concerned about him, because no communication from my prospective is hurtful and disrespectful but I am not sure if I should tell him that because I am sure that would make him feel bad and make him feel more down?  I am naturally a worry wart especially about people I love, so it's hard to just sit back and not reach out to him, but I don't want annoy him.  Or should I just let him be and leave it in his hands and reach out to me on his own and when he is ready?

[Wo****]

I can relate to this...

When he's quiet, he might just need some space to process it all. I do sometimes.

I get the worry wart thing too, be open about how you feel but when the times right.

 

For what it's worth, I think you're doing pretty well x

[Bournemouthmaster2se]

In my experience on  the D side  of the slash it tends to hit  a few days after a scene,  and the more  intense the  scene the bigger the drop.

 

Everyone is different  regarding  things that help but it's consistently caring,  supporting reassuring that offers relief.

[Deleted Member]

On 2/20/2020 at 7:54 PM, GoddessBell said:

I am sure there have been a lot of threads about sub drop, so sorry if this is the hundredth one.

As a someone newer to this lifestyle, and still learning as I go.   I have posted before about mental health with subs.  My sub/slave/BF who I am learning from for the most part, and also my own researching and reading has never mentioned to me about sub drop.  I am certain this is what happens to him, along with just life stresses etc.  I have spoke to him in the past about how shutting me out, not talking to me, disregarding me makes me feel, he apologized and we moved on.  Our sessions are never overly intense....as I am still new at this so not sure what would be considered "intense" but I know for him he goes into his subspace, we do aftercare all the time.  

So I am wondering for those who experiencing sub drop or know a lot about it, how do you deal with it, how do you treat your dom etc while you are having the sub drop effects?  And also for those who are doms etc, how do you react to it, what do you do for your sub?  I know everyone is different with their experiences.   I am not sure of the proper way to handle it, or what to do. 

 

I've experienced a male sub shutting me out after play. My assumption was that his submission made him feel *** and as a man, he was uncomfortable with that. 

I'll just add that it's not only subs who experience drop. I experience Top drop, in the 24-48 hours after a session. I don't really understand why. Sub drop makes more sense to me (and I used to get that too, when I was a sub). But I accept it and deal with it. Having a caring friend to talk to is the solution for me. I usually get emotional and have a good cry. Then make tea and watch a movie. Doesn't sound very fierce and Domly, does it? Lol. 

[Wo****]

2 minutes ago, MsWhiteRose said:

 

I've experienced a male sub shutting me out after play. My assumption was that his submission made him feel *** and as a man, he was uncomfortable with that. 

I'll just add that it's not only subs who experience drop. I experience Top drop, in the 24-48 hours after a session. I don't really understand why. Sub drop makes more sense to me (and I used to get that too, when I was a sub). But I accept it and deal with it. Having a caring friend to talk to is the solution for me. I usually get emotional and have a good cry. Then make tea and watch a movie. Doesn't sound very fierce and Domly, does it? Lol. 

It sounds wonderfully honest 😊

And, it's a good reminder that Dominants feel a drop too. You may be dominant but you're still human!

[Kriss123]

6 hours ago, MsWhiteRose said:

 

I've experienced a male sub shutting me out after play. My assumption was that his submission made him feel *** and as a man, he was uncomfortable with that. 

1. I'll just add that it's not only subs who experience drop. I experience Top drop, in the 24-48 hours after a session. I don't really understand why. Sub drop makes more sense to me (and I used to get that too, when I was a sub). But I accept it and deal with it. Having a caring friend to talk to is the solution for me. I usually get emotional and have a good cry. Then make tea and watch a movie. Doesn't sound very fierce and Domly, does it? Lol. 
2. What do you mean when you say *** as a man mistress.I don't think I have ever felt truly submissive to a mistress it was as though we acting out a play.

 

[Deleted Member]

I wonder if sub drop/top drop happens less in a 24/7 relationship? After Mistress has enjoyed her playtime with me, we talk about how we feel and what we enjoyed or didn't and we then continue with our life. My happiness comes from serving my mistress and seeing her happy so for me there is very little drop emotionally. I'll be physically tired but never stop communicating. This was not the case before when Mistress was my wife. We'd have good sex, then both feel low and stop talking until it got unbearable, have an argument and clear the air and then have sex...... and repeat lol.  

That to me seems quite similar to sub/top drop if a little more extreme. However this behaviour ended when we started a D/s 24/7 relationship. We have a contract signed and we communicate better than we ever did before. Every day is a scene and that scene may or may not have sex in it. The energy build up is there though. Just a thought 🙂

[cautiousswitch]

Walking is my main mode of transportation and my sessions are about an hour away from my home.  I've never really experienced sub drop on a level that I read about from other people, and it could be the walking that does it.  Maybe a combination of the physical activity along with the time to think about the session and think about what I'd like to do the next session helps to lessen the impact of the drop.

Also, my dommes will usually e-mail me within a day of a session which might help to prevent any delayed drop from happening.

[Deleted Member]

12 hours ago, Brittone2 said:

 

If you've never felt truly submissive to a mistress, you've never fully submitted and you wouldn't experience the kind of vulnerability that can come with that.  A lot of BDSM can be like play acting, but I hope you get to experience full submission one day. If that is what you'd like. 

I think submission is challenging for many men, because of the vulnerability that comes with handing over full control to a woman. It runs against most of the conditioning of masculinity in our society. 

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, cautiousswitch said:

Walking is my main mode of transportation and my sessions are about an hour away from my home.  I've never really experienced sub drop on a level that I read about from other people, and it could be the walking that does it.  Maybe a combination of the physical activity along with the time to think about the session and think about what I'd like to do the next session helps to lessen the impact of the drop.

Also, my dommes will usually e-mail me within a day of a session which might help to prevent any delayed drop from happening.

The morning after a session, the first thing I do is take my dog for a long walk. 

Then  I check in with the person I was playing with. 

Drop usually hits me in the afternoon, regardless of how much I've walked and whether we've communicated. 

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Christopher1972 said:

I wonder if sub drop/top drop happens less in a 24/7 relationship? After Mistress has enjoyed her playtime with me, we talk about how we feel and what we enjoyed or didn't and we then continue with our life. My happiness comes from serving my mistress and seeing her happy so for me there is very little drop emotionally. I'll be physically tired but never stop communicating. This was not the case before when Mistress was my wife. We'd have good sex, then both feel low and stop talking until it got unbearable, have an argument and clear the air and then have sex...... and repeat lol.  

That to me seems quite similar to sub/top drop if a little more extreme. However this behaviour ended when we started a D/s 24/7 relationship. We have a contract signed and we communicate better than we ever did before. Every day is a scene and that scene may or may not have sex in it. The energy build up is there though. Just a thought 🙂

Yes, Christopher. I think you may be right. 

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, MsWhiteRose said:

I think submission is challenging for many men, because of the vulnerability that comes with handing over full control to a woman. It runs against most of the conditioning of masculinity in our society. 

I couldn't agree more, it can be very challenging. I know where my submissive and godess worship tendencies stem from and they are very deep seated and from a long time ago. However in my life I've been extremely competitive in sport and in business, what many would describe as an alpha male. 3 years ago I got a rare cancer that left me with an invisible disability. My ego which fed on my masculinity took an almighty beating but it was the best thing that could've happened for me. It allowed me to truly embrace who I am and it saved my marriage. I have truly been able to put all my trust and control over to my mistress. Initially it was through necessity but over time it has become by choice. Understanding emotion and energy flow within our relationship only happens if I am able to truly embrace my feminine energy and speak from the heart. That allows my mistress to take control safe in the knowledge that I trust her with my heart and my life.  It took an awful lot to get to that point emotionally, it wasn't an easy ride but it's worth it for me 🙂

[Kriss123]

5 hours ago, MsWhiteRose said:

If you've never felt truly submissive to a mistress, you've never fully submitted and you wouldn't experience the kind of vulnerability that can come with that.  A lot of BDSM can be like play acting, but I hope you get to experience full submission one day. If that is what you'd like. 

I think submission is challenging for many men, because of the vulnerability that comes with handing over full control to a woman. It runs against most of the conditioning of masculinity in our society. 

Yes I have been thinking about it a long time  now I think it would complete me as a man

[Kriss123]

If the truth be known.I wish it was you

[Deleted Member]

Speaking from a male viewpoint, as someone who has indeed fully and totally submitted to several partners who have played a dominant role over me, I consider that the sheer pleasure derived from the whole experience is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced in a dominant role. The ***, apprehension and other normal emotions associated with the giving up of any control over the situation (apart of course from the safe word or safe signal), rapidly gives way to total abandonment and getting completely lost in the moment, all provided that there is total trust in the liaison. This involves getting to know someone a bit before any physical interaction takes place of course. If you can’t properly relax into the submissive role, you’re unlikely to fully enjoy the experience, in my opinion. 

[Th****]

On 2/21/2020 at 12:38 AM, Vandalslut said:

Dopamine motivates us to take action toward goals, desires, and needs, and gives a surge of reinforcing pleasure when achieving them. Procrastination, self-doubt, and lack of enthusiasm are linked with low levels of dopamine. So set a small goal - maybe go for a walk and go further than you usually walk; shop at a new store; tackle your 'stuff to do' pile..pick a goal and achieve it.

Serotonin flows when you feel significant or important. Loneliness and depression appears when serotonin is absent. If you need a serotonin boost, take a few moments to reflect on past achievements and victories. Have lunch or coffee outside and expose yourself to the sun for 20 minutes; our skin absorbs UV rays, which promotes vitamin D and serotonin production.

Oxytocin creates intimacy, trust, and builds healthy relationships. It's released by men and women during orgasm. Often referred to as the cuddle hormone, a simple way to keep oxytocin flowing is to give someone a hug. When someone receives a gift, their oxytocin levels can rise. Give yourself a gift of time, a restaurant dinner, a bunch of flowers for your home...

Endorphins are released in response to *** and stress and help to alleviate anxiety and depression. Along with regular exercise, laughter is one of the easiest ways to induce endorphin release. The smell of vanilla and lavender has been linked with the production of endorphins. Studies have shown that dark chocolate and spicy foods can lead the brain to release endorphins.  Put on a funny DVD and have a wadge of dark chocolate, or burn lavender or vanilla incense.

Love this!  I am so stealing this definition.

@Vandalslut any chance you could copy and paste this into the comments under the link below- I think it is the best and most concise definition I have seen. Thanks in advance.

Just wanted to add in the link to the full notes on the Munch that was done on Drop- D-type and s-type.

The Drop - Munch Notes- D-type and s-type

[Vandalslut]

@Thebian, has been done, no worries! Glad to be of assistance.