Overbearing Doms..

[Al****]

Can anyone tell me why so many doms (masters, sirs, etc) think it's ok to start a conversation with someone who identifies as a sub (brat, little, etc), like we should automatically give ourselves over to them? I've noticed it's a huge issue. Maybe it's just me, I doubt it, but that relationship is supposed to be a trust build. Not an automatic, especially when that sub already has a dom.

[ey****]

short answer

because they're not Dom/Master/Sirs/etc - they're just dim.  

Going in and assuming protocol with someone who clearly wouldn't welcome it kinda gives the game they don't know what they're doing

[ca****]

Maybe it means they are looking for the 'role' and not the person ???

[Ta****]

You both speak true.

[Ro****]

Because it works. They assume that's what turns the girl on. I had girls wanted me to be meaner to them.

[tr****]

There are subs who think it's all 50 shades of grey, so that's what they want. There are 'Doms' with no experience other than (again) 50 shades of grey as a guideline for being a Dom. I've been messaged by obvious amateurs, as well as proper Dom(me)s. The proper ones are more genuinely respectful and wanting to learn about you.

[Deleted Member]

Exactly! The is way too many 'doms' who message having zero interest in the subs personality or interests and are only interested in the physical or the chase who knows

[Me****]

Who is rough master 55 kidding 😂

[sn****]

It's not only that they come at you aggressively like that but then they tell you that you dont really know what you want or how your body and emotions work. For me I've had to start a conversation explaining what demisexual means as a whole and how I identify with it. Then they still argue

[me****]

Yeah I've always tried to start the conversation off like any other one if the sub wants to just go straight into the kinky stuff they'll go ahead and initiate that kind of conversation

[Sp****]

It's because they're fake doms. They like to be bossy and think that's all it takes to be a dom, or that a sub is supposed to outright submit. Every true dom knows submission is EARNED.

[Vandalslut]

10 hours ago, RoughMaster55 said:

Because it works. They assume that's what turns the girl on. I had girls wanted me to be meaner to them.

It may work with some - not with all. And 'assume; makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'. 

[ey****]

basically. numbers game.

message a bunch of subs and one of them might like it.  

[Ar****]

No it isn't just you @AlexCaelum - this sort of "Bull Dom" behaviour seems to have become more and more of a thing of late, and it is an extremely worrying trend. It does not matter what circumstances/circles you meet somebody new in, you should always approach them (initially at least) from a position of respect. 

[Si****]

Ya they are usually fake or brand new and think what they see in TV or read in books is how it actually is

[Phoenyx]

Inexperience, pure and simple.  They have no idea what they are doing.  They have seen only the superficial traits of BDSM.  They assume that barking commands is all there is to it.  They know little-or-nothing about the underlying technique.  Or, their inflated egos simply won't let them understand.

The real trick is to seduce the sub.  Study them, learn about them, appeal to their kryptonite.  What makes them weak in the knees?  Take the time to lure them into your web.  Offer to open this door, in a safe and caring environment, and they will submit willingly.  Protocol will come naturally, after that.

[Mi****]

Those new and interested in the scene just think its about being dominant and controlling, and that if they go into it hard thats what the sub wants.

[D3****]

Because those aren't Dominants. They are boys playing dressup essentially.

Even in the heaviest forms of Dom/Sub relationships. Respect and understanding should come much before any other aspect of the relationship.

[Da****]

I think it's a combo of immaturity and hubris. When I was younger (I know I'm still young lol) I probably would have tried that sort of thing, which is an attitude expected of a *** or pre-***. I think once you're past like 16 though, it is an unacceptable behavior. But yeah I agree that it's weird and not ok lol, I've met some really "manchild" ish doms on these kinds of places before and it always bewilders me.

[Be****]

Wannabes

[Br****]

so being one of those people that I have been in relationships where things are really confusing I feel like there is a there's another type of atom I feel like there's a demonic dominant person wear their succulent to the point that they they want you to do what they want versus there was the trustful the real dominance you know it's really hard to tell the difference but you kind of you can tell when they start talking to you usually you can some people are really well at hiding their deep dark secrets

[Vandalslut]

7 hours ago, Dandaru said:

I think it's a combo of immaturity and hubris. When I was younger (I know I'm still young lol) I probably would have tried that sort of thing, which is an attitude expected of a *** or pre-***. I think once you're past like 16 though, it is an unacceptable behavior. But yeah I agree that it's weird and not ok lol, I've met some really "manchild" ish doms on these kinds of places before and it always bewilders me.

Well said!

[Vandalslut]

10 hours ago, phoenyx said:

The real trick is to seduce the sub.  Study them, learn about them, appeal to their kryptonite.  What makes them weak in the knees?  Take the time to lure them into your web.  Offer to open this door, in a safe and caring environment, and they will submit willingly.  Protocol will come naturally, after that.

EXACTLY!!! Do that research...this sage item of advice follows on from another post by Phoenyx of becoming dominant by observation.

[Mo****]

In this life there are many that are real and who and what they say they are, BUT, there are even more who fall into one of 2 categories.  Those are the Rogue/Shark group who are only out for the thrill of fresh meat, and who approach others barking orders and demanding things.  When they don't get their own way, they become abusive and very derogatory towards the person.  The other group is the Pretender/Beginner.  These people are generally the same type but approach things with a different angle.  They have no real knowledge, and try to tap-dance their way into the life of anyone who is desperate.  These people are even more dangerous than the sharks/rogues, because they have no concept of what is involved in play, the risks involved, the after-care that may be required.

For reasonably new people to this kinky life, make no mistake, this lifestyle has some dangers to it!  Everything should revolve around Safe Sane and Consensual decision making.

 

An example of the above statement is, about 6 years ago in the state of New South Wales in Australia, a group of 2 men and 1 woman had a drunken sex party on a beach.  The men did the well *** girl over really well with anal sex and fisting.  She was in no way, able to consent to what was happening.  A long story short, she began to bleed internally from the fisting, and eventually bled to death.  The men concerned panicked and tried to dispose of the body.  That failed, and when eventually discovered the Police were called.  An investigation found these cretins, prosecuted them, and now they are both serving prison sentences.

 

Now not everyone is going to develop these types of complications and die, but, if you are not being safe, sane and consensual because of alcohol or ***, you are putting yourself at risk.

 

[Deleted Member]

I honestly wish people could actually start conversations off without it going down into the kink territory for at least a good while