Adding a color to traffic lights

[La****]

So I don't have a safe word. I've always used traffic lights as I feel that adds a middle ground.

I find, when I'm in subspace, that I really (really) don't want to call yellow. To me, red means stop and end scene. Yellow means I don't want to end scene, but I really want you to stop what you're doing right now.

So I don't yellow. Because I'm struggling, but I'm not at the end of my rope.

Talking with my Dom, and considering adding a 4th traffic light - something a bit clearer than my "wobbly green". So it would be:
Green - I'm fine.
Yellow - I'm struggling but I can keep going. Proceed... with caution.
Orange - i don't like this, please change it up
Red - all stop.

Anyone else done anything like this? Am I overcomplicating things? He wants to trust I'll call the right color, I want a way to signify that I'm nearing the edge of what I can handle, but I'm not there yet.

[se****]

I think that whatever you need to do to feel safe is what you need to do. But do know if there are too many words then it does become complicated to remember what means what and making sure the right word is used. I would write them down and or use flash cards and know them so well it takes seconds to define. It will help.

[La****]

Someone suggested numbers to me... which seems a lot simpler 🤣🤦‍♀️

[ec****]

Personally, as a dom, when my sub calls yellow, thats my cue to ask “Do you want me to keep going?” “Do you want to take a break/slow down/etc?”

Everyone is different and this may not work for the type of scene you want, but for some folks it may be more effective than requiring the sub to remember more words while in distress.

[Ar****]

I absolutely love this. Traffic-lighting is my preferred method too, but I find that because yellow/amber/orange isn't as inherently clear-cut as red or green - and there can be degrees of it within a given interaction too - there can be a lot of reliance on knowing a sub well and the depth of previous discussion/s. So long as it works I don't think you're overcomplicating the matter at all, surely any extra steps and understanding can only be a good thing plus if it's what you want to introduce then it has to be your call; I think I'll consider using this myself, depending on the partner.

[db****]

I like this idea. Allows for variance rather than a hard stop

[lo****]

One sub to another I adore this for you. Keep the communication going you will be fine

[Sy****]

I used a lot of color code. With my partner we used to add the color Blue, standing for "You can go harder". Might add yellow with my next partners 😊

[typhoon2]

I take Amber/Yellow to mean Pause. We stop and ascertain the issue. Do they want it harder? Softer? Change of toy? Adjust position due to cramp? Need re-hydrating? There are so many variables that pausing and discussing (never re-negotiating since subspace precludes informed consent) is the only way to keep things simple enough for in-scene use. For adjusting impact or whatever without a formal Amber there are various reactions, such as moaning with pleasure, involuntary wincing, etc. A competent Dom or Top ought to notice such things.

[Se****]

This is exactly how I triage system with people needing attention - same colour coding (but obviously it related to wait times). I don’t know why I never thought about applying it in this context.

This now happens to be my favourite thing for indicating how I’m feeling in a situation.

Yellow always seemed a little “wishy washy” and non defined, an addition seems brilliant.

And no, I don’t think you’re over complicating it unless you start down the route of light green, dark green, sunset yellow, pale yellow… etc (sorry 😂😬) xx

[Th****]

I like it simple. Words still have meaning without needing to add complicated code to them.

I always check in on my sub every now and then to see how they are doing and to draw things out because edging is fun.

But hey; do what works for you. If you feel like you need something else, then add to it.

[fa****]

I like the idea of more colors for better communication, but I feel like the announcement of a color breaks the mood. Red for stop and yellow for "I've got a cramp" are great. Those are needed and should break the mood.
But instead of more colors, maybe be more creative. For instance if the sub wants it harder, back talk... "Is that all you got?!"... That would be a good way to let the dom know what the sub are thinking. And maybe the sub is doing good but needs the dom to ease up a bit but the sub doesn't want to break the mood. Have a "key word" instead of a safe word. For instance "mercy". If the sub begs and says the word mercy.. ("please have mercy, Mistress"). Then the dom can degrade the sub for being a wimp (bonus points!), and either ease up or change it up without breaking the mood. Just my 2 cents

[La****]

Yesterday at 04:42 AM, fairly_obediant said:

I like the idea of more colors for better communication, but I feel like the announcement of a color breaks the mood. Red for stop and yellow for "I've got a cramp" are great. Those are needed and should break the mood.
But instead of more colors, maybe be more creative. For instance if the sub wants it harder, back talk... "Is that all you got?!"... That would be a good way to let the dom know what the sub are thinking. And maybe the sub is doing good but needs the dom to ease up a bit but the sub doesn't want to break the mood. Have a "key word" instead of a safe word. For instance "mercy". If the sub begs and says the word mercy.. ("please have mercy, Mistress"). Then the dom can degrade the sub for being a wimp (bonus points!), and either ease up or change it up without breaking the mood. Just my 2 cents

I have used mercy previously, but it's very vague. I'm looking to sharpen communication, not make a plea.

Back talk is not something that I would do in my dynamic during impact play. It's not respectful, and irritating my Dominant is not what I'm after. We view impact as an experience we share 🤷‍♀️

[fa****]

26 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

I have used mercy previously, but it's very vague. I'm looking to sharpen communication, not make a plea.

Back talk is not something that I would do in my dynamic during impact play. It's not respectful, and irritating my Dominant is not what I'm after. We view impact as an experience we share 🤷‍♀️

I meant back talk in a playful bratty way. I know some aren't into that. This is a great example of why it is so important to communicate before playing. I see nothing wrong with your point of view.

[ey****]

So, I think in general the traffic light system is a good baseline - and is especially good for people new to kink, or who've  not played together before (not that it cannot continue to be used by experienced players)

But, absolutely - some find that it isn't entirely suitable for their play or mood.  A lot depends a bit on quick or ease also.  So some for example use the traffic light system in a sense of red is 'stop' but yellow/amber is 'Pause : I need to talk to you' and can then communicate specifically what the issue is (change toy, too hard, too soft, I got cramp, did you turn the oven off, etc)

But yeah, extra colours or numbers can be used to not break momentum - ultimately it does depend on what you think you'd need from play and what both you and your Dominant would understand : there isn't a one size solution.