Alpha

[cautiousswitch]

On the New to BDSM, Kink and Fetish forum there is a thread about "doms" just assuming superiority over new people that they meet.  The general consensus is that these aren't really dominant people, but posers.

It did get me thinking though and reminded me of an interesting coincidence that happened about half a year ago.  A woman I know started raging on her blog about how she was more alpha than someone else - gave no details, just venting generically - which was actually a very non-alpha thing to do.  The coincidence comes when that same day YouTube suggested a video of a lecture by Frans de Waal.  De Waal worked with the group that originally coined the phrase "alpha male" and the video tells what is really meant by it and how society has started misusing the term.

Short summary - Yes, the alpha initially gets that position by challenging a previous alpha.  Yes, when an alpha starts to fail as a leader someone will challenge them.  Where we go wrong is that we assume that the alpha is constantly reasserting his dominance and constantly watching for challengers.  The reality is that once an alpha is accepted as a leader they spend more of their time nurturing the group than trying to dominate it.  The group accepts their leadership out of respect rather than out of ***.

In a dominant/submissive relationship this dynamic is going to vary based on the submissive's kinks.  A sub who is more masochistic may be punished more often not to exert dominance but because the dominant is filling one of the sub's needs, not feeling the need to exert superiority.  If the dominant is truly alpha and starts a relationship with a new sub then they will not just automatically treat the new sub like the old one.

Link to the video below in case anyone is interested.

 

[ey****]

generally, I kinda hate terms like "alpha" and "beta" so on, it makes me eyeroll - but I know some find this as part of their kink if they are the "beta" and someone else is "alpha"

I also found that those who protest most about being an alpha generally are least.

[Do****]

Well said. I don’t start out as a bossy Dom at all. I’m a gentleman and polite initially. Once you get past the stage of getting to know someone, how much the sub likes to be dominated and trust is built, then I can naturally be the dominant person.

[St****]

I appreciate this post. It'll take me just a bit to really study this, but I should mention that I'm especially interested in Shibari. I've found that I'm dominant in that I enjoy performing acts on others rather than myself recieving acts from others. I focus on pleasuring others. How am I classified?

[Be****]

First of all you're totally on the right track
exactly don't worry about alpha it's a bunch of bulshit and has to do with dominating the pack and people around you and rising 2 status among your ***rs and your other prospective mating competitors.
Be alpha has nothing to do with being dominant.
Dominance is something that you earn.
It is more of a caretaking position.
And definitely mostly a leadership position.
 

[Da****]

This was a facinating read. And a view that I have adopted the more into the life I got into. Never really had respect before didn't know how to express it but this lifestyle showed me what it was all about. Respect is a two-way street. You cannot command respect if you don't give it in the first place. And you cannot hope to master another without first mastering yourself.

[Deleted Member]

I guess it makes sense kind of like lions in a way only a pride instead of pack

[Ul****]

I'm generally not concerned with people knowing what I do in the bedroom. If my female what's to be dominated, she doesn't have to ask. You just respond you know.

[Ci****]

My dad asked me when I was younger who in our family has the most freedom? I said he did because he was the head. He then told me his decision making process.

1... For the good of the family. 2... For the good of the wife... 3... Kids 4... Self

By the time it gets to me there is little if any left. This is what it means to be the "HEAD OF THE FAMILY!"

So thank you for the pleasant and fond memories.

[li****]

Thanks for posting this. Its a great read.