Should a male sub pay for everything?

[Me****]

Yeah she's taking advantage. I do a version of this, but I'm upfront about it. Some men just want their wallet drained. If that isn't you, set clear boundaries moving forward! But don't feel as if this is your fault 😁

[be****]

You got played, she wants your $

[vi****]

Yes the sub needs to provide all

[Ou****]

Nobody needs to get played. Kinks should be shared through all. People should have comment interest and Kinks that do not require to have payment. If someone has a preference, they should not be requesting *** for it. Prostituting is not a turn-on for me or most of us I would like to think

[MT****]

If you're not into findom, you're being taken advantage of. You have as much right to set your boundaries in any dynamic.

[Deleted Member]

I feel like it depends on the dynamic but I also don't think male subs should b used just for their *** either which does seem to happen unfortunately

[Curvyasssub]

  3 hours ago, vincentcervo said:

Yes the sub needs to provide all

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No wrong clearly have no experience and are desperate stop sharing disinformation which is not accurate or valid!

[Fo****]

Clear communication and boundaries are important from the get go. That said, you’re being taken advantage of. Run away from that situation if you haven’t already done so.

[Coupable]

Yeah smells like findom.

[Ki****]

For me as a Dom I don't think expect my sub to pay for everything I am very independent. Do I make him buy me and my bull a drink occasionally and such when we go our YES but that's to show his submission to us both. However if I'm going out with friends and not including my pet I would say no I'll pay for myself

[Deleted Member]

You should only pay for the things you participate in. If she/he has a problem with that when you say that, she's using you.

[Pu****]

Yes, this is the red flag you think it is. You deserve better

[Bu****]

It should have been specified that they were trying to get you to enter into a Findom situation.
It's a fringe kink that people have where you get off being controlled financially. Or the one demanding it.

Seems you were not aware of the very specific aspect of what they were looking for.

[Ke****]

Findom is not a kink in my opinion. It is purest form of scamming. It is a scam, no matter how you dress it up.

[Ar****]

  3 hours ago, Ken-Park-Rapids-MN said:

Findom is not a kink in my opinion. It is purest form of scamming. It is a scam, no matter how you dress it up.

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So what would you say to the men who have never been "scammed" previously, who seek out Findoms themselves then get a sexual thrill from having their finances controlled and dominated?

Can you explain how that is a scam? Because your comment sounds an awful lot like kink-shaming, and if it isn't the only alternative I can fathom is ignorance - I'd like to give you the benefit of the doubt?

[Ke****]

Findom is not a kink in my opinion. It is still a scam, if the mark seeks out these situations. How can you kink-shame something that only those involved in the scam call a kink?

[Gr****]

I was absolutely baffled by the concept of findom and paypigs years ago and did some research. This is something that's specifically sought after and negotiated upfront, and it's mostly nickel-and-dime type stuff from what I've read: at most, the paypig / submissive is giving up an occasional indulgence - like an pricey coffee drink.

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As I understand it, the idea is that if one takes the "*** is power" saying seriously, a consensual findom/paypig relationship is a form of power exchange. If it's not negotiated, it's not consensual and most likely the submissive is not so much a "paypig" as they're a mark.

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If someone wants to do a specialized form of kink with me that involves pricey equipment that I don't have, or wants to go to a club to which I don't have membership, that's one thing. Much more than that is non-negotiated and unconsensual use. 

[Ar****]

  47 minutes ago, Ken-Park-Rapids-MN said:

Findom is not a kink in my opinion. It is still a scam, if the mark seeks out these situations. How can you kink-shame something that only those involved in the scam call a kink?

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I'm not involved in findom. I recognise it as an authentic kink.

A further, large, portion of the community who are not involved in findom recognise it as an authentic kink.

This very site/app you are currently debating the matter on is not involved in findom and indeed has a total ban on it or anybody seeking to profit from it. This site - from the owners, the moderators, the community managers, the other staff involved - while having nothing to do with findom recognises that it is an authentic kink.

So your last sentence really makes no sense; you are not kink-shaming something which only the people involved in it call a kink.

How can it be a scam if the person you - ungenerously - label a "mark" is paying for a service they actively want?

As you yourself have said twice, it is your opinion that findom is not a kink. Opinions are not facts, and I'm beginning to think you don't understand what a kink, by definition, is. You can pretend otherwise but it will always be true that there are some people who are sexually thrilled, aroused, and gratified by having somebody else take control of aspects of their finances.

That's not to say it isn't open to ***, but what kinks/relationships aren't?

Edited February 9 by Aranhis
Additional lines/points I forgot to add

[Ke****]

Please respect my opinion. You will not change it, no matter what you say about it. Findom by its very nature is abusive. I had a findom domme approach me. She told me to remove all my dating apps and send her screenshots of my phone apps to prove all OLD apps were deleted. I refused. Then she starts demanding all my financial information that she has no right to. You call that a kink? I call it a scam, for that is exactly what it is. I really doubt anyone into findom treats it as a true kink with full consent and instantly revokeable consent. Indeed, how can you revoke giving away your financial information? You can't and that makes consent to findom as the sub impossible. If consent in findom is impossible, which it is, it is not a kink.

[Deleted Member]

  3 hours ago, Ken-Park-Rapids-MN said:

Please respect my opinion. You will not change it, no matter what you say about it. Findom by its very nature is abusive. I had a findom domme approach me. She told me to remove all my dating apps and send her screenshots of my phone apps to prove all OLD apps were deleted. I refused. Then she starts demanding all my financial information that she has no right to. You call that a kink? I call it a scam, for that is exactly what it is. I really doubt anyone into findom treats it as a true kink with full consent and instantly revokeable consent. Indeed, how can you revoke giving away your financial information? You can't and that makes consent to findom as the sub impossible. If consent in findom is impossible, which it is, it is not a kink.

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I love how people use personal experience to state it as a fact nor opinion. It's literally just an experience. Your bad experience isn't conducive to the entire kink.... Which should be a given. I don't understand how this is so hard to gasp these days. One bad experience isn't the entire community... It's one bad experience. And being in the kink/Fet community, you'd think you'd know better.

[Gr****]

  7 hours ago, Ken-Park-Rapids-MN said:

Please respect my opinion. You will not change it, no matter what you say about it. Findom by its very nature is abusive. I had a findom domme approach me. She told me to remove all my dating apps and send her screenshots of my phone apps to prove all OLD apps were deleted. I refused. Then she starts demanding all my financial information that she has no right to.

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Well, even within a kink or fetish there are various levels of play and intensity. It could be nickel-and-diming. It could involve being put on an allowance. It could involve getting approval for certain expenditures past a certain amount. It could involve access to certain accounts. It could involve power over all finances.

While your experience is valid, it's not necessarily universal. And it wasn't consensual, so it wouldn't count towards kink as much as *** just because of that.
 

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You call that a kink?

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Some people might, yes. They may not actively engage in it to that extent, but they may fantasize about feeling free enough to do so.

I don't have to understand it or be interested in it enough to accept that it could be a kink for someone.

 

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I call it a scam, for that is exactly what it is.

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And here is the absolutism I think @Aranhiswas referencing.

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I really doubt anyone into findom treats it as a true kink with full consent and instantly revokeable consent. Indeed, how can you revoke giving away your financial information? You can't and that makes consent to findom as the sub impossible. If consent in findom is impossible, which it is, it is not a kink.

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I think that people who have suffered from identity theft can at least cancel certain accounts, reroute incoming payments and start over; so that could be a way of revoking consent.

Or one could just say, "Okay, yeah, I'm done now," it ends, and the person resets their passwords and does two-factor authentication on their accounts. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[Ar****]

  4 hours ago, Ken-Park-Rapids-MN said:

Please respect my opinion. You will not change it, no matter what you say about it.

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I'm not attempting to change your opinion. We are all welcome to them. But what you are doing it stating your opinion as fact, adversely to the accepted position of the community. What I was doing was attempting to understand and clarify your position while countering misinformation - you are not the only person who will read this thread.

  4 hours ago, Ken-Park-Rapids-MN said:

Findom by its very nature is abusive.

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I'm not sure of the relevance of this remark, as the same comment could be made about the majority of aspects of BDSM. Findom is not special in that regard.

  4 hours ago, Ken-Park-Rapids-MN said:

I had a findom domme approach me. She told me to remove all my dating apps and send her screenshots of my phone apps to prove all OLD apps were deleted. I refused. Then she starts demanding all my financial information that she has no right to. You call that a kink?

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No I do not. That was not findom, that was an ab*ser attempting to use findom as an excuse for their behaviour.

Suggesting that "domme" was representative of findom is akin to the notion that r*pe is also representative of Cn-C or punching a partner in the face is equal to a consensual spanking.

  4 hours ago, Ken-Park-Rapids-MN said:

Indeed, how can you revoke giving away your financial information? You can't and that makes consent to findom as the sub impossible.

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To answer your question, for one you can change your details. Furthermore any professional financial Dom/me of repute will never work beyond pre-agreed boundaries or continue to take their finsub's *** once consent has been withdrawn; if they did not acknowledge the rules of consent their reputation would plummet - and so would their income as their clients disappeared.

Edited February 9 by Aranhis

[Ke****]

There are a lot of people who can not give consent due to diminished capacity. Who protects them from findom Doms/Domme? Noone. Findom is clearly a scam. It is simply Insane to potentially give all your *** away. How do you revoke giving away SSN? These are just a few reasons why treating findom as a kink is just crazy.

[Ke****]

Call findom a kink, if really want to. Findom is also a scam. A person doing findom as a Dom/Domme does not have clients; they have marks; they do not respect them. They do make contracts regarding what they can and can not do.

[Ke****]

Findom at the very least is extremely controverial, and the vast majority of people in the BDSM community wish it existed only as an example kink that noone should actually do. There are just too many ways for it to cause extreme harm to findom subs. I am not spreading any misinformation about findom. You can not revoke any financial information a sub gives to a dom; To say otherwise is lying. You can try to mitigate the damage, but findom doms are just given too much power, and as we should know by now, too much power can corrupt almost anyone, including people with the best of intentions.