Deleted Member Posted March 8, 2020 Posted March 8, 2020 Since I joined this site I have noticed many older "Doms"especially a few in particular commentinting on 18,19 year old girls pics telling them they are "stunning"etc.For me I have an age limit on those I would consider for a relationship/dynamic. or even who I would message/comment on. One of my first meets was with a 22 year old and as soon as she arrived she was shaking like a leaf and I could see from her body language she was not totally sure she was doing the right thing,felt uncomfortable.I gently warned her about the follies of meeting men when she was not totally commited,assured her she was safe and warned her it was just luck it was me she met and not a predator then sent her on her way with a smile. It taught me something very valuable especially about those much younger than I,hence the self en***d age limit. What do others think?Especially those who are younger and may get "letched"at be it by comments or dm.
D3**** Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 While I do understand and appreciate your concerns for the little ones out there, particularly inexperienced ones, I think any experience whatsoever is better than none. You can't learn from mistakes if you never make any. I'm not suggesting throw caution to the wind and abandon any sense of responsibility for your actions. But the best teacher is ***. Should a young impressionable woman decide to throw herself headlong into something, that is on her. However, it is just as much a proper Dom's responsibility to ensure her safety and make sure consent is given and maintained for even the most basic of activities. All in all, people can and make mistakes. They should be allowed to. As it's the only way to truly grow from experiences.
ey**** Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 what I also think - your comments make up a breadcrumb trail other people see those who are trying to groom those who are a bit younger and it very quickly gets the offender a toxic reputation
Deleted Member Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 I can certainly see your point. I have been wary of anyone who makes contact because one of my ***s as a relatively inexperienced sub is whether I could recognise the difference between an assertive Dom and a potentially abusive predator. I don't think there's an age limit on nativity... that's down to experience. The one advantage those of us who are older do have is at least a good few decades of life experience. But had I entered this world in my 20s, I guarantee I would have been a prime target for the more unsavoury characters. Regardless, I've still had a few close calls. I have set my lower age limit to thirty for a few reasons. My primary being the need for an experienced Dom. I'm not experienced enough to be any kind of mentor to a Dom in training. My second reason is I cannot bring myself to engage in any sort of kink based conversation with someone that close in age to my eldest son. It would make me feel like a predator, regardless of their confidence levels. These sites can be a double edged sword for the inexperienced. On the one hand I've learned a lot simply from observation and conversation with those more experienced than myself. But on the other, there have been some very direct and downright creepy folks who have initiated contact. And those don't seem to be discerning. The messages almost read as a standard copy and paste message that they fire off at every new person they see, in hopes of getting a reply. For the young and inexperienced, there's a real risk of being drawn in by both the attention and the "kid in a sweet shop" aspect of potentially new and exciting experiences. I wish I'd experienced more in my younger years, but at the same time I'm glad that my younger and more naive self didn't stumble across this lifestyle. I've been very lucky to have a few experienced friends who guide me on this journey. Without that, things would have been very different.
Deleted Member Posted March 9, 2020 Author Posted March 9, 2020 2 hours ago, D3ATHCOR3DAD said: While I do understand and appreciate your concerns for the little ones out there, particularly inexperienced ones, I think any experience whatsoever is better than none. You can't learn from mistakes if you never make any. I'm not suggesting throw caution to the wind and abandon any sense of responsibility for your actions. But the best teacher is ***. Should a young impressionable woman decide to throw herself headlong into something, that is on her. However, it is just as much a proper Dom's responsibility to ensure her safety and make sure consent is given and maintained for even the most basic of activities. All in all, people can and make mistakes. They should be allowed to. As it's the only way to truly grow from experiences. In retrospect I agree,your right.Life is about making mistakes and learning,going to be the same no matter what life you live.
ey**** Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 I think there's important balances - that on one hand, you do learn more from mistakes and bad experiences - but that doesn't mean I'd want anyone to have a bad experience, especially one they get stuck in It's why I kinda believe in keeping information flowing so that is someone is new, young, impressionable they can have access to information that improves their chances of avoiding bad situations That, let's not sugar coat this, there are particularly guys (both 'sub' and 'Dom') who seek to exploit naivety and sometimes we can't entirely stop them so the next best thing is to keep speaking up against behaviours and flowing positive/helpful information so that anyone (regarding of age, sex, gender, etc.) can get impartial information rather than someone who is grooming them. That said, I think even the most naive person isn't going to swoon over some creep going "Hi sexy xxxx" on their photos.
co**** Posted March 10, 2020 Posted March 10, 2020 Forgive me if I come across as blunt. That’s just me. Are you implying there should be some sort of age regulation to regulate when younger people can interact with the rest of the adult community?
co**** Posted March 10, 2020 Posted March 10, 2020 *if* you are implying that your kink is less kinky then others kink, and therefore you are more morally grounded, I *** that you are playing a dangerous game judging those different then yourself. Unless it is harassment, or illegal, I see no issue. I would encourage you to take a step back and think of how vanillas might view you. I get that you are a “white knight”, but not every sub, wants wants to be saved, nor do they all subscribe to the same kinks as any one particular person 🤷🏼♂️. My 2 cents
Deleted Member Posted March 10, 2020 Author Posted March 10, 2020 *if* you are implying that your kink is less kinky then others kink, and therefore you are more morally grounded, I *** that you are playing a dangerous game judging those different then yourself. Unless it is harassment, or illegal, I see no issue. I would encourage you to take a step back and think of how vanillas might view you. I get that you are a “white knight”, but not every sub, wants wants to be saved, nor do they all subscribe to the same kinks as any one particular person 🤷🏼♂️. My 2 cents And your points are noted.If you had read all of the comments you would see that in retrospect I realise I may have been a bit harsh.I never Saud I was a "white knight"did I??It just seems to be the same sad old men commenting in young girls photos and for me they are predators and should be avoided.My kinks are extreme as they get and to imply I feel I have higher morals than others is complete shite,seemed to have touched a nerve eh?I will play any game I wish and I don't see how it a "dangerous'one either. My 2 cents
Deleted Member Posted March 10, 2020 Author Posted March 10, 2020 Forgive me if I come across as blunt. That’s just me. Are you implying there should be some sort of age regulation to regulate when younger people can interact with the rest of the adult community? Not at all,what I am saying is this world is full of those with zero character and the naive are easy prey and easily influenced
Deleted Member Posted March 10, 2020 Author Posted March 10, 2020 There's a lot of moral high ground going around here. It's a pity, in kink, given that we've already overcome the first obstacle of moral shame from vanilla society to get here. White Knights and Predators abound in all parts of society. Most women will experience them at some time in their lives. Not just women. Men are *** too. Let's just focus on personal integrity? Say what you mean and mean what you say. Always hold firm to your own values. Be a safe port for those who need guidance or support but don't have a massive ego that believes you're going to save them. Admit when you've messed up and have the grace to own your mistakes. We can't change anyone else, only ourselves.
cautiousswitch Posted March 10, 2020 Posted March 10, 2020 The behaviour mentioned, older men messaging 18 and 19 year olds, sounds a bit predatory but is it? If all they are doing is telling them that they look nice then no. When we hit puberty and start to notice girls the ones that attract our attention the most are going to be late ***s to early 20s most likely. As we get older and hopefully more mature we should learn that there is more to beauty than this, but we will never completely discard youth as being beautiful. If they are hoping to start a relationship with the girl then it looks a little creepy, and can be. Are their reasons for contacting her any different than those of a 20 year old though? She is just as likely to be ***d by a younger man as an older man. Assuming that the man's intentions are good then she has a better chance of finding someone experienced and less likely to accidentally hurt her if she goes with the older man (not all older men are experienced, but they have had more time to gain experience - anyone introducing himself as a dom is going to claim experience, she is looking for the one most likely to have it). All that said, there are reasons why an older man should consider putting limits on how young of a woman he will meet. Experience goes the other way. The young woman mentioned was shaking, most likely because she had little experience and wasn't really sure about this. Speaking of uncertainty, if things did go poorly and she made a complaint later society will be less forgiving the bigger the age difference. Someone closer to her age seems less predatory and will find it easier to convince people that anything that happened was consensual. Assuming all goes well and this may lead to a longer relationship there is the whole concept of beauty changing with maturity. I've seen a lot of younger woman who at first were gorgeous until I heard them nattering on about "well - like - whatever" and they suddenly seemed less appealing. Some younger woman who chase older men are just gold diggers. They may be just looking for a sugar daddy, they may be running a scam, they may be setting him up for extortion. Not all women do this, but a man has to consider it. Along those same lines, there has been an increase in past years of young women trying to set themselves up as dominatrices or fin-dommes because they think it is easy ***. Sometimes the girl who told you she was 18 ends up being only 16. The higher you set your minimum age limit the less likely you are to get burned.
Deleted Member Posted March 11, 2020 Author Posted March 11, 2020 One of the ways I learn is to listen to others points of view.Whether I agree or not it's always great to read,think and maybe change opinion but either way it's all about evolving and trying to understand.
Wo**** Posted March 11, 2020 Posted March 11, 2020 In my early twenties i dated a man who was 20 years my senior. In the end the age difference got in the way, we grew apart and wanted different things. I am over 15 years older than Pirate and one of my closest friends is nearly 30 years younger than me. Age, in itself means very little. Youth, vitality, is attractive. There is nothing wrong in appreciating the beauty in that.
Wo**** Posted March 11, 2020 Posted March 11, 2020 5 hours ago, Donnykinkster said: One of the ways I learn is to listen to others points of view.Whether I agree or not it's always great to read,think and maybe change opinion but either way it's all about evolving and trying to understand. And acceptance. Accepting people, and things, for how they are. You don't have to agree but accepting is a good start.
Deleted Member Posted March 11, 2020 Author Posted March 11, 2020 I accept all people and what they choose to do with their lives.However when it 50plus year old men commenting endlessly whenever there is a new member and below 20 years of age that says "creep" or "desperate" and it seems the be the same blokes all.the time.
ey**** Posted March 11, 2020 Posted March 11, 2020 14 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said: I accept all people and what they choose to do with their lives.However when it 50plus year old men commenting endlessly whenever there is a new member and below 20 years of age that says "creep" or "desperate" and it seems the be the same blokes all.the time. I agree. I think though, it's something to remember happens - and if it didn't happen publicly it'd happen privately. It's why we in general have to "be better" than those guys.
Ar**** Posted March 11, 2020 Posted March 11, 2020 Aye, I know what you're saying - I've noticed it too and it makes me similarly uncomfortable. I personally don't believe that age matters one bit when two people are right for one another, whether it be for a permanent relationship of some description or for something more fleeting. Nothing exists to make connections between two people with a large age gap being anything other than positive experiences unless we create the bad ourselves. And if the person is right, I don't have a preference for age. It seems to me an odd thing to be important. I find it a wonderful relief that the 22 year old you mentioned met you and not somebody unable to reassure her, someone who would try to exploit her vulnerabilities, but I also find it a little bit of a shame that your experiences have made you feel you need to have a lower age limit. You are strong in the area of communication, and when both sides have good communication it is much more difficult for either of you to put a foot wrong - not only may you be missing out on somebody great for you, but somebody you would be great for may also be missing out. No, I know exactly the sorts of "Dom" you refer to. The same ones popping up on profile after profile frankly being harassing with strings of comments begging the user to contact them, arrogantly stating they are surprised the user hasn't, telling them to message because they "have a question" for them - the same men doing this, over and over, with no variance in the messages, pushing would-be subs and unable (or unwilling) to take a hint. Unable to act with respect, blanket-bombing the site and smothering some users, these are the ones whose behaviour concerns me. If they were just an older guy genuinely interested in certain people, it would not by default be creepy at all.
Deleted Member Posted March 11, 2020 Author Posted March 11, 2020 1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said: I agree. I think though, it's something to remember happens - and if it didn't happen publicly it'd happen privately. It's why we in general have to "be better" than those guys. As always cannot argue with that logic Eyem
ey**** Posted March 11, 2020 Posted March 11, 2020 at the risk of going leftfield a lot of what I've learnt over the years is the negative traits a lot of guys display and, in turn, the negative traits that the women they're trying to impress receive. there is no magic formula - but I found I get a better response or at least mini-convo if I can learn to step over those.
Deleted Member Posted April 15, 2020 Author Posted April 15, 2020 As someone new to the community I agree that there should at least be some caution on all sides, but if you are too cautious you’ll never go anywhere.
Deleted Member Posted May 13, 2020 Author Posted May 13, 2020 I definitely agree with your point and I don't believe you were to harsh. While there can be some perfectly healthy dynamics between young women and older men or people with significant age differences, all to often a young sub is preyed upon because they do not know where or how to set a boundary or find themselves pressured and feeling the boundary makes them less of a sub. As a 23 year old submissive I have definitely had an older 'dom' try to bulldoze past boundaries and being a bit of a push over I let it happen, to the point when I said I was interested in exploring a more dominant side and he said he would never accept that (note that we did not have a dynamic we just talked, and I made it clear I wouldn't have a dynamic with him) I felt for a second it was my job to eliminate that desire. I've also known a few young female subs who get accused of not being proper subs for trying to establish boundaries or who say they were nearly scared away from kink because of an older man who used their naivety against them. Again this isn't to discount healthy dynamics and I see that sometimes you learn more from failure and lack of caution, but I personally learned a lot more about healthy dynamics and establishing what I was comfortable with from healthy relationships more like your discussion of her being comfortable and cautious than I learned from people rolling over me and taking advantage of my ignorance.
Artimis4444 Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 So what advice would y'all give to a young sub female? I am 18 and have an amazing Dom in his defense for the age we met in college and I graduated high school 2 years early. I joined this site to get to know the community and comments like this make me feel like people my age aren't welcomed. Is the community biased against younger members?
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