Wo**** Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 4 hours ago, Artimis4444 said: So what advice would y'all give to a young sub female? I am 18 and have an amazing Dom in his defense for the age we met in college and I graduated high school 2 years early. I joined this site to get to know the community and comments like this make me feel like people my age aren't welcomed. Is the community biased against younger members? No, we just care about the fact that there are (generally older) "Doms" that take advantage of young submissives. Welcome to the community btw x
Deleted Member Posted May 15, 2020 Author Posted May 15, 2020 15 hours ago, Artimis4444 said: So what advice would y'all give to a young sub female? I am 18 and have an amazing Dom in his defense for the age we met in college and I graduated high school 2 years early. I joined this site to get to know the community and comments like this make me feel like people my age aren't welcomed. Is the community biased against younger members? No we aren't biased against younger members, in fact most of us first experimented younger. It's more just knowing how they can be preyed upon and wanting them to be safe. As far as advice goes there are a few things to be careful and vigilant of. Mainly just watch out for anyone that doesn't listen to you and follow boundaries. A lot of guys who call themselves doms aren't just going to jump straight into your inbox and call you a slut or say they own you (although that is a red flag, any real dom will work up a relationship to be able to know what is okay and not okay with you), I could see some red flags early on with people who are insistent they only wanted to be friends and wouldn't take no for an answer. A dom will be respectful, a healthy dynamic the sub knows they can and feels comfortable saying no. Especially as someone new to it the dom should make sure you are comfortable and do not feel pressured because you might not be as comfortable saying no early on (a lot of subs I know, including myself, felt weird saying no so an experienced dom will check up and ask). I know its a bit of repetition but it is something I as a people pleaser struggled with. If you have any specific concerns you can make a post or talk to experienced subs about what is a red flag.
Th**** Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 Both sides of this have been put out there in this thread by younger people, and in excellent ways. I have to frankly look in the mirror now and realise I fall in the "older man" category here. This all comes back down to those essentials of free and open communication and fully informed consent. As long as someone is over the legal age of consent, no matter how much we may disapprove of it at a gut level. The relationship is valid if the two parties are discussing limits as equals, fully understanding and explaining what that means, as much as feasible. The same with wants & needs and everything else. The important thing being they discuss these as equals, you can play and live your D/s but while you are learning you have to be able to both take a mental step back and just talk like two friends. Now the big one ...Fully informed consent, this can only be given if the communication has taken place and both parties fully understand what is being agreed to. You also need to have the confidence to say No. Which sounds really easy, but when you are in the hands of someone who is good at manipulating you, trust me it is not. There are other things of course but these are your Major red flags and if they are not present you get out. I reiterate though everyone is welcome to this lifestyle, older Doms like myself may be wary of younger subs purely for legal reasons and airing on the side of caution, It is no reflection on yourselves we all started out young after all. Most importantly keep yourself safe and have fun.
Ky**** Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 perhaps the term we are looking for is experience rather than age per se, I'm in my 50s but in some ways when it comes to experience of kink as a trans woman then I would classify myself as a 'young' person, despite having previously been involved in the 90s my return to the game and my new identity mean that I feel that often I'm less experienced in this world than some 18 year olds, I therefore welcome advice etc. because some of my defence mechanisms are undeveloped meaning that I can be as naïve as a 16 yo sometimes and therefore ***, if you feel you need the advice/protection great if you don't well.... just wish I had the body to go with the naivity
Wo**** Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 5 hours ago, Kymi said: just wish I had the body to go with the naivity Don't we all 😆
ey**** Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 I think there's always questions when someone takes a particular interest in someone new/inexperienced - I don't think anyone new is immune but there's assorted reasons, which I don't mean to sound patronising, why younger folk are often more at risk. There's also no kinda escape whether it's Dominant or submissive. I think it's why I will always say a top piece of advice is to get your advice and info from more than one source - so it doesn't allow someone to simply tell you their ideology is "How things are"
Deleted Member Posted May 17, 2020 Author Posted May 17, 2020 So at the risk of getting flamed, I'm 45, I'll flirt and tease a new person that is < 25 all day long. play with em, nope. I kinda set 20 years as my limit. I think my biggest age spread was 21. but she took the time to go learn once I explained to her that she was still too new. A year later she came back and over the course of several weeks of talking I ok'd her request. But yeah i think that anything over 20 years is a little too much. Just my 2 cents
Deleted Member Posted May 17, 2020 Author Posted May 17, 2020 On 5/14/2020 at 6:27 AM, LazyPiratesBounty said: No, we just care about the fact that there are (generally older) "Doms" that take advantage of young submissives. Welcome to the community btw x ehhh more like predators...... Easiest way to tell the difference, a good Dom will sit down with you and talk to you and explain everything. Also reminding you that as the Sub, you ultimately have all the power. The Predators will act all high and mighty and be like your mine. There are other clues to the diffrence between someone that just wants to play and knows what they are doing vs the predator. As I tell anyone i play with now. Always trust your gut.
Wo**** Posted May 18, 2020 Posted May 18, 2020 @Taurus75 Why flirt? Genuine question, I mean, what's the point? (Please forgive me if that reads rudely, tone etc gets lost with written words. I've had experience of these so called Doms. Just wanna mention another possible red flag.... if they agree with everything you say, tell you want you want to hear rather than what is true. Also, personally I'm wary of anyone who says they have no limits. Age differences can work. Just before my ex, in my early twenties, I had a (vanilla) relationship with a man who was twice my age. I was 21, he was 42. That said, the age gap was a contributing factor to us splitting up.
Si**** Posted May 18, 2020 Posted May 18, 2020 Ive seen a lot of new Doms coming onto the scene aged 18-20 and have to ask myself, how experienced are they? Not just in Kink/BDSM but in life itself. I know, I know... Some people grow up quicker than others. But in my mind, being a Dom starts with having your own life in order. Having your career/job sorted out, paying your bills and having you financial affairs in order, looking after yourself physically and emotionally. Only then can you decide if you can support a sub and their needs. If a Dom cant take responsibility for themselves, how on earth can they take responsibility for another. So I have an age limit with whom I would have as a sub/play partner, but that doesn't mean i wouldn't chat and be friends with a woman of 18 years. So If i message an 18 year old to chat and be friends, that doesn't make me a dirty old man or a predator. I don't think anyone should view an older man for chatting with a younger woman (or visa versa) as anything without context of the relationship. My advise to any younger woman who is chatting with an older man, is ask around and find out who he is from others in the community. I have a favourite saying, Don't read one book and take it as fact. It just the authors opinion. Read many and form your own opinion based on the consistent facts. Isn't that the whole point of a community?
ey**** Posted May 18, 2020 Posted May 18, 2020 There's a blog post I'm working on about how things don't have to be D/s I think this is a big - nay - huge mistake we collectively make as a community. We associate kink as D/s or not at all. So when someone is 19 and says they're a Dominant (or a submissive) true - they probably haven't got the life experience, or the skills, or financial stability (something also important for subs - you can't pour from an empty jug) but... there's assorted thoughts or ideas that appeal to them or turn them on. And, I think because D/s is often hammered home - these people say "I am a Dominant" (or "I am a submissive") when really it's just a case that they might enjoy kinky sex. That they might like the idea of dressing up or having a partner dress up for service or play. I think a lot of ideas get intertwined.
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