Safewords

[K4****]

If immobile and sensorially deprived, how do you tell a true sadist that you're outside your comfort zone? 

And, with no knowledge of what's going to happen next, how can you be sure?

 

[ey****]

so what you do.  you don't play.

it's that simple.

-

play comes with lots of different contexts.  I knew someone who proudly told me she'd never made anyone safeword and she could actually push me far, not because I wanted to avoid ruining her run, but because she was good at reading me - so, yeah, I probably had a lot more trust in her than in just anyone.

If you're playing with someone you don't know will stick to your comfort zone you need means to communicate or you simply don't play.

[Deleted Member]

This is where trust, lots of communications, agreements, ethics  and professionalism are essentials. 
some men chose to leave the Femdom decided when to stop because men are so desperate. 
what’s a true sadist ? You need to focused on a true Domme, the one who care about your safety 

[Deleted Member]

You don't play, period. Or you keep one part of your body free that you can use to make an agreed upon signal. You should also have a talk about what you want to include in the scene before you start and discuss any hard limits. Signing off for anything and everything without knowing what the other will do during the scene at all is asking for broken limits and you risk getting too hurt or traumatized. So if you want to risk that, you should only play with someone that you know can assess your limits accurately.

[Wo****]

Tap out or use a visual signal..

 

If you have ANY doubt that either you can't communicate a safe signal or that it will be ignored then you really shouldn't even be THINKING about playing with them.

Edited March 9, 2020 by LazyPiratesBounty
Changed my mind about a "true sadist"

[Deleted Member]

The dont listen you dont play end off. But ad said a hand signal best of all something to drop it's a good solid signal.

[Vandalslut]

One I heard about was a Dom who gave his submissive a little plastic cat toy ball, with a bell inside. If she dropped it, this was the 'red' signal.

[Deleted Member]

Non-verbal signals should always be included in your inital safeword discussion. However, if your Dom knows a scene is planned that will make your previously discussed words and signals impossible, they should ask or instruct you about appropriate red and yellow signals before the scene.

[LazyPirate]

Fundamentals are an established trust element that should be in play at all times, if unsure or uncomfortable with the idea behind a scene or elements of it then say something. Beyond this a practical method is to have some keys that you can drop or similar method to indicate a red call. 

I’m assuming that within context this means a sadist you are consensually playing with (as a sadist is potentially someone who gets off on *** and suffering with no thoughts to others)

[Deleted Member]

46 minutes ago, LazyPirate said:

I’m assuming that within context this means a sadist you are consensually playing with (as a sadist is potentially someone who gets off on *** and suffering with no thoughts to others)

Hmm .. as a Sadist i think I need to clarify.  Relegating a Sadist in a BDSM perspective to the group of people with no consideration for others is a very misguided view.  And in that can be off putting for anyone having a interaction with a person who such identified.  That being said any interaction which is to include any sort of edge play or *** either physical or mental should seek all clarification in anyway they see fit.  Education is key ask all the questions all the whys ifs and buts.  If in doubt say bring forward any concerns or worries.  

MrC.

 

One thing to remember here all this is referred to to as Play .. well this isnt a GAME never was never will be.  If anyone thinks as such well walk away and re educate them selves.  

 it's a Scene and scenes can be hard or soft and everything inbetween all based on negotiation and communication.  

Edited March 10, 2020 by Deleted Member

[LazyPirate]

7 minutes ago, MrCandcheeky said:

Hmm .. as a Sadist i think I need to clarify.  Relegating a Sadist to the group of people with no consideration for others is a very misguided view.  And in that can be off putting for anyone having a interaction with a person who such identified.  That being said any interaction which is to include any sort of edge play or *** either physical or mental should seek all clarification in anyway they see fit.  Education is key ask all the questions all the whys ifs and buts.  If in doubt say bring forward any concerns or worries.  

MrC.

 

One thing to remember here all this is referred to to as Play .. well this isnt a GAME never was never will be.  If anyone thinks as such well walk away and re educate them selves.  

 it's a Scene and scenes can be hard or soft and everything inbetween all based on negotiation and communication.  

I quite agree, and I was just making a generalised point as to there are people who are sadistic in their treatment of individuals outside of the lifestyle and fall within the context I mentioned.
 

I do appreciate I used wrong wording in my response and I’m definitely not someone who is blasé about the safety aspects that are involved in a scene (even going as far as having the local mental health crisis team’s number stored on my phone for people I play with as a just in case) and am always seeking knowledge from those with more experience than myself or with differing ideas as to how to do something.

[Deleted Member]

39 minutes ago, LazyPirate said:

quite agree, and I was just making a generalised point as to there are people who are sadistic in their treatment of individuals outside of the lifestyle and fall within the context I mentioned.
 

I do appreciate I used wrong wording in my response and I’m definitely not someone who is blasé about the safety aspects that are involved in a scene (even going as far as having the local mental health crisis team’s number stored on my phone for people I play with as a just in case) and am always seeking knowledge from those with more experience than myself or with differing ideas as to how to do something.

I just thought a point of clarification should be brought forward and in no way was this intended as any type of attack just a opening up of a view which a great deal of people who enter into this sort of play have been previously exposed.  And by exposed I refer to society in general and the media.

Thanks MrC 

Edited March 10, 2020 by Deleted Member

[K4****]

Wow, thanks all.
Is someone I've known for a couple of years, and whilst we both know the other's every little idiosyncracy, she always has to find something that has no basis in pleasure-*** (and we're far from tame).
But she's the sort of person that, upon finding your wes, exploit them mercilessly and derive more pleasure from that than I

[K4****]

Weakness.
...than is mentally healthy.
I'm just wondering if, as you rightly point out, MrC, it is more serious than some more pedestrian pursuits, where, or even if, the line should be drawn.

[cautiousswitch]

On 3/9/2020 at 2:27 PM, K4rlit_077 said:

And, with no knowledge of what's going to happen next, how can you be sure?

 

If they know what they're doing then they will slowly build the intensity rather than jumping straight to something that may be questionable to you.  Even if you don' know what is coming next you should know that it will be only slightly more intense than anything you've already felt this session.  

The same goes if they switch their focus to another part of your body; they don't just treat it as they have been treating you already but tone it down a bit and work back up.

As others have said, some sort of gesture.  You may want a second gesture to let them know that they are nearing your limit without stopping the session.

[Phoenyx]

On 3/9/2020 at 1:27 PM, K4rlit_077 said:

If immobile and sensorially deprived, how do you tell a true sadist that you're outside your comfort zone? 

And, with no knowledge of what's going to happen next, how can you be sure?

What you describe, was once called "edge play".  It requires two important things.  One: the Dom/Domme must be highly skilled, to the professional level.  Two: the Dom and sub must have a  long-standing rapport.  This is about more than just trust.  The Dom/me must also be familiar with the sub's most-subtle body-language cues, to spot the first hint of distress.  Such a rapport could take many months, if not years to develop.  Even I have have yet to attempt to go that far.

Basically, as others have said, "Do not try this at home!"

An alternative, is to develop and encourage the imagination of the sub.  While in subspace, they can mentally immerse themselves in a dire situation, without actually giving-up their safety margin.  The safeword, the cat toy, or any other signal are still there, should some unpleasantness snap them out of their ecstasy.

A simple example of this, is a collar for a slave who has a choking phobia.  They wish to have the sensation of the collar being locked---of being owned.  Yet, they need to be able to remove it at a moment's notice, should they have a panic attack.  The solution is to use a heavy metal purse clasp.  It has the look and feel of a locking mechanism, while still allowing for quick release.  It's all about the imagination.