Baggage

[Ni****]

How do you guys feel about subs/pets/little with emotional baggage and or mental issues? Whats you protocol to work threw them?

[Al****]

I dont mind it personally if my sub is having problems I will offer an open door to help them but I wont try to *** help on them as that can make things worse unless they are putting themselves in danger

[Go****]

This is a good one! Honestly healthy boundaries and compassion.
Compassion and understanding for them as it can be a healing experience for themselves but healthy boundaries for yourself as you can start to take on their own stress and emotional baggage if you’re not careful you run the risk of affecting your own mental health. Follow your intuition

[Tt****]

Everyone has baggage so I don't think it's much if a problem for the right person. I think the main thing is to keep an open, non-judgemental attitude and a clear dialogue with mutual respect. That means issues can be worked through safely and no one feels pressured :)

[D3****]

Given the circumstances, I think it's unprofessional to take on a submissive who's heavily damaged due to her past or what have you. I'd rather have her going to therapy and bettering herself. Making sure she's ready and able to handle being in a relationship.

Someone being the therapist in a relationship isn't healthy. Relying solely on the person you're in a relationship with to be patient with you and your mental struggles while you're not seeing any help, isn't healthy.

You can work through issues of course. But relationships aren't meant to be a form of therapy. You're allowed and encouraged to be there for someone when they're struggling, but being the only thing they rely on can and will take it's toll on both of you. And can more often than not cause the relationship to fail.

[ki****]

I have found that discussing these issues can help find better footing with any partner. I do understand some people are not ready to discuss their baggage. Some will try to hide it or make it seem things are fine. Just be aware of their mood and their general social behavior, if theyre appearing off or not all there ( spacing out) just ask and be open to their thought process and be aware of how they perceive the situation.

[Lo****]

It helps to talk openly about all problems and if your a Good Dominant. S/He will work through the issues

[Si****]

Depending on the baggage and how open their willing to be i could just support my sub or do everything in my capacity to help

[Ki****]

Well i usually try to help them deal with their baggage because well i care for them

[Deleted Member]

For me i have to learn what trigger and try my best to help through or just keep them distract.

[re****]

Everyone has baggage. If you're going to have a healthy relationship of any kind, kink or vanilla, you have to be willing to work at it

[ne****]

To be perfectly honest, I'm pretty sure everyone has there own issues, some are easier to deal with than others, my protocol for any sort of emotional/mental breakdown or whatever you want to call it is to just be there for them to comfort them, make them feel safe and loved

[kr****]

Talk you through the bad days and shower you with support I had a ex I was with 3 years of supporting her holding her though them it's not something you gan or can help you was born with the mental illness

[ey****]

context is everything - and it would be difficult to pin point.

I think to remember that any form of partner (Dom/sub/romantic/etc) is a partner and not a therapist - however, of course, being in a relationship *can* help work through stuff... buuuuut... if someone relies on this relationship to help them work through stuff then they're going to be in an even worse position should it come to an end.

This in itself can be unhealthy and can lead subs to be manipulated (i.e. do anything to keep the relationship) or manipulative (likewise) which is extremely unhealthy.

I think it's important whatever the issue that solace and healing should be from outside a prospective relationship. 

[cautiousswitch]

If they are trying to use BDSM as a therapy to work out their issues then don't get involved.

If it's someone into BDSM who also has issues then they have to be open enough about their issues that you know what lines not to cross.  It can be a way to relax and it is a form of escapism, so you've still got to be careful that it's not being used to try and hide from their baggage, but a good dom/me can be supportive and do some good.

[li****]

So from one little who has plenty of mental illnesses. But with the doms i have met it seems to be an almost impulsive thing. So maybe i should go more in depth so it does work with just any dom the dom needs to be connected to u know u and understand u and ur mental illness as a whole. More or less they have to learn just like a parent would how to comfort the little one when they are in distress ultimately i find its what almost makes or breaks a good dom/caregiver. Mainly because well if u cabt comfort me at my worst how can i trust u to be comforting in normal everyday life. If any of that make since ^-^ i hope it does i know im not the best at wording things.

[Bd****]

There's some interesting takes here. Mental illness is the norm, not the exception.

So get to know them as a person. Give it time, and see if being with them is good for both of you

[Kn****]

*throws them* I work threw them by working with them

[ey****]

I think also - if you are trying to help someone who has any form of mental health; this can be a strain on you.   There are resources on how to get care for *yourself* when helping others - including spreading the emotional load.  I'd recommend these greatly.

[Sa****]

Personally, i never found there to be a protocol for dealing with subs/little having emotional baggage. Everyone comes with baggage of different shapes, sizes, and weights. So the approach needs to be as unique as the package itself. But I've found that consistently, listening to their story, expressing no judgment till the entire tale has been shared, then showing that after knowing what they've gone through, that you still care for them and will continue to support them like very little has changed will go a long way to helping to work through it.

[it****]

I have daddy issues. My dom is very gentle and sometimes very subtle with his instruction as he does not want to hurt me. I want to have a dominant but for me because my father is/was very controlling, narrow minded, and emotionally unavailable, I need to have that independence sometimes. My dom understands that balance. Its knowing what your sub needs and providing it.

[Deleted Member]

If you don’t have any knowledge, experience and skill to support that person it’s not really wise. Bdsm is not a therapy in itself. It might help with the right scene and lots of communication, but it’s best to seek professional help. But most councillor will recommend to stop bdsm 🤷‍♂️. 
 

[Aj****]

Almost every little or sub I know has mental problems and issues XD. Prolly cause their my freinds

[eh****]

U have to treat everybody different things that work u don’t work for next sub etc a good Dom will get to know and works things out with u

[Ta****]

You have to tend to it. Try to heal over time and help keep them mentally stable.