Where Do I Start?

[ljm]

I am a 48 year old woman who is finally single again after a 23 year (sexually) unfulfilling marriage. I always knew I wanted a much stronger leader in the bedroom but topping from the bottom wasn’t what I wanted either. I am extremely turned on by being restrained - the more securely the better - and cannot orgasm (so far) unless I am. 
 

IRL I juggle many responsibilities and come across as self-assured, in control, and together. I don’t want to have to be in control when I come home. I want someone who recognizes, respects, and appreciates my intelligence but is strong enough to take control of me & our sex life; someone who is secure in himself enough to let me serve his (and thus my) needs at home while keeping it private. 
 

How do I safely navigate this world to find the man I’m looking for?

[ey****]

I think it's fairly common for someone who is generally secure, responsible, etc. to particularly enjoy forms of submission.

To navigate... it doesn't necessarily need to be someone who is a Dom, certainly not a Domly Dom especially if the giving up control is solely bedtime and I think it's important to avoid anyone who'd otherwise want things differently.

Attending munches can introduce you to a lot of people and a lot of mix - I think almost the type of person is someone who is generally respectful and sweet but really comes alive when needed and appreciates and understands what you like rather than someone who has lifestyle ideologies.

[Deleted Member]

Welcome Ijm to the BDSM LIFESTYLE

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, ljm said:

I am a 48 year old woman who is finally single again after a 23 year (sexually) unfulfilling marriage. I always knew I wanted a much stronger leader in the bedroom but topping from the bottom wasn’t what I wanted either. I am extremely turned on by being restrained - the more securely the better - and cannot orgasm (so far) unless I am. 
How do I safely navigate this world to find the man I’m looking for?

Hi ljm

You can learn a lot about this world here. Make connections and start talking to people. You'll have to navigate some silly sorts who are only looking for a quick hookup but there are lots of good people, too. 

I would say get out there and meet people as soon as you can. Go to a Munch or find someone who's close enough to you to meet for coffee. Just chat and enjoy the journey. I'm sure you'll have fun. 

[Deleted Member]

Welcome ljm. The best advice has been posted above. Enjoy yourself 🙂

[DiBi]

Lemme know if u want to meet up ! I’m not far away you would have to come to me tho

[Invisible71]

Just go careful a step at the time.
What you are looking for is what the majority of men want to do but are likely not to want to take the time to build all the required trust before hand.

Build trust first, build experiences second.

[Deleted Member]

Dibi. You are exactly what she doesnt need.

[CuriousShy]

I'm new here as well. This is what I'm looking for to start and explore from there... thanks for posting!

[ljm]

9 hours ago, Invisible71 said:

Just go careful a step at the time.
What you are looking for is what the majority of men want to do but are likely not to want to take the time to build all the required trust before hand.

Build trust first, build experiences second.

Where would I even begin to meet someone like this to be able to build the type of trust necessary?

[ljm]

8 hours ago, JamesRiley1 said:

Dibi. You are exactly what she doesnt need.

I kind of picked up on that myself -

[Vandalslut]

17 minutes ago, ljm said:

Where would I even begin to meet someone like this to be able to build the type of trust necessary?

Here is a good place to start.  Make sure your profile states clearly what you do need/are searching for. And exercise all the care possible, even if it seems excessive care.  It won't be.  Read the following posts:

https://www.fetish.com/topic/11135-grace-millane/?tab=comments#comment-49020

https://www.fetish.com/topic/11201-those-new-to-the-scene-please-read/

Not trying to be a wet blanket, but it's simple common sense.  Do feel free to send us a PM if you like, and wishing you all the luck in the world!

[Deleted Member]

Don’t join tinder 🤣

[Kennym020753]

I’m new here and don’t know much about this lifestyle looking for a lady to be a companion and teach me the Ways of this world 

Edited March 18, 2020 by Kennym020753

[Vandalslut]

5 hours ago, Kennym020753 said:

I’m new here and don’t know much about this lifestyle looking for a lady to be a companion and teach me the Ways of this world 

Hi, welcome - and - read the following.

https://www.fetish.com/topic/11135-grace-millane/?tab=comments#comment-49020

https://www.fetish.com/topic/11201-those-new-to-the-scene-please-read/

Research, read, plenty of good articles in the magazine and advice in past threads and loads of really pleasant and genuine people who will help you.  Good luck - stay kinky - and be careful. 

[Invisible71]

On 3/18/2020 at 2:26 AM, ljm said:

Where would I even begin to meet someone like this to be able to build the type of trust necessary?

That is the biggesr question asked on here I reckon (and if not, the one most likely people would ask of brave enough)

 

There is no simple answer. 

Take the time to learn about them and don't give all your trust away in one go.

 

Even as a guy I've been strung along and then dropped from a height and by the powers that be it hurts real bad. 

 

Stay safe. 

i71

[cautiousswitch]

On 3/17/2020 at 10:26 PM, ljm said:

Where would I even begin to meet someone like this to be able to build the type of trust necessary?

This is where a bunch of people will tell you to look for a local munch.  Unfortunately, I checked your profile and you're from the US which seems to have a dearth of munches.  At least, most of the ones advertised under events on this site are on the wrong side of the Atlantic.  You might be able to find something under a websearch  of munch and your city name.

Most kink dating sites I have seen are also run from either Europe or the UK.  They have American subscribers, but they are ***tered about.

 

[ljm]

5 hours ago, Invisible71 said:

 

There is no simple answer. 

Stay safe. 

i71

Thank you for your honesty & encouragement!