Ma**** Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 Basically I was wondering what people thought about the idea, good or bad, is it a done thing,? Would they feel less of a sub if they knew there was someone else, or would it count as a threesome.
Deleted Member Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 I think that's a very Individual thing depending on the dynamic and wishes of each partner.For me one partner is plenty as I like to devote all I have but for others it's very different.
Deleted Member Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 For me, one to one is far better than having more than one. Down to what works with you and your sub. Communication is key with this. What works one doesn't mean it will work for others.
Deleted Member Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 There is no norm or rule about it. Yes there are few Doms Dommes who own more than one subs, it’s called a house. Agreements will avoid bad feelings for the subs. I had often 2 subs at the same time in the past, either one online and rl one, and also 2 rl. Two different types, one was student babygirl while the one was more masochist type. I spend the same amount of time and treat them with the same respect and care they deserve.A threesome is when you act together at the same time so no!
ey**** Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 different things work for different relationships. Feeling less or more of a sub is more so about how you are treat within the relationship. So - for me right now; I have a wife. My wife has a girlfriend. I have undergone a lot of casual play. I had a Mistress. My Mistress had multiple subs. There are two subs I've been somewhat regularly playing with and we might formalise a relationship one way or another, or we might not.
PixieDust Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 I was in a situation about a year ago where my Dom took on a second sub without discussing it with me first and at the time I was very upset about it. He was already severely time poor and I knew a second sub would take away from the limited time I already had with him. I was also extremely hurt that he failed to respect me enough not to discuss the possibility with me prior to proceeding. For some it works, for me it did not, I prefer one on one and in this case I was left responsible for the other sub as he soon as he realised what I always knew that he just did not have the time for more than one. As always, I think communication and honesty is important in any Dom/sub relationship whether its with one or with many.........had my Dom at the time been more open and honest with me he would have learnt that this was not something I wanted nor would have agreed to and in the end our relationship ended due to his lack of time and honesty.
Deleted Member Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 It can happen but whether this is good or not depends on the situation. Firstly open communication is very important. A Dom must respect their current sub by speaking to them about it first. Secondly they need to discuss their Dom/sub relationship and what the relationship will be with this new sub. Then they need to see if it will fit and if both parties are comfortable with it. For example I tend to prefer the simple one for one dynamic but one time there was a sub who was chatting with me as she was new and had no experience. She asked me to mentor her to help her learn. Now even though this wouldn't involve sex I still told her I had to check with my sub as it would take some of my time and attention away from her. I spoke with my sub and she was happy with it just being chatting and possibly showing her some rope work. After about two months she felt a great deal more confident and found a Dom she felt safe with. Now had I hid this from my sub this situation could have been very hurtful to my sub at the time. So again it's super important to be open. That means the sub has to be open and honest aswell. If they are not happy with sharing they should tell their Dom as he/she may go into this not realising they are upsetting their sub. I don't feel it makes you less of a sub but i don't know if it would make that person feel like less of one as everyone is unique in their feelings. Hope this helps :)
Deleted Member Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 There isn't a rule book on these things. Each dynamic is individual between partners. I've always had reservations about multiple partners but this is more to do with liking my life drama free and having had a bad experience with it many years ago. If all parties consent and are happy with the relationship then great but if not then clearly time to think again on it.
Deleted Member Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 Ps. As with all things BDSM the key is communication. I'll add here that if you cant talk about it then you shouldn't be doing it, true for most things.
li**** Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 As everyone has said communication is key I know myself after trying it that poly isn't for me , after having a bad experience with a past Dom who didn't give me enough time as he did with his other subs I felt left out and pushed aside. So now I like my one on one with my Dom he gives me the time ect I deserve and we communicate everyday. So it's of course personal preference and every dynamic is different so it's best to chat to your sub and talk it out before going any further!!
ey**** Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 Time is a very important thing. Whether my attitude was right or wrong one of the things that led to the downfall of my relationship with my Mistress is I just felt I wasn't getting enough of her time. (Partially not helped by social media showing what she was doing with other subs and partially not helped because expectant Good Morning/Good Night texts feels quite impersonal and if that's what you're getting it can still feel like your being pushy if you ask for chat above that) So, I think before taking on another relationship OR before entering into a relationship with someone you know has other relationships I think questions to ask are - Do I have enough time to meet what they would need or expect? - Would I have enough time if something happened they relied on me more for? - Does this person have enough time for me with their other relationships? - Would this change if they then added further relationships? - Can time balances be kept perceivably 'fair' - and that doesn't mean every sub gets exactly the same amount of time, but in terms of balance and opportunities and such forth? If you're going to a club/event/whatever can you go with ALL in the relationship? Are they all happy with this? If one wouldn't be invited how would they feel?
Deleted Member Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 If you're happy with it yes, if not then leave, simples.
Ma**** Posted March 18, 2020 Author Posted March 18, 2020 well thanks to all that have replied, and I'm in conversation with my sub, as he does a good job, so I'm not looking to replace him. As it was a thought, and I wondered what others thought,
Cd**** Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 19 minutes ago, wilkie said: well thanks to all that have replied, and I'm in conversation with my sub, as he does a good job, so I'm not looking to replace him. As it was a thought, and I wondered what others thought, That's good news Sir . I'm glad I'm doing a good job and making you happy.
BigPolly Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 2 hours ago, wilkie said: well thanks to all that have replied, and I'm in conversation with my sub, as he does a good job, so I'm not looking to replace him. Having multiple subs isn’t about replacing one with another. The dynamic can also work the other way so as a sub I had 2 separate Doms at one point. This worked at the time but I found it was dependant in how I felt as well as it being ok with the Doms. For me I’ve not had a huge emotional connection with any Dom so I’m happy for them (or myself) to have multiple play partners if all parties are ok with this.
Cade Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 As long as it was discussed and negotiated, then yes, a dominant can have more than one submissive (ethically speaking).
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