Approach to Newbies

[Mo****]

Yesterday I was browsing and came across a few new members, so I wrote to them welcoming them to this place and life.  One wrote back within the hour and we ended up chatting for hours.  About all that can happen when there is half a world between us.  This young lady ended up thanking me for being respectful and for my guidance.  I felt as pleased as punch in that I may have given her lots to think about.

The other, let's call her, mmmm Raquel for the sake of a name, wrote back to me calling me an 'arsehole'.  Now I would expect that if someone wasn't interested, then a simple 'no thanks' would have sufficed, but to be so disrespectful, by a 28 year old, is simply bad attitude.  Remember, I am half a world away, so it is not that I am trying to line up play sessions.

Now of late I have been following discussions about rogues/sharks and pretenders on how they approached submissive's, yet when a real Dom tries to approach a sub in a respectful way, gets insulted.  I would be interested in other's opinions on this.

[typhoon2]

She'll acknowledge the advice, albeit silently, when she's terrified at the hands of an ***r or has left the scene because of trauma. Some people will not accept advice because it doesn't match their own world view. Newbies have a rose-tinted view of kink and those of a different - usually realistic - perspective can be treated with a less-than-grateful response. You've done your part, at least, and should be proud that you tried to help. Her loss, ultimately.

[Deleted Member]

Always make sure you read full profile and their sexual/age preferences. You might missed something that trigger her aggressive response. 

[ey****]

I think something around you can't please all the people all the time - and something about perceptions.   

You can control your own thoughts and actions, but not other peoples.

So, person A - their perception was that they've felt glad to be able to talk with someone who just wants to talk and found they go on with you

Person B - they might have felt that they'd not been here 5 minutes and were already being hit on. (even if that wasn't the case) 

I dunno.  To me it probably seems like you've not really done a lot wrong; but, sadly we can't control perceptions

[Deleted Member]

That’s a good point eyem, don’t message unless it’s says on their profile. You could look at their profiles twice for example and if they are interested they will or might do the first step

[qu****]

The ones who seem to moan the most have barely nothing in their profile, not even personal details, apart from saying they are female

[Mo****]

12 minutes ago, typhoon2 said:

She'll acknowledge the advice, albeit silently, when she's terrified at the hands of an ***r or has left the scene because of trauma. Some people will not accept advice because it doesn't match their own world view. Newbies have a rose-tinted view of kink and those of a different - usually realistic - perspective can be treated with a less-than-grateful response. You've done your part, at least, and should be proud that you tried to help. Her loss, ultimately.

Thanks Typhoon.

[Mo****]

4 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

That’s a good point eyem, don’t message unless it’s says on their profile. You could look at their profiles twice for example and if they are interested they will or might do the first step

That's true, but when looking at their profiles, they were both looking for friends, not play partners, and neither had any mention of age requirements or criteria.

[Deleted Member]

Tbf, you can change your inbox filter to manage who can message. It’s not hard! I don’t want to hear from men who aren’t single or over a certain age - so those men can’t message me.

[Deleted Member]

18 minutes ago, MossyBoy said:

That's true, but when looking at their profiles, they were both looking for friends, not play partners, and neither had any mention of age requirements or criteria.

She prob into insulting kink 🤷‍♂️😂

mostly brats they love  to do things like that. Or they will start a conversation then block you for no reason than get the kick out of it. 

[Mo****]

2 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

Tbf, you can change your inbox filter to manage who can message. It’s not hard! I don’t want to hear from men who aren’t single or over a certain age - so those men can’t message me.

I know that, and you know that, but the newbies don't, and if they were to ask, they might just have been told how to do things.  The first girl and I are still chatting strong in a very respectful way.  It is sort of like I am her kinky grandfather now so she comes to me for advice and guidance.  One good thing came out of yesterday's effort, one is far better warned on what she should do with the rogues/sharks and pretenders.

[Mo****]

4 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

She prob into insulting kink 🤷‍♂️😂

mostly brats they love  to do things like that. Or they will start a conversation then block you for no reason than get the kick out of it. 

I hadn't thought of that Fab.  It is something to keep in mind I suppose.

[94Aries]

Idk, myself I can be quite guarded with being online and meeting new people because it's entirely new to me in general not just around kink. Also I would think I'd be that bit more cautious with older men around your age because I have been approached by them in the past (in person). I have found from my experience that they can almost feel intiteled and they have not only hinted at interest but put there hands on me in an uncomfortable manner. Men of similar age can be a lot more suttle and shy in comparison. But I suppose everybody has different experiences and thus different perceptions. I know I find it irritating myself when a profile has very little information to go on, and thus try and make mine as detailed as I can. I wouldn't let it bother u anyway, there will always be some that will appreciate your input and others that turn it down. 

[Mo****]

13 minutes ago, 94Aries said:

Idk, myself I can be quite guarded with being online and meeting new people because it's entirely new to me in general not just around kink. Also I would think I'd be that bit more cautious with older men around your age because I have been approached by them in the past (in person). I have found from my experience that they can almost feel intiteled and they have not only hinted at interest but put there hands on me in an uncomfortable manner. Men of similar age can be a lot more suttle and shy in comparison. But I suppose everybody has different experiences and thus different perceptions. I know I find it irritating myself when a profile has very little information to go on, and thus try and make mine as detailed as I can. I wouldn't let it bother u anyway, there will always be some that will appreciate your input and others that turn it down. 

Aries, it wasn't that long ago that you received a message from me, and you replied that you thought that I was genuine, and I believe, respectful, and so you accepted my friends request. The messages that I sent to the others were in the same vein, and as I have said, one calls me an arsehole, and the other chats with me about anything at all, for hours.  I just find it frustrating, that so many subs, whether new or not, get virtually attacked by pretenders and idiots claiming to be Doms, and they rightfully complain about it, and when a Dom makes a respectful approach, gets called names.  Well that is life I guess, and as has been mentioned above, you can please some of the people, some of the time. 

[Ar****]

My opinion? It appears (from what you say) that the second person was quite rude! But I like to think of myself as quite flexible of mind - perhaps she was having a particularly "off" day or being new had just received some other less civil messages than yours which had caused her distress, pre-emptively putting her in a bad place... on a different day she may have seen your message for what it was and responded more graciously (or if uninterested in communication simply not replied at all). For every one of us has days where we slip and say or do things we regret, not one of us is perfect... it is how we respond to and deal with our human frailties, whether or not we take ownership of them, that is what is important and a reflection of our true character. 

 

Particularly following some of the discussion threads you mention I am also inclined to message new members in a similar fashion on the occasion that I spot them. A warm welcoming message without agenda can make a real difference to some people, especially when many are having their inboxes filled with less respectful words. I've never received *** for it; typically there is a short exchange of appreciation and they settle into the community (as it ought to be), a fair portion do not reply, and another handful become friends and we keep in touch. I'm very happy that you and the first lady seem to have found such friends in one another. That's what community is all about.

[Wo****]

On the other side of the coin, I've had a few new people contact me, and some of them have actually read my profile. 

A few of them were instantly ditched for being complete dicks. Asking for hangouts or kik after I've politely explained I don't chat off site straight away. Some came round to actually chatting! A few are becoming friends.

 

It's good to reach out, there are gonna be the idiots but maybe we will all start building relationships that are based on knowing each other rather than what we might get.

[Ky****]

2 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

That’s a good point eyem, don’t message unless it’s says on their profile. You could look at their profiles twice for example and if they are interested they will or might do the first step

for newbies that's not always an option, unless you are a premier etc you are restricted to one new message a day, in my case I've not messaged people who've checked me out more than once because I've used my limit

[Deleted Member]

I've been lucky that when I open chat to someone who is just looking for friends or to talk about kink they are either interested or don't reply. Although their has been one or two times a person has been different down the line.
I will say this person seems rather rude and granted many female subs have to put up with barrages of messages from creeps but that doesn't give her the right to attack someone. Again I've messaged people who are new and sadly have the comments sections beneath their photos filled with creepy and even aggressive comments. Yet they have been very polite in talking to me.
So I would say don't be put off if you genuinely just want to chat with people. Their will always be some bad apples ect.
I had one seem to be rather polite until she started asking me to buy her pics ect which I politely declined only for her to call me a cheap **** and stop chatting.
However this is not the norm so I ignore it.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Kymi said:

for newbies that's not always an option, unless you are a premier etc you are restricted to one new message a day, in my case I've not messaged people who've checked me out more than once because I've used my limit

I forgot that issue. Thanks to remind me. 

[Phoenyx]

In the case of my area, most "newbies" seem to just open a profile, and never return to check their messages.

14 hours ago, MossyBoy said:

 Now I would expect that if someone wasn't interested, then a simple 'no thanks' would have sufficed, but to be so disrespectful, by a 28 year old, is simply bad attitude.

In this new "Scene" of 2020, "Respect" has become a rare commodity.  I suspect that much of it has to do with this new age of Electronica.  Back when there was no "social media", when a 56K dial-up modem was as high as "high tech" got, the newbies were actually afraid of the established Doms and Dommes.  Such experienced players were seen as "Royalty".  Protocol was rarely breached.  Pity.  The younger crowd will never know the beauty and joys of the world that they have so callously discarded.  They will only know the disrespect and bitter disappointment of their precious "social media".

[Kriss123]

Arsehole..??go chat with Brittone2 ..lol doesn't read profiles,he don't listen to what your saying ..
He won't stop till you hit block 😂

[Kriss123]

Can't find her..Raquel or Rachael

[Kriss123]

She was testing you?
You've misread it

[Kriss123]

I know you guys are probably more experienced ..probably nearly had as many women as me but it's always got to be within these guidelines..She's 28 she's gonna be bouncing all night arsehole is not insulting ..It's aturn of phrase go with it..

[Ar****]

@Brittone2 are you feeling alright? Your comments seem to carry a measure of confusion with them.