Why is it so hard to find and fufill kinks/fantasies

Wednesday at 10:55 AM

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person on earth who isn't afraid to discuss anything and go through with it when all is said and done

Everywhere I've been people talk big, disappear, come back, talk big etc.. No one ever seems to finish, get to, or start the things they say they want

Wednesday at 11:12 AM

It's the same with every app! Everyone talks a big game. It's when they discover i like the same things they do and they find out that imactually into quite a bit more than they are, they either get scared away or intimidated That's all I can guess! It's just funny that they always ghost you when you call them out on what they claim they want and you tell them you'd like to meet for the same thing. Then it becomes a matter of put up or shut up and they either block you or delete their profile. I don't know why people can't be adult about this.

Wednesday at 11:39 AM

I personally have no social media but am on a few apps and the website fetlife which is not affiliated with this fet app that we are currently on. I have been trying for years and nobody will even say hi or respond to my safe and friendly messages. It's so bad that for a couple years now I have been feeling like I am shadow banned everywhere and that nobody can see or interact with me online.

Wednesday at 12:02 PM

Yep! Nobody has the common courtesy to reply back. Even if it's to say they aren't interested.

Wednesday at 01:44 PM

Yeah I agree. It feels a bit hostile on fetlife even. I've come several accounts where the sub tells off anyone who's interested. Which can make anyone hesitant to reach out. But on the flip side I understand where they are coming from. My wife gets hundreds of low effort messages and dick pics. Fake Doms and Sub only interested in fucking than exploring the deep complexities of BDSM.

Wednesday at 01:48 PM

I have gotten nothing but teasers and alot of run around from apps like this and I'm truly getting sick of it. I'm just looking for like minded local people to have some adult fun with and it's worse than trying to find a needle in a hay stack

Wednesday at 02:11 PM

What you’re looking for is pretty difficult to find… your unicorn hunting. If you opened it up to couples you would get lots of interest… I think your gorgeous

Wednesday at 02:17 PM

I’ve only been on the app a short while and if you got a brain between your ears and can hold a convo without being a creep you should be good.

Wednesday at 02:20 PM

15 hours ago, Funkinkyguy said:

*most of the profilr
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Best thing is to look for verified profile because those aren't fake.

Wednesday at 03:07 PM

I’m not sure what your kinks are, but you mentioned that you are looking with your partner. Couples have a much harder time finding connection than singles, as many people are wary of interacting with couples at all. If you are looking for a unicorn, then you will absolutely have a hard time finding one. As you unicorns are rare, hence the term. I would recommend that you just keep trying until you meet the right person. Kink partners need to be a person you are putting an extreme amount of trust in and that’s not something that can be rushed. I would also recommend you add a picture of both of you to your profile. You need to include both of your information. When only the woman is shown it *can* read as bait and switch.

Wednesday at 05:03 PM

Online dating is dead. About 75% of everyone on every site of every kind is a fake, scammer, or pos in some way just in general, but with regard to kink sites, 99% aren't legitimately kinky and are just vanilla tourists who watch too much p0rn and haven't got a clue.

Wednesday at 05:13 PM

Check out fetlife or even try the different telegram groups that maybe in your area both which are free, they have Ichat groups for iPhone or kinky fb groups dedicated to couples

Wednesday at 05:51 PM

FetLife is f**king TOXIC. I literally just got attacked in there for wording something a little poorly because I'm not exactly William Shakespeare with words, but they wanna get butthurt because of it and attack people when you don't match their standards, even after I tried to apologize and rewrite my comment. Especially when you're neurodivergent and admit it. FetLife is disgustingly TOXIC and hateful. Do not support that shit.

Wednesday at 06:19 PM

17 hours ago, DaddyLucifer0101 said:

FetLife is actually horrible for most things. It's difficult to get any sort of recognition or reply from most people. Not to mention the disgusting pigs on there that often have no regard for a person's profile bio or respect for an individual's request to not receive disgusting content in their messages. They are also very spiteful against people who report others for sending unsolicited or unrequested photos or messages containing disgusting content. I highly recommend anyone considering that site to not post anything and only using it as a page to find local kink clubs and events. My wife just had to deal with that very thing last night, and woke up this morning to an infraction against her account for reporting someone who did exactly that, sending an unrequested dik pic and then calling my wife a "c*m pig" when her profile specifically states not to send pics or use disgusting terms like that without explicit permission from her and myself, but more so her permission. It is a place where women are constantly harassed by disrespectful and ignorant individuals with no respect for another person's boundaries. Granted that happens here on Fet, but not nearly to the same degree as FetLife.

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Exactly my thoughts. As everything, it may work for some people but I think it’s arid. I made some connections (3-4 people) with whom I stay in touch still. Probably it’s useful about the news on events at different locations.

Wednesday at 06:28 PM

8 minutes ago, Parabellum said:

Exactly my thoughts. As everything, it may work for some people but I think it’s arid. I made some connections (3-4 people) with whom I stay in touch still. Probably it’s useful about the news on events at different locations.

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Agreed, in terms of finding events, it's great. But the community itself is very closed off and spiteful, especially if you don't follow the social standards in terms of looks. Or you're a male who isn't hung like a mutated horse. Lol. It's so toxic that I literally just deleted the FetLife app from my phone after only being back on for a week. I recently made a post here about that as well asking people not to join FetLife for the sake of their mental health, especially for those who already have mental disorders that cause things like depression.

Wednesday at 07:52 PM

In my opinion it’s cause there are so many fakes especially on here… people don’t know they just think it’s another dating site.. now I see a lot of bad talk about fetlife but I love that sight… only thing they charge for is videos… you can talk and look all day.. I have been kicked out of a group or 2 for a misunderstanding but it got worked out.. I have been in the lifestyle for over 20 years…

Wednesday at 07:54 PM

1 hour ago, DaddyLucifer0101 said:

Agreed, in terms of finding events, it's great. But the community itself is very closed off and spiteful, especially if you don't follow the social standards in terms of looks. Or you're a male who isn't hung like a mutated horse. Lol. It's so toxic that I literally just deleted the FetLife app from my phone after only being back on for a week. I recently made a post here about that as well asking people not to join FetLife for the sake of their mental health, especially for those who already have mental disorders that cause things like depression.

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On the risk of sounding ranty, harassment (specially to women) is the norm and rudeness in group discussions runs wild and untamed. And all the Doms with all their honorifics, lol, too full of themselves, but lacking the real essence of the role.

Wednesday at 08:09 PM

Try being a straight white male. Its been a difficult ride so far.

Wednesday at 09:13 PM

1 hour ago, Parabellum said:

On the risk of sounding ranty, harassment (specially to women) is the norm and rudeness in group discussions runs wild and untamed. And all the Doms with all their honorifics, lol, too full of themselves, but lacking the real essence of the role.

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You nailed that on the head perfectly. Couldn't have said it better.

Wednesday at 10:16 PM

I have very little exp in these scenes but I did not find Fetlife unfriendly.. I’ve been welcomed out to several events just like eating at restaurants types of things which is good. Didn’t end up going to any yet but idk what people expect? That is what I want, meet new people locally, if anything happens so be it but doesn’t matter. People can’t expect others to do wild stuff right immediately 🤣

Women esp are used to being hunted down by 50000 dudes all their life, so they can’t afford to not pre-assume, where’s the time? People have to be selective

Wednesday at 10:17 PM

Oh yea these apps- I’m a developer and people usually make apps to try and get *** from it, they often go way too far tho. There is no regulation forcing them to not do things like generate fake profiles to reel people in. Fake messages etc.

Thursday at 06:08 AM

I understand although I'm opposite of you
I enjoy having my wife have sex with other men as well as spend the evening with them
Most of the time when they ask for nude photos
Or
My God even a video in the first 10 minutes
They're not in the same respectful or maturity level you're expecting

Thursday at 09:44 AM

I have hard to find my kinks worship a** farts

Thursday at 12:53 PM

I've been in D/s almost 40 years and the issue of finding compatible play partners has always been a challenge in this lifestyle. Imagine waiting 20 years to find what you desire. That's how long some of us had to wait in abject frustration going through multiple meetups, relationships, munches, crazy people and dating sites.

Establishing vanilla relationships has always been difficult, so of course seeking to find people in BDSM is expected to be even harder. I'm not going to get to deep, but there are some spiritual dynamics involved in meeting people, as we're not just physical beings. Just my experience, but nothing changed for me until I learned I'm only 10% a physical being and 90% nonmaterial on a metaphysical level.