How to Deal with Insecurity About My Partner/Dom’s Exes?

[Lyla356]

Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling a lot with insecurities in my relationship, and I wanted to know if anyone has gone through something similar and how they’ve handled it.

 

I tend to overthink everything, and I’m also very sensitive, which makes it hard for me to fully trust what my partner tells me. He reassures me that I’m enough for him, both physically and sexually, but sometimes I feel like he’s just saying that to make me feel better. Deep down, I *** that I’ll never be as attractive or as exciting as his exes.

 

At some point, I asked him about his past relationships, and he mentioned that his exes were very beautiful. He wasn’t trying to hurt me, but it stuck with me. We also talked about plastic surgery, and I said that if I ever got one, I’d use an edited photo of myself as a reference. He agreed that it was a good idea, which made me feel like he also sees a big difference between how I look in pictures and in real life.

 

On top of that, he has a crush on an Instagram model, and when I saw her, I spent days comparing myself to her, feeling like I’m the complete opposite. I avoided asking for pictures of his exes because I knew it would only make me feel worse. I also struggle with taking pictures of myself, and he has pointed out that I look bad in photos because I don’t know how to pose. Even though he probably didn’t mean it in a harsh way, it hurt a lot because I already feel unattractive.

 

This insecurity has also affected our intimacy. Since we’re in a long-distance relationship, we rely on video calls, but I can’t focus because I feel like I look terrible on camera. I get so caught up in how I look that I can’t enjoy the moment.

 

I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but I can’t help it. It’s getting to a point where it’s affecting my relationship and my self-esteem in a really bad way. Has anyone else felt like this? How do you deal with these feelings?

[CopperKnob]

Christ.
.

I'm going to venture that everyone has felt insecure about their partners ex's. I have, but not to this degree. Not to the point that it's become h*rmful.
.
Looking at your profile, you're young. I'll also suggest that you might be new to D/s . You don't say how long you've been in this relationship?
.
I'll also add this, there will be some men responding to you with inappropriate comments/DMs. They're doing so because they see you as *** right now. They may make you feel a little better in the moment, but they're predatory. Don't get sucked in for a little bit of attention on the internet.
.

You do not need to be in a D/s relationship right now. If it's new to you you're emotions will be all over the place whilst you're trying to navigate all of that it encompasses.
.
Whether you need to be in any relationship, particularly with an individual who has responded to you in the way you suggest that they have, is debatable.
.
I'll also suggest that you should not be in a long-distance relationship because it sounds like you need more reassurance than what someone can provide on video calls.
.

For me, you need to focus on yourself, be kind, and develop some self-confidence. How you do that depends on you and what you think will work. Surround yourself with people in real life who you know care about you as a person rather than an object.
.
Personally, I'd end this relationship. I would not allow someone else to comment on how I look in photos negatively. I would not allow someone to comment favourably about me having cosmetic surgery. Whilst "he wasn't trying to hurt" you, clearly he has, and that's not acceptable behaviour. Particularly when he's very much aware of your insecurities.
.
Do not change yourself for the benefit or "love"/afffection/attention of someone else. Go and find someone better.

[CopperKnob]

  Just now, CopperKnob said:

Christ.
.

I'm going to venture that everyone has felt insecure about their partners ex's. I have, but not to this degree. Not to the point that it's become h*rmful.
.
Looking at your profile, you're young. I'll also suggest that you might be new to D/s . You don't say how long you've been in this relationship?
.
I'll also add this, there will be some men responding to you with inappropriate comments/DMs. They're doing so because they see you as *** right now. They may make you feel a little better in the moment, but they're predatory. Don't get sucked in for a little bit of attention on the internet.
.

You do not need to be in a D/s relationship right now. If it's new to you you're emotions will be all over the place whilst you're trying to navigate all of that it encompasses.
.
Whether you need to be in any relationship, particularly with an individual who has responded to you in the way you suggest that they have, is debatable.
.
I'll also suggest that you should not be in a long-distance relationship because it sounds like you need more reassurance than what someone can provide on video calls.
.

For me, you need to focus on yourself, be kind, and develop some self-confidence. How you do that depends on you and what you think will work. Surround yourself with people in real life who you know care about you as a person rather than an object.
.
Personally, I'd end this relationship. I would not allow someone else to comment on how I look in photos negatively. I would not allow someone to comment favourably about me having cosmetic surgery. Whilst "he wasn't trying to hurt" you, clearly he has, and that's not acceptable behaviour. Particularly when he's very much aware of your insecurities.
.
Do not change yourself for the benefit or "love"/afffection/attention of someone else. Go and find someone better.

Expand  

The censored word is vuln-er-able

[4R****]

  20 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Christ.
.

I'm going to venture that everyone has felt insecure about their partners ex's. I have, but not to this degree. Not to the point that it's become h*rmful.
.
Looking at your profile, you're young. I'll also suggest that you might be new to D/s . You don't say how long you've been in this relationship?
.
I'll also add this, there will be some men responding to you with inappropriate comments/DMs. They're doing so because they see you as *** right now. They may make you feel a little better in the moment, but they're predatory. Don't get sucked in for a little bit of attention on the internet.
.

You do not need to be in a D/s relationship right now. If it's new to you you're emotions will be all over the place whilst you're trying to navigate all of that it encompasses.
.
Whether you need to be in any relationship, particularly with an individual who has responded to you in the way you suggest that they have, is debatable.
.
I'll also suggest that you should not be in a long-distance relationship because it sounds like you need more reassurance than what someone can provide on video calls.
.

For me, you need to focus on yourself, be kind, and develop some self-confidence. How you do that depends on you and what you think will work. Surround yourself with people in real life who you know care about you as a person rather than an object.
.
Personally, I'd end this relationship. I would not allow someone else to comment on how I look in photos negatively. I would not allow someone to comment favourably about me having cosmetic surgery. Whilst "he wasn't trying to hurt" you, clearly he has, and that's not acceptable behaviour. Particularly when he's very much aware of your insecurities.
.
Do not change yourself for the benefit or "love"/afffection/attention of someone else. Go and find someone better.

Expand  

I’m going to echo this advice, every word of it, but especially the last 5…….

You deserve better!