Submission/Independent women

[Za****]

Hi Ladies

I was thinking tonight about a question that is really eating my brain 🧠...

What is the thing in Submission , that a women , independent, strong , dominant and intelligent and strong willed crave so much ?

We are fighting for recognition and respect in our everyday “man’s world “ but we crave to submit in the night to a Man?

We are giving orders to others every day , but willing to follow the orders given to us by our Dom/Master ?

Why we crave this?

Do you think the submission would / could affect your every day busy , dynamic and controlled world ?

I would really want to know what do you all think ?

Thank you and please keep safe and sane in this hard times !!!

 

Zash 

 

 

 

[steele_seduction]

It's the only time I can give up control of my life. I spend every minute of every day controlling myself, my environment,and my circumstances. It feels great to let go of that for awhile.

[ReddRabbit]

It is quite literally the only time in which I can give up total control. I spend so much time (especially since I’m also a true Switch) commanding what other people around me do (my nickname is She Who Must Be Obeyed, haha) that giving it over to someone else when I’m in my sub mode is hugely freeing.  Dropping into subspace is better than booze, meditation, therapy, you name it. Giving everything over to someone I can completely trust to take me to that exquisite edge and back is exactly what I need to keep me sane. 

[Vandalslut]

3 hours ago, ReddRabbit said:

Dropping into subspace is better than booze, meditation, therapy, you name it.

Definitely! Independence, strength, intelligence - being recognised as  equal to men yet different, instead of being the 'weaker vessel' - are all wonderful things. Yet submission is something we choose to give, and choose to whom we give it - rather than feel compelled to 'compete'.  Women demanded and wanted equality, as any social history of the late sixties and early seventies will show - and ever since we've been 'proving' to the world that we can be front line soldiers, fire fighters...insert any 'man's traditional role' here. So to take time off from competing, to stand down from the ever-lasting 'equality' battle and acknowledge and allow a man's domination is something I and the Vandal find very, very sensual.

[ReddRabbit]

13 minutes ago, Vandalslut said:

Definitely! Independence, strength, intelligence - being recognised as  equal to men yet different, instead of being the 'weaker vessel' - are all wonderful things. Yet submission is something we choose to give, and choose to whom we give it - rather than feel compelled to 'compete'.  Women demanded and wanted equality, as any social history of the late sixties and early seventies will show - and ever since we've been 'proving' to the world that we can be front line soldiers, fire fighters...insert any 'man's traditional role' here. So to take time off from competing, to stand down from the ever-lasting 'equality' battle and acknowledge and allow a man's domination is something I and the Vandal find very, very sensual.

I’m trying to pick the last part of your quote from an iPad  and it’s not working, 😂🙄. 

But YES, “Standing down and allowing a man’s domination” is incredibly sensual to me as well. And there are so few places in this current culture where we can do that without being shamed or catching flak. I know I’ve got my shit together, and can take care of myself, thanks...we all know this. This is something I do for an entirely different purpose. What we do to satisfy our sexual selves and to satisfy our deepest needs on a spiritual, soul-deep, cellular level are often inextricably linked. 

Edited April 4, 2020 by ReddRabbit

[lo****]

Not a women but I’ve been told it’s the Disney princess thing

[Priscillass]

This has been such a refreshing and reassuring thread. Thank you @RedRabbit @Vandaslut and @Needtobepunished.
I do catch flak even from my friends. I am one of the most prolific Feminist figures in my country but I also want to rest and I find that rest in my subspace but no one really understands that. It's gotten so lonely because I can no longer discuss my needs with my friends. I am glad for this

[Priscillass]

@london445 you could have stopped and scrolled past after your discovery that you're not a woman. It is definitely not a Disney princess thing. You are mansplaining something you can never experience nor understand

[Deleted Member]

I'm not a women but I've talked a lot with people about the psychology of kink as I find it very interesting.
As Vandalslut so well explained it is not the same as giving up your independence. The number one piece of advice I give to new subs is Your submission is something you own and control. You can choose to give it to someone however at any time you can take it back.
After all the Dom/sub dynamic isn't about the Dom having fun at the expense of the sub. It's about both parties enjoying themselves after consenting. If the Dom ever does anything that makes the sub unhappy or uncomfortable they can take back their submission and leave.
From what I've heard and seen it seems to be about releasing control for a time and letting someone else take the reins.
On top of this there is a very sexist ideology that sadly still remains to this day. The old Victorian era rules that people should not give in to base pleasure and have sex for fun.
However when men fall short and give in they are forgiven. In fact women are basically taught to be the better example because men are so easily failing. Simple example is when a man sleeps around he's joking called a "male slut" or a "Casanova". However when a women has sex with more than one person she is aggressively called a "Slut"!
This hypocrisy puts a lot of pressure on women unfairly. However by submitting to a Dom they are releasing their restraint and giving into their temptation and desires for pleasure.
I have done a lot of things that vanilla people would consider wrong or disrespectful to women.
However I have never done these things because I believe that the women is beneath me. I have done it to make her feel strong sexual pleasure. I also love the base level of it. Giving into those desires that others see as wrong and sticking two fingers up to those who would be shocked that we enjoy sex.

[Deleted Member]

When you sub you're not responsible for what happens. If it gels with what's unspoken but in your mind you get the pleasure without any guilt. IMHO

[Deleted Member]

A lot iof submissive in vanilla are actually quite dominant,not all but a lot.Its usually about releasing all responsibility and liberation of thise darker urges.You ask "why do you crave this" and there is no answer.Ive always believed most in this world are born with a twist,I know I was so it's just what we are.It will only interfere in your vanilla life if you let it.Sounds like your a little confused and that's a familliar story that a lot have been through.Nothin to *** you will find peace in time.

[Wo****]

I had a friend who would state that I was setting feminism back by "letting men do that" to me. That she couldn't understand why I'd want them to do that anyway and she'd never let a man control her.

Mg argument is...

1) I want this. It's my choice. As a strong woman I ask for, and get, what I want. By offering my submission, I am giving him control. I'm saying this is what I want sexually, I'm going to enjoy it. I'm allowed to. Isn't that feminism?

2) I am biologically the "weaker" sex. When I'm submissive I'm kinda allowing myself to enjoy that aspect. Especially in the primal sense. Like if pirate pins me down. He's physically stronger, fact. So my "weakness" is something I can submit to.

 

Losing myself so totally, giving it all up, knowing pirate respects me, and that it's mutual, that we have that trust....

That's why I submit and because I do, because it has an outlet, it allows me to be as in control in my vanilla life.

[Carnelian2]

I am not sure it is a question of women submitting but more a question of submission it it's own right. 

There is a release, even a balance in submission, a trust that we as individuals do not need to control everything but can let others do it. It is not even sexual as such.

[Deleted Member]

For me, I've always been the strong support for everyone else. We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and soldier on regardless of how much burden we have to bear.

But everyone needs someone at their back. And for me, submission is about having permission to release that burden (at least for a moment or a time) and stop having to make the decisions. But most of all it's about having that strong dominant who has your back.

I think that's the element that I crave more than anything...a man with a will as strong as steel who would fight my corner when I no longer have any fight left in me. If I found a man who would actually step up to that role then my submission would be willingly and gratefully given.

And this is why I'm still single.

[cautiousswitch]

We're all looking for someone we can depend on.  Perhaps submission is a way of looking for them.

[Vandalslut]

5 hours ago, J_Darkmoon said:

For me, I've always been the strong support for everyone else. We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and soldier on regardless of how much burden we have to bear.

In most hetero households, women make most of the practical decisions - choice of white goods, grocery shopping, getting kids to doctors, dentists, etc and nowadays working full time AT the same time, whereas in Grandma's day, keeping house, cooking, mending, washing, ironing etc  and looking after the family was 24/7 - and it's still usually like that today.  So to lay down that 'weight of the world' in submission is liberating to the googleplex degree times 100.

 

14 hours ago, MaskedDom said:

Giving into those desires that others see as wrong and sticking two fingers up to those who would be shocked that we enjoy sex.

Love the sticking-two-fingers-up image! Those who would be quick to say, "Shocking!  Perverted! Sick!" and who then back their judgement from their pet ideology (usually Christian, sometimes devotees of Germaine Greer) forget the bit that their Deity 'made man in his own image'  - and that opens up a whole new line of enquiry.

[Wo****]

23 minutes ago, Vandalslut said:

 

Love the sticking-two-fingers-up image! Those who would be quick to say, "Shocking!  Perverted! Sick!" and who then back their judgement from their pet ideology (usually Christian, sometimes devotees of Germaine Greer) forget the bit that their Deity 'made man in his own image'  - and that opens up a whole new line of enquiry.

Don't get me started on that.

That's my biggest problem with my faith. I don't agree with the hypocrisy.

[Carnelian2]

Societal norms are one thing, whilst the reality of what actually works is quite another.
It is about balance and being able to be a whole person. I may be that independent strong man in my daily life who a lot of people depend on for leadership and support but I also need to be able to let go.
To be honest if a man cannot appreciate and value a strong woman by his side, then it is his loss

[Vandalslut]

30 minutes ago, Carnelian2 said:

Societal norms are one thing, whilst the reality of what actually works is quite another.
It is about balance and being able to be a whole person. I may be that independent strong man in my daily life who a lot of people depend on for leadership and support but I also need to be able to let go.
To be honest if a man cannot appreciate and value a strong woman by his side, then it is his loss

You're lovely, you know that, don't you?

[Carnelian2]

3 hours ago, Vandalslut said:

You're lovely, you know that, don't you?

Well (slightly blushing), that is sweet of you :)

[ca****]

.... just adding this havent read the thread in much detail.

But isnt 'you' choosing to do this (do anything) a part of your independence (as it is part of yourself)

 

[Vandalslut]

2 hours ago, callipygian said:

.... just adding this havent read the thread in much detail.

But isnt 'you' choosing to do this (do anything) a part of your independence (as it is part of yourself)

 

Certainly!

[littlesubsusan]

For me submission is two fold really. There is a innate part of me that is that caregiver I enjoy being that person who does the little things and dont mind ( actually greatly enjoy) taking care of my mans needs even if its seen as outdated. I am not talking foot servant level because I am not a slave nor do I thrive in the micromanagement environment. I like to think of it as a modern 1950's type of living. Thats the best environment for me. I do better with the little / big chores and am happy to cook, clean, get him a drink, being him what he left wherever all within reason of course. Anyway, The sexual side of submission to me is the extension of the vanilla / normal life stuff. I enjoy being that person he craves and can let down the walls with. I enjoy letting mine down and trusting him. That "fairy tale" of the bond of a true relationship that is fully supportive as well as secure to play and  lets you be you flaws and all with someone who you trust. 

[Priscillass]

I am back to this. I want to encourage everyone to read The New Bottoming Book (and it's sequel) to properly understand this topic. I have never felt more seen or understood.
It is written by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy

[Deleted Member]

I was sent abroad to learn English when I was 14. I lived with a host family in Ireland until I turned 18, and then I never went back home (only during holidays). I had to take control of my life since a very early age. I've lived alone in a foreign country without any family (or host family) since I was 18. I took care of everything. I disciplined myself into studying since I didn't have my mum to nag me. I had to deal with my own medical appointments, work out my bills and cook/clean from an early age. 

My dad passed away when I was 6. I never had a proper fatherly figure, a masculine figure who would be stern, firm yet loving and caring at the same time. 

I think these two reasons are the main factors I am a submissive when it comes to the bedroom. That's the one place where I feel I can let go, relinquish control, trust a male figure who will love me, look after me, dominate me. It just feels good to be looked after and cherished. That feeling of ***ness when you're at their mercy can also be extremely liberating if you love and trust your dom. 

Edited April 11, 2020 by Deleted Member