This is scary, need advice

[quinn065]

Hello,

I'm kind of lost (ok, deeply lost) and could use a hand. If anyone is willing to help with some coaching, advice, warnings, or anything, it would mean a lot.

Bottom line, I'm a happily married professional guy in his 50s, and my wife of 25 years has been encouraging me for the last few years to find a "friend with benefits." Ellie and I love each other, but for medical reasons, there's been no intimacy between us now for a long time...over 10 years. It's been challenging and frustrating, but our friendship and family and story is strong, so we deal with it.

And while her encouragement might sound interesting in concept, in reality it's a lot more complicated. I really do love my wife, and I'm no prude, but there's a commitment there that means a lot to me.

So...that brings me to the reason I'm telling this story here:

When Ellie and I were younger and still intimate, there was a crazy period when basically, on a dare, we kind of started a small bondage and tickling video clip business. Long crazy story, but mainly it was a thing just among us and some friends who were all equally shocked that people actually paid for the stuff we posted. If you're in that space you might have heard of us, but it just lasted for a couple of years and then burned itself out. 

While the *** was surprising to everyone, I was also surprised at how much fun I had. As a result I'm not sure I have what you'd call a bondage and tickle fetish, but I enjoyed it enough to understand how, under the right conditions, it could evolve beyond fun into its own kind of intimacy. 

So there's my idea, and the reason I'm here. The clip store is long gone, but if I could find someone interested in the same thing, it feels like that could maybe fill the gap between intimacy and monogamy.

The reason I'm lost and looking for advice is that despite the clip store adventure, I have absolutely zero idea how to do this. Hell, I'd be scared to death to try *regular* dating after 25 years, much less find a bondage and tickle partner.

I imagine many of you have been in this space for a while and know the etiquette, protocols, dos and don'ts...any warnings or advice would really, really help.

Thanks for listening, 

Quinn

[Dreamaway]

Dear Quinn, I think you have to be careful here and maybe ask your beloved about any limits. A bondage and tickle session is one thing but will you deal with it if it progresses further. Will she deal with it? You're obviously prepared to investigate and that's fine, talking to people is one thing, devoting time and effort to meeting is another. If you've managed this long without outside interaction do you feel you really need it or is it to please your partner. I could go on but without knowing you and your situation they'd be generalisations and maybe irrelevant. Good luck, take care, avoid scammers.

[Deleted Member]

@quinn065 If it's what you want, set up your profile properly and begin speaking with people that interest you. I suggest you focus less on what you had in the past, though. It smells like longing for your wife. I'm sure that's part of what you're feeling. But if you want to start something with someone new, you need to come with a blank slate. 

 

[Wo****]

Be as honest about what you want as you are being. Talk to people, get to know them. Make friends I guess.

Sounds like you're pretty switched on tbh and it seems you and your wife have a great relationship.

Wishing you all the luck x

[quinn065]

Dreamaway,

Ellie actually brought up the friends with benefits idea originally assuming it would be a vanilla sort of relationship. We've talked about that quite a bit and she understands and I think appreciates why I don't want to go there.

We've also talked about this new idea and she is supportive (and I think, like me, more comfortable leaving our relationship monogamous).

Do I really need it? I'm definitely missing something that I hope this might fulfill. And maybe I should just be more...stoic. But I've known her for almost 30 years and I'm confident we agree that with some luck this could be a fun and harmless thing to do.

Might it progress? I suppose that depends on all parties including Ellie, but we're open about discussing limits and we have a lot of trust.

It's the risk and scammers I'm concerned about, but it's also entering a community where I don't know the rules. That's where the advice really helps.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Q

Edited April 4, 2020 by quinn065

[cautiousswitch]

If you don't like her suggestion that you find a friend with benefits then mention your idea of reviving the video business to her.  It may be way for her to feel you are satisfied and you to still feel like you are being loyal to her.  She could even help run the business if she were so inclined.

How to get started I can't answer.

Edited April 4, 2020 by cautiousswitch
Extra thought

[quinn065]

MsWhiteRose,

That's interesting. I thought whoever got involved in this would probably like to know that my wife was ok with it, which might require a little back story. But maybe what you're saying is once done then that's that and just focus on whatever comes next. Makes sense.

There is some longing for my wife, but then she's also right here. What I've realized is that the clip store experience involved some elements that in a way could substitute for missing a type of physical intimacy that...man this is hard to explain. But there's something there that's like a fix. 

I'll probably think.of a perfect description right after I click submit.

Thanks

[quinn065]

LazyPiratesBounty, thanks for the luck.

I'm all for being honest but any thoughts on where to talk to people? Here maybe? Ashley Madison? It's hard for me to imagine just bringing this up in casual conversation. 

I've thought about trying to plug in to some kind of central Indiana USA local community, but wow is that undiscovered country for me.

Q

[quinn065]

Hi cautiousswitch,

We thought of that and even floated the idea, but the old friend group isn't really interested and looking for new "models" sort of puts me back at square one.

I never developed any kind of network in the bdsm community or anything since the clip store was basically a bunch of vanilla friends.

Thanks though, good thought!

[cautiousswitch]

Do you have copies of any of your old clips? It will be easier to find participants if you can show you are reviving an old idea rather than just someone trying to start from scratch.  If so, get them formatted where you can show them on your phone or a small ipad device.

Do a web search for your local munches and try to find where your local people are meeting online.  Network a little and let people get to know you before mentioning that you are trying to start a video business.  I imagine when this whole quarantine business is over there will be a lot of public meets arranged; by this time you may have floated the idea of making videos to some people on line.  Have some of your old videos ready to show but don't try actively recruiting people at your first meet, give them a chance to talk to you in person but don't bring up the subject unless they do.

 

Check your state laws and find out how much has changed since the last time you did this.

[Deleted Member]

Definitely be honest about being married and that you have your wife's permission to play but I feel that it's best not to lead with the nostalgic story about the clips. As a woman you might be approaching, I would be put off by that. But I can't speak for anyone. It's a story I'd like to hear as I was getting to know you but not as a first impression. 

By all means, include tickling as one of your top fetishes. I do love to tickle my subs until they beg for mercy. It can be an effective form of ***, if you get a very ticklish one. 

[Deleted Member]

ooops - I meant that I can't speak for everyone, not anyone. 

But I can't speak for them either. 

Erm... trying to be helpful. 

[ey****]

in my situation; I tend not to over complicate the story.

one of the beautiful things within the modern world is that it's easy to accept a lot of situations (although, that doesn't automatically translate to getting what you want)

So; you can state in your profile or in any ads that.... you are married, but have an understanding to play outside of marriage - what you are interested in is......

this might satisfy prospective partners who are looking for play but not wanting a full on relationship

or, are also in a relationship or relationship(s) but there's an overlap in interests especially if there's something they're not quite fulfilling in their relationship or want more of.

 

[Lady_with_dog]

I will gladly advise you

[quinn065]

Thanks for all the replies, it really is helpful. Feels like a good community. 

Cautiousswitch I am exactly one forgotten password away from all the old clips, although to your point and better yet I know I can get to the quick preview clips and photos we used for marketing. I've even seen some of our stuff on pornhub, and both the email I used in those days and the account I set up on a tickle fetish site get a fair amount of traffic even 10 years later. I don't think we were that good; I think people just enjoyed seeing a bunch of 40 something vanilla soccer moms and dads goofing around. 

MsWhiteRose and eyemblackskeep I will update my profile, and I agree about easing into things. I think it would be too easy for something like this to become the biggest thing anyone knows about you.

Thanks again,

Q

 

[ey****]

side note re: clips

a lot has changed over the years and a lot has stayed the same.  It's very important to keep good paper work; model releases, etc. and of course to challenge pirated content to produce it.   But, like, clips once they're up have a potential to *always* sell.   As well as my own store (Domestic Femdom) I do admin for a couple of other folk and there was someone who had a fairly dormant store I helped turn around... but even their dormant account had racked up a nice piggy bank

[quinn065]

We shut the whole clip store down back in 2010 or so. It was making good *** but since we had all sort of just fallen into it, we felt like it had run its course. It was always more of a crazy idea than a business anyway. 

Honestly I don't have a financial reason to restart the store, I suppose it would be more of an excuse to get back into what we did. I think I'd prefer to do that on a smaller scale.

Got me thinking though, thanks...