Long Distance but Minimal Communication

[Su****]

Hi All! I started talking to a domme on here a little under a week ago and we’ve had 2 online play sessions using the we-vibe toys I posted about last week and my gloves and I’ve enjoyed both very much! My concern is outside of when we play there has been minimal to know communication between us. She never really stated if this was a just a casual, temporary, thing to pass the time during quarantine or if there was potential for more in the future. My guess is the first based on how things have been so far, which I’m fine I just want to know to avoid becoming too invested in something that won’t last (I’ve made that mistake in the past pursuing more vanilla relationships and it sucks).

I would like to learn a little more about her, but when I try and talk to her outside of when she wants to play I often get left on read, or she send very brief 1-3 word answers. Even things as simple as asking how her is going or asking how her previous night or day was don’t get answers. I’ve asked if she had any rules for me to follow hoping that would at least spark a conversation and all I got was “to ask her permission before pleasuring myself”. Even asking for feedback after our 2 play sessions if I did well or if I pleased her she doesn’t respond. And our 2nd play session literally started with a snap from her that said “put the toy on.” And afterwards no feedback on how it went. I was able to take the teasing and edging and wait for her permission to cum on each occasion so I think I’m doing well but the lack of communication and feedback has me 2nd guessing.

We live on two opposite side of the country and while distance doesn’t isn’t an issue for me I feel that emphasizes importance of communication, and while I don’t wanna be “clingy” but I’m new to this and I wanna make sure that I’m pleasing her as well. I know I’ve enjoyed the play, but if there is something I can do differently to help please her, or if I should keep up what I’ve been doing I would like to know.

So my question I guess is what would be a good way to go about raising and attempting to have a conversation with her about it without being to much or bothering her if she is busy, and if she does want to remain casual (which is my guess) respecting that.

Everyone on here is very helpful for the most part and I value the feedback you all give so thank you and I look forward to receiving your advice again!

[ey****]

there is a lot of second guessing for sure.

my own mood, for example, has been up and down - and while it's not massively affected some of my interactions - I can imagine there being time when I (or someone) just really doesn't have the energy even if it's what they want to do.

I think we are in slightly strange times and a lot of folk maybe are a little bit more charged and frustrated (if we click with someone when *can* we meet?!) and I think it's best to focus on the day then too far ahead.

That being said; if you're not enjoying the day unless there needs to be more at the other side - that's something to communicate out.  

[Deleted Member]

There are a few red flags here. You met less than a week ago and have already had online play sessions. And, from what you've said, you sent her a we-vibe. Did you purchase that at her request? 

I'm sorry, but you're very likely being had. If she doesn't engage with you in basic conversation, she's not interested in a relationship. I suspect she might engage in another play session or two, and then hit you with a request for *** or a tribute.... or worse (she might try to blackmail you). 

[Deleted Member]

I just read that again, and I might have misinterpreted your comment about the we-vibe. 

When you said you 'posted' last week, I thought you meant you'd posted it to her. Sorry. 

[Su****]

30 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

there is a lot of second guessing for sure.

my own mood, for example, has been up and down - and while it's not massively affected some of my interactions - I can imagine there being time when I (or someone) just really doesn't have the energy even if it's what they want to do.

I think we are in slightly strange times and a lot of folk maybe are a little bit more charged and frustrated (if we click with someone when *can* we meet?!) and I think it's best to focus on the day then too far ahead.

That being said; if you're not enjoying the day unless there needs to be more at the other side - that's something to communicate out.  

Agreed and I appreciate the feedback and advice. I'm a very social person and like to keep busy so the fact i've been stuck at home, out of work, with no one but my family I don't always see eye to eye with (still love them though hahaha) to really interact with, I definitely acknowledge that doesn't help how I've been feeling and how im interpreting all this.

[Su****]

13 minutes ago, MsWhiteRose said:

There are a few red flags here. You met less than a week ago and have already had online play sessions. And, from what you've said, you sent her a we-vibe. Did you purchase that at her request? 

I'm sorry, but you're very likely being had. If she doesn't engage with you in basic conversation, she's not interested in a relationship. I suspect she might engage in another play session or two, and then hit you with a request for *** or a tribute.... or worse (she might try to blackmail you). 

Thanks MsWhiteRose, I'm definitely aware of red flags partially why i have decided to post and get feedback from others. I know she isn't a catfish as we've mostly communicated via snapchat and she has a solid snap score so she's been active on it for a while and I've she posted a video of her hanging out at home with my guess her housemates the other night. I also found she has an instagram and has almost 700 posts on it although its private and she hasn't accepted my follow request as of yet (I requested yersterday). She's a year younger than me as well so thats why I'm leaning towards im more or less her entertainment during social distancing when she gets bored. With regards to the we-vibe toy i already own it and simply let her control it while it was on me to tease and edge me. I did voice concerns about blackmail to her as well after the first session to which she replied "I wanna do this again so why would I pull something on you." I'm debating now do I try and voice concerns and attempt a conversation to see what this is, or do I block and ghost her and just move on. Currently I admit I am leaning towards the 2nd, as much as I hope to avoid doing that. (I'm not a fan of ghosting, without an effort to communicate feelings/standings first though.) Thanks for the feedback though I appreciate it!

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, SubWhoLovesGloves said:

I'm debating now do I try and voice concerns and attempt a conversation to see what this is, or do I block and ghost her and just move on. Currently I admit I am leaning towards the 2nd, as much as I hope to avoid doing that. (I'm not a fan of ghosting, without an effort to communicate feelings/standings first though.) Thanks for the feedback though I appreciate it!

If you can accept being a toy for her play, you could leave things and wait to hear from her.... but it sounds like you want something more, and why shouldn't you?  I doubt you're going to get that from her. I've written about this before in the forum. If you're looking for a genuine Domme/Dom, they should start with wanting to get to know you, not leap straight into play and then avoid having a conversation with you. 

[TightandHard]

I'm sorry man but I really feel like you are being played. Please move on because in my opinion you can get something better.

[Su****]

11 minutes ago, TightandHard said:

I'm sorry man but I really feel like you are being played. Please move on because in my opinion you can get something better.

Thanks man I am, I gave one last effort at having a conversation with her last night, asked her how her day was, got left on read, gave it a few hours and came right out and asked if i could talk to her about something and got left on read. So I'm done with it and moving on.

[Deleted Member]

It sounds like the identical situation I’m going through. I met my Mistress on another site 2 weeks ago. I’ve had two sessions with my Mistress and our communication is nowhere near what I expected. I know it’s long distance (she lives across the ocean), but I guess I’m looking for a more full time thing with more interaction. She has given me commands and I’m waiting for my chastity cage I ordered, but I worry I’m setting myself up for disappointment.

[Deleted Member]

The first things you should do before engaging with a Domme or Dom is establish the way your relationship is going to be ?
Discussion about your communications, what kind of communications, how often etc... you jumped into play without knowing any rules

[TightandHard]

21 hours ago, SubWhoLovesGloves said:

Thanks man I am, I gave one last effort at having a conversation with her last night, asked her how her day was, got left on read, gave it a few hours and came right out and asked if i could talk to her about something and got left on read. So I'm done with it and moving on.

Glad to hear that your are moving on. 

[Deleted Member]

Ok, this is just my 2 cents because I feel like I identify with the non-communicating/limited communicating thing, in and out of kink and I've been talking about similar issues with my friends lately since some of the more extroverted ones were really struggling with the lack of everyday communication. So, could it be a difference in communication styles and comfort levels?

I just talked a vanilla friend through a similar situation where a guy she was seeing wasn't responding to her messages or sending her messages daily. She's located on the more far end of extroversion and doesn't feel tired or drained from interacting with people, whereas I'm on the more introverted side and am absolutely fine with not talking to someone for weeks.

From the post, it sounds like you're also a more extroverted person and it could be the case that your Domme is a more introverted person and that's just her communication style. It could also be that she has a busy life outside of your kink relationship and doesn't have time. It seems strange to think that when most folks are in quarantine (except for those made *** by class issues), but it seems that quarantine is making some people reach out more for social reasons, in addition to work reasons. Of course, it could be that she's just not as into you as you are into her. Key thing though is to just ask about it and figure out if your needs are compatible with hers and whether you both have the desire to accommodate each other if your needs are different. 

-- Cacti

[ey****]

In this case; the OP got sorted (i.e. sacked her off)

I totally understand how draining ***d interactions can be for sure - or feeling like you *have* to reply there and then

but, there's also certainly a line. 

[Deleted Member]

Oop, I didn't see his post, but glad he's not lingering anymore. :)

[Su****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

In this case; the OP got sorted (i.e. sacked her off)

I totally understand how draining ***d interactions can be for sure - or feeling like you *have* to reply there and then

but, there's also certainly a line. 

 

1 hour ago, Cacti said:

Oop, I didn't see his post, but glad he's not lingering anymore. :)

Yup! Thanks both of you and @CactiI agree with a lot of what you said. I'm a strange mix of extrovert/introvert (leaning towards extrovert though) lol so u weren't far off assuming that about me! But yes I've moved on tried having a conversation to discuss those points with her and figure out when/how often she would be comfortable communicating which also got left on read and the conversation never started. So the search continues lol! Appreciate the feedback though!!