Coming out about my leather fetish

[Deleted Member]

I have known about my leather fetish for around 15 years, I have been with my partner now for 10 years..... but I still only dress up in my leather clothing whenever she is out somewhere that I know she will be for a while, I really want to speak with her about my fetish but I just don’t know how to approach the subject and how to start the conversation, has any been in this same situation and managed to go through with it ?? 

[restraints4U]

Does your wearing of leather speak of submitting to domination because if wearing it makes you Dominant minded you could be losing out by hiding it from her. I'm assuming you are sub when dressed up so once again are you not missing out by hiding your true needs. Communication does not hurt what you do with the communication might hurt BUT you have to try if you want to know.

[Si****]

Without making any assumptions about your situation, this is what I would do: Take her shopping... spend at least 2-3 hours literally just carrying bags around for her and giving opinion on what she's buying. Then, whilst "accidentally" walking past a shop selling leather gear, suddenly stop and stare at what's in the window. It is important that you do not say anything. If asked, just say: I dunno... Looks different... By doing this, you are registering your interest in leather in her subconscious. And/or you could randomly pick up leather stuff and try it on, look in the mirror. Hats and waistcoats work the best (since youre supposedly not interested enough ro pick up a pair of trousers and go into a changing room. Make sure she sees you and most importantly make sure you put it back. Make no attempt to buy it and be nonchalant about the whole affair... She will (hopefully) notice your repeated interest (that you don't supposedly recognise yet) and (again hopefully) will encourage you to pursue it. The above technique was developed by me, literally during the process of typing, thus is not tried and tested and may in fact be complete bollocks :) On the other hand... you may find yourself covered in leather from head to toe, with her enjoying it as much as you are. Long and short of it, you will get nowhere by hiding what you love doing... Wish you the best of luck

[Deleted Member]

Sirartu many thanks for your advise, unfortunately living on such a small island we aren’t so fortunate to have any kind of leather shops or even sex shops that might sell these kind of goods for me to take this on😩 I have even thought about being as blunt as while she is out tonight with work just sitting here all dressed in leather and waiting for her to walk in on me and then explain ?? 😬 but is just scares the crap out of me.

[Deleted Member]

51 minutes ago, restraints4U said:

Does your wearing of leather speak of submitting to domination because if wearing it makes you Dominant minded you could be losing out by hiding it from her. I'm assuming you are sub when dressed up so once again are you not missing out by hiding your true needs. Communication does not hurt what you do with the communication might hurt BUT you have to try if you want to know.

Yeah I am defiantly sub when I’m all dressed in my leather, as I have fantasies of my partner fucking me while we are both dressed in leather outfits. I’m just unsure on how to approach the subject with her. 

[Si****]

Andy just a question buddy...

is your partner also a kinkster?

[Deleted Member]

No not in the slightest, well not that I know of anyway unless she is hiding it from me too 😬

[Si****]

Hmm... usual kink vs vanilla issue it seems.

Man I'm afraid you may need to corrupt her...

I decided not to at the time and ended up getting divorced....

 

Doesnt change much. She does deserve to know. Its not fair on her that she doesn' know

 

It would also be unfair on you if you hadn't been allowed to pursue what you love.

Great pics by the way. Your efforts are definitely appreciated here and I very much like the trousers you have. Must get me a pair... lets see who can get them off me using only their teeth

[Deleted Member]

Thanks you 😍 I love all my fetish wear. I mostly shop in local charity shops and got most of leathers from there 😬

 

yeah I fully understand the kinky vs vanilla thing but I love her dearly and don’t want to lose her or break her heart when / if I tell her. 

 

What do you think to the shock factor....... if I was fully dressed while she was out and letting her walk in on me and then explaining then ?? 😬😩 I’m stuck 

 

ps I’d have a good go at getting them off 😊 

[Deleted Member]

If you always do what you have always done  you will always get what you have always had. Change requires change. People are never motivated by the things that they know nothing about my friend. 

[Si****]

Mate I' not too sure about the shock factor to be honest. I would suggest that many vanilla women would have a huge trouble understanding why their man likes to dress up in high heels... and that it doesn' necessarily make them any less of a man.

In your position, considering you love her dearly and wouldn't want to lose her at any cost, looks like you may end up hiding it for the rest of your life....

Still, I would suggest the best way is to corrupt her mind slowly... You could introduce small submissive play options into your sex life (the power you give them drives some of them crazy) and slowly take it from there...

But you may need to accept the fact that this might have to be something you will have to hide for the rest of your life. 

Again, best of luck to you buddy. x

[restraints4U]

You have hidden from your partner and seem to have been successful even if you'd prefer to have her know and play out her role.  It also seems possible for her to have been hiding her 'kink' from you. If that is true look at the time thats getting wasted. Somehow you need to drop a clue so she can get an idea that both of you want 'kink' in your relationship or at least be honest with each other because what you have could be so much better with honesty.