Adequate

[qwertytothemax]

The only people that I privately message are people that I feel I can trust, ergo they probably already know my boundaries and just how far I want to take things. Haven't ever considered what I would do if one of them decided to try and push my boundaries. It's good food for thought.

[Da****]

Very fair, if it continues I would definitely, report/block them

[Mo****]

The way I see it is this, we are all like minded people sharing this kinky but wonderful life.  Not everyone's tastes are going to be the same, and so each will have a different importance on their kinks.

The one thing that is the same though, is that we should ALL be non-judgmental, respectful, and use manners.  These things are NO different to that of the vanilla life.  We all know why we are here, to hopefully find a special someone that we can share this life with, maybe even life in general as well.  So given we are like minded people, IF or UNTIL there is a commitment, then we are just a bunch of like minded people, enjoying what this life sends us.  We should NOT read anymore into chatting than that, and if we are seen as special, given the slave or submissive has the power of consent, they will tell us if they are interested.

Some however, are not true dominants, they are more rogue or shark, looking for their next fill of fresh meat, and who after getting it, will slowly drift away in search of their next 'victim'.  Then you have pretenders, and these people have no real idea and often have misguided beliefs.  And it's because of this they often push far beyond what the sub/slave are wanting or expecting at that point in time.

If someone pushes way too hard, then don't be afraid to ignore or hit the block button.

 

[Kitkatshadow]

Well said 

[Deleted Member]

Recent experiences have made me (re)think about what the foundations of a BDSM 'relationship' should be. 

Some people don't know and don't care about this stuff. Seems like there are a bunch of younger people calling themselves Dom/me with no regard to these foundations. They think that domination is just about control and giving orders, like the chap you've mentioned.  

I like to refer to the Four Pillars of BDSM, which I first encountered in LT Morrison's series of books called The Devil in the Details. I'm a big fan of his philosophy on BDSM. 

So, he says that a BDSM relationship requires the support of (and can be measured by the health of) these four pillars:

• Intimacy
• Affection
• Communication/Honesty
• Sex

 

I believe this is true. Sexual control, without the other 3 pillars to support the arrangement, doesn't make for a real D/s relationship. 

End of rant. 

Edited April 9, 2020 by Deleted Member
typo/mistake

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, MsWhiteRose said:

Recent experiences have made me (re)think about what the foundations of a BDSM 'relationship' should be. 

Some people don't know and don't care about this stuff. Seems like there are a bunch of younger people calling themselves Dom/me with no regard to these foundations. They think that domination is just about control and giving orders, like the chap you've mentioned.  

I like to refer to the Four Pillars of BDSM, which I first encountered in LT Morrison's series of books called The Devil in the Details. I'm a big fan of his philosophy on BDSM. 

So, he says that a BDSM relationship requires the support of (and can be measured by the health of) these four pillars:

• Intimacy
• Affection
• Communication/Honesty
• Sex

 

I believe this is true. Sexual control, without the other 3 pillars to support the arrangement, doesn't make for a real D/s relationship. 

End of rant. 

Thank you Ms Rose, just downloaded volume I & II to my kindle x

[Deleted Member]

Just now, little_dark_princess said:

Thank you Ms Rose, just downloaded volume I & II to my kindle x

You'll enjoy them, I'm sure. 

[Carnelian2]

19 hours ago, little_dark_princess said:

Hence I don’t jump on the block button... I’m not saying they are a bad person but not for me.... chatting isn’t an issue but they speak to me like they own me and that’s what I don’t appreciate. 

Yes, that does sound like a no-goer. Unfortunately, some people cannot hold a half civilized conversation or completely forget normal protocols of human interaction when going online.

Submission is a gift to be given and it not a right for any Dominant.

[Deleted Member]

there are no real rules tbh, maybe you can use those 4 pillars as some kind of rule of the thumb, but it all depends of the type of submission. Some dynamics doesn't involved intimacy and affection, some others doesn't involved sex, communications obviously is the only one 9/10 involved. 

you can be respectfull and caring without intimacy and affection for example and that could be part of the pillars...

[Deleted Member]

I don't subscribe to the "submission is a gift" notion. It belongs in the book of "How To Top From The Bottom", or "Negotiate Your Way To The D/s Relationship Of Your Dreams".  I could write those books, for a laugh. Someone probably already has. For sure, it will be a fake sub who gets off on the idea of submission but isn't willing to truly submit. 

Submission is a beautiful place, when you actually go there. But not many people are willing to give over full control to another person. That means allowing someone else to dictate what is right and wrong. 

I don't recommend it for most people, actually. You have to find a Dominant who is unimpeachable in their behaviour and even I, on my high horse, won't claim to be that perfect. I'm almost that perfect. 

[Wo****]

1 hour ago, MsWhiteRose said:

I don't subscribe to the "submission is a gift" notion. It belongs in the book of "How To Top From The Bottom", or "Negotiate Your Way To The D/s Relationship Of Your Dreams".  I could write those books, for a laugh. Someone probably already has. For sure, it will be a fake sub who gets off on the idea of submission but isn't willing to truly submit. 

Submission is a beautiful place, when you actually go there. But not many people are willing to give over full control to another person. That means allowing someone else to dictate what is right and wrong. 

I don't recommend it for most people, actually. You have to find a Dominant who is unimpeachable in their behaviour and even I, on my high horse, won't claim to be that perfect. I'm almost that perfect. 

Submission is a gift though, isn't it? Or at least a choice? Otherwise, isn't it just someone wanting attention and having control?

Submission is a gift that I give Pirate, I choose to give it. He accepted it. I don't get how you can say it isn't a gift, and how is it topping from the bottom?

I trust Pirate, in and with, everything. I often defer to his opinion but dictate what's right and what's wrong? Depends on specifics. 

 

D/s is about communication, trust, honesty and respect, the four pillars.... how does having a dictator as a Dominant work within that framework? Unless it was an agreed dynamic.

 

"Won't claim to be that perfect. I'm almost that perfect." 😆😆😆

[Carnelian2]

1 hour ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

Submission is a gift though, isn't it? Or at least a choice? Otherwise, isn't it just someone wanting attention and having control?

Submission is a gift that I give Pirate, I choose to give it. He accepted it. I don't get how you can say it isn't a gift, and how is it topping from the bottom?

I trust Pirate, in and with, everything. I often defer to his opinion but dictate what's right and what's wrong? Depends on specifics. 

 

D/s is about communication, trust, honesty and respect, the four pillars.... how does having a dictator as a Dominant work within that framework? Unless it was an agreed dynamic.

 

"Won't claim to be that perfect. I'm almost that perfect." 😆😆😆

Well said. It can be difficult to express exactly what submission or indeed Domination is - but at the end of the day it is a consensual contract between two people. The submissive chooses to submit to the Dominant on consensually and mutually agreed terms - if these are expressed explicitly or implicitly is another matter and again down to the relationship.