What makes a good Female Dominant

[TemptressM]

I believe that most females can become a Dominant if they have that little spark inside them.  Of course not all will be good at it,  What do you think it takes to be a Good Female Dominant ?

Myself:  I believe it takes knowledge. Find out as much as you possibly can about every kink out there,  even if you are not into it yourself,  It gives you more of an understanding of where your submissive is coming from.  Talk to submissives and find out what they like and what they are looking for.  I do believe you either have it in you or you don't but most of all you need to enjoy it,  embrace your dominant nature and shine. 

[Cr****]

I think you have to be kind, caring, a great listener, understanding, open, honest and overall, want to create and environment to give someone what they enjoy, not what you want. (Obviously you want to enjoy it as well but I mean that it’s not only about what you the Dom/me want)

Edited April 16, 2020 by Crushingallreality-

[Deleted Member]

I don't think so, its about if you wan to be a Domme. Most female want to be dominated, either because they have stressful successful job and could have what it takes to be one, or they just need/want a Dom type to be in charge of the bedroom or in life.

[Miss-training]

That statement isnt true, there are no kinks tied to gender. Stating that most females want a dom type is sexist and simply untrue. Please do some research.

[Wo****]

7 minutes ago, Miss-training said:

That statement isnt true, there are no kinks tied to gender. Stating that most females want a dom type is sexist and simply untrue. Please do some research.

CBT is pretty gender specific...

Seriously though. I kinda sit on the fence on this one.

I think, GENERALLY, females are more prone to being submissive because of our gender. 

Whilst there are a lot of dominant females out there, I think it's in our nature to be the submissive gender. Males tend to be bigger, stronger, the predators, the protectors. Dominant.

 

That said, just because we're female doesn't mean we can't be dominant.

Edited April 16, 2020 by LazyPiratesBounty
Added to

[ma****]

Is that in our nature or have we been taught that? Many cultures out there have roles that are reversed/they dont exists. I agreedthat kinks are not specific to gender, might be tied to their sex, but honestly a lot of these titles for kinks (like CBT) need to evolve to be more inclusive. Like i know people of both genders enjoying gentital ***.

As to what makes a good dom/me, knowledge (both of kink and their subs kinks likes dislike limits etc) creativity, and care. For females, confidence in your actions is key.

[Ky****]

54 minutes ago, Miss-training said:

That statement isnt true, there are no kinks tied to gender. Stating that most females want a dom type is sexist and simply untrue. Please do some research.

might apply to trans women though, all of the ones I know well want a dom, although following from @marysunshine420's point about whether @LazyPiratesBounty's observation that may be because we've been brought up to expect that if we id as women that is what we should want

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Kymi said:

might apply to trans women though, all of the ones I know well want a dom, although following from @marysunshine420's point about whether @LazyPiratesBounty's observation that may be because we've been brought up to expect that if we id as women that is what we should want

 

There are trans female Dommes. I know of a few. 

Trust Severus to show up and make sexist comments. Let's ditch the gender stereotyping now. 

 

And @Crushingallreality- it's not about me giving a (male) sub what he wants. I make a point about that. It's entirely about what I want. I want to humiliate them, fuck them hard and hurt them. I just need their permission. 

@TemptressM I agree. Knowledge makes a good Female Dominant. When I set out to become a good Female Dominant, I started by reading and studying Female Domination. I wasn't at all sure I could do it. I am still reading and studying. Always learning. I love it. 

[TemptressM]

2 hours ago, MsWhiteRose said:

@TemptressM I agree. Knowledge makes a good Female Dominant. When I set out to become a good Female Dominant, I started by reading and studying Female Domination. I wasn't at all sure I could do it. I am still reading and studying. Always learning. I love it. 

Yes me too,  I read everything that I could find,  Altho I will say it was very limited and more set towards a male Dom.  There is a shortage of female Dominants as we are not seen as such.  That because we are female that we can't possibly know what we are doing.  Believe me when I say that there are many Dominant men who would gladly hand over there freedom to a true Female Dom. 

[TemptressM]

6 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

I don't think so, its about if you wan to be a Domme. Most female want to be dominated, either because they have stressful successful job and could have what it takes to be one, or they just need/want a Dom type to be in charge of the bedroom or in life.

This is just a joke,  You believe only males can be good Dominants,  its males like you that gives Doms a bad name 

[Deleted Member]

You didn’t understand me so don’t presume you know me and judge me. 
 

[TemptressM]

You stated that most female wants to be dominanted and that is just not true 

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, TemptressM said:

You stated that most female wants to be dominanted and that is just not true 

And you state most men want to be dominated by women 🤷‍♂️

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, FabSeverus said:

And you state most men want to be dominated by women 🤷‍♂️

Pretty sure she didn't say that.... 

[Deleted Member]

10 minutes ago, MsWhiteRose said:

Pretty sure she didn't say that.... 

hi WhiteRose :)

I am not interested in that debate....

[ey****]

In ways this is a really difficult question

I did actually a couple of googles for inspiration and then didn't entirely agree with some of the results.  But then I guess that also depends on context and subjective.  

But; of course I've seen stuff I would consider to be bad - so I guess the opposite is true.  I also don't think this needs to be gendered.

So.

A good Dominant knows their skills and what they can and can't do.  They wouldn't be afraid to know or say where they have room for improvement and wouldn't put a sub at risk by trying something they didn't have enough understanding on.

A good Dominant would be aware of the need for the care of the sub before, during and after any play - that would including communicating likes/limits/interests, make sure they're in a good headspace before play, make sure they're safe during it and understanding subspace, subdrop and subfrenzy.  the context of the relationship might be ongoing so a lot of other care depends on when/where certain things are appropriate.  For example a sub coming home after a bad day at work, it might not be appropriate to be in "Dom mode" when they come in.  Obviously some of this is very contextual to the relationship status - so for example, two who know each other and have learnt each other might not need pre-discussions and it might be a "today you are doing this for me"

A good Dominant wouldn't see limits as a "challenge" or intentionally try to push them unless these were contextual within the relationship.  If there is an expectation that some limits would need to be broken this should be made clear before the relationship starts.  Obviously there are many that would not agree with this. That's OK, the relationship doesn't need to happen.

A good Dominant would keep promises, and, if they keep multiple subs, should maintain fairness and consistency.  This is obviously difficult as not all subs are the same.  But no sub should feel left out or missing out. They should also be consistent with expectations.

A good Dominant would respect their subs and ultimately appreciate what they do, and be cautious of their own entitlement.  If a sub is falling short they should be encouraged (unless it's seemingly deliberate for attention) 

A good Dominant should communicate their expectancy and values to their subs and expect them to live up to it.

A good Dominant should accept their way is correct, but that it's not the only way, and that, well, ways sometimes change with time

A good Dominant should have good subs  that the subs they take on, train, or engage with should be in line with their standards. 

A good Dominant should accept that it can be quite challenging to be a submissive - and offer the help and encouragement. 

 

[TemptressM]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

But; of course I've seen stuff I would consider to be bad - so I guess the opposite is true.  I also don't think this needs to be gendered.

I love everything you said but especially this,  a Dominant is a Dominant whether male or female 

[Deleted Member]

Been following this thread with interest so time to weigh in the way I see it.

Society through history in a general sense have conditioned all of us to think a certain way,men are dominant and women are to be subbmisive to men.Thats been generally hammered into us to the point it's become instinct in many ways,whether that is right or wrong it matters not as that is the way it's been for thousands of years.However A lass called Emily Pankhurst started a revolution when she started throwing her weight around and causing waves,shock horror a woman who wants equality???This was the starting point for what most of s know as women's lib then 50 odd years ago we had flower power,hippies and and sexual freedom became much more mainstream,acceptable if you like,the rest we all know.Even now there are still so many cultures that still look at women as submissive to men so it's no surprise the attitudes of some men are still stuck in the past as far as women go.As far as being sub/dom whether male or female we have to all be honest.Most women naturally feel submissive and most men naturally feel dominant,this is something remember that we have been conditioned to believe,it does not make us bad people because some of us still struggle with the concept that times are changing,to change attitudes like this takes time and I think the progress we have made the last 50 years or so has been impressive.A woman can be just as "good" a dom as a man can be and vice versa with submissiveness.All about what we feel and what makes us happy, it's just generally women are submissive and men generally are dom.

[Deleted Member]

whats seems confusing is that the OP doesn't mention if she's talking about women in general or in the bdsm world? That's already a difficult topic by itself so adding what make a good Domme into the debate make it even harder to focus 

9 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I also don't think this needs to be gendered.

I would disagree with that one as men got different mind set for submission than women, and also the Dominance is more varied in women than men. While some Domme have similar attrait with Dom, "Most" Domme are financially driven than Dom. You will find that there are more Domme with multisubs than Dom. All these little difference that make it gendered in my opinion 

[Ky****]

@Donnykinkster yes, that's what I'm wondering how much our societal conditioning affects our attitudes to D/s?  Personally I've always preferred lady dominants as often I've found them to be more skilful.  How much of that is due to societal conditioning that its kinky for a man to submit to the woman's role with a woman and therefore when kinky was my main motive seemed more appealing I don't know.  Its also possible that since feminisation has always been a part of this submission I've just found women are better at that than men since obviously they know first hand what being a woman is like.  Maybe I've always been a trans woman rather than a kinky bi male, probably.  Although of course there is one thing a male dom is far better at, and that's the obvious part of the female/male interaction, being taken by the real thing is better than the plastic, at least to me, although that is the only thing that male doms as a category are better at than lady dommes.

@MsWhiteRose that's something, trans women dommes, that interests me.  I'm aware that some are around having corresponded with some superb such ladies on here, although I've never met any in the flesh.  The two things that really interest me about such women is firstly that its possible that for a trans woman submissive they may ultimately make the best dominants of all since who better to get into our heads than someone who's taken/taking the journey themselves; secondly it would be interesting to discover whether when they first recognised their identity they started off submissive to men since that's how men are still unfortunately conditioned to see women and then became liberated women as their confidence in their new identity grew and realised that whatever society says they don't have to be submissive.  Wonder whether I'll go through that transformation.

Sorry last bit was off topic a little but maybe permissible since there maybe slightly different dynamics in early stages between cis and trans females.  So finish with agreeing that what 'makes a good female dominant' is that she is a good dominant and that's really the ultimate answer, at least to Kymi

[Ky****]

@FabSeverus there is that difference, if you want to see a professional its far easier to find a Lady/Goddesss, women advertise all over the place, including on here, but finding a male pro dominant seems very difficult, especially if you're looking for a gay/bi one as a male submissive.  Whether that's a true gender difference or another societal one, however, I'm unsure since commercial 'sex' work, which is how society categorises pro-Dommes regardless of whether sexual services are involved, is more prevalent/socially acceptable for women.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

whats seems confusing is that the OP doesn't mention if she's talking about women in general or in the bdsm world? That's already a difficult topic by itself so adding what make a good Domme into the debate make it even harder to focus 

I would disagree with that one as men got different mind set for submission than women, and also the Dominance is more varied in women than men. While some Domme have similar attrait with Dom, "Most" Domme are financially driven than Dom. You will find that there are more Domme with multisubs than Dom. All these little difference that make it gendered in my opinion 

Absolute bollocks again, Severus. Genuine lifestyle Dommes are not financially driven. Stop confusing the scammers on the web with genuine lifestyle Dommes. There are many lifestyle Mistresses in monogamous relationships with their sub/life partner. 

You should educate yourself before making such sweeping generalizations. 

[ey****]

2 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

I would disagree with that one as men got different mind set for submission than women, and also the Dominance is more varied in women than men

I guess, for example - are there any of my points above you think don't apply to male Dominants (or don't apply to Female or other Dominants?) 

[ey****]

2 hours ago, Kymi said:

finding a male pro dominant seems very difficult, especially if you're looking for a gay/bi one as a male submissive. 

That's true (poss one for another thread) there are a growing number of Male Pro-Dominants - I'm unlikely to ever have first hand experience (not my thing) but I would recommend Lord Fen based on who he associates with. 

I think a lot of Male Pro-Dominants are often chancers, that's something to watch out for greatly, or worried they'll come over as chancers.  A lot of the gay community is separate from a lot of the fetish community despite some very obvious overlaps.  I think if I were gay/bi and looking for a gay/bi male Dominant I'd look in gay circles rather than fetish ones. 

[Ky****]

9 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

That's true (poss one for another thread) there are a growing number of Male Pro-Dominants - I'm unlikely to ever have first hand experience (not my thing) but I would recommend Lord Fen based on who he associates with. 

I think a lot of Male Pro-Dominants are often chancers, that's something to watch out for greatly, or worried they'll come over as chancers.  A lot of the gay community is separate from a lot of the fetish community despite some very obvious overlaps.  I think if I were gay/bi and looking for a gay/bi male Dominant I'd look in gay circles rather than fetish ones. 

thanks for that, I've never been sure as to which way I went, although my post was more in response to wondering whether there were gender differences or it was just the numbers available